An Unrequited Love Song
by aerosol enlightenment
Summary: This love defied any sort of reason and logic. He, being the snake and I the bird, the raven… Our love defied the aggression we were expected to assume for one another. In nature, we were enemies. But in this moment, we were meant to be.
1. Prologue

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A/N

Okay, so this is my new story. It's Severus Snape X O.C.

One night not too long ago, I fell asleep listening to the song "Red Sam" by Flyleaf.

As I slept, I had a dream, and when I awoke, I constructed a story to go along with it.  
Also, as it is only fitting, this story is based on the song that I had been listening to when the dream ensued.

I hope you guys like this, I'm working very hard on it.

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I had not changed much over the years…Physically speaking, of course. For you see, I had changed a great deal. I had no one to blame for this but myself. Indeed, having been sent to Azkaban seemed to have quite an affect on me…

It seemed so very bizarre that the entirety of the wizarding world could be rocked by something so simple as legilimency… Albeit, it was illegally used. However, it was hardly worth being sent to Azkaban.  
_Azkaban…._  
Now, that was Hell, in every aspect of the word. I could hardly handle the seven months I spent there. It was very fortunate for me that I was released early on 'good behavior.'  
Yes, well….Whatever Fudge liked to call it. I suppose sitting in my cell like a living carcass could be characterized as 'good behavior.' I was perfectly happy to not be required to serve my original six year term.

Dolores Umbridge, it seemed, had a particular bone to pick with me. I'm sure I don't know why…. I've barely spoken to the woman in all my life. Nonetheless, she made certain that the dementors swarmed me at least twelve times a month. And then she, of course, would request visits with me.

"My dear Lucinda," She would say to me from the opposite side of the glass. "You must realize the similarity of the effects of your misuse of legilimency and the effects of the dementors. You cannot cause misery upon one without having the happiness stripped from yourself in return."

"Merlin's Beard, Woman!" I cried, slamming my fists against the glass. "You're completely batty! Out of your mind!"

She would giggle in that obscenely aggravating way. Her snobbish ways would soon catch up with her. Of that I was certain. It was after my outburst that the guards would come, and I would have my 'much-deserved' session with the dementors.  
They suck all the happiness from you, this is true. Yet, I found that I, myself, was always quite an enigma. I was already unhappy to begin with. Life was a pointless shambles. There was nothing truly brilliant to strive towards living for.

They would throw me in a dark room, one that was not my own cell… No, I could take part in no comfort for this. Just the presence of a single dementor would cause my very body and soul to go numb. I would lay on my back, the cold, hard stone of the floor pressing into my spine as the dementors hovered up above me. I could not see them…the room was much too dark. I could only wait, fearful, cold and alone, as they approached me. I would always know when they were inches from me. I could practically feel my breath freezing in the air. It was such a horrific feeling….I fear I might never be able to view the cold in the same manner.

It was these frequent visits to the dementors that broke me. Upon my stay in Azkaban, and even to this point, I found I had to search in order to find a favorable memory. One might say that all the good things in my life have come laced with pain….

One might wish that the dementors were bad enough alone. With no happy memory to call my own, it was hard enough getting to sleep. The person who had occupied my cell before me had scratched out the number of weeks they had spent in Azkaban on the wall with their fingernails. I found that the best remedy to insomnia would be to count the etchings…Nearing one hundred forty-eight before I would fall asleep.

Sleep…So hard to come by in Azkaban. One might fall asleep, indeed. Yet the screams, the cries, the whimpering noises of the other inmates were enough to rouse a muggle from the deepest coma. It was all fine and well during the day. I daresay bearable. Yet at night….that was when it was always its worst.

When I would lay awake at night, too disturbed to perform my numerical lullaby, I would think. Knowing the consequences of my actions now, would I have still done what I did? My inappropriate usage of legilimency? Merlin knows my intentions were only for the best….Yet the law did not seem to care.  
"Rules are rules, my dear." Umbridge never seemed to have trouble reminding me.

And the day I left Azkaban, perhaps, became my happiest memory. It was not at all that I was relieved to be rid of the place, to be re-inserted into society, to have the chance to live a normal life. That day is such a sugar-coated delight to my mind for the sole fact that it was torturous for Umbridge. Her victim of relentless taunting and pointless chidings was now a free member of society. I should think she felt all her lectures on how 'punishment is well-deserved payment for one's crimes' had gone completely to waste. Well, they were wasted on me, anyhow.

When Fudge decided to release me, Umbridge was, to say the least, furious. And yet, the day came despite her protests. Escorting me from my cell, Cornelius placed his hand on my back, guiding my way toward the civilized world. Passing bars after bars of people, some I considered just as innocent as myself, I felt my heart cringe even more. These pathetic souls would rot away in here, and I had just gotten my lucky break. It was quite difficult to brood over such things, as Umbridge was scattering behind me, screeching all her 'I mean no disrespect' s …and 'Forgive me for saying so' s…

My release, apparently, was an outrage to the wizarding world.

"I mean, Cornelius, really! What kind of a message are we sending to our people if we let this criminal walk free? Much less, teach at Hogwarts! It is absolutely unheard of! Ridiculous! The scandal of the decade!"

"Dolores," he cautioned, turning his head slightly to make eye contact with her. "With 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named' back on the rise, Hogwarts needs a proper occlumency and legilimency professor. Our own Lucinda Redbourn-" his other hand slammed painfully down upon my shoulder- "is perfect for the job! Several of today's greatest witches and wizards vouch that she is a master occlumen and legilimen. We'd be putting our young people at risk not to have her! And that, my dear, dear Dolores, would be the scandal of the decade."

And so this is how I find myself walking the halls of Hogwarts once more. It felt strange and misplaced to be here. My last memories here weren't ones I was particularly fond of….

A seemingly infinite number of students were making their way towards the Great Hall. No one would miss the grand celebration, the beginning of the new school year. I wound my way towards clusters of unsorted first years, holding my books slightly above my head so that I would not drop them.

A familiar sight took hold of me then, the first floor girl's lavatory. It held so much for me…it played such a large role in the demise that was my seventh year at Hogwarts. I felt my feet slowing their pace, then come to a complete stop in front of the door. I stared at the lavatory door, using my left arm to huddle my books protectively against my chest; my right hand clenched and unclenched by my side in anger.

It took some time, but I was finally able to will myself away. If I didn't hurry to the Great Hall I would, undoubtedly, be late. It comforted me to know that I would be under the supervision of a very great and forgiving headmaster. Albus Dumbledore had retained this respectable position from the time when I, myself, was a student.

Yes, I knew I would run into many ghosts from my past. I just prayed I would not see him…..

I would have some comfort, however. My dearest and oldest friend, Sibyll Trelawney, would undoubtedly keep my spirits and morale high. As far as I knew, she was the Divination professor, and I looked forward to arriving at the Great Hall early so that I might secure a seat with her.

Continuing on, I fidgeted uncomfortably in my own clothes. What on earth had I even chose to wear? Formal black slacks, a black blouse…both of which, I might add, were ridiculously overheated. Of course, I would undoubtedly wear my robes during my classes. Overtop this I boasted my favorite cloak, one which bore the tiny insignia of the Ravenclaw house.

My mind was a nervous jumble. I had just quit thinking about Sibyll, and now my mind was back on her again. What did she even look like, again? My moments with her were the happiest and purest. There had been no secrets between us. I remember her, and I remember the good times that come associated with her…yet to be asked to recall a specific memory of her was impossible. And when trying to summon an image of her, all I could manage was a vague blur. The prison guards, who had been so apologetic and sympathetic to me upon my departure, assured me that lapses in my memories were merely a side effect of my abundant dementor visits. They guaranteed me that my memories would slowly start flooding back to me after a few weeks outside of Azkaban. Far from all the horrors…far from all the dementors…..

I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I never saw the other figure coming from the adjacent corridor. Our bodies slammed together and my own, weakened by months in the wizard prison, was sent flying backward. My books landed scattered on the floor, their impacts marked by loud smacking noises that reverberated around the quickly emptying hall.

I tried to sit up as quickly as I could, pushing my mess of long, light-brown hair from in front of my face, simultaneously blindly searching on my hands and knees for my fallen books.

"I'm so terribly sorry," I called out to whomever it was that I had bumped.  
A grunting noise was made in return.

A hand suddenly came into my vision, most of my hair cleared from my face. It was being offered to me as a means to help me stand. I graciously took it and, when I was back up on my feet, I bent forward to pick up one of the books, which had landed before me.

There was a hint of Déjà vu in this incident, and it was making me extremely uncomfortable.

"Thank you so much, and again, I'm so very sorry. I'm a bit clumsy, you see-- "

It was at this time that I noticed the hand I had been holding was cold, clammy, even. It placed my second book in my possession.

I slowly lifted my head to view the person I had so abruptly slammed into.  
His hair hung loosely from his head, stringy even. It's texture was slightly greasy. His face was weathered and worn, adorned with a fair share of wrinkles.  
I could see my fragile, brown eyes being reflected in his own obsidian ones, they widened in horror.

An involuntary gasp escaped my lips.  
_Him._

As the first waves of recognition began to pass over me, so did they through him. Awkward silence followed. He opened his mouth to speak, then abruptly closed it.

Waves of nausea flooded through my body, and my eyes began to water against my will and good judgment.

During my time in Azkaban, I became well-acquainted with all my horrible memories. Yet, there was one in particular that continued to play over and over within my mind. I was left alone with it many a day, it and it alone. It played through my head like a movie, and there was no escaping it.

Umbridge had been right, forcing someone to relive a painful memory was horrible, inexcusable by the standards of the Ministry of Magic. I had come to know why all to well during my stay in Azkaban. The constant recollection was painful and, as memory's go, he was the primary ringleader of this one.

"Lucinda…." My name left his lips softly. There was something in his tone, a feeling I could not quite place. His hand remained on my own, still securing the book in its place in my arms.

I wanted to say something back to him, yet I found that I was paralyzed, mind, body, and soul.

"I…I trust you…remember where the Great Hall is? You…wouldn't wish to be…late…"

We stayed like this in silence for moments more, and it seemed as though neither of us would budge.  
The sound of large doors being swung open suddenly reached my ears, and I heard a shrill voice call my name in adoration.

"Lucinda! Lucinda my dear! How I've missed you so!" A strawberry blonde woman of strange dress appeared in my vision, hurrying towards me, a happy expression playing on her awkward features. _Sibyll Trelawney_….  
When she saw whom it was that I was standing with, she placed a protective arm around my shoulders, scowling at the man before me.

"Lucinda, it's lovely to see you." Her voice had become monotonous, all attempts at conversation in front of this man were forced. "Come, the ceremonies will be starting soon, and you simply must tell me what you've been doing with yourself over the years." Her arm around my shoulder tightened, her scowl ever deepening, wrinkling her face into something strange and even more unrecognizable.

The awkwardness was well into full swing now.

In a flash, he abruptly withdrew himself, turning on a dime and, at an accelerated pace, he made his way thought the doors through which Sibyll had just come.  
When he was gone, her hold over me softened into a friendly embrace.

"There, there, dear. I'm terribly sorry you had to see him so soon. _The bastard_." she spat.

She was right. Never in a million years had I ever hoped to see Severus Snape so soon.

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A/N  
So that was the Prologue... Please tell me what you think. There's a lot more to come. I think that this might end up being the longest story I've ever constructed.

Please Review. Let me know if I should continue.

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	2. Ch 1:: Classwork

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A/N

Totally forgot to do that disclaimer thing in my prologue, so before I get sued for ridiculous amounts of money that I'm not even worth...here it goes ;)

I don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters. (Although I'm pretty sure I do own all of my O.C.s......)

I see I've gotten some reviews. THANK YOU! I appreciate them!

I realize that a lot of people aren't particular fans of O.C.s....So I hope that I do this well enough for at least some people to like....And I also hope I can keep everyone as 'in-character' as I possibly can.

Please don't give me any flames, a lack of views and reviews are all that is needed to send me a clear message of how poorly I'm doing.....

One last thing! I made a trailer for the story! This can kind of give you all an inside peek at where I'm going with the story.

www. youtube .com/watch?v= 4p1pRZGa lDo

don't forget to take out the spaces!

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"Remus, love, might I borrow your map for a few days?" I batted my eyelashes sweetly at my friend.

He lowered his issue of the Daily Prophet and turned from the Gryffindor dining table to face me.

"Well, well. What do we have here? A Ravenclaw? Sorry dear but I think you have the wrong table. Yours is that-a-way." He pointed behind himself.

I rolled my eyes at his disappointing attempt at a joke.

"Seriously Remus, might I? It's a matter of the utmost importance…." He stared at me, eyebrows raised. "And mischief, of course." He laughed, and I could tell that I had gotten him to cave, if only slightly.

"Lucinda, Lucinda, whatever could you need the Marauder's Map for?" He folded the newspaper and laid it on the table, then, resting his elbow on the surface, propped his head up to look at me inquisitively.

"I solemnly swear! I'm up to no good!" I practically shouted.  
He placed a hand over my mouth, silencing me. I giggled behind his palm as he anxiously looked at his three friends sitting behind him.

"Not so loudly, Lucinda! You're not even supposed to know about the Marauder's Map! Do I need to remind you that I told you of it because I trust you?" He removed his hand.

"Sorry, Remus. But I do wish you'd let me use it. Just for a week, tops."

"I never said you couldn't…" Discreetly, he picked up his satchel, digging around books and quills to find it. He slowly lifted it out of the bag, covering it from the view of his friend's with his back. Hunching over it protectively, he began to hand it to me.  
As I reached for it, he pulled it back quickly. "So what do we need this for? Want to sneak up on your enemies, do you? Scare them into oblivion? Sort out the wimpy ones?"

I snatched the map from his hand.

"What enemies? And in any event, I am certainly not using the map to pick on people. Believe it or not, I actually do have more of a life than your friends."

"James, Sirius, and Peter?" He seemed almost shocked. "What's wrong with them?"

"They're immature and cruel. Whenever there's a poor and defenseless fool getting tortured and humiliated, they're behind it. How completely and utterly unrespectable!"

"Is that what you think of me, then?" Remus sounded almost hurt.

"Remus, you are the only good influence of that entire bunch. You have to admit that their behavior is ridiculous."

He sighed, nodding his head. Would he dare tell a Ravenclaw she was wrong? One who had done such an intense personality study of everyone she came in contact with?

"Is that why you never come along when we invite you to go to Hogsmeade with us?"

"That," I examined a crinkle in the parchment of the map. "And the fact that, when you do go, you defy all school rules! You either take a secret entrance, or you take James' bloody invisibility cloak!"

I noticed that around me, people were starting to get up, preparing to go to their first classes. If I didn't get going, I would be late as well. Remus might not care about his tardiness, but I, for one, did. I had Advanced Potions with Professor Slughorn, and he was a very particular sort of man. I dared not be tardy. I had already worked so hard to insert myself within his 'elite group' of students. To be removed from such a prestigious group would be utterly disgraceful.

I had chosen harder classes this year. The Advanced Potions class, Advanced Transfiguration…Advanced this, Complex that….. half a year in and I was really starting to regret it. Professor Slughorn's class was ludicrous enough, for he found within my year several students in which he took particular interest. I was fortunate enough to be one of them, inducted into the 'Slug Club.' Yet I found the assignments he would give my class to be too much, on top of my already filled-to-the-brim schedule, that is. Each night there would always be some sort of essay or paper to do. I expected as much from an advanced class, yet I never dreamed my schedule would get so testing.

_The time, be aware of the time…._

I stood up quickly, giving Remus a quick kiss on the cheek. Thanking him, I turned to go, nearly flying out of the cafeteria. As I did so, I sheathed the Marauder's Map within my cloak. Darting over to my seat at the Ravenclaw table, I grabbed my books. In doing so, I made a grave miscalculation. I had predicted that no one would be on the other side of me when I turned to continue toward the exit of the Great Hall. There had been virtually no one in the aisle, so it seemed unfathomable that there should be anyone when I turned. It astounded me how wrong I could be at times.

I slammed directly into someone whom I was not particularly crazy about seeing so early in the morning. In fact, my stomach growled from nausea just at having to see him before noon. Never mind I had just bumped into the most pretentious arse to have ever walked the halls of Hogwarts.

"My, my…In a rush, are we?" Lucius Malfoy peered down at me with his hateful eyes.  
It was bad enough being a bit on the shorter side, yet the fact that I had to turn my head up to look at him was quite bothersome. I felt as though, by looking upward to him, I was feeding his ego, that he was above me. And still, he certainly had no real business being at Hogwarts. He had graduated some time ago, having been a Slytherin prefect when I was a mere first year. His attitude had been nothing to cheer about then, and this fact remained the same.

I took a moment to ponder why, exactly, he was here in the Great Hall. I then remembered he was here on some sort of interning program, attaining a letter of recommendation for a job he was pursuing in the Ministry of Magic. It had already been months, but I was still not used to his presence here.  
Well, whatever the reason might be, I still found that I was trapped in a severely awkward situation, not quite wanting to apologize to him, though it had really been my fault, and not wanting to just run away.

I'd better just be civil………

"So sorry, Mr. Malfoy!" I said as courteously as possible. I attempted to make my way around him, yet he blocked me from doing so.

"What was it that you said, Redbourn? I couldn't quite hear you." By now, other students, particularly Slytherins, had begun to stare. They all snickered behind their hands, clearly amused at the torment he was putting me through.

Suddenly, someone pushed their between us. Despite my surprise, I recognized him to be Remus. What a fool. This was not his dilemma to be involved in, yet here he was, literally in the middle of it all.

James, Sirius and Peter stood off to the side, ready to jump in and defend their friend.

This aggravated me. I was not particularly fond of how I had come to be known as 'Remus's girl.'

"Sod off, Malfoy! She already apologized to you! It was an accident!"

"Remus!" I whispered loudly, agitated that he would do something like this. Inadvertently, he was making matters worse.

"Lupin," Lucius nearly spat the name in disgust. "How utterly clever of you to step in on something that is really none of your business." He raised his eyebrows, daring him to do something risky.  
Sirius suddenly stepped forward then and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"You'd better get to class," He said to me quietly, trying to be understanding of my passion for school. He had thought he said it so that only I would hear it, but apparently he was not as hushed as he thought, for he looked quite startled when Lucius made a comment, as well.

"Yes, mud-blood. Get to class. We wouldn't want you to be late." He sneered. His words were like fire to Remus's ears.

"Don't you speak to her like that!" He lunged forward, but James ran and grabbed him, holding him back. Sirius rushed to his aid.

"Remus, really…It's okay…" I mumbled to no one in particular as I looked down at my feet.

"Yes, Remus. See? She doesn't mind."

It was true, and I was slightly ashamed of it. I was half-muggle. I didn't blame my parents for it, though. I always have believed that true love knows no bounds. And so, if my father found he fancied a muggle, far be it from me to object. I had less than strong feelings about muggles in the wizarding world, solely because I had less than strong feelings about muggles themselves. I had grown up in the muggle world. I was born in a muggle hospital, lived in a muggle house in a muggle neighborhood, and I witnessed first-hand the treachery they were capable of.

"Get to class, Lucinda!" Sirius turned his head to shout at me.  
I didn't take another second to think. Bowing my head, I quickly ran past Lucius, darting out the main doors to make my way to Potions

I hated being late for the sole fact that, when one travels the halls late for a subject, one is surrounded by others who are late, and equally in a rush to get to their classes. People, when in a hurry to get somewhere, had little to no regard toward the feelings of others. When I was halfway to the classroom, I checked my watch. I still had five minutes to get to class. The time in which I paused to see the time was a mistake, a weak moment. As I lowered my wrist to continue onward, I was slammed into the wall by a Slytherin girl – Patricia Paisley- as she rushed to her first class.

I only faltered a little, then quickening my pace, I made it to the room with a minute to spare.

All of the seats were taken. There was only an empty table left at the front and center of the classroom. I quickly sat down and began taking out my potions books, as well as the essay assignment from the night before. Just when I had sat down, another figure came skittering into the room. The only available seat was next to me, and it was there he sat, much to my delight. I had originally believed I would be working alone today, which was always enjoyable. I found partners to be unequivocal and unreliable. Yet, this seating arrangement was much to my liking, and part of my plan, as it was for him I had stolen the Marauder's Map.

It was true that I was up to no good. I would use the map to sneak around, this was true. Though, it wasn't for any sort of mischief the marauder's were used to. No, no… mine was all a bit more tactful than that.

He took his place next to me and began to arrange his books. While he was distracted, I used the time to my advantage, gazing at him and admiring him, discreetly, of course, as I pleased. His skin was pale, his eyes darker than the blackest pit. A slightly elongated nose poked out from behind his greasy, shoulder-length hair. I found the length of his nose to give him a sense of regality, an illusion of grace he did not possess. As for his hair, it was of no consequence to me. What were looks when it was his mind I valued him for? With all the torture he put up with from the arses in this school, there was no doubt he possessed a great deal of mental strength. It was also clear he was intelligent, having been inducted into the 'Slug Club,' yet refusing to join. He had probably thought he'd be subjected to further ridicule. And what did grease in his hair matter to me? With a proper shampoo, he'd look as fine and fair as everyone else. I daresay, I thought he was handsome as he was. The one whom others found to be gangly and unattractive, I found, occupied my thoughts….Severus Snape….

This, in itself, aided to the reason why I was so uncomfortable with being referred to as 'Remus's girl.' What was the point of being considered 'his' if it was for another that I had feelings? After all, I had taken his map in order to monitor Severus's movements. I would learn where he was, and, coincidentally of course, there I would be, at the same place at the exact same time. Sooner or later, he'd really notice me. Then, perhaps he would talk to me. Just talking to me….even with that I would be happy.

My infatuation with him had begun a little more than two months ago, and it had been purely intellectual. He had successfully brewed 'Confusing & Befuddlement Draught.' We had learned of it's ingredients in our fifth year, and it was one of the more complicated potions to brew. Severus had brewed his perfectly, leaving everyone else in the class in the dust. That was when he first stood out to me. As days passed on, my appreciation for his intellect grew. And that was when, I noticed, my first inklings to take note of his appearance. This was when I first began to find him…well….attractive….

I could have easily slipped him a love potion in this time, yet, if I were to capture the love of Severus Snape, one who mostly kept to himself, I would want it to be of his own accord. I could never be fully satisfied with a relationship if the love weren't true and pure. In my own personal opinion, love potions were foul, cruel, and extremely unfair.  
That was another reason why I refused to use one.

Slughorn waltzed into the room then, ordering us to take out our books.

"Today we'll be doing some in-class partner work. Once you have completed this assignment, you are free to go. I am giving each table a list of ingredients that will be found in the potions we are to be working with over the next few weeks. Identify them thoroughly. If you can, list the potion in which it can be found. Remember, extra work is only a credit to yourself, and can do nothing but help."

A partner assignment? This class was just getting better and better. I saw Severus look at me uneasily from the corner of my eye. I knew he had bad luck with this sort of thing. Whenever we would have a partner assignment, he would often be alone, someone pleading to make a group of three just to not have to deal with him. Undoubtedly, he was waiting for me to object to working with him.

Slughorn came by our table and placed the list between us.

"Severus, Lucinda….this should be a very easy task with your combined efforts…" He nodded approvingly at our seating arrangement. I smiled at him, very nervous myself that Severus might crack and object. Slughorn walked away, continuing to hand out papers to the other groups in the room. I gave Severus a sort of nervous smile, then pushed the paper slightly his way.

"Would you like to sign your name on it first?"

He just nodded, lifting his quill from the table and taking the paper from me.

After he had spent a minute or two scribbling away, I turned to him.

"Shall I look up the ingredients while you write? Is there any particular way in which you'd like to do this?"

He looked up at me, nervously again.

"That won't be necessary. I already am familiar with most of these ingredients." He lifted up our list to show me what he meant, and I was quite startled to see that he had already identified a quarter of the ingredients. Not only that, but the explanations he had provided were quite detailed, he even went so far as to list off a couple possible potion uses for each one.

My jaw simply dropped. I couldn't believe it!

"You could do me one favor…. Could you look up Ashwinder Eggs? I've heard of them before, but I'm not so clear as to what it is they do. I should be about halfway finished when you get done looking, so there's no rush…." He trailed off, looking down at the list.

I felt as though I might faint. Whatever admiration I had carried for this awkward genius had just increased tenfold. Not even five minutes, and he had completed a quarter of the assignment.  
I flipped nervously through my potions book, going to the index to the A section. I could barely concentrate, so it made looking at the names of the ingredients quite difficult. Finally I found Ashwinder Eggs.

"I found it…" I said meekly. Did I dare peer at his progress on the list? It had only been five minutes…. "Merlin's Beard!" I nearly screamed. Save for three ingredients, the list was nearly completed.

"I work fast," he said, sounding a bit embarrassed. "If you don't mind, I'll take that description now…." His wrist moved upward as he readied his quill on the blank spot.

I cleared my throat, preparing the description to read aloud.

"Ashwinder Eggs are quite valuable as they serve as ingredients in….love potions-" I stuttered around those words –" or can be eaten as is for a cure for ague. Such uses are appropriate as Ashwinder Eggs are so flammable that they will ignite a dwelling within minutes if they are not frozen as soon as possible…" I trailed off as I reached the end of the description. He wrote away furiously.

I just sat, not having been encouraged by him to do anymore… Suddenly, he placed his quill down on the table and leaned back in his chair, cracking his knuckles.

"Y-you're done?"

"Yes."

"I feel downright horrible! I didn't help at all!" I really did feel terrible. He probably thought I was an incompetent fool.

"Don't…After doing these projects alone for so long, I just learned how to work fast."

"Very, very fast…" I let my words trail off into an uneasy silence.

We continued to sit, Severus now leaning forward to drum the tip of his quill against the table. I fiddled with the corner of the paper, lost in my thoughts….about him….

It was so weird, being done so early. Usually I would talk with my partner during the assignment, and things would take forever to get done. The task of having to look up every single thing was very arduous…But at this moment I felt so relieved to have it all done. I had never finished this quickly before, and there was still a lot of class time left. It was so nice to be done…..

Why are we still sitting here, then?

"Severus," my voice was so low, it cracked. I was way too bloody shy. I needed to get over myself, or I would look like a damned fool.

He looked at me, overanxious, as if I were about to call him a toad and smack him across the face.

"Severus," I tried again, my voice a bit louder and more sure this time. "If we've finished the assignment already, why are we still….sitting around?" What if he thought I didn't like sitting with him? "Not that I don't like sitting around….It's fantastic to relax it's just…" Brilliant. Now I was babbling like an idiot.

He gave me his best attempt at a smile.

"It's just something that I always do."

"Finish early and then sit around?"

"Yes."

"Might I ask why?" If people could see how quickly he finished, wouldn't everyone be lining up to be his partner? Wouldn't they respect him more?

"If everyone sees how abnormally fast I've finished the assignment, they will jump to conclusions. 'Snivellus has cheated!' And our dear Professor Slughorn is so very concerned with the public opinion of himself. Undoubtedly, he would force me to sit and redo the assignment. After all, fair is fair." Severus had turned to face me now. "So, each time I finish an assignment. I sit. And I wait. Until I feel it's safe to hand in my work. Which reminds me, you forgot to sign your name."

He pushed his quill my way, and for a split second our fingertips touched. It was like pure bliss. Realizing that he was engaged in human contact, he pulled his had back quickly, as though touching a burning flame; dangerous and forbidden.

Inwardly, I sighed sadly at the loss of contact, but went about signing my name under his.

I've always hated the letter 'L'. Scratch that, I've always hated the letter 'L'…in cursive. Sometimes, when signing my name, I get a bit too anxious, and my penmanship is absolutely horrid. When I'm in a rush, or I am too nervous (as was the case now,) I scribble the 'L' in Lucinda in such a way that it looks like a 'J.'

A 'J'!

Not only was I so nervous to be sitting near Severus, which, for me, was intimidating enough, I had to suffer the same feelings just by looking at our paper. His handwriting was intimidating to make me shake in my seat! His penmanship was perfect! Admirable, really. My very own handwriting, which I usually took so much pride in, looked like a four-year-old's in comparison.

"Wow," I breathed, staring at the neat lines of handwriting, perfectly identifying each ingredient in a flawless way with flawless handwriting.

Severus gave me a questioning look. Whatever ease he had been feeling had, once more, been drained from his expression. He became fearful again.

"Your handwriting his absolutely….amazing…." I couldn't take my eyes off the page. More and more each minute, I felt my attraction grow stronger.

He blushed at the compliment. I took it he was not very used to those.

After a few seconds, he suddenly stood, taking the paper with him as he rose.

"Let's hand it in, shall we?" He began to make his way up to Slughorn, who was huddled over a cauldron at his desk.

I followed behind Severus at a close distance, not wanting to make him uneasy by being at his side, yet not wanting to undermine him by walking in front of him. After all, he had done most of the work.

Upon reaching Slughorn's desk, he confidently held out the paper to him.

Slughorn looked up from his concoction and smiled at the two of us.

"Done so soon? I told you this should be an easy task for you both! I trust your work to be satisfactory…" He held the paper up, briefly examining it to make certain it was all to his liking. "Well done! Very thorough! This assignment was clearly child's play for the two of you. Now, I have a proposition to make you both, and I would like you to think about it very seriously. I would like you two to consider making your seating arrangement for today a permanent one. You are two of the brightest students I have. Together, I daresay you'd make a very dashing team…"

I could feel the tension between Severus and I.

I could feel everything he felt.  
I knew he was anxious that I would laugh in Slughorn's face, to deliver an outright 'NO!'

After all, who would want to be partnered with Snivellus Snape?"

"Professor, I personally think that's a wonderful idea. It's all up to Severus, though."  
I turned to him, giving him a genuine smile.

He looked at me nervously, then fixed his gaze back on Slughorn.

"Y…Yes….okay," He said quietly.

"Good! Then you both are dismissed for the day! Goodbye!" Slughorn sat back down at his desk returning to his deep concentration of his potion.

Severus and I turned back to our desks to retrieve our things, exiting the classroom at the same time. I avoided meeting anyone's gaze. I didn't feel like dealing with the accusing stares and incredulous looks. So I was partnered with Severus Snape. Big deal? Well, they all thought he was weird, but their opinion was of little consequence to me.

I was smart enough to make my own decisions, and think for myself. And if I found no problem in working with Severus, then no one else should, either.

He held the door for me, with one foot already in the hall. I took the handle from him, thanking him quietly for his courteousness. I quietly backed out of the room, closing the door behind me. It was rude to let a door slam.

When I had turned to face him again, he was already gone. I looked frantically about myself, wondering where he could have possibly gotten to so fast. I caught him storming down a corridor very quickly. Perhaps he was eager to get to his next class?

I took a chance and cupped my hands, calling down the hallway to him.

"I'm terribly sorry I couldn't help more!"  
He stopped in his tracks, wheeling around on his right ankle very slowly.

"It's okay!" He called back, though he did sound rather uncertain.

"See you around," I said, and gave him a friendly wave.

He halfheartedly returned the gesture, though not out of indifference, but of fear. He quickly spun around again and continued his fast pace down the hall.

I leaned against the wall closest to me, watching him go. Although he had a reputation for clumsiness, seeing him alone, he was rather elegant. He was only walking, this I realized, but I had never seen someone do it in a more graceful way. Perhaps when there was no one there snickering at him from every direction, no one laughing at him or jeering at him, he was just as nimble as anyone! He reached the end of the hallway, turning down a corridor and disappearing from view. I wanted to desperately to follow him, but I held myself back. I would see him later, of this I would make certain.

* * *

Please Review. Let me know if I should continue.

* * *


	3. Ch 2:: Kindness

A/N

Firstly, I apologize about the Hufflepuff joke...if anyone does catch on to it....

And don't forget about this

www. youtube .com /watch?v =4p1pRZGalDo

Take out the spaces, of course.

* * *

I set my books down next to Sibyll Trelawney's mail, which had already arrived. She held a magazine in her hands, and was studying it very intensely, adjusting her glasses every so often to better concentrate on what she was reading.

It was adorned with pictures, many of which were of attractive wizards of our age, as well as some slightly older. I had hoped so desperately she was not reading what I thought she was reading….

"Dear God, Sibyll, what is that you're reading?" I asked her, not really wanting to find out.

Roberta Rosings, our good friend, let out a giggle from across the table. Her bright blue eyes twinkled in the glory of knowing something I did not, all in good fun, though.

When Sibyll did not answer, I focused my attention on Roberta, who was now pushing the bangs of her short blonde hair out of her face to better see the cover of the magazine.

"Roberta, please tell me Sibyll isn't reading what I think she's reading!" I cried, completely exasperated that we would have to have this conversation each week.

"Oh, but she is!" She chirped, leaning forward a bit over her goblet.

"Sibyll," I groaned.

Still she did not answer me. I drove my left elbow into her side.

"Sibyll!"

She put the magazine down.

"Oh, hello, dear! When did you get here?"

"A while ago…" I eyed the magazine's cover and nearly slapped myself across the forehead.

"Witches Weekly? Sibyll Trelawney, how many times do I have to tell you not to read that garbage?"

"She reads it for the articles!" Roberta was still in stitches at the humor of this situation. She could find humor at discovering a troll in her bathtub…

"It's for Hufflepuffs," I said jokingly as I gave Sibyll a playful punch in the arm.

"Oh? Then you wouldn't be interested in the latest poll…."

I reached for a biscuit, eying her suspiciously.

"Alright, I'll bite. What is it?"

"Witches Weekly has taken a survey of students and graduates from Hogwarts, analyzing people from each house. It's a very interesting poll, purely academic of course."

"Of course!" I snorted as I ripped a piece off of my biscuit, putting it in my mouth.

"Oh, in all seriousness, Lucinda, you would love this poll. They've taken the average of all Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff boys and divvied them up into four categories….Oh, for heaven's sake! Just read it to her!" Roberta waved her hand at Sibyll. Clearly, she was very excited about this article.

Encouraged, Sibyll picked up the magazine, resuming her very intense gaze upon it.

"What can proper sorting be telling you? The Sorting Hat, we can all agree, is a great judge of character, but what do we discover when we take this judge of character and apply it to the real world? In a non-magical sense, that is! We have taken the four houses of Hogwarts: Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff, and matched their men with four categories, based on Ministry of Magic archives, personal confessions, and a series of interviews." Sibyll looked up excitedly.

"Go on," I urged. "You've got my attention."

"For a chummy buddy of honest values, Hufflepuff is your best bet for a fantastic friend. Given their loyalty in any situation, and their general belief that the ends certainly do not justify the means, this boy will stick by you through thick and thin….

"If it's a boyfriend you're after, make no mistake, Gryffindors are best! Their protective dispositions as well as their willingness to take risks make them the ideal love interest. This boy will defend you through any circumstance, and knows when to be serious."

I snorted at this last part. I knew plenty of Gryffindor boys, and not one of them were even remotely aware of when it was appropriate to be serious.

"When considering a husband, Ravenclaw is always the best choice. His professional attitude and intellect guarantees him a respectable job, which ensures security for you. You'll not be disappointed by his impressive salary, nor will you be by his level head and fairness of judgment in all situations. A Ravenclaw will make smart decisions for your family, and for your future. Not to mention, they can be quite handsome!

"Oh, Sibyll, will you stop! This is absolutely ridiculous. I'm sure this isn't even accurate!"

"Do shut up, Lucinda!" Roberta gave me a warning look from the other side of the table. I shoved the rest of my biscuit into my mouth as she pointed a finger at me. "Lest you miss the best part!"

"The best part? Something tells me I'm not going to like this…"

"Oh, but you will!" Roberta gave an encouraging glance at Sibyll, who then resumed where she left off.

"Last, but certainly not least, we come to Slytherin. We all know that Slytherins always strive for greatness, and have a fantastic ambition when it comes to whatever task they set their minds to. However, what happens when they take this ambition into the bedroom? Slytherins are serious lovers with a knack for-- "

I almost choked on my biscuit.

"Merlin's Beard!" I threw my head into my arms, not only embarrassed by hearing this filth, but because it also made me wonder about it's accuracy. I wonder if Severus—NO! No, a thousand times over. I would not think such putrid and insensitive thoughts. If I were to have an interest for Severus, it must be because I am genuinely attracted to him, not because I was curious about his-

"Within each Slytherin is an urge to take control, and we must say, out of all our interviews, Slytherins are ranked the most satisfactorily in the bedroom-"

"No more!" I couldn't take this!

Sibyll laughed, closing the magazine and sticking it under her mail..

"I like Gryffindor's just fine," Roberta said as she glanced over my shoulder at the Gryffindor table. "I especially fancy that Sirius Black. He's quite good-looking."

Sibyll, taking a sip of pumpkin juice from her goblet, made an approving noise.

"He's fine," I said, a smile playing on my lips. I turned to look at the Marauders for a second, then faced Roberta once more. "But I'm not quite sure, I think that Peter Pettigrew is mysterious!"

We all burst into laughter, trying to imagine that strange lump to be seductive by any means.

"You know, I always thought there was a lot of complex thought rushing around in that lump of a brain of his."

We all laughed even harder at Sibyll's words.

"No, but seriously. I do fancy Sirius." Roberta rested her chin in her hands, sighing audibly. "You should consider yourself lucky, Lucinda. Being Remus's girl, and all."

"Oh, my….Look," I leaned my head closer to theirs, wishing to confide within them something I had never told anyone before. Catching my drift, we huddled together.

"I really don't fancy Remus all that much….He's good-looking, and he's kind, I just…I just don't."

Sibyll smiled, a look of superiority slightly taking hold of her features.

"I knew it! I could tell."

"So then, who do you fancy?" Roberta looked surprised now. She had always figured my constant denial of Remus to be a hard-to-get act. I'm sure she was startled to find out that it was completely and utterly sincere.

I leaned in even closer, so did they.

"I will tell you this, ladies. But swear to me, it does not leave this table!"

"I swear!" They said simultaneously. Roberta looked as if she'd absolutely burst if I did not tell her, while Sibyll retained her cool, examining an apple thoroughly before taking a bite of it.

"Most likely," she said between chews, "it is a Slytherin."  
The color drained from my face.

"How did you know?!?!" I was completely amazed. I thought I had done such a fine job at hiding everything. Did she know it was Severus? Could others tell, as well?

"I'm a seer, my dear. We can tell these things."

Roberta and I just stared at her, stunned.

She cracked at this, breaking up into a fit of laughter.

"That, and the fact that you became extremely worked up when we mentioned the Slytherins in the poll. Your face was as red as a cherry, my dear!" She was amused by this. "Oh, and I'm not quite certain if you realize it, but your eyes. They keep flickering back and forth from us to the Slytherin table. I don't know if you realize it, but they do."

I _hadn't _realized this! Hopefully no one else had noticed! Then again, Sibyll, as absent-minded as she could be, did pay a lot of attention to detail. She was a Ravenclaw, after all.

"Alright, now spill." Roberta was growing impatient now. "Who's the boy?"

I inhaled sharply, gathering my strength.

"SvvsSnpe." I whispered inaudibly.

"What?" Sibyll asked, catching on to my anxiety.

"Severus Snape." I felt the color rushing back to my cheeks again.

"WHAT!?!?!" They both shouted in unison.

"Shhh!" I waved my hands frantically at them. "You both promised!"

"Oops!" Roberta giggled, smacking a hand over her face.

"You really are quite an enigma, Lucinda. You're so pretty, a knock-out, if I were to view it from a boy's perspective. You could have any boy in the school you want; You have Remus bloody Lupin ready to die for you, and you go after someone so ordinary as Severus Snape!"

"He's far from ordinary, Sibyll," Roberta corrected her.

"And that's it! I think that's why I'm so attracted to him! It's sort of like-"

"Attracted to who, me?" A man's voice came from behind me. Startled and fearful, I turned to find Remus leaning his head over my shoulder.

"Ah yes, Remus!" Sibyll gestured to him wildly. "Just the man we were talking about!"  
Roberta mumbled something under her breath. It resembled something along the lines of "Sort of…" Yet it was too low for Remus to catch on.

Remus motioned for me to scoot over, so that he might sight with us. I hid my reluctance as best I could and edged closer to Sibyll to accommodate him. This was practically a daily routine. Whenever he finished lunch with his friends, he would come sit at our table until it was time for classes again. It was flattering, yet slightly aggravating.

"So, how are you ladies on this fine afternoon?" he asked us, wrapping an arm around my neck. I made a face, surprised at his sudden forwardness. Roberta, having no capability of indiscretion began to laugh maniacally. I swore to myself that I would place a silencing charm on her for an entire week.

I was conscious of my eyes nervously darting over to the Slytherin table, searching for Severus. I didn't want him to see the physical contact Remus was impressing upon me, and get the wrong idea. Half the school already figured that I was as good as his. I was worried that if Severus believed this, then it would be harder for me to get close to him…Harder for my plan to take action.

I scanned my eyes through rows of green and black, finally catching sight of him. He twittered his fork around his plate, playing with a vegetable that he had no desire in eating. Nonchalantly, he began to look around the Great Hall.

In an unexpected flicker from one side of the room to myself, our eyes locked dead on. He caught sight of Remus's arm around me, and looked down quickly. His face fell, and his complexion began to take on a reddish tinge. An embarrassed expression washed over his face, as though he had just walked in on two people shagging.

Bloody Hell….

"So!" Remus removed his arm (much too late) and clapped his hands together. "Are you all going to Hogsmeade this Saturday?"

"God, Remus!" I cried. "It's only bloody Wednesday! Have you no other thoughts on your mind than tomfoolery and having a good time?"

"Not-a-one, my dear." He began to play with a strand of my hair.

"I'm not going." Roberta declared earnestly. "I have to supervise the Ravenclaw Quidditch team for their big match. Though I don't see why they couldn't have done it on a weekday. The game isn't for another ten days or so…"

Sibyll, as it was known, never missed a trip to Hogsmeade. There was really no point in Remus even asking her if she was going. In fact, the two took it upon themselves to gang up on me, staring at me expectantly on either side, awaiting the obvious 'yes' that would soon leave my lips.

"_Sibyll_ and I are going to Hogsmeade. And I already know what you're going to ask, Remus." I removed my hair from his grasp and, using one of many hair ties I carried with me at all times, I pulled it back into a ponytail. "I must tell you, it's simply out of the question. You all have a knack for trouble."

He pouted at me, clearly disappointed.

Upon seeing his expression, I sighed. I hated making people upset, and so I often found that I would place myself in compromising situations, much to my own happiness, to restore the joy of others. As a Ravenclaw, I have long since realized that this is extremely unintelligent. However, feelings were feelings, and as such, they could not be ignored. Sometimes I seriously thought that the Sorting Hat put me in the wrong house…

"_However_," I made sure to put much emphasis on this. "We'd be more than happy to join you for lunch later on in the day."

Remus pulled my hand off of my lap and kissed it.

"You've made me the happiest man alive!" I did hate it when he kidded around. "Well, that is, until the day you agree to marry me. Then that will truly be the happiest day-"

"Yes, yes." Sibyll shooed him away with her hand. "I think that Pettigrew boy is calling for you."

"I can tell when I'm not wanted," Remus sniffed, pretending to be hurt.

"We've got important feminine matters to discuss!" Roberta exclaimed, clearly reaching the same point of exasperation as I.

Remus gave my ponytail a playful tug before getting up and rejoining his own group. Sibyll watched him go out of the corner of her eye, making sure that he was a safe distance away. It would do no good for him to hear our conversation.

"Now where were we?" Roberta placed a finger on her chin, pretending to be lost in her thoughts. Like I said, everything is one bloody joke….

"Oh, I do believe we were pondering our dear friend's recent infatuation with one, Severus Snape." Sibyll responded, playing along.

"Indeed." Roberta looked at me expectantly.

"I admire his intelligence." I said plainly, taking a rather large swig at my pumpkin juice. What a shame, I'd really rather some rum about now….

Sibyll snorted.

"Please, Lucinda. Don't play us for fools. People don't typically begin dating because they admire each other's intelligence."

"I really don't know what to say. Recently I've noticed how perfectly capable he is when it comes to academics. He's absolutely flawless. So, admiration for his intelligence, it would seem, lead to admiration for…. him…I find his features rather…. pleasant…"

Roberta nodded, seeming to accept this answer. Sibyll stretched her neck over to me a bit, trying to eye the Slytherin table from my viewpoint. Undoubtedly she was searching for Severus so she could do a complete physical analysis of him, thusly confirming or disputing my statement about his appearance.

She eyed him intently for a few seconds, adjusting her enormous glasses slightly. Then, she shrugged, her frizzy hair seeming to move up and down with her shoulders.

"I suppose he has some good features, though he certainly doesn't put them to good use. He could do with a good shampooing…"

"Yes, Sibyll. I'm aware of that."

I felt myself becoming very embarrassed. Should I really have told these two how I felt about Severus? We hardly keep anything from each other. However, it was my own fault for expecting a normal reaction towards my news. After all, he was Severus Snape. Inarguably, he was the most tortured boy at school, often the butt of pranks and other such frivolities.

I looked at my watch, wanting desperately to change the subject.

"Oh, damn! It's almost time for class!"

This distraction seemed to work just fine. Roberta shot up from the table.

"Bloody Hell! Thanks for telling me! I have to get to Transfiguration. Professor McGonagall said that if I was late again, she'd turn me into an otter!" With that she grabbed her bag and stormed out of the Great Hall.

Sibyll, after confiding in me that she had wanted to get to Divination at a decent time, also suggested we get to our next classes. We stood together and walked toward the doors. With Roberta gone, we could continue our conversation in a more reasonable manner.

Sibyll reached the doors first, pushing one open and holding it for me as I went through.

"Lucinda, you're a big girl now. You can make your own decisions…." We walked slowly down the corridor, not quite wanting to reach the split at the end of the hall so soon.

"Surely we aren't walking at this agonizing pace so you can comment on my age?"

"You know I will stand by you in any decision that you make. However, I urge you to be certain of all the facts and possibilities that play into this situation before you make any definitive moves. Anything involving boys at all is tricky. What deepens my concern for this matter even more is that virtually nothing is known about your dear Slytherin, save for the fact that he's very partial to sobbing… Look, what I'm getting at is this; I trust your judgment nearly all of the time. But I fear that I'm getting a very bad feeling from all of this. And you know how rare it is that I come across bad feelings. Given my ancestral background of clairvoyance, I urge you to act with caution. " We reached the end of the hall. Sibyll paused briefly. "I trust you know what you're doing." She turned left sharply and made her way down the hall.

I mulled over her words carefully, but didn't think to take them with much heed. Rare as they were, she was notorious for getting bad feelings about the silliest things. Once, during dinner, she even went so far as to prevent me from eating my stewed carrots. As she claimed, they gave her a bad 'vibe.'

Shaking my head, I continued down the right corridor. It was quite a bit of a walk to Charms class, and so the earlier the start, the better.

As I walked, I became aware of the fact that I was quite alone in the hallway. Looking all around myself, I found that there was no one. Discreetly, to be safe, I took out the Marauder's Map as well as my wand.

Touching my wand to the parchment, I chanted the words as I was supposed to. I couldn't have opened that blasted map faster! Not wanting to be discovered, I quickly scanned every inch of the map. Much to my delight, I found what I was looking for in a matter of seconds – or rather, who, I was looking for.

According to the Marauder's Map, Severus Snape was just around the corner. He didn't appear to be walking about. His name was stationary, which brought me even more joy. This was already the first part of my plan, making myself very apparent to him. Nearly everywhere he looked, I'd make certain I was there.

"Mischief managed," I whispered, my voice hoarse from excitement. I quickly stuffed the map back into my cloak and tightened my grip on my books. Holding my head high, and trying not to seem too suspicious, I walked to the edge of the corridor and rounded the corner. Sure enough, there he was. He was leaning against a wall, his head bent over a book. He looked so peaceful that way, undisturbed in his loneliness. His gaunt face was relaxed, his mind so very obviously interested in reading whatever was in the book.

A passion for reading was certainly an amiable quality to find in a person. If he enjoyed it nearly as much as I did, perhaps we would not have trouble making conversation?

I watched as he chewed on his bottom lip as he read, irritating it more and more with every sentence he read. It was turning from its normal, pale color to an attractive pink. In contrast to his pale face, it was glorious. I wanted nothing more than to run over to him, rip the book from his hands, and snog him.

Embarrassed by my own thoughts, which were safe inside my mind, I looked away.

I was nearing him now, I was about to pass him, and then I felt my glance had been reciprocated. It was that unquestionable feeling when one feels eyes upon them. I felt it now, and raised my head once more to peer at Severus.  
He was looking at me, indeed, seemingly startled by my presence.

I wouldn't stop walking… I couldn't stop walking! I needed to remain somewhat mysterious, for now…

"Hello, Severus!" I said in my best attempt at cheerfulness. I wanted him to know that, despite that I caught him watching Remus and I during lunch, it was of no consequence to me.

"H-Hello …" He eyed me with some suspicion.

I turned my head back and continued on my way to Charms.

As I walked, I could feel he was still looking……

* * *

Over the next few days, I made certain that he saw me nearly always in between classes, even if it meant I'd have to take a longer route to get where I needed to be. Between each class, I'd determine which hallway he was in, and make certain to not only walk through that corridor, but to get his attention in some way. I even managed to recruit Sibyll and Roberta to help me along. They agreed for two reasons, I suppose. Firstly, they perceived it as an interesting character study, a brief moment of insight into the mind and life of Severus Snape. Second, they were just so bloody curious! They couldn't help themselves.

On Friday, we all walked together to our last class. This was simple enough, as we all had Muggle Studies together. We made it a point to be a bit louder than normal, weaving our way in and out of crowds until we finally saw Severus within our view.

He was the same as I had seen him that day, burning holes into a page of a book.  
Roberta, Sibyll and I looked at each other earnestly. We had rehearsed what we would say as we passed by, something that would definitely lure him to Hogsmeade this Saturday. It was the perfect plan. We'd 'bump into each other' at the same store and talk a bit, decidedly long enough for him to be made aware of our similar interests. (Apparently we both share an uncommon adoration of Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts.)

With Severus in our view, we could begin.

"Oh, Lucinda! I've just heard some news that would absolutely peak your interest!" Roberta said, her voice elevated above normal.

"What is it, Roberta? Spit it out, lest you explode!"

"She's talking about that new store in Hogsmeade, Potion's Devotions. They sell all sorts of tools and equipment for potion making, as well as some of the rarer ingredients." Sibyll contributed.

I could tell he had heard, and that we sparked his interest. He was on the left side of the hall, and, as we walked, Sibyll and Roberta were along my right. I was, therefore, closest to him, and could see out of the corner of my eye that, although his head was still bent over the book, his eyes were upon us.

Suddenly then, something happened that was not according to plan. Patricia Paisley- that bloody bitch- suddenly tromped her way in between us, pointedly slamming her shoulder into mine. As she was a few inches taller than me, and a great deal stronger than me, the force of her blow knocked _Home Life and Social Habits of British Muggles_ right from my hands. I turned my body, staring incredulously at her as she stomped away. She had a lot of nerve!

Realizing that I must now get down on the dirty floor and retrieve my book, I sighed. I bent over, trying to find where it went. I turned my head left and right and, much to my exasperation, I could not find it.

I was about to give up, when I heard Sibyll clear her throat. Slowly, I looked up.

A gentle, pale hand was outstretched toward me, my book in tow. I raised my head up higher to fully take in the sight that was before me.

Severus Snape, cloak bundled tightly around himself, stood up straight and tall, my book in his cold, pale, beautiful hand. And he was holding it out to me.

It seemed as if everything in the world around me had froze. It was all so quiet, and the only noise I was blessed with hearing was the sound of my own heart beating faster and faster each second.

I was still hunched over, yet this beautiful boy had spared me the need to do this. I stood up gradually. Once I was standing tall, all the sound in the world came rushing back, and it seemed as if the speed of everything had increased tenfold.

I was speechless before him. I couldn't have expected him to be so assertive as to pick my book up off the ground for me, and yet he defied all my reason and logic. Truly he was a complex person. His handsome face captivated me once more, and, for the first time I noticed he was a full head taller than me. I tilted my head back slightly, so I could look him in the eye. I could tell it made him slightly uneasy, but I didn't care. I was too busy drowning in my own thoughts. Slowly, almost robotically, I reached my hand out to take the book from him. We stood there for a moment, both our hands on the book until finally, he moved his hand back to his side. I curled the book back into my chest, huddling it protectively.

All this time, we never took our eyes off each other.

"Thank you so much," I said breathlessly. "You really didn't have to do that… But…it was sweet of you. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, pausing a bit. "Lucinda."

I could have melted right then and there.  
It was the first time he had ever said my name, and it rolled off his tongue so sweetly. In fact, I'd never heard three syllables uttered so beautifully as they had been just now. I had to wonder if he was aware of the effect this had on me. I could feel color rushing to my face, and I was embarrassed. I probably looked like a tomato.

Cautiously, I turned around. I slowly made my way back over to Sibyll and Roberta, and we continued on our way to Muggle Studies.

When they were certain that they were shielded from view, they began to smile, giggling a bit like silly six-year-olds.

"That went better than we could have imagined!" Sibyll whispered.

"Yes! Thank God Paisley's such a damned-bloody awful bitch!" Roberta said through laughs.

I had to agree. For the second time, I felt his eyes on me as I walked away. This time, it was certainly not out of suspicion, as I had suspected it to be before. Now, it seemed, it was out of a genuine curiosity. Curiosity that just might lead to something more…

* * *

It's probably a silly question at this point, but............ Should I continue? (Lily Evans makes her debut in the next chapter.....)

Reviews are much appreciated and greatly encouraged.

(They're also very encouraging.....)


	4. Ch 3:: The Library

A/N

So I got a lot of questions asking me about Lily Evans, and at what point in her relationship with Severus does this take place? Hopefully this chapter will answer some of your questions.

Just as a head's up, you won't find out what Severus did until chapter 11, I believe...If I have everything sorted out the way I think I do...

And as for what Lucinda did to get her landed in Azkaban? That's in the teens as well...

Thank you!

Enjoy!

* * *

"I'll meet up with you both later!" I called to Sibyll and Roberta as we parted ways. I desperately needed some new books to read, and where better to go than the library? After walking through the great doors, I began to fish around in the pocket of my skirt for my note card. I had a ridiculous habit of writing down every imaginable interesting book title on a note card, bringing it with me each time I went to the library.

Pulling it out of my pocket, I smoothed it out over the back of my left hand to better read what I had written.

_Toil and Trouble; 300 of the World's Foremost Meddlesome Potions._

_Introductory Occlumency._

_Intermediate Legilimency._

_51 Ways to Defend Your Mind Against a Dementor's Kiss._

I decided to start with the book that was most important to me, the one pertaining to legilimency. Legilimency had, over the past year, become a small obsession of mine. I favored the idea of holding so much power over a person, using their memories to weaken them to my advantage. It was all so fascinating.

How I wished they would teach it here! Alas, the Ministry of Magic doesn't smile upon civilian wizards' usage of such things, and so it is not taught at Hogwarts.

I made my way over to the Defense Against the Dark Arts section of the library and began skimming the rows of books for the one I wanted.

Finally finding it, I pulled it off of the shelf and held it in my right hand. As I searched for the occlumenting book, hoping it would be nearby, I let my right hand fall, involuntarily, on another book that rested on a lower shelf.

"Oh!" I said, surprised. The book my hand had landed on was the one about the Dementor's kiss.

Quite a way to kill two birds with one stone.

After scanning the shelves, once, twice, three, four times, I gave up on the occlumenting book. Occlumenting would, by no means, be difficult for me. And when would such a situation arise so soon that I would need to use it?

No, I would look for it next time.

"Two down, two to go…" I mumbled to myself. Clutching my books tightly, in case Patricia Paisley just so happened to be around, I left the section I was in and rounded the corner, making my way to the Potions section.

"Toil and Trouble" was a book I most certainly wanted. I had practically fidgeted in my seat all day with the excitement of getting to the library this afternoon. I skimmed through the alphabet of books that sat on the shelf, chewing on my tongue in the anticipation of finding this book. 'A' through 'K'…. No, that wouldn't do…

I spun around wildly, skimming through 'L' through 'T'.

"_Toad Draughts_." No….

"_Toes and Potions That Use Them._" No….

I skipped over some, and nearly cried it in joy when my eyes finally saw the book I had wanted.

I lifted my arm and stretched to get it. Why did all the books I wanted always have to be on the top shelf?

As I was about to place my hand on the spine of the book, I brushed it against something cold, hard, and bony.

Startled, I drew my hand back and looked to my right, wondering what it was that I could have possibly hit.

Him…

He stared back at me with fearful eyes, his arm still half- outstretched toward the book.

It took me a moment to fully process the situation that was presented before me. This meeting was purely accidental! I hadn't even checked my map to see if he'd be in the library. As a matter of fact, I hadn't even thought of it. My hair must look like a mess, and I was certain that my make-up was smeared.

What a completely inopportune time to have a meeting! I was out of my element! All of our previous meetings had been arranged by myself, and they never really involved speaking! It would have been one thing if I had merely walked past him in the library, but this was such an awkward situation….

We stared at each other; mouths open slightly, as if we were going to speak.

I realized he would not initiate whatever conversation we were about to have… perhaps I could use this to my advantage?

"Hello," I said quietly, unsure of how things would play out.

"Hello…" He replied, still looking at me wearily, as if I might scream at him for daring to want the same book as I.

We sat there in silence for some time, just staring at each other. So much for using this to my advantage…. I was certainly not a quick thinker. I really did have to question the Sorting Hat about my placement into Ravenclaw.

"Take the book…please…" I blurted out.

Smooth……..

"I'd really rather insist upon your taking it,"

How did he remain so calm? His voice was barely cracking at all! Mine sounded like a broken rattle. Perhaps he was just used to speaking in fear.

"Please," I tried again. "You deserve it more than I."  
He stifled down a snort.

"How's that?"

"Your kindness…..For picking up that book for me earlier today…"

"You consider that kindness?" Something tugged at the corner of his lips. "It was just the right thing to do. Chivalry isn't completely dead, you know."

"Please, Severus…" I took a step toward him.

Involuntarily, he took a step toward me, too.

We were so close now, I could almost taste him. If I were to just raise my hand slightly, I would be touching him. A contented sigh escaped my lips. My eyes quickly dashed back to his face, hoping he hadn't heard it.

"There could have been a number of reasons for my picking up the book. Perhaps I picked it up for you so that you wouldn't cry to Remus of my rudeness of manners, thusly forcing him and Potter to 'teach me a lesson.' No, it wouldn't do to be rude to Remus's girl…" He spat Remus's and James's like they were poison. Inwardly, I retracted a bit. Surely, I disliked James a great deal, and I did usually refer to him as Potter, but the hatred upon which Severus associated both their names was too much to bear.

I felt myself getting frustrated, now having just realized he had called me Remus's girl.

"Merlin's Beard! Please don't say that ever again!" I cried.

"What?" A look of caution washed over his face.

"_Remus's girl.._" I sneered at how ridiculous it sounded. "People in this school presume that, just because he hangs all over me, that we're somehow romantically involved. You may be the first to hear this cold truth, but I have no interest in Remus whatsoever. If people in this bloody school would take a moment to actually observe what goes on around them, they might see that all his actions are completely unreciprocated!"

I was huffing and puffing in all my fury now, feeling quite like the big bad wolf.

Severus looked fearful of me then, and I mentally kicked myself.

"Oh, Severus…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's all so frustrating… I really shouldn't have spoken to you like that…it was so inconsiderate."

"I was merely stating that the scenario was a possibility-" The fear slowly drained from his face, and I felt a bit more easy.

"But that wasn't why you did it…."

"No," he agreed. "It wasn't…"

"Take the book," I whispered, exasperated.

I pulled away from him quickly to return to that spot on the shelf. Jumping up – Merlin, how foolish I must've looked- I grabbed the book of the shelf. I turned to him quickly and, stepping closer to him than I was before, I shoved the book into his hand.

I could smell him now, and it was so delightful. I inhaled discreetly, taking it in. Ginger. He smelled so sweetly of ginger. It was such a wonderful smell, and it was so befitting of him. Though I had to believe he smelled of it so strongly because it was a potions ingredient. Perhaps he had been making a Wit-Sharpening Potion….

"What will you read, then, if not this? I already have one book-"

"And I have two." I held up my books for him to see, and he peered at them with interest.

"Legilimency?"

"It's a slight fascination of mine. That's a lie. I'm nearly obsessed with it. But that stays between you and me. I don't want people to frolic around here thinking I'm some sort of deranged dark witch."

I pushed the book out toward him, pressing it against his chest.

"Take it," I said, more urgently.

"Yes, alright." He said slowly. I dared to look into his eyes once more. He wrapped his hand around the book and, much to my delight, took it from me.

"Thank you, sweet one!" I teased. Teased…Hopefully he wouldn't view my ridiculous flirtations as teasing him or making fun of him.

Something tugged at the corner of his lips. A smile?

I turned to go, when I was stopped by his voice. Or rather, the departure of my name from his lips. It froze me in place, and I slowly turned back to face him.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop on you earlier, but… Potion's Devotions?"

I smiled. Our plan had worked! I could hardly wait to tell Sibyll and Roberta about all of this.

"It's a new store that's opened up on the far side of Hogsmeade. It's near Zonko's. Personally, I plan to spend half the day there."

He simply stared at me, nodding with genuine interest.

"Hopefully I'll see you there," I said sweetly. "Goodbye, Severus."

I left the aisle before he could have time to respond. I wanted to leave him on the note that I wanted to see him tomorrow. As I rounded the corner, I smashed into Lily Evans. There was a gleam in her green eyes, and somehow, I felt as though it was directed toward me.

"Hello, Lucinda." She whispered to me.

"Hello, Lily. Have I done something wrong?" I whispered back.

She threw her head back and laughed slightly, her red hair falling from her shoulders to drape over her back.

"Precisely the opposite, my dear." She said, placing her hand on my arm. "I just wanted to let you know that I think you're sweet…"

"Uh, thank you...?" I was hopelessly confused, which only provoked Lily to laugh again.

"I mean, in your treatment of Severus. I realize he and I had a falling out, and that we don't speak any more, but I still sort of care about how others treat him. You were so kind to him in potions the other day, not objecting to being his partner, and even agreeing to sit with him for the whole rest of the year."

"Oh," I blushed, slightly embarrassed. She thought I did all those things because I was sweet. Little did she know that sweetness was laced with a selfish desire.

"And I couldn't help but overhear you two speaking just now! Really, Lucinda! You're too sweet! Just pray Remus doesn't realize this. He might think he has some competition. We don't want Snivelly's arse getting kicked, now do we?"

My eyes widened at her usage of his terrible nickname. Since when did she jump in on calling him Snivelly? Or Snivellus?

Upon realizing what she had just done, she clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Oh, Lucinda! Do forgive me! That sort of slipped out! You see, I've been hanging around James for way too long. I don't mean it. I would never mean that."

For all my supposed intellect and logic, I couldn't analyze whether she sincerely meant to call him that name or not. A part of her resented Severus, that was for certain. Illogically so, in my opinion. He had merely called her a mud-blood out of his own shame and desperation. He was being attacked by four arses with no lives. How could he wish to be defended by a girl? It would only make matters worse for him.

The legendary 'Lily Evans Compassion', in regards to Severus, was purely mythological. I watched from a distance as Severus apologized once, then a thousand times over. Still, she rejected him.  
I was subjected to hearing Remus and his friends laugh about the pathetic nature of the entire situation.

'Look at Snivellus skulking around! Poor git looks a bit sad. I wonder why that is?'

My heart opened to Severus. Even by the one friend he had in this school, he was poorly treated.

"Yes. Of course, Lily." I said monotonously. "Do forgive me, but I must be off." I turned on my heel and walked away, not daring to look back at her.

No doubt I'd be receiving a talking to from Remus. Lily would get all upset. I made it clear that I really didn't quite believe her. She would vent to James, who would then speak to Remus, undoubtedly telling him to 'get a handle on his woman.' And Remus would speak to me. Well I would have none of it.

I took my books up to the main desk and got them stamped. Then, as quickly as I could, I fled the library, racing back to the Ravenclaw tower.

* * *

"I don't believe it!" Sibyll shouted, hunched over her dinner plate.

"Lucinda! You got that close to him so quickly?"

"Yes!" I nearly shrieked, now excited rather than nervous looking back on it all.

"My dear, you truly deserve the title of witch, since you charmed him so quickly!" Sibyll said, and we all laughed at the pun.

"It's a shame we don't know whether or not he'll be in Hogsmeade tomorrow," Roberta said as she chased a pea around her plate with her fork.

I simply sat and smiled, not caring how much like a maniac I must have looked.

"No!" She gasped, completely amazed at how much I had accomplished from one chance meeting.

Sibyll nudged me, encouraging me to explain. I let them sit there in suspense, begging me with their eyes for a few more seconds before I told them.

"Well, as I was turning to leave, he mentioned that he might have overheard our little conversation," I giggled. "And he questioned me about the store. I basically repeated to him what we had said in the hall, and told him where it was."

"And?" Sibyll looked like she might burst.

"And…I might've mentioned that I would be in the store for a good portion of the day."

"And….?" Roberta pried, clearly annoyed that I was sparingly giving them insight.

"And the look on his face strongly hinted to me that he had every intention of going!" I was practically squealing. How ridiculous I must have sounded! "My last words to him were that I hoped I would see him there!"

"Lucinda! You little genius, you!" Sibyll patted me on the back. "I daresay this might work out better than we previously imagined!"

"Lucinda!" Roberta dropped her fork, her mouth hanging open slightly. "What do you think you'll wear?!?!" Her expression exemplified every notation of seriousness that she possessed.

"Good God! I'd barely given that any thought!" I said, horrified with myself. Typically, I'd never obsess over my clothing so much, yet I'd never quite felt for anyone like I'd felt for Severus. My wardrobe would have to play on my worries this time around.

"So sorry to interrupt," a familiar voice roused us from our feminine drivel. "Lucinda, might I have a word with you?" I turned my head slowly to look behind me.

Remus. I might have known. I hadn't expected our little chat to come so soon, but, then again, if I were to have lunch with him tomorrow, that would mean that I was having lunch with James, Sirius, and Pettigrew as well. And that would mean that I was having lunch with Lily Evans. Oh, yes. No amount of disturbance whatsoever would be allowed to play into the event. All uneasiness must be smoothed away. It was the first time I had ever accepted an offer to have lunch with Remus, and he would make sure everything went swimmingly.

He took me to a corner of the Great Hall. Of course he'd want to take me away from my friends. He wants to show Lily and his Marauders he has some sort of masculine control over me. Boys are so pathetic…

"Lucinda," he began, as though I were some sort of fool.

"No need to play on the formalities, Remus. I know this is about Lily, isn't it?"

"She's very upset. She told us all what happened, and she's afraid you hate her."

How very melodramatic of Miss Lily Evans…

I sighed, and couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"She's my friend, Remus. I'm not mad at her. I just thought what she said was insensitive."

"What, Snivellus?" He looked at me as though I were making some sort of stupid joke, as if she had referred to the boy as a 'turd.' Snivellus was like any common slander.

"Yes! Precisely that!" I crossed my arms.

"What about it? I mean, I realize it might be a bit on the mean side, but it's nothing he hasn't heard before!"

"As if you boys don't give the poor lad enough grief, the only other friend he had in the world left him for dead because he called her a name-"

"Lucinda! He called her a mud-blood!" Mud-blood, apparently by a long shot, was worse than cursing your name for being able to be turned into a taunt.

"I don't give a bloody damn what in the fuck he called her! If she were really his friend, she wouldn't have given up on him so easily. He didn't mean it! And besides, he's got muggle in him, too!" My patience was being very thoroughly tested by Remus. Anything they did was completely okay. God forbid someone else does something similar. Then it's a bloody crime.

"So it was okay when Malfoy called you a mud-blood?"

"Yes! And why is that? Because Malfoy has already proven himself to be an arse! He called me a mud-blood, and if he wanted to be politically correct, he'd have referred to me as a half-blood! Or something to that effect! He genuinely means every nasty thing he says! In the end, it's all the same. "

Remus and I stared at each other in silence for a few brief moments before he finally spoke again.

"I don't see why you've taken a sudden and particular interest in Severus Snape," his eyes turned cold, accusing.

"I don't see why it's a big deal that I feel sympathy for someone who doesn't deserve to be picked on! When you get on Snape's case, it's just as bad as when Malfoy gets on mine!"

"Don't lump us in with Malfoy! It's not as bad as all that!"

"Yes, it is!"

"Alright, fine." Remus placed his hands on my shoulders. It was all I could do not to flinch away. Or punch him square in the nose… "Would it make you feel better if I told James and the others not to pick on Sni-- Snape so much?"

I merely nodded. I didn't trust him to keep his word. Making fun of Severus was the Marauders' favorite past time.

"Are we still on for lunch tomorrow?" He asked shyly, avoiding any and all eye contact with me.

I sighed.

"I suppose. Where, again?"

"Hogs Head. Make sure you and Sibyll are there by one."

"Yeah." I said, not feeling the need to say any more to him.

"It'll be fun. I promise." He tried to give me a confident smile. Unfortunately for him, it was not reciprocated.

"Just tell Lily that I don't hate her…. Oh, and you can have this back now. Thanks."

I pulled the Marauder's Map out from my pocket and handed it to him. He took it gingerly, as though not completely sure why I was returning it.

Upon that note, I squeezed past him, freeing myself from the corner and returning to join my friends. When I sat back down with them, they gave me questioning glances. I told them not to worry about it. Remus had practically given me a headache.

"All I want to do right now is get some sleep!" I groaned, massaging my temples.

"That's simply out of the question, my dear!" Sibyll pointed her spoon at my nose.

"Yeah!" Roberta felt the need to chime in. "We still have to pick out your outfit!"

"Bloody Hell…" I allowed my head to fall into my folded arms. This was going to be a long night indeed.

* * *

Tell me what you think!

Continue?

Reviews are much appreciated!


	5. Ch 4:: Hogsmeade

**_A/N_**

**So, I feel like this chapter is really corny. I hope it's not. (In case you haven't noticed, I'm really self-conscious of my writing.) **

**Just as a heads up, I will officially be making all story updates each Sunday. If I find that I am able to, I will navigate some of the updates toward a Thursday, and resume my Thursday + Sunday update schedule. Things are going to be a bit hectic because I start college at the end of the week. (*insert screams of terror here*)**

**Thank you guys for the comments. I really need them. Seriously, they're like some sort of life energy that I feed off of....**

**I've gotten a bazillion (17) great reviews, but I'm going to take this space to respond to one review.**

**MakeLoveNotHorcruxes (I'm definitely getting that shirt...) pointed out that she has taken the spaces out of the link I posted for the trailer, and was unable to view it.  
Try typing in on YouTube "An Unrequited Love Song Trailer" or Aerosol Enlightenment. I'm almost positive that the trailer is still working. I viewed it just this morning on YouTube.**

www. youtube .com /watch?v =4p1pRZGalDo

**Thanks guys! **

* * *

I grimaced at my appearance as I examined myself in the mirror. My outfit was thrown together based on every single fact we could have possible known about Severus. After sitting on our bed's for an hour thinking, we came up with only two things. He liked black. A lot. And he was pale. Very pale.

And so, my outfit rotated completely around black. My Oxfords were black…my stockings were black…I borrowed one of Roberta's pencil skirts, also black…and I was wearing a black blouse.

The dark clothing made my pale skin look even paler. This wasn't so bad, as I always preferred being pale to tan, yet Roberta did my make-up in such a way as to accent this feature. Whenever we were trying to impress someone, Sibyll and I left it to Roberta to pick out our clothes and make-up. We considered her the pretty one of our group, always styling her hair just right, doing her make-up just right. She was physically perfect.

First, she put powder concealer all over my face, causing me to look very much like a porcelain doll. Next, she had me put on lipstick, some color called 'Sheer Rose.'

Next she took the liberty of doing my eyeliner and mascara for me. This wasn't to say that I was incompetent of doing make-up. My make-up was fine…It was just that Roberta always knew how to give it that extra 'zing.'

My hair, it was decided, should be left down.

"It'll make you seem more mysterious," Roberta had told me.

When Sibyll finished getting ready, she came to join us, nearly shrieking at the sight of me. I felt a bit out of character. Yes, I did enjoy wearing black, but never had I worn it this excessively. Reaching for my black Pea Coat, I admired how completely relaxed Sibyll was able to look. She dressed very much like herself. She was wearing a long, flowing blue tunic with a belt around her waist, causing it to look much like a dress. Under it, she wore a long grey skirt with floral prints on it. Her hair remained much like it always did, tamed slightly by her blue headband. She had her cloak slung over her arms, and she was grinning far too much for her own good.

"Lucinda! You look positively…."

"Luminescent? I think my skin might be so white, it's brighter than the bloody sun. Roberta, I want to get his attention, not blind him!"

"Trust me," She said, smiling. "Boys like him desperately want to snog girls that look like you."

This made me feel a bit better. I lifted back my sleeve to look at my wristwatch.

"Bloody Hell! Look at the time! Let's go, Sibyll." I quickly donned my coat, pulling my hair out from the collar. "Roberta, thank you so much. You've no idea what this means to me."

Roberta gave me a playful punch on the arm.

"You just get on out there and knock him on his arse."

Sibyll grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs to the common room, out through the portrait, and down the stairs. We quickly scampered down hall after hall till finally we were at the meeting spot to go to Hogsmeade.

We waited for Professor McGonagall to arrive; all the while I searched through the crowd to find Severus. I even went so far as to break from Sibyll temporarily and walk around the courtyard in hopes of seeing him.

Alas, there was no sign of him. Heading back towards the school, I dejectedly went to join Sibyll. She was quite amused by something and, before I could even ask her what it was that seemed so humorous, she merely pointed to her left.

I followed her finger to find Severus standing off to the side of the courtyard. It took me only seconds to find why she found him so amusing. In almost every aspect, he and I were dressed quite similar.

His shoes, black; His trousers, black; His top….a black dress shirt. To top it off, he wore a black blazer, in the pockets of which he stuffed his hands. I could see his breath in the cold air, and it was so lovely. It was almost as though I could see his very soul, lingering gently beyond his lips.

He was casually skimming the crowds of people, all the while hunching more and more into himself. His eyes passed me and continued on. Then, suddenly, his expression shifted into something very nondescript, and his eyes jammed back toward my direction.

Not wanting to be caught staring, I quickly averted my eyes and made my stance toward Sibyll more definite. If he was going to stare, I wanted him to do it while completely at ease, with no qualms whatsoever.

"My, my, Miss Redbourn. It seems you've caught someone's eye!" Sibyll whispered excited to me a few moments later.

I blushed furiously.

"He's still looking?" My voice cracked.

"Love, I don't think the poor boy is even breathing…"

"Who's not breathing?"  
Damn Remus Lupin and his inopportune timing. I could hear Sibyll making hushed hissing noises, signifying her agreement in what she correctly presumed I was thinking.

We spun around to face the Marauders… and Lily.

James and Sirius were pretending to fight each other. They delivered blows that never seemed to make contact with the other boy's skin, even going so far as to make sound effects for their attacks. It was all too embarrassing to watch. Lily stood by, shrieking at them to stop it.

"Boys! Behave yourselves!" She halfheartedly cried to them.

I made an obviously strained smile and held it, staring directly at Remus, my eyes flickering from him to the foolish spectacle his friends were making.

"Oh, quit being such a Ravenclaw!" He said, not really looking at me. Though he did, after turning slightly to smack Sirius in the back of his head, then back towards me.

After taking me in, his mouth hung open in a stupid sort of way, his eyes widened slightly. His lips began to move slightly, but no sound was coming out.

Pettigrew peeked out from behind him, eyeing me nervously.

Sirius, who had paused his bantering with James, turned to yell at Remus for smacking him. Seeing him, as well as Pettigrew, slack jawed, he turned to see what was causing them to act so strangely.

"What the bloody fuck-" Potter jumped on the gawk-a-lot bandwagon, and it felt like everyone in the world was staring at me. "What happened to her?"

Ah, the eloquent Mr. Potter. He made all the girls swoon by uttering one sentence, and yet it all sounded like mindless garble to me. I even went so far as to confide in Sibyll that, every time he spoke near me, I feared my I.Q. might be lowering. At the time she only nodded sympathetically. Perhaps she held a more fervent opinion after witnessing it first-hand.

"I don't know," Remus took a step towards me. "But let me just say, Lucinda, that skirt you're wearing makes your bottom look fantastic!" I felt his hands snake around my waist, and I promptly smacked them.

"Remus," I warned, "you're being very forward."

"Yes," said a voice from behind us. "I daresay he is! And do watch your language, Mr. Potter." Professor McGonagall hurried past us, making her way to the center of the courtyard. Everyone quieted down as she began to make her usual speech.

About how we were representing Hogwarts, and our behavior reflected the reputation of the school….

About how trips to Hogsmeade were a privilege, not a right, and should be treated accordingly….

About how we would suffer dire consequences if we were caught shagging or performing other indecent acts within the Shrieking Shack….

The usual speech.

The instant she finished, we all formed a single file line, Remus in front of me, Sibyll in back, and prepared to embark on Hogsmeade.

"One o'clock." Remus whispered, angling his head toward me.

"Four o'clock. Got it." I joked.

He snorted and faced forward again.

And onward we marched…

* * *

As I promised, I spent a great deal of time with Sibyll in Potion's Devotions. We had spent nearly an hour in the store, and there was no sign of Severus. I skimmed up and down the aisles for the thousandth time and, feeling as though I was torturing the poor owner, began to gather some merchandise that I actually planned on purchasing.

I did need a new cauldron, mine was beginning to crack and rust with age. As for a stirring rod, I managed to break my last one (glass) in my hand. It was quite a mess. This time, I opted to get a metal stirring rod, one that promised to be durable. I then began to gather some ingredients to make simple potions, things to keep me sharp for class. Things to keep me sharp for Severus Snape.

I was really quite disappointed that he was not here. Perhaps he would stop in later in the day? What good would it do me, then, for him to come when I wasn't here? What if he already stopped in, and I had missed him? There were so many 'What If's, so many worries. I lingered in the aisles a bit, trying to picture once more the look on his face when he saw me in the courtyard. Clearly, it wasn't a bad look. He had been staring at me for quite a while…I hoped it wasn't a bad look…

I fished around in my pocket until I found my compact. Feeling a bit vain, I opened it. I held it up to my face, examining every square inch of my skin, making sure all my make-up was in order. When I had determined everything to be satisfactory, rather, immaculate, I felt it appropriate to proceed.

I lugged the cauldron, the rod, and my assortment of items to the register, giving the elderly man behind the counter my money. After gingerly placing all my items in a large bag, I prepared to leave the store. Turning and expecting to find Sibyll, I was surprised when she was nowhere to be found.

I began to wander up and down the aisles, harshly whispering her name. Rounding a corner, I sighed with relief when I finally spotted her. She was lost in her thoughts, as she often was whenever she read something. I stood next to her, craning my head to see what it was that she was examining so thoroughly.

"Liquid Luck?" I questioned her. She was always so confident with herself, I honestly expected this to be the last potion she ever found interest in.

"I'm so very tempted. Exams this year promise to be tricky…" She trailed off, her mind reverting back to concentrate on the label of the small bottle.

I rolled my eyes. Sibyll was quite an interesting person. It certainly made her easy to get along with.

"I'm starting to get a bit stuffy, and I'd rather not take off my jacket…. I'll wait for you outside."  
Sibyll replied with a grunt. I giggled a bit, and made my way to the door. Placing my hand on the knob and turning it, I swung it open, already getting ready to step out of the store.

Thank goodness I stopped, otherwise I might have collided with someone. I looked up, startled at the ridiculous coincidence that had just taken place. The person on the other side stared back as well, hand still outstretched as though to touch the handle.

"Severus?"  
We stared at each other, mouths slightly open. He was stuttering, tilting his head down slightly to better look at me.

I felt my grip on my bag tighten. I was lucky to have even been able to muster his name. All I could do was gape at him, wishing so desperately that my reflexes hadn't kicked in, that I had smashed into him.

I could feel his breath on me, and I allowed it to caress my face, not taking my gaze off of him.

He was staring at me, and I watched as his eyes began to scan over my entire body, starting at my shoes and slowly working their way back up to my face, where his eyes seemed to linger the most.

Was there something on my face? I felt so panicked. Yet in the black orbs he possessed as eyes, I saw something shimmer, something red.

My lips. His eyes were transfixed upon my lips. I would have to remember to hug Roberta later. I felt myself smile a bit at his attention to my face… And then his eyes fluttered up to my own, and I felt even more frozen in place. The scent of ginger washed over me, and I felt so intoxicated. It was all I could do to resist shoving my face into his blazer and inhaling wildly.

"Hey, you kids! Close the damned door! You're letting all the heat out!" The elderly man yelled at us from the counter.

I flinched slightly, having been roused from my reverie. I backed up slowly so that Severus could enter the store, never removing my eyes from his face.

And as he entered, his never left mine.

The door shut now, and we were left to stare at each other undisturbed.

"Am I in your way?" He asked hesitantly, the words rolling reluctantly from his tongue. "You had appeared to be on your way out of the store…"

Before I had a chance to speak, Sibyll's voice called to me.

"Lucinda, dear, I do believe you forgot your dragon's horns…."  
I smiled, now having an effective means of starting a conversation.

"So I did! I'll be right there, Sibyll."

Severus eyed my bag curiously.

"So….erm….what is it that you…."

"What did I get?"

He nodded.

"A cauldron, some potions ingredients…You know,"

He nodded again, then spoke.

"Do you brew?"

"Yes." I said, still smiling like a dolt. "Do you?"

"Yes…"

We stood in silence again.

His eyes were so lovely, I couldn't help but get lost in them. They were so dark and inviting, you could barely see his pupils from afar. Much to my delight, I was close enough to see them. I didn't feel the least bit ashamed at making such an obvious show of staring into his eyes, for he was looking right back into mine, as well.

"Well," he said, his voice suddenly hoarse. "Let's get you to your dragon's horns…" He stepped backward, allowing me to lead the way down the aisle to the 'needed' ingredient. I leant down to grab a few, and, as I stood, a strand of my hair fell into my face.

Almost unthinkingly, Severus pushed it out of my face, his fingers lingering on my head for a bit. His touch was like magic, and I wished so ardently for his hand to remain on my hair…. Reality overtook him, and his hand snapped back like a firecracker.

He stood, a horrified expression in his eyes. Perhaps he expected me to yell at him? To shudder away in disgust? I would have to show him yet again that I was not like everyone else.

"Thank you," I smiled shyly at him. I was hoping he would say something back, yet his Adam's apple merely trembled, bobbing way down and then returning to its usual spot as he swallowed nervously.

Sibyll appeared by my side then, giving Severus a friendly wave. He merely nodded warily at her.

"I do hate to interrupt, but Lucinda, it's twelve thirty…."

"Oh, is that the time?" I looked up sheepishly at the two of them. "Would someone please come with me to the register?" I asked meekly. "I hate going up alone."

Before I had even finished my last statement, Severus blurted, "I'll accompany you…"

I bowed my head, thanking him furiously over and over again. I kept this up all the way to the counter and, when I reached into my pocket to fork over the four owed sickles, a hand stopped me.

My hand, still deep within the pocket, was rendered immobile but Severus's larger, colder hand pinning it down. Ultimately, this led to the wonderful euphoria of realizing that his hand was on my hip. I looked at Sibyll, only imaging how my face must seem. Through her enormous glasses, I could see her eyes widen. Her mouth was open, caught halfway between gaping and smiling.

With his free hand, Severus reached into his own pocket and laid four sickles on the counter. He was staring straight ahead, his face slightly flushed. His eyes were nervously fixed on the counter.

I presumed that, since his one hand was physically on my body, he was too shy to look at me.

"Oh, Severus. Thank you so much but I simply couldn't-"

"Please…." He said, never taking his eyes off the counter.

He was very confusing. In one instant he would be assertive, seeming so confident and gallant. In the next, he'd be shivering in his bones, barely brave enough to speak to me, so much as look at me.

"Alright…" I said quietly, not wishing to offend him by protesting.

Sibyll coughed inconspicuously.

"I have to go…" I said, not really wanting to leave.

He retracted his hand now, slowly….hesitantly…reluctantly…

I turned to go and, when I had gotten to the door, he finally spoke.

"Goodbye, Lucinda."

I nearly melted all over again. God, how I loved the way he said my name. I was paralyzed to the ground, finding myself about to faint.

Sibyll gave me a light shove and forced me out the door.

"Give me this," she said lightly as she took my shopping bags from my hand. "I don't want you to tip over and break things…"

I laughed hysterically at this, though it was not very funny. Severus really had me shaken up. I hadn't felt this way in such a long time. I felt so giddy, completely high off of life. I wanted to run back to Potion's Devotions, slam Snape up against a wall, and snog him until he suffocated. This thought made me even more elated, and I continued to laugh as we made our way down the street and, arriving at the Hog's Head, Sibyll grabbed hold of me.

"Unless you want everyone to think you're some sort of goose, Lucinda, I strongly suggest you stern up!"

I nearly immediately ceased my laughter, though I couldn't wipe my stupid smirk off of my face.

"It's quite alright," Sibyll told me. "Perhaps Remus will think you're happy to see him!"

I took a deep breath and, after I had composed myself, we entered the tavern together. We quickly found our party seated at a large, round table. Sirius, James, then Lily, Peter, Remus, and two empty chairs. Remus, who had been watching the doors, waved us over. Sibyll, still clutching my bags, followed behind me as I walked to the table.

As expected of me, I took my seat next to Remus. After situating myself, I felt everyone's eyes upon me. I looked up from the table, only to confirm my feelings. I was greeted by five pairs of eyes, Sibylls were preoccupied, as she was digging around in her handbag. I doubted she would have been staring at me, in any event.

I looked up cautiously, giving everyone a confused look.

"Is there something on my face?" I asked, feeling Remus's eyes particularly bore into me.

"Yes," replied James. "There's a ton of blood smeared all over your lips!"

Everyone laughed at this.

"Hysterical, Potter. Absolutely hysterical."

"Lucinda, I never realized you were so pale!" Lily exclaimed, her hand clamped around James's.

"I'm not really one for sun…" I admitted.

The table felt less tense.

Sirius had the common intelligence and decency not to stare, and Lily soon became pre-occupied with her menu, thusly demanding the attention of James as well.

The only set of eyes left on me were that of Remus and Peter….

And Peter's stare made me feel surprisingly uneasy. I felt thoroughly creeped out…

"You look so…." Remus began, trailing off as his eyes roamed over my sitting form. "So….?"

"So….delectable…"

Dear God.

"Do I? Why's that?"

"Well, that skirt for one. It really complements the shape of your backside…."

"Remus, please. You realize that she's never joined us at Hogsmeade before and instead of setting about making a good impression, you're tantalizing her about her outfit. Very nice, by the way, Lucinda." Sirius said, not taking his eyes off of his menu.

"Thank you. I owe it mostly to Roberta. It's her skirt." I slyly threw that last line in, hoping that, in reality, I was putting in a good word for her. It was the least I could do.

Sirius looked up now, interested. He examined me this time, undoubtedly replacing my face with Roberta's.

"Is it really?"

I nodded.

He stared at me a bit more before returning to his menu.

"Oh, relax Sirius. She knows most of it is all in good fun. Note I say most of it, love. You do look simply delectable."

"Can I start you ladies and gentlemen off with something to drink?" One of the barmaids said from behind me.

James looked up.

"A round of buttered beers, please."

"Coming right up."

James watched her as she left and, when she was out of hearing distance, his gaze turned to face me. Fantastic. I was up for a real treat. He was probably going to nag me about my clothes some more. I was waiting for a comment like: 'Oi, Lucinda! I hear they have an opening in the Mortuary Department in the Ministry of Magic!'

If only the comment he made was such as that. No. The one he did make, however, was sure to open up a can of worms. He could be such an aggravation.

"So, Lucinda. On our way here, Lily and I couldn't help but notice you and Snivellus acting awful chummy in that potions shop."

I gave Remus a glare, having just been proven right that his promise to me was barely any good.

"Severus," Remus corrected. "He meant Severus."

"No," James pointed a finger at his friend. "I meant Snivellus."

"Why do you all insist on calling him that?" I demanded angrily.

"Because he cries!" James said, as though it were obvious.

"I cry!" I protested. "No one calls me 'Lucinda Red_mourn_.'"

"Why are you defending him?" His voice had gone cold now.

"Because somebody has to!" I was completely exasperated with this little piss-head.

"Why are you really defending him?" He had an evil smile plastered across his face.

"Because he's a nice boy!"

"He's a bloody wimp!"

Peter was snickering now, clearly enjoying the back and forth battle James and I were having. Unfortunately for him, this only succeeded in rerouting my anger.

"Pettigrew, sod off! If it weren't for the fact that you hang around Potter, you'd be in the same boat as Snape, and that's a bloody fact!" At my having said this, Peter's snickering immediately ceased.

"Leave him be!" James said, clearly getting angry with me.

"What! I'm just telling him the truth! I'm no better than you at this point, am I?" I crossed my arms and gave James a very daring look. I was really not in the mood, and I wouldn't let his little show ruin my good day.

"Alright then, Miss Intellectual, why don't you enlighten us as to what you two were talking about earlier."

"What, in the store?"

"Yes. After all, you two were just standing there for quite sometime!"

"Quite sometime?" It was Sibyll who piped in now. "Just how long were you standing there watching them, James?"

"Long enough." He replied curtly. "Go on then, Lucinda. Tell us."

"You'd really like to know?" I asked innocently.

Remus angled his head toward James giving his friend a warning look.

"Oh, Sirius, really. It's fine. After all, everyone in this table deserves to know what really happened."

I could see Sibyll looking at me from the corner of my eye. She was giving me a warning look, hoping I would not be so stupid as to blurt out the truth to them.

No, I had something much more mind-boggling up my sleeve.

"Well you see, Sibyll and I were just about to leave the store, when in walks Snape. He and I stand there staring at each other for a bit. Then, he slams the door shut and saunters on up to me. And I mean right on up! He was practically on top of me! And he told me he had overheard Remus's comment about my butt in the skirt, and that he felt he just had to tell me that he agreed. After that, he asked me to go shag with him in the bloody Shrieking Shack this afternoon. I told him no. I told him I'd much rather do it in the Dark Forest. It's more scenic there. So I'm to meet him tomorrow evening at eight o'clock outside of Hagrid's hut. He told me he's going to shag my brains out." I hoped my sarcasm would allow James to get the hint.

Unfortunately, he was more of an arse than I thought.

Sibyll, Peter, and Lily looked at me in complete shock.

Sirius was laughing, clearly in understanding of my joke. (Bloody brilliant that boy can be, when he sets his mind to it.)

Remus looked quite like he wanted to puke.

And as for James, he sat back in his chair like it was his damned throne, smirking.

"It sounds about right, considering you two looked like you were about to snog each other's faces off." He said, drumming his fingers on the table.

Sibyll slipped her hand under the table, discreetly tugging at my sleeve, signaling to me that we should go.

"Remus," I said slowly. "You said you liked how my bottom looked in this skirt?"

"Yes…" He replied cautiously.

"Well, now you get to watch it all you want as I walk out of the restaurant. Come on, Sibyll."

Together we stood and, before any of them, save James, had a chance to comment, we made our way out of the restaurant.

* * *

**Don't forget to review! Tell me how I'm doing and such!**


	6. Ch 5:: Brokenness and Allegiances

**A/N**

**Hey everyone! **

**Thanks so much for reading.**

**Here's chapter 5! I hope you guys like it.**

**((I just moved in today, and so everything is a little hectic....but I spent the last two hours working on my fanfiction stuff, so now I feel very accomplished.))  
I definitely feel like I had so much more to say....Oh, well. I'm way too exhausted to think of it all. I just really wanted to get this chapter in front of you all as soon as possible because I feel bad I won't be updating on Thursdays anymore. **

**Okay, now enjoy it. Hahaha....  
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Monday couldn't have come fast enough. I kept myself locked in the Ravenclaw tower for the entirety of Sunday. I didn't want to have to deal with Remus. Or any of the Marauders, for that matter. They honestly made me sick to my stomach.

I had made it a point not to be anywhere near them during meals, and Roberta and Sibyll fenced me protectively in between them, not allowing for Remus to come near.

When we passed by Severus, it was a different matter. They fell back just a bit, far enough so that I could smile at Severus while he peered back from behind the safety of his book.

He seemed frightened to speak to me. Had the Marauders paid him a visit since Saturday? In potions class, he had barely said a word to me. He had barely even looked at me. Perhaps they told him to back off, that Remus would have a thing or two to do with him if he continued to be so 'friendly' toward me.

It was extremely hard to continue to grab the attention of Severus whilst simultaneously avoiding the unwanted attention of Remus and his friends. And since they had that bloody Marauder's Map, they had an advantage. They would know where I was at all times, despite whatever measures I had taken not to get caught.

Muggle Studies was horrendous. Roberta and Sibyll both promised me that no one would harass me, yet I couldn't help but feel otherwise. The classroom for Muggle Studies was small enough, but it was made worse by the fact that Lily Evans, Sirius Black, and James Potter were also in the class.

Whenever the professor's back was turned, James would throw paper balls at me. For some strange reason, I would open them, only to find ornate, hexed pictures usually varying around the theme of myself actively snogging a serpent. He sent me one particularly colorful one that took place in the Dark Forest. I would leave it up to the imagination as to what transpired in the picture.

I made sure to keep that particular one…

How I loathed whoever had come up with the charm to animate drawings….

After class, Roberta, Sibyll, and I quickly stood, preparing to make a quick dart into the hallway and back to Ravenclaw tower. We grabbed our books and practically flung ourselves out of the classroom, marching down the corridor. We were a few meters from turning the corner when we heard the sound of accelerated footsteps hurrying after us.

I twisted my neck, daring to see who it was that was chasing us.

Sirius Black.

I let myself grin wildly as I slowed down. Sibyll, taking her cue to look back as well, also slowed down, smiling. We stood there, simply grinning like fools at Roberta, not budging as she tried to prod us along.

"Come on! Lest one of the gits catches up to you and harasses you!" She tugged on my arm wildly. All I could do was smile at Sirius, who was standing directly behind her.

"This git would very much like to harass you, Roberta." He said plainly, his hands twitching within his pockets. Undoubtedly, he was nervous.

Roberta gave us both a surprised look and, slowly but surely, she turned to face Sirius. Taking one of his hands out of his pockets, he began to run it through his shaggy black hair. Just one more nervous habit he seemed to have.

Excusing himself to Sibyll and I, he took Roberta off to the side of the hall.

They were close. Awfully close. And their heads were leaning into one another's.

We couldn't make out what they were saying, but we were perfectly able to take an intelligent guess.

Sirius' lips were moving a mile a minute. He reached down to grab Roberta's hands, and brought them up slightly, intertwining his own fingers within hers. He said something else, then cocked his head to the side, giving Roberta a hopeful look. Fortunately for him, he did not have to tarry long in that awkward position. A smile exploded upon Roberta's face, which lead to an eruption of unhinged giggling. She nodded her head slightly and Sirius, a look of victory upon his face, kissed her on the forehead. He gave both her shoulders a squeeze and, as he turned to go, waved at her.

She waved back, then immediately turned toward us.

"You'll never believe what just happened!"

"Sirius asked you on a date?"

"Yes!" She was hopping up and down.

"When?" Sibyll asked, sharing in her excitement.

"Tonight!" Roberta squeaked.

"Up to the then! You need to get ready!" I declared, pushing my friends in the direction of Ravenclaw tower.

"Where are you going?" Roberta asked, turning halfway around.

I took a crumpled piece of paper from my pocket, the one with the very…colorful…image of Severus and I in the Dark Forest.

"I have a bit of mail to deliver." I said to them.

Roberta and Sibyll nodded approvingly.

They had come to respect the motto by which I lived my life. Since I was a small child, I swore to myself that I would never get mad, I would get even. I felt no point in exerting my effort at getting pissed at Potter. Instead, I would just get even. If I sent this picture to Remus, it would, undoubtedly, make him angry. And he would rightly exploit that anger upon James.

So, in essence, I'd be getting Remus to do my dirty work for me. James gets his in the end, I get my retribution, and I live happily ever after….for the next week or so, that is.

I made my way outside, despite the falling snow, and continued to head toward the Owlery. I could see it was a half a mile away.  
I slowed my pace a bit then, wanting to enjoy the weather. I dearly loved winter. I loved to watch the snow fall, and I loved Christmas.

I kept my head craned skyward, admiring the falling snow.

Walking this way for some time, I nearly tripped over the first step up to the Owlery. I was a complete and utter clutz. If I didn't pay complete attention to what I was doing, It'd be a huge bloody mess. I'd walk off a cliff one day just from spending a second to admire a passing butterfly…

I mounted the stairs, taking two at a time. I was so overanxious to get that letter to Remus. I feared I would lose my nerve. What if his anger wasn't directed at James? What if it was directed toward me?

About halfway up the stairs to the Owlery, I looked up to find Patricia Paisley making her way down the stairs. Panicked, I clung on to the railing for all my life. I stood there, cringing, waiting for her to push me down the stairs… or worse…throw me over the side!

I stood there, absolutely still, she in every essence the snake, yet I did not play the raven in this instance. I was a lowly field mouse, sitting in between blades of grass, hoping that if I keep still well enough, the snake will slither past me, and I will remain unnoticed.

I heard her move past me, and yet I felt no pain. I peeked one eye open and turned my head slightly backward.

Patricia kept making her way down the stairs, not even remotely interested in torturing me. Not caring how icy the stairs were, I rushed my way to the top of the owlery, hoping that she wouldn't turn around and change her mind.

Threw myself into the small nook that was the owlery and set about searching for Remus's owl. After circling and re-circling for several minutes, I finally looked up to see a familiar barn own peering down at me.

I reached into my bag, pulling out a piece of parchment and my quill. Not letting the owl out of my sight, I began to scrawl a brief message to Remus.

_Dear Remus,_

_Your friend James delighted in drawing me quite a picture. I found it wildly humorous, and wanted to share the laughs with you. Enjoy!_

_Sincerely,  
Lucinda Redbourn._

I wrapped the picture inside of the message and tied it shut with a string, scribbling Remus's name along it. When I was finished, I placed the note in the owl's beak, and promptly left the owlery.

* * *

"Hey, what's going on?" I asked a small Hufflepuff girl as we stood in front of the third floor girl's lavatory. There was a tremendous line, which was extremely uncommon since it was Moaning Myrtle's bathroom…

"I guess there's a long line for the bathroom." She stated obviously.

"Well… what about Myrtle?"

"Oh, she haunts the first floor girls' lavatory now." She said.

"Do you happen to know why?"

"She kept going on about how it was so lonely on the third floor. Nearly no one is ever even on this floor, and so she wanted to go somewhere where there was more traffic. Naturally, that would be the first floor."

I nodded and turned away.

That was so strange. Myrtle was a ghost and all, and she could, I supposed, move about wherever she saw fit…. I just really didn't think she was allowed… I hoisted my cauldron, wrapped in my cloak, uneasily in my hands. It was heavy itself, yet the added jars of ingredients that were sitting inside of it.

Carefully so as no to trip, I made my way down the stairs, silently thanking myself for wearing trousers today instead of a skirt.

When I finally reached the first floor, I had to weave in and out of clusters of people. It was a pain trying to get somewhere quickly, as well as moved unnoticed throughout the halls.

The nearer I became to the first floor girls' lavatory, the less and less people there were, until there were none at all. I stopped in front of the old, rickety door that lead to the lavatory. Having no free hands to push the door open, I merely walked into it, using the force of my body to open it and allow myself through.

Before I even had time to become aware of my surroundings, there was a clanging noise, the sound of light metal upon tile. I heard someone's footsteps running to a distant corner of the lavatory.

After I set down my own things upon the ground, I noticed that there were other potion-making tools already here. Whoever was hiding in the bathroom had a similar idea, it seemed.

Making potions in the bathroom was always quite convenient, especially if it was a potion that you couldn't find in school, or one consisting of stolen ingredients. Fortunately, mine was neither.

"Hello?" I called, unwrapping my cauldron from inside my cloak. "Is there someone else in here?"

Slow, hesitant footsteps responded to my call. A stall door from across the room was pushed open. Out from it walked a boy, not a girl as I had originally suspected. He was shaking, slightly fearful that I might scream or jeopardize him in some way. His eyes widened a bit when he saw me, an expression that exemplified anxiousness mixed with relief washing over his features.

"Lucinda?" He called out to my quietly. No other boy could say my name half as sweetly.

"Severus? I'm so sorry. I didn't realize anyone else was in here." I picked my cauldron up off the floor. "I'll go."

I turned to leave the lavatory when a hand forcefully grasped my arm and pulled me back. I allowed Severus to drag me towards him, startled at the amount of strength he exerted.

"Stay," He whispered pleadingly.  
I lifted my head to better see him. He looked desperate. And there was something else…I gazed intently at his face for a few seconds before I finally realized it.

"Your eye!" I reached out to touch it, and he allowed me, flinching only slightly. Seeing him in this way reminded me of an abused dog. The dog had reason to fear only one hateful person, yet because the indecency ran so thick, and was so hurtful, fear and anxiousness was expressed to everyone who tried to come close to him.

My fingers daintily traced the edges of his bruise. It was a good one, I had to admit that.

"Who did this to you?" I whispered. I quickly set my potions materials down and, straightening back up, urged him to sit. He obliged, and I squatted next to him, moving the hair from his face and tilting his head back to examine it in the light.

Severus remained silent, tongue in cheek.

"Who did this?" I asked again, a bit more urgently this time.

"You'd simply laugh at me if I told you…"

"Try me."

He opened his mouth to speak, though he rather looked like he was choking on bile. Clearly he was quite ashamed of whoever inflicted this injury upon him.

"Peter Pettigrew…"

All things given, I really wasn't prepared for that response. In fact, I didn't think I would ever believe that Pettigrew could cream someone.

"No Potter? What about the others."

"Just Pettigrew," He whispered, and I could tell he was ashamed of himself.

"And how'd he manage to give you such a shiner?" I ran my fingers over his eye again, wondering who on Earth would even consider placing damage on such perfection. His eyes were the most beautiful things I had ever seen…..

"He waited for me while I rounded a corner, and then he jumped out and jabbed me with a broomstick handle."  
I quickly sucked in air, making a hissing sound, envisioning how painful it must have been.

"Did Pettigrew say why he did it?"

"Not quite…when he jumped out he started screaming 'If I can't have her, you can't either!'"

I was puzzled, not quite sure what it meant. Sensing that he no longer wished to talk about the bruise, I turned my attention toward the potion that was bubbling away in the cauldron.

"Might I ask you what you're working on?"

Severus shook his head.

"No?"

His eyes flickered to me.

"You'll tell Potter." I snorted when he said this. As if I'd ever help James Potter with anything.

"Severus, you're mistaken. I wouldn't put that pretentious arse out of his misery if he asked me to." To solidify my point, I took out one of James's remaining works of art from my pocket. "He threw these at me all during Muggle Studies. I was about ready to fling myself across the room and strangle him."

Severus took the picture from my hand, staring at it through amused eyes.

"Who's the snake?" He pointed to the reptile that picture me was smothering with kisses.

"This would be James Potter's artistic rendition of you and I …. snogging…."

"It's actually quite funny," he said after a moment, handing it back to me. I folded it back up and put it in my pocket.

"I'm glad you think it's amusing. I certainly did not."

We sat in silence for a few brief moments before he finally mumbled something.

"Come again?"

"Hate Potion…."

I stared at him with wide eyes. That was quite a complicated potion!

"Who's it for?"

"Who do you think?"

I stopped hovering over him, allowing him to sit up and get back to his potion. As he stirred, I uncovered my cauldron, emptying the ingredients from their jars and dumping them in. Stirring heavily, I turned my attention back to him.

"Dare I ask who the target is?"

His eyes spoke volumes. I did not dare ask again. Just by his expression, I could tell that the target was Lily Evans.

"Why?" I asked softly, not wishing to pry.

"I want Potter to feel the pain I feel, to know how it is to upset someone close to you when you can't control your emotions, thoughts, or words. I want him to feel like all control has been slipped away from him, building up like an avalanche that he cannot escape." He sneered. His eyes had gone completely cold, and he looked upon me in such a manner that he never had before. It was positively feral. "I want him to know what its like to be forced to hurt someone you love based on the actions of another, to feel on the brink of the end, to experience what it's like to lose the most important thing in he has in his life…"

As he spoke, my heart fell.

He still had feelings for Lily…. I was so foolish to think I could capture his heart, when Lily had already done this so thoroughly….

How could I have thought that I made any sort of impression upon him? What were those looks he had given me at Hogsmeade? Perhaps I looked simply ridiculous… Perhaps Remus was only being polite when he told me how good I looked. Of course, it all made sense. Severus wasn't able to pry his eyes away from my hideous face.

Not wanting him to see the hurt expression on my face, I turned my attention back to my own project, which was now thickening into a heavy paste.

"I didn't mean to rant," He said softly.

"Oh you didn't. It's fine." I had to progress to using two hands to stir my concoction. Briefly glancing up at him, I saw he was staring at me curiously.

"What is it that you're working on?" He indicated toward the yellowy paste in my cauldron.

"Bruise-Healing Paste," I replied. "Ironically enough."

I continued to stir until all it appeared I had gotten all the lumps out of it. This paste was so simple to make, from start to finish, it only required about five minutes. Cleaning off the edge of my stirring rod, I decided that this paste was ready.

I dipped my fingers into the mixture and, being careful not to get any of the paste on my clothes, crawled over to him.

I guided his head back with my free hand, and moved his beautiful hair out of his beautiful face once more.

"Madame Pomfrey awards five extra points to my house each time I make her a container of Bruise-Healing Paste." I said simply, though he hadn't really requested the information. "She always complains about how her reserves never seem to be enough…"

I smeared the paste lightly over his eye.

"Why are you wasting it on me, then?"

"I'm not wasting it. And besides, you'd either be using it other way, here or in the hospital wing once Dumbledore catches a look at you."

I continued to rub it lightly over his eye. When I finished, I returned to my cauldron, shoveling the paste into three jars. After wiping my hands on a towel I brought with me, I sealed the jars.

"Don't wipe the paste off just yet, Severus. Let it sit for a minute."

After I had thoroughly ridded my hands of all residue of the paste, I brought the rag over to Severus and began to dab lightly at his eye. After a few dabs, all of the paste had been cleared from his face, and his eye looked as unfathomably perfect as it did before.

"Aww, what's this?" A voice crooned from above us. "Young love?"

Moaning Myrtle flew down at us from the ceiling, then, situated herself by the sinks, giving the illusion of sitting on one.

"I knew it was a smart decision to move to the first floor!" She beamed at us. "I've never had two people in the bathroom at once before!"

I waved to her, not wanting to hurt her feelings. I remembered the last time someone hurt her feelings… The entire third floor was flooded for two days!

"I couldn't help but overhear the name James Potter, that handsome boy that plays Quidditch for Gryffindor? And you want to make the poor boy sad? How delightful. How do you plan on doing it?" She leaned forward in the sink, anxiously awaiting a response.

Whatever color left in Severus Snape's skin pigmentation drained just then.

"I…I don't know….I've been working on this potion for two months…..It'll be ready on Friday…..and I have no idea how to get it to him."

He looked absolutely crushed. I wanted to help him so badly, even if it meant that he might be with Lily…At least then he would be happy. I couldn't bear to see him so, as a miserable wreck …

Wait…when had he said the potion would be ready?

"Did you mean this Friday?"

Severus nodded.

"How long does it last after consumed?"

"A drop would last twenty-four hours."

"Well then, Severus. All is not lost then. I beg you, allow me to help you, and this cannot possibly go wrong…."

"What are you thinking?"

"It's the most perfect plan. Gryffindor is playing Quidditch this Saturday against Ravenclaw! My friend, Roberta, she's the manager for our house team… If I volunteer to help her, I will have clearance to be in the holding tents. And if I have clearance to be in the Ravenclaw tent, what's to stop me from sneaking to the Gryffindor one? Managers never stay in the tent, they leave to watch the match. So I'll sneak in, put a drop in Potter's canteen, and when Lily aggravates him next, which will be soon after, he'll explode on her!"

Severus looked at me.

Moaning Myrtle appeared between us.

"It'd work, you know." She said to him, encouraging him to agree to let me help.

He seemed to be playing out the entire scenario in his head, calculating all possible margins of errors…His lips moved ever so slightly, tantalizingly, as he did this.

"It would work..." he finally agreed.

"So it's settled then!" I stood up from his side, still trying to keep my cheerful mask plastered to my face. "Shall we meet here the same time tomorrow?" I didn't wait for his answer, and began to load up my jars of paste into my cauldron. Only after I threw my cape over it and hoisted it up did he reply.

"Lucinda…" The magic in this was gone for me now. My name sounded so ordinary….so plain. His voice sounded no different to me now than Remus's, and the only remaining evidence of my attraction to him was the pain nestled in my heart. How could I have possibly thought him to fancy me? Was I that desperate? "Thank you,"

I gave him the best smile I could manage. Then, I turned and opened the lavatory door as best I could. I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. This day had taken quite a number on my nerves.

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Reviews make me happy! :D

No, seriously you guys. Thank you so much for all your reviews. I really appreciate them, and look forward to receiving them.


	7. Ch 6:: Potions and Messages

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**A/N**

**So yeah. I almost forgot that it was time to upload another story. I was sitting in my dorm and I said to myself, "Jeez! I feel like I need to do something today! What could it be?" **

**Uhhh.. updates? Haha**

**I'm sure those of you who have been following my story are, in fact, quite happy I did remember. Don't worry, it's not like I'm busy or anything. I don't really have friends....**

**LOL**

**Just kidding. I have one.  
Anyway, thank you all for following the story. **

**I wanted to respond to A. Marie027's comment. Thank you so much for commenting on pretty much every single chapter so far. I really do appreciate it. I hope you're all settled in now haha.**

**Yes. There is something up with Pettigrew, but it won't get touched upon again until a good deal later in the story. **

**For those of you who are planning on reading my next story, the one I'm going to write when this is finished, you'll see that I have a nice little theme of Creeper Pettigrew.**

**Oh, by the way. Rose of the West also left me a comment that included the word 'catywampus'. I have never in my life heard that word before, but I love it!**

**I'm also really thrilled that people agree with my perspective of the whole Lily/Severus thing. I actually just recently went to a birthday party where we talked about Harry Potter (none of my friends know I write fanfiction) and I made a declarative statement to the tune of..... "I'm glad James and Lily Potter got killed. They deserved it." **

**Needless to say I received a couple glares...  
**

**Again, Thanks for Reading!  
Sorry about my mindless A/N rant thing.**

**ONE LAST THING _**

**There are several elements of foreshadowing in here let's see if you can identify them all in the later chapters!  
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As far as Wednesdays go, this one was terrible. Slughorn's words droned on and on, and I tried my best to concentrate. However, today's subject matter was far too painful for my attention.

I halfheartedly scrawled notes about love potions into my composition book, not really caring too much. I could think only about Severus, and what he had said to me yesterday as we brewed the hate potion.

All he could speak of was Lily.

Lily was much too good for Potter.

Lily could see what an arse Potter could really be.

Lily would know what her precious boyfriend really thought of her….

Lily.

Lily.

LILY.

"Lily?" Slughorn's voice invaded my thoughts.

"But sir, isn't it true that love potion merely causes infatuation? Not actual love?"

Her voice rang throughout the silent room, completely captivating Slughorn's attention.

I glanced out of the corner of my eye at Severus. His body was angled toward me, his head turning to the corner of the classroom where Lily sat. It was true that several other students had assumed the same position, yet it particularly bothered me that Severus was looking at her. He continued to stare as she and Professor Slughorn went back and forth. When he turned to return to the front of the classroom, Severus's eyes flickered to me.

I set my eyes back onto my notes, pretending to actually be concerned with taking good notes.

_'A love potion can be administered in such a way that the consumer can become obsessed with the target even if the target is not present when the love potion is consumed…'_

The duration of the effects of a love potion vary depending on the weight of the person drinking the potion and the attractiveness of target….

A small piece of parchment appeared on my hand. There was a message perfectly scrawled upon it, and the handwriting was undoubtedly that of Severus.

_'Are you alright?'_

I flipped the parchment over to write my response.

_'Yes.'_

I slid it back, not bothering to look up at him.

"…and so that is precisely what we will be doing today! Mind you, this will not be a partnered exercise. You will all be working individually. Whosoever manages to make the most phenomenal love potion will receive this." He held up a small, pink vial.

"It is a love potion, indeed, but of a much stronger and efficient variety of the ones you will be making today. I do not advise any of you to use your potions on others. As I mentioned to you before, the version we are working with is exceptionally weak, and may not work. Well? What are you all standing about for? Begin!"

Robotically, I stood from my seat, getting in the line that had formed to Slughorn's desk to retrieve the ingredients.

After I had received the bundle, I went back to my table and pulled the cauldron closer to me, getting ready to get to work.

I moved as though in a fog, halfheartedly following the instructions in my textbook.

I ground up the aconite and chopped the Ashwinder Eggs with no regard or care to doing it right. I just wanted to be finished. I wanted this period to be over. I thought only of Saturday, and how I wanted it to come sooner. I just wanted to slip Potter the potion and be done with it. Then Severus could have Lily all to himself, and I wouldn't need to speak to him or see him again. Undoubtedly, he and Lily would want to be Potions partners. And that would be fine with me. She could have him for all I cared…

I began to stir a bit violently, allowing the Ashwinder Eggs to disintegrate into the mixture faster.

Glancing up, I checked on Severus's progress. He was stirring the potion gently, with care, as was recommended in the book. He would try to make a decent potion, wouldn't he? I'd bet he wanted the stronger love potion so he could slip it to Lily…

So caught up in my thoughts, I hadn't even noticed that small tears had made their way down my face, to my chin. Only when they dropped into the potion did I notice at last. Quickly, not wanting anyone to see, I used the back of my cloak to wipe them away.

Not wanting to make it obvious that I had no real design to make this potion, and not wanting it to seem obviously ruined, I stirred harder, trying to mix all the ingredients together. All this time, I made sure to breathe in through my mouth, knowing full well what awaited me if I so much as even smelled Severus's potion.

"Stirring rods, down!" Had the hour passed already? I resumed my seat as Slughorn went down the aisles, commenting on everyone's mixture.

"Hunter, those daisy leaves haven't been chopped finely enough!"

"Mr. Johnson, those are Doxy Eggs, not Ashwinder Eggs."

"Miss Evans! Fantastic work! Good color!"

I rolled my eyes. I did consider Lily a friend. Yet her constant excellence in every little thing she put her mind to aggravated me. I let my head droop, holding it up by the palm of my hand while Slughorn continued to inspect the brews.

"Mr. Snape, excellent job!" Good. I hope he wins.

Footsteps approached ever closer, and I lifted my head up slightly. He stood in front of me now, eying my potion with interest.

"Miss Redbourn, simply amazing! I daresay this is the best in the class."

I sat upright in shock.

"What?!"

"And now, it's only fair you get what you deserve. Here you go." He pulled the small vial out of his robes and handed it to me. Ordering everyone to clean up, he took my cauldron back to his desk to examine the potion more thoroughly.

A wave of emotions passed through me. I was thrilled that I would get a good mark for the project, yet angered that I was now in possession of the bloody love potion. I rolled the vial around in my hand, contemplating what to do with it when something red came into my vision.

"Lucinda! Good job!" Lily Evans stood before my desk. Although I willed my eyes not to, they flickered toward Snape. He was sitting quietly, staring down at his hands idly folded in his lap. "You're so lucky!"

"Lucky?"

"Yes! What I wouldn't give for a vial of that!" she admired the vial, which was now sitting on my desk. I snatched it up and held it out to her.

"Take it." I demanded.

She looked at me, startled.

"I-I couldn't! It's yours!"

"Can't you tell I don't want it?" I whispered harshly, not wishing to create a scene.

"I don't understand, Lucinda." She continued to resist me. My eyes flickered away, and then back again upon seeing that Severus was watching us. "Keep it! You could always use it on Remus…."

I groaned at her stupid comment, feeling my face turning red.

"Lily, I don't want this filthy, dishonest concoction in my possession. Take it from me, or it's going straight down the drain." I thrust the potion into her hands. Grabbing my books and slinging my bag over my shoulder, I promptly stood. Before she could try to give it back to me, I made certain I was already halfway down the aisle.

Why hadn't I just given it to Severus? I found I was asking myself this as I swung the door open and stepped out into the hall.

_Because_, I told myself. _That would have been much too strange_.

And indeed, it would have been. What would he have thought if I had just handed the potion off to him? Better yet, what would he have thought if I had kept it? Were my feelings for him obvious? Would he have then thought I would set out to use it on him?

I didn't idle too long by the door. Since he needed me to fill out his plan, he might come after me, making sure I was alright and what not. I darted down the hall and turned the corner. Just in time, for as I did, I heard the door creak open. Footsteps resounded and through the hall that were, in every essence, Severus's.

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I poked at my bowl of jello, not really wanting to eat it, yet not wanting to let it go untouched. I watched the green glob wobble as my fork repeatedly stabbed into it.

I could think only of how horribly this all was going. What was I even thinking, going after Severus Snape? What on Earth would I do that for when I could have Remus Lupin? Nearly all the girls in the school swooned for him. That is, when they weren't already doing so for James and Sirius. As for Peter? Well…..he was just there. I took solace only in poking my jello, torturing it under my utensil.

"Now this worries me." Roberta said, transfixed upon the little balls of goo that had once been a healthy cube of lime gelatin.

"Very nice, Lucinda!" Sibyll nodded approvingly. "Keep up the good work, and you might just make it as an auror!"

"Oh yes, she can torture all the captives and suspects." Roberta added sarcastically.

"Not torture, interrogate!" Sibyll grabbed hold of my wrist, stopping me from my meticulous pestering.

Roberta, who sat on the other side of me today, put her arm around me.

"You look so troubled! Tell us what's on your mind!"

"Oh, it's nothing," I lied, my thoughts reverting back to Severus. "But I did just remember I've been meaning to ask you something, Roberta. Can I help you in the holdings on Saturday? I really don't feel like sitting in the stands, and I'd much rather-"

"I'd be delighted!" Roberta hugged me. "Just be up before nine, Yeah?"

"Okay,"

Sibyll, had, by now, let go of my hand. I was tempted to resume poking my jello, but, feeling my stomach growl, shoveled some into my mouth instead. The texture felt strange, and I found it to be very unpleasant. Not wanting to go hungry, however, I continued to eat it.

"Don't look now," Sibyll said excitedly. "But I do believe the mail is here!"

Simultaneously our eyes darted to the ceiling, looking anxiously for Remus's owl. Mail dropped around us. Fearing some might land on my head, as I always did, I flinched with each drop.

"There it is!" Roberta whispered excitedly.

The owl fluttered into view with the last waves of messengers. I could see my note in its beak. Swooping down, it stopped for a second at the Gryffindor table, daintily dropping the envelope in front of Remus. It remained there, turning its head as Remus appreciatively scratched its head. Then, it flew away.

Roberta, Sibyll and I made no attempt at remaining discreet. We all leaned back on the bench to get a closer view of Remus.

He was picking up the envelope now, examining the handwriting on it. After glancing at it for a few seconds he slowly turned his head around, looking over to where we were seated.

I smiled and waved at him, encouraging him to open it. He smiled back, every ounce of confidence in the mythical relationship that existed in his mind restored. Turning back to the envelope, he ripped it open eagerly. He unfolded the letter, holding it with one hand, keeping the other folded piece of parchment in his free hand.

He read over the brief message, his smile fading to a look of confusion. He put the letter down and, reaching for his goblet, he began to drink while he opened the next bit of parchment.

Cup still pressed to his lips, he stared at the picture. His eyes increased in their intensity, and finally a shower of pumpkin juice rained down upon the other three Maruaders.

"POTTER!" He yelled. His face had gone quite red, and he held the picture up so that his friends could see it.

Sirius put his face in his hands, clearly as disturbed as I was. I had underestimated the boy! I had always thought him to be as juvenile as James…Perhaps he was maturing?

Pettigrew had turned red, the look on his face bordering between incredulousness and embarrassment. He quickly averted his eyes.

James sat there, covering his mouth full of food, laughing like the arse he was.

He tried to snatch the picture out of Remus's hands, only to have them smacked away. The look on his face revealed that he clearly thought the picture to be even more clever when viewing it for the second time.

Sirius stretched his arms out slightly toward Remus, encouraging him to put the picture away.

"That reminds me. Roberta, how did your date with Sirius go?" I asked, not taking my eyes off of the scene that took place at the next table.

"Oh, it was wonderful. We're going out again on Sunday…" She trailed off, much too distracted by the conflict.

"You think this is funny Potter?" Remus's voice was still elevated, and it appeared that many students from other tables were watching the spectacle as well.

An cat suddenly jumped onto the table, snatching the picture from Remus's hands, leaping to the faculty table and landing on the ground just before it. The cat began to change in shape, growing taller and more humanlike in a matter of seconds.

Bloody Hell…..

Professor McGonagall now stood in the place where the cat had been, having transfigured back into her human form. The entire Great Hall watched in anticipation as she flipped over the parchment.

I ignored the panicked looks from Sibyll and Roberta, knowing full well what would happen next. As she viewed the moving image on the parchment, her demeanor changed from annoyance to disgust. Quickly looking up, she folded the paper.

"Potter. Lupin. Redbourn. Snape. Come up here, now!"

Grabbing my things, I quickly stood up to comply with her order. Allowing Remus to pass by first, I followed him to the front of the Great Hall.

I dared not to even look at Severus, who was undoubtedly wondering why he was called to the front of the Great Hall. Merely thinking about how he had become accidentally involved in this brought a lump to my throat. Remus stared straight ahead. There was anger in his eyes, but it was not directed at me, nor for the trouble we were all in. It was directed at James.

Professor McGonagall was tapping her foot angrily now, her hands on her hips. Without saying a word, she pointed to the side entrance of the Great Hall, her meaning quite clear.

We shuffled along, all eyes upon us. When we were all alone in the corridor, she shut the doors behind us and placed a silencing charm on them.

"Lunch hour is almost up, so I am going to be as brief as possible. I am not an idiot, Mr. Potter, Mr. Lupin. I am going to ask you all a question, and I am going to ask it once." She opened the parchment once more, holding it as far from herself as possible with only two fingers. "Before now, lunch hour, have you seen this picture? Mr. Lupin?"

"No, Ma'am."

"Miss Redbourn?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Mr. Snape?"

I couldn't bear it any longer. I just had to look at him. His obsidian eyes stared intently at the picture, unwavering, never changing. His white skin had turned red, and I was left to wonder whether he was angry or embarrassed.

"No, Ma'am." He said finally, daring to look away from the lewd image.

"Potter?"

"No, Ma'am!"

She narrowed her eyes at him.

James sighed.

"Alright, fine. Yes."

"Snape, Lupin. Dismissed." Remus turned and slipped back into the Great Hall, shutting the door quietly behind himself. Snape began walking forward to the end of the corridor and rounded a corner.

Fantastic. He probably hates me.

Professor McGonagall's eyes snapped back to me.

"Miss Redbourn. Do I even need to convey to you the disappointment I might feel if you proceed to tell me you've been involved with constructing this vile drawing?"

I lowered my eyes, not wishing to imply disrespect by looking directly at her.

"No, Ma'am…"

"Then would you please tell me the nature of your relation to this incident other than..." She tilted the picture back, peering it at. Upon seeing the image again, she shuddered, her repulsion evident.

"They were thrown at me, Ma'am."

Her eyes flickered back to James, and she didn't need to speak to ask him why he'd drawn this.

"It was only a joke, Ma'am. I didn't mean any harm."

"Potter, do I need to remind you that this sort of behavior isn't tolerated at Hogwarts?"

"No Ma'am." He looked straight forward, eyes like steel.

"Detention tonight, Potter. Let that be your warning. Oh, and I suggest you apologize to Mr. Snape and Miss Redbourn…" That being said, she turned and flung open the doors to the Great Hall, removing the silencing spell.

I didn't dare return to the Great Hall. I wouldn't be able to deal with Roberta and Sibyll's thousands of questions! Quickly, I made my way down the hall, James slowly following in tow. I rounded the corner, only to practically trip over Severus.

He was leaned against the wall around the corner, knees pressed to his chest. He wasn't crying, as he sometimes did, nor did he look particularly upset in any way. After I nearly stepped on him, he rushed to stand.

We looked at each other for a few moments, and I opened my mouth to speak when James finally caught up with me.

"Well, well. How convenient. I get to kill two birds with one stone."

Severus eyed him warily, quite fearing a beating.  
No, there would be no beating….not while I was around, for sure.

"I'm sorry to you both. It was meant only as a joke." He said stiffly.

We merely stared at him, not quite sure of what to say. His eyes flickered between Severus and I. Undoubtedly a million presumptuous thoughts were running through his head. Severus glared back with cold, hard eyes, and so did I with tired, weary ones. My body was angled protectively toward Severus, more subconsciously than anything. That was all very well. I was in no mood to see anyone turned upside down with their trousers flung off…

We all stared at each other for a few moments more until finally, James grew bored. Turning away quickly, he continued down the hall. Leaning forward, Severus and I watched him as he left. I, with my hand on my wand. I wouldn't have put it past him to turn suddenly and try to get one of us with the expelliarmus spell.

Much to my delight, he did nothing. He continued down the hall, then cut across the courtyard, disappearing from sight.

"Hello," Severus felt it was safe to talk now.

"Hello."

"I presume that was just an addition to the collection of James Potter artwork you showed me the other day?"

"You presume correctly, Mr. Snape. Your intellect precedes you."

He looked at me thoughtfully, as if trying to assess me by the look in my eyes, the way I formulated my words, or even the way I toyed with a string that was coming off of my vest.

"I couldn't help but notice you've been quite melancholy lately. Since yesterday, actually. Is something troubling you?"

"No," I said quietly.

Yes.

He looked at me, as if expecting more of an answer. Folding his arms behind his back, he then looked down at his feet, shifting his weight between them anxiously.

"It's just-" His eyes darted back to mine. "I don't feel well…." I lied.

Concern washed over his face. Slightly, only slightly. Very rarely did any emotions make themselves apparent on that fine face of his.

"Would you like some Pepperup Potion? I always carry a vial of it around with me..."

"Do you? You should be carrying a tube of Bruise-Healing Paste."

I was about to smile at my joke, but when I looked into his eyes, there was no amusement. He put his hand to his side, getting ready to get the potion out from wherever it was.

"Please." I stopped him. "I'm fine. There's no need…"

Silence again… it seemed that was a common thing between us. It was quite aggravating really. Perhaps one day he wouldn't be so….stiff…

"Can I walk you to class then?"

What in the name of Merlin could he want to walk me to class for? I was tempted to tell him 'no.' He must have seen the negative expression on my face, for his face fell within a matter of seconds. It made me feel terrible.

"I'd love that," I said to him, and began to head off in the direction of the Charms room.

He walked next to me, and as we matched our footsteps in pace, we tried our best to make idle chatter. Severus, more successfully so than myself.

"I don't wish to seem untoward," there was a slight hint of amusement in his voice, "but I'm beginning to feel as though you and I got along better in that picture than we are today…."

Just the mere mention of that picture was enough to send me into a blushing frenzy.

"James Potter is such an insensitive jerk," was my only reply.

"As disgusting as it was, I have to say, I was slightly amused."

We rounded the corner. Unbelievable! The only humor I had seen in that picture was James Potter's severe immaturity.

"You and Potter, both."

Neither of us spoke for a time, and I tried to decide which was more annoying, the silence that so often hung between us or the squeaking noises of our shoes. I peered out the window, past his head, taking note of the thick layer of snow that coated the ground.

"That's quite a bit of snow for late February, don't you think?"

He nodded.

More silence.

We turned left down another hall, entering a slightly smaller corridor, the one where Charms was….

"You're friend, Lupin, didn't seem to find it funny…"

Dear God, were we back to talking about the picture again?

"No, but I daresay that was the point of it all…"

"Pardon?"

Great. Now I'd have to explain. He'd think I was an impossible bitch! No matter, this friendship of ours wouldn't last to see next week once he had his arm around his precious Lily Evans. All thoughts of me would simply be dust in the wind. Of what consequence was I in comparison to her?

"I'm telling you this only because you asked. My efforts and reasoning should prove to be unbearably cruel. Potter has been aggravating me more than usual. It's a pity, as I do find some bit of amusement in dealing with his bunch. They can be quite amiable, once they set their minds to it… In any event, those bloody drawings were the last straw. I decided to take matters slightly into my own hands, and play on Remus's ridiculous adoration for me. I had his owl bring him the drawing so that he might go batty at Potter and defend my honor. If there's one thing Sirius, Remus, and Potter all can't stand, it is when someone implies disrespect toward their girlfriends." I let this sink in a bit, pawing through my thoughts a bit more. "Though, come to think of it, my efforts have been more cruel than I previously thought since Remus is so disillusioned about his relationship with me…."

We were stopped now, loitering by the door of the classroom. There was really nowhere to look, nothing to comment on to get him to even speak to me. I stared at his shoes, fearful that he might have words with me should I fix my gaze anywhere else.

I dared to eye Severus, only to become completely surprised with what I saw.

There was delight twinkling within his eyes, though his lips were set in the same, thin grimace that they always were. Something about his face seemed very ordinary, yet, at the same time, there was a hint of joy.

"My, my…" he said slowly. "You're quite the little witch, aren't you?"

My lips parted. I wanted to say something, but I wasn't quite sure what would be appropriate… There should be no humor in this! He should be disgusted with me!

I flipped through a mental list of possible things to say.

"You're not cross?"

"I'm sure I don't know why I would be," He remarked, then looked at his watch. "I must be off as well. Do feel better!" He turned away, heading back in the direction he came. His pace slightly rushed, he disappeared down an adjacent corridor in a matter of seconds.

That was it? That was bloody it? He was supposed to berate me, to tell me how vile I was. He was supposed to implore me for my help on Saturday, but boldly proclaim that he never wanted to see me afterwards.

No, that would've been too…expected. That would have made things much too easy on me. For what was heartbreak without the excruciating follow-through?

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Don't forget to tell me what you thought!!!!

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	8. Ch 7:: A Horror, a Kiss

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**A/N**

**I know I updated early, haha. I was thinking about this chapter a lot, and I really wanted to get it to you guys. So, here it is.**

**I hope you like it.  
It's really important.**

**:D**

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"Lucinda! Wait for me, please?" Lily hurried after me.

I stopped. I really hadn't wanted to speak to her just yet, but if I must…

I imagined she'd be completely put out with me, having just gotten her boyfriend in trouble. But no, she jumped to catch up with my stride and turned to me, her usual cheerful demeanor adding to her already perfect features. Staring at her face, I tried to identify just what Severus loved about her the most.

Was it the redness of her hair, so different, so striking in appearance?  
Was it the fervor in her piercing green eyes, so extraordinary compared to my dull brown ones?

Was it the fullness of her smooth, pink lips?

The healthy color of her skin?

Just naming a few of the aesthetic advantages she had over me… Yes, there was much more cause for Severus to love her than to feel any adoration for me of any sort.

I turned to Lily, and I couldn't help but smile. Despite my particularly sour mood, her cheerfulness found a way to rub off on me.

"Lily Evans! I will not take back that bloody love potion!" I declared to her.

"Oh, please. Do you think me so boring as to drone on about the same matter all day?"

She had a point. Nothing about Lily Evans was boring…So I've seen, and so I've been told a thousand times by a million different people.

"I've actually come to apologize a bit more sincerely for James. Rarely does he think before he acts." I tried my best not to snort…. I wasn't so sure he even did it rarely…

"Thank you." I said simply.

"When I saw that picture at lunch, I nearly choked! It was completely horrible! I mean, I had thought he'd gone too far last Saturday at Hogsmeade…Yet, as usual, he's found a way to prove me wrong."

"Yes, isn't it fascinating how the simplest things seem to always prove us wrong?" I hoped she wouldn't become too angered by the implication of my statement.

"I daresay it is…" Her voice trailed off, and we walked in silence for a bit. "Might I ask you something?"

I nodded.

"Did Severus get into trouble, by any chance?"

Surprised, I turned toward her, my pace only faltering slightly. There was no trace of great concern on her face. There was an inclination of slight worry, but nothing more. Her feelings for him still did not seem to run very deep.

I cursed her in my head for being so sensitive, and allowing a simple name he called her to completely terminate their friendship… He felt for her more than she for him, of this I was certain. Presumably, this would change over the weekend.

"No," I answered finally. "He and Remus were immediately sent away once Professor McGonagall determined they were not directly involved… James was the only one awarded with the punishment of detention."

Lily gave a small sigh of relief.

"Though, Severus did find the picture…" Oh, how did he put it? "Amusing…."

Lily's eyes snapped open wide in shock.

"Amusing? How very unlike Severus…"

"My sentiments exactly. I wasn't aware he could find humor in anything."

"Let alone a vile picture…" Lily added, as if reading my thoughts.

It was nice to have a pleasant conversation with Lily. Well, it was always nice. Even though the subject matter this time around wasn't much to my liking.

"Are you excited for the Quidditch match on Saturday?" I asked, wanting desperately to change the subject.

"Oh, yes!" her eyes lit up eagerly. "I hope James does well! I hear Ravenclaw has a new keeper?"

"Yes, Kelly Kears…"

"And how is she?" Lily's questions were not meant to pry. They were merely a product of her genuine interest in Quidditch. At home, muggle soccer was all the rage. Lily was merely, as most Gryffindors were, obsessed with Quidditch.

"I daresay she's pretty good. She's comparable to our last keeper, in any event."

Lily nodded, pleased that there would be a good match. We had been walking for quite sometime, and still found ourselves on the first floor. This was where I needed to be, in any event.

"Where are we headed to?"

"Well, I actually needed to stop in on the loo." I gestured vaguely in the direction of the girl's lavatory.

"What, on this floor?"

"Yes…" I said, then remembered Moaning Myrtle, and why it must seem so strange that I was actually going in that bathroom. "Yes, you see, a few weeks ago, I dropped a book in the third floor girl's lavatory. With all this confusion, I need to ask Myrtle if she's seen it."

Lilly nodded, accepting my explanation.

"I'm going to set off to see James then. You should go see Remus," she made certain not to forget to mention his name. "He's terribly upset. He and James aren't speaking…" She turned, her red hair flipping to follow her, and bounded away. With each glint of sunlight that was captured beautifully in her red hair, I felt a pang of jealousy. Envy seemed to grow within me like a poisonous plant, flourishing and blooming, feeding off of her image. I could feel it stretching within my body until she rounded the corner. It's energy supply cut off, it withered and died, and I was left to resume my former feelings of angst and depression.

I wandered blindly past the Great Hall, not very conscious of my movements. Did I really want to subject myself to this again? Did I really want to trap myself in a room, alone with Severus Snape while he flourished Lily's name with praise? The idea of drinking a bad potion seemed very appealing to me, one that would make me vomit. If I was to do this, it would be a perfect excuse. Undoubtedly I would be ill in front of Severus, as if I cared any longer for the way he viewed me. I hadn't done my make-up in two days… My hair was sloppily thrown back into a bun. I was withering away inside myself, and if the only cure was to become physically ill, then so be it.

I clenched and unclenched my fingers nervously as I stood in front of the door to the lavatory. Gathering my courage, I decided that I wouldn't throw together a vomiting potion. I pushed open the door.

Myrtle was directly in front of me, smiling in that peculiar way.

"It's all going so marvelously!" She said, a hint of evilness playing in her voice.

"Come. I'll have a look then, shall I?"

She trailed behind me as I stepped into the main area of the bathroom. Severus was there, as I expected, huddled over his cauldron protectively. He merely glanced up as I entered, verifying that the presence was mine before returning his attention to the concoction.

"Forgive me, I don't mean to be standoffish. However, this is the testiest time for the potion… I've worked to hard to make sure everything is perfect… I won't let it get ruined now."

I said nothing, crouching down beside him to peer into the pot. It was frothing, and there was quite a bit of steam. Not even thinking to cover my nose, I inhaled directly. Emotions conflicted me all at once, and I stared at Severus through new eyes.

He really did need to wash his hair. It was quite appalling. I mean, it had seemed a bit…charming… at first, but now it was downright filthy to behold. I lowered my gaze to his hands, pursing my lips slightly in disgust as I saw his nails. They were chewed up and uneven, and his cuticles were a mess! I could tolerate nail biting, but I hated when people chewed on their cuticles. The effects of this nasty habit were evident on his hands, small red blotches adorned his fingers.

"Hand me that bag over there, would you?"

Oh yes, boss me around like I'm your bloody slave. No please? No thank you? What did I ever see in him?

I handed him a small bag filled with a yellowy powder.

In a fluid motion, he untied the bag and shoved his hand inside, grabbing a handful of whatever the substance was….

When he brought his hand out, allowing the substance in his hand to fall delicately into the potion, the answer to my question came flooding back to me.

Ginger, glorious ginger! The smell so sweet, it had me falling for him all over again.

His striking face, his pale skin…. My eyes roamed over his body, delighting in every sight they took in of him, of his eyes, his lips, his clothes….

The feelings I had for him prior to Monday thrust into me, and I could nearly physically feel the jolt in which they penetrated my heart. Severus Snape was everything I desired, simply because he was many things Remus was not.

On the surface, Remus was ideal. He was kind and funny, his grades were half-way decent. He was quite attractive, and half the girls in the school would agree to that. He was completely and utterly devoted to me, something that was hard to come by in a boy.

Yet when I really searched deeply within myself, my heart ached so heavily for Severus. He was quiet, charming…His grades were immaculate. To me, he was so severely handsome…. Many people were repelled by him, which made him mine for the taking…

"Lucinda," The power he held when he spoke my name returned. I melted, sliding all over the tiles in the bathroom floor, sinking deeply down the drain…Butterflies filled my stomach now, creating a horrible sensation of anxiety. Parting ways, they ravaged every part of my body, making me feel extremely jittery.

There was a hand on my shoulder… His hand, on my shoulder…And all at once the apprehension ceased. He was the cure to my worst afflictions…All but love, that is...

He tied the bag back up, and the spell ended. Severus handed it back to me without bothering to look up.

Myrtle floated over the potion, peering into it curiously.

"Was that powdered ginger?"

Severus gave her a gruff nod.

"I used to love the smell of ginger! Back when I was alive, that is…." She trailed off, her ghostly eyes glistening in the memories of her past.

"You always smell like ginger…" I whispered. His eyes flickered upwards to me, but only for a second. He continued stirring the mixture in, and, throughout the froth and foam, I could see that the potion had taken on a brown appearance.

Severus stirred intently.

I stared at him, debating on letting us sit further in silence, or if I should say something. Perhaps Myrtle would snap out of her reverie and make some sort of declaration.

I waited a moment—nothing.

"How goes it?" I asked, directing my question to no one in particular.

"Quite well, actually." Severus sat back, now relaxing and allowing the potion to set.

"Lovely…" I smoothed out my skirt and began the process of staring at my feet.

People often don't realize how many things come to your attention when you looking at a particular target. You see and notice so much, it's almost inconceivable….

"You know," Severus eyed me thoughtfully. "We're quite chummy, as they would say. Yet I'm not so certain we even really know each other too well…"

"And what's to know?"

"Little things,"

"Such as?" What the hell was there to possibly know?

He shrugged. Clearly, he didn't know, either.  
If he wanted us to get to know each other, I'd help him. I'd get us to plunge right into that….

"Which of your parents is the muggle, your mother or your father?"

Severus looked caught off guard. That wasn't really the sort of question you asked people outright…

"My father…." He replied hesitantly. "And yourself? By your demeanor, I'd presume you to be a pure-blood witch."

I laughed in his face. How little he knew. My mother was appalled by magic. She never let father teach it to me, she never let us associate with other wizarding, or even partly-wizarding families. My mother hadn't even wanted me to attend Hogwarts… She was so arrogant….

"I have a muggle parent. Care to guess?"

"Your father?"

"No,"

"Then your mother…"

"Unfortunately."

He stared at me, as if trying to see through my soul.

"Do you not get along with her?"

I laughed again.

"Well, there's not much to get along with now. She's dead."

"I'm sorry…" An awkward pause, "was this a recent tragedy?"

"Recent? No. And I'd hardly call it a tragedy. The eleven years I knew her were the worst in my life. She held an unreasonable contempt and fear for magic, even though she did not completely understand it. Illogical, that woman was. She was so controlling, she really did stifle my father and I… He's so out of practice of magic from her melodramatic ways that he feels he has no choice but to live out his remaining years in the muggle world. I hope for something much different…You know," Severus seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say, so I decided to use it to my advantage. I wasn't one to keep secrets, yet there was just one little thing I tended to keep to myself, that is, with the exception of Roberta and Sibyll. After all, I didn't see any reason not to tell him. He was misunderstood, as well as troubled, more so than I. "My mother killed herself."

He shifted his body, making it so that he was sitting closer to me.

"Why would she commit such an act if she had everything just as she liked it?"

I smiled, for this was the best part.

"She killed herself the day I got my Hogwarts letter,"

"And you're smiling…" Was he disgusted by this?

"My mother, you see, has given me cause to think very poorly of muggles. I can barely tolerate them. Whenever I encounter one, their very actions and phrases all bring me spiraling back to the memory of mother dearest, and then they all seem to blur together, each one just as incompetent and ignorant as the last…" I didn't hate all muggles… Just most of them…the ones who proceeded to disappoint me at every turn….

"My father beat me," Severus volunteered this information to me. I could tell from the way he spoke that he had told no one of this, save perhaps, for Lily Evans. "And he refused to let my mother teach me magic. So, she'd sneak me down to the basement and do potions with me."

"Ah, your proficiency…." I remarked.

"My muggle parents were dreadful, too!" Myrtle finally snapped out of her thoughts to join us once more. "They always made me go to bed at nine o'clock!"

"Muggles," Severus remarked in a mocking manner, leaning his head back against a bathroom stall.

"Muggles…" I agreed.

We sat for some time in this way, all three of us. Well, not Myrtle…She more hovered than anything else. We were all thinking back to our muggle lives…A time long, long ago before our arrival at Hogwarts.

I thought back to my mother. I had found her on the day she died. She had taken my father's wand out of the lockbox she kept it in…She really was quite set on the idea that my father wouldn't practice magic. She had taken it from the lockbox and pierced it through her neck. When I found her, she was sprawled across her's and father's bed, a mess of blood and pale flesh…

"Lucinda?" It was Myrtle who called my name.

"Hm?"

"What's your favorite color?"

"Grey…"

"That's not a color! It's a shade!" protested Myrtle.

"Well whatever it is, I rather like it." I said decidedly.

Myrtle made an irritated sound.

"Alright, fine then." Severus turned his head toward her. "What's yours, then?"

"Purple." She stated, matter of factly. As if it were simply the greatest color in all the land.

"Black." Severus said flatly, not bothering to wait for either of us to ask him.

"You'd make a good couple," Myrtle eyed us both, an exceedingly strange look on her face.

"Oh?" I found myself blushing now, and hoped no one else noticed. "Why's that?"

"You're both so boring!" she blurted.

She and I laughed at this, I, significantly more than her. My eyes began to tear, and my vision was severely blurred. I turned to Severus, wondering what his reaction to her observation might be.

For a brief moment, I could have sworn I saw him smiling…

* * *

Friday came soon after, and it was bittersweet, really. I could feel that I loved Severus dearly, and the fact that I would have to give him up soon took a dreadful toll on me. After tomorrow, he might not even bother to look twice at me. After tomorrow, he would take up the habit of walking Lily Evans to her class after lunch. After tomorrow, he would be the envy of many boys at Hogwarts. He would be respected, if only for being with Lily. Of course, Potter and his crew would still pick on him, that was for certain. James's pride would be extremely hurt, Lily Evans leaving _him_ for the likes of Severus Snape? It was, from a male Gryffindor's standpoint, completely unfathomable.

I would miss the way his obsidian eyes would hold me in their view. I would miss the touch of his cold skin upon mine, though it had always been fleeting in the past, it had been very much appreciated. I would miss the way he said my name, making it sound so extraordinary…as though it were the world's most powerful charm...

And the way he smelled…Merlin, how I would miss the way he smelled. Even recalling it brought the familiar scent of ginger to my senses.

He was such a misunderstood boy….so troubled… so needy. He truly deserved a girl such as Lily Evans. Though, of course, I would venture to say that I thought he could do better. He, if anyone, deserved a real chance at happiness. And I would make certain to help him along every step of the way to achieve it. He was, genuinely, one of the kindest people I had ever met.

I examined myself in the mirror, making sure I looked halfway decent. Tonight was the night we were to finish the potion and, presumably, the last time we'd really see each other, and be able to speak to one another.

Not wanting to make it obvious that tonight held some sort of special meaning for me, I didn't ask Sibyll or Roberta for help in constructing an outfit that was halfway decent. I was wearing the same black Oxfords as I had the previous Saturday. The skirt was my own, not too special, it was black, pleated, and came down to my knees. And, of course, a grey blouse, one with three-quarter sleeves.

I tried my best to remember the way in which Roberta had shown me to put on my make-up. To the best of my ability, I imitated it to look like it had during my trip to Hogsmeade. I wasn't certain if Severus really did think me ridiculous looking this way, but I didn't care. The clothes made me feel better about myself, and that was that.

I slipped from Ravenclaw tower unnoticed, and, with my head down, I darted through the crowds of people on each level as I descended the stairs. Once on the first floor, I nearly sprinted to the loo. I didn't really want to be seen by anyone. Especially not Peter Pettigrew… As of late, he had been giving me very strange looks… Under his gaze, I did not feel the least bit comfortable.

Bounding down endless amounts of corridors, I finally reached my destination. I went through the door quietly, not wishing to disturb Severus if he was already hard at work. To further ensure this, I took off my shoes, tip toeing barefoot across the tile.

"Is that you?" I heard Severus's voice coming from the sink area.

"Yes," I set my shoes down.

"Myrtle won't be with us tonight. She said something about having to attend to business with a Gryffindor boy who continuously sneaks into the girl's third floor loo at night and piddles in the sink."

I scrunched my face up in disgust, but not too much, for fear of ruining the make-up I had worked so hard to perfect. I rounded the stalls and found him, as usual, hunched over a cauldron. I noticed the mixture was foaming more than usual, bubbling slightly. The room was filled to the brim with an odor of foul eggs, and it was all I could do to suppress my gags.

"You know, if you keep sitting like that, you're going to have terrible posture when you become old," I remarked through chokes.

Severus looked at me, his eyes only at first. Then, his entire head seemed to follow suite… He stared at me for a moment, not saying anything. His mouth would open and close occasionally, but no words were ever uttered. He quickly turned his head to the side, putting me out of his vision.

"The potion is almost ready," he said.

Although I was feeling quite like a failure based upon his reaction to my clothing, I couldn't help but perk up with excitement at the mention of the nearly finished potion. I realized that its completion meant the doom of my relationship with Severus, yet, such a complicated concoction, one which they most certainly do not allow us to brew in Potions class… 'Amortentia is testy enough as it is,' Professor Slughorn would tell our class. 'Be thankful you are learning that much, at least.' Then he would continue on for a quarter of an hour or so about the life and times of a witch or wizard that discovered a plant…

I made my way over to Severus, getting behind him and bending down to peer at the potion. It was strong stuff, I could tell. And why wouldn't it be? He was at the top of the class, right along with me and Lily….. He had been working on this potion for weeks longer than necessary, wanting to make sure it was absolutely perfect. I was certain that if he showed this brew to Professor Slughorn, the man would sing his praises for years to come.

"Almost ready?" I wanted further explanation. What else needed to be done? More stirring? More ginger? Merlin, how I hoped there'd be more ginger….

"We've just one final ingredient to add… And we shall soon enough." He stirred the potion in large, even circles, not once missing a beat. Yes, this would be everything he could hope for…

After he continued this circular pattern with his stirring rod for a good amount of time, he sat back, stretching his out his spine in an attempt to procure good posture.

I smiled, yet the mere action of watching him express trace amounts of self-consciousness made me painfully aware that these were our final moments together. I sat next to him, bringing my knees to my chest and looping my arms over them.

Feeling a bit lacking in my oxygen supply, I took a deep breath, which resulted then in a sad sigh. The deep inhalation was just what my brain cells needed… yet along with it came that lovely scent of ginger…

"You know, this was delightful, in a deranged way…" I said to Severus.

"Yes,"

"You're a very interesting person, I'm sure you know that. I've dearly enjoyed getting to know you over the past week…"

He looked at me, a slightly confused expression played on his face.

"I wish we could have some way of knowing how this potion turns out…." He made a small gesture to his cauldron.

"Don't be silly. You'll be able to hear Lily berate Potter from the dungeons! And if not, I'm sure I can give you an idea of what it will be like…

" 'James Potter! You're such an insensitive jerk!' " I made my voice high-pitched in an attempt to imitate Lily.

" ' Come back here prissy missy! You can't walk away from me! I'm the Gryffindor Seeker!' " I deepened my voice in false masculinity.

" 'Well, go seek yourself a new girlfriend!' "

I glanced up at Severus, hoping he didn't find my display too immature. After all, I was utilizing the kind of humor that was most ardently appreciated by Roberta…

Yet his eyes were twinkling with amusement.

"I daresay I could see it all playing out in that way…" He admitted.

"Of course you could. They're both very predictable."

Ah yes, that comforting silence seemed to envelop us once more…. I wanted so desperately to look at Severus, to take him in while I could. Yet, there was no call to stare at him while he was not speaking. I contented myself upon looking at his feet, admiring the shine in his shoes, and the nondescript color of his socks, visible to me with the slight hitching of his dark trousers as he sat.

He leaned forward, his eyes peering into the cauldron. Then, he stood, beginning to fish through his pockets.

"Time to add the last ingredient." After moving his hand around wildly for a few more seconds, he finally withdrew it. Between his fingers he held a small plastic bag, no bigger than a mouse. At first glance, it appeared to be empty. Upon further identification, I noticed that there was a strand of red hair within it. _Lily's hair..._

He squatted back down to join me, carefully taking the hair out of the bag and holding it over the cauldron.

"And now, we clarify the target…"

He dropped the hair, and it swayed back and forth, dawdling in the air before finally reaching it's destination. Upon entering the cauldron, it immediately sank into the mixture. Bubbles began to form more rapidly until they began to splatter the liquid everywhere.

Not wanting to get splashed, Severus stood quickly and, grabbing my wrist, he pulled me alongside the circular center of the lavatory, huddling with me in between two sinks. As if on cue, froth began to pour over the sides of the cauldron, and steam rose in such a manner I had never before seen, clouding every single mirror within the bathroom in a matter of seconds.

"It..it worked…" Severus said incredulously. He stared wide-eyed in amazement at the fog-ridden bathroom that lay before him. I could not follow his gaze. I could only look at him.

The excitement at the success of such a complicated potion seemed to catch hold of me then, clearly affecting my judgment. It was like a hurricane that could not be stopped. Emotions began to run wild through me, and I could not control myself.

I flung myself at Severus, closing my eyes and roughly forcing my lips upon his. I ravaged the sweet, delicate skin of his lips, sighing happily at finally being able to taste him. They were exactly how I had dreamt them to be…. My own lips moved against his in such a way I had never thought possible. Never had I attacked anyone like this in such a frenzy! My hands were roaming wildly though his hair. It felt so smooth, so delightful. Unable to stop myself, I clenched my fists into the long, black hair to which I was so attracted.

I began to work my mouth faster against his, enjoying every single sensation that came with being so intimately close to him. I continued relentlessly in this way until I realized that the lips upon which I was administering my affection so lovingly were cold and motionless… unresponsive.

And suddenly, I realized what I was doing. I remembered the potion, I remembered the plan, but most of all, I remembered Lily, for whom all this effort was carefully made.

I pulled back, examining his face in agony. He was looking straight ahead, his face seemed to be set in stone. There was no trace of emotion, save for discomfort. His lips were stained with the artificial color of my own… They looked as though they were smeared with blood. I had even managed to get some of the lipstick on his chin.

It was a fearsome sight to behold, and with each passing second, I felt myself becoming increasingly sick.

The further away I moved from him, the more I noticed his jaw clenching and unclenching beneath his tight, pale skin. I blinked a few times then, realizing my hands were still entangled in his hair, I withdrew them abruptly, as though touching a flame. I brought them over my mouth, completely horrified with what I had just done.

"Severus," I breathed. "I'm-"

His lips twitched ever so slightly at the sound of my voice.

I couldn't even finish my sentence. I couldn't bare to look at his face, his expression pained me far too much. I quickly turned, stumbling through the fog to make my way back to the door. Reaching down to where I remembered leaving them, I grabbed my shoes and threw myself through the door.

I was crying so hard, anyone passing me would have known this. As I ran through the first floor, I silently thanked God that it was so close to curfew. There was virtually no one else walking about, and so I was left alone to cope with my misery. Reaching the staircase, I tightly gripped the banister, stomping my way up the steps. I merely wanted to retreat to my bed and hide under the sheets until sleep took me. And once that happened I wanted to never be forced to wake up again.

The instant I reached the second floor, I sprinted across the halls, my feet pounding underneath of me. Passing alone through dark corridors, paintings screamed at me to slow down.

"Don't run in the corridors you irritating girl!"

"Please slow down! Running in the halls is against school policy."

"Young lady, where do you think you're hurrying off to in that manner?"

I ignored every last one of them, making my way toward another set of stairs. I carried on in this manner for sometime, repeating the same pattern on every single floor.  
Finally, I was within reasonable proximity to Ravenclaw Tower….I could see the portrait in my line of vision. The elderly potions master lay slumped over his work desk, one arm raised, holding a vial of bubbling blue liquid. His beard lay sprawled out next to him, littered with several ingredients of the potion he had been working on.

Excited at having almost reached my goal, I quickened my pace.

Just a few more steps….

A shadowed figure jumped out from the corridor, catching hold of me and throwing me into the opposing wall. A large hand held both my wrists together above my head, forcing me to drop my shoes. After overcoming my shock, and registering the pain that was searing through my back, I readied myself to scream.

Soft, cold lips began to graze against my own, daintily at first, then with much more passion and fervor. I fought against the forceful mouth that was attacking me, keeping my lips in a firm line. The hand that held my wrists together eased on its grip on my wrists slowly, moving its way down while another hand crept upward to my face.

Two cold, clammy hands cradled my chin while sweet, innocent lips began to move against mine passionately and thoroughly. I could feel something brushing lightly against my cheek…. a thumb? The tears, which had ceased briefly in the surprise of the actions of this stranger, began to flood my eyes again. I felt them rolling slowly down my face, trailing across my lips where they soon became lost in the fervent kisses being showered upon me.

I tried to push my keen attacker away from me.

"Remus, let me be. I'm in no mood for your poppycock."

The lips, once cold, had grown warm in the friction against my own skim, and were removed from my propinquity. They were replaced by the sensation of a frail and bony body pressing against mine.

Cold, clammy hands…frail, bony body…and yet, these were not the factors that helped me in identifying this passionate ravager…but a sigh. One slight exhalation of air was enough to bring me spiraling to realization. The recognition of his vocal chords lifted my spirit to heights so great, I had never imagined such joy could exist.

Body still pressed lovingly to my own, the face of this ardent stranger began to materialize as it drifted backwards from me. Dark, uncertain eyes held my gaze shyly. His chin, I could see, still possessed traces of my lipstick, when I had wreaked havoc on his face in such a frenzy. His sweet, lips, so tantalizing just to behold, were swollen and puffy from each of our crusades at classifying love…

A shining in his eyes, I could see that they looked quickly from me in apprehension at my convoluted study of his face. My nerves had never carried any sort of message to my hand commanding it to move, and yet I found that my arm slowly lifted, bringing my trembling hand between us. It delicately reached out to touch his chin, turning from a soft caress to a passionate hold. When his face was cupped in my palm, the endless pits that were his beautiful eyes shot back to me, eliciting a strange smile from my lips. It was a mixture of sadness, relief, and happiness.

"Severus," I whispered, half laughing, half choking the name out.

I brought my thumb under his lip rubbing with a slight bit of force so as to eliminate the traces of rogue make-up from skin that would otherwise have no business bearing it….

His lips now pressed against mine in a heightened fury, burning my own with their heat. This time, I did not stand placidly by as my lips were being so fiercely attacked. In this round, I fought back. Our lips moved against each other's like a well-rehearsed dance. There was no hitch or falter in this physical depiction of our affections.

Severus's lips yielded back, allowing for his teeth to join in the ranks of reinforcements… They nibbled gently against my own. I put up my best defense to withstand this assault, yet there was a weakness in my composure. His sudden action, allied with a pleasant sensation, caused me to gasp. And he, being so tactfully and cleverly the serpent, broke through my stronghold, allowing his tongue to burn through my militia of self-control. This love, it would seem, defied any sort of reason and logic. He, being the snake and I the bird, the raven… Our love defied the aggression we were expected to assume for one another. In nature, we were enemies. But here, in this moment, we were meant to be.

His tongue danced expertly around my own, and I became lost as he explored my mouth. Sensing slack in my usually rigid defense, he opened his mouth a bit more, slithering his tongue in more as he asserted dominance in this war. Oh, how very like a snake… I, the experienced war-hero in the battle of love and affections succumbed to the inexperienced nobility of this strange prince. In the timeless battle between the two species, it seemed the snake was adroitly victorious.

His forces fell back, and our faces disengaged from the loving skirmish. Panting heavily, we looked at each other, no longer as friend and friend, but boy and girl. We joined our hands together, a shiver crawling up my spine as he clasped his fingers around mine so firmly.

"I've been wanting to do that to you since last Saturday," He breathed. I could see his chest heaving from exertion in the dim lighting.

"But…. I thought you loved Lily…" My heart sank again merely at remembering her, and the Hate Potion.

"It is true, I do love Lily Evans." He brushed a strand of hair from my face, slowly guiding it back to its proper place. Before the bile had a chance to rise in my throat, he continued. "However, Lily Evans is no Lucinda Redbourn…" He trailed off, planting a tender kiss upon my lips, sealing it as truth.

I opened my mouth to tell him how fiercely, brutally, and viscously I loved him.

"Hey you two! That's enough of that snogging! Have some decency! It's past curfew, now get to your beds!" The Ravenclaw Tower portrait was awake now, eyeing us scornfully from within his frame.

Severus made a sound, implicating amusement. We kissed again, and, when we parted, he squeezed my hand. Turning away, he let it fall to my side, hurrying away to the Slytherin residencies.

I slid against the wall to the portrait, too weak and love-stricken to move.

"I suppose you'll be wanting to get in now?" The portrait asked gruffly.

"Yes."

"From a word of five letters, take two and leave one."

Instead of passwords, Ravenclaws were to answer conundrums to gain entry into their residence. Any true Ravenclaw would, undoubtedly, know the answer to any riddle presented to them."

"Stone,"I sighed happily.

A clicking noise echoed throughout the corridor, and the picture swung open, granting me entrance. I tiptoed quietly into the Ravenclaw common room and then to my bed, with thoughts of Severus rocking me to sleep…

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Don't forget to tell me what you thought!!!!

I really want feedback for this chapter!!!

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	9. Ch 8:: The Dirty Deed

**A/N**

**I know it's Saturday, but my college is having a School of Education lock-in (teaching is my back-up plan, lol) and so I won't be here at midnight to update!**

**SO! I'm updating early. I'm sorry **

**I'm glad you all liked the last chapter! I was really worried it was going to be bad!**

**Anyway, here's the new chapter!**

**(SORRY ABOUT ALL THE TROUBLE WITH THIS TODAY)  
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I awoke the next morning with the silliest smile plastered to my face. I buried myself within pillows and sheets, not wanting it to be too obvious that something amazing had happened last night. Just thinking about snogging Severus made my toes tingle…

"My, my, Miss Redbourn." I looked to the source of the voice. Roberta was already dressed, laying on her bed facing me. "You undermine my intelligence. I know very well what you're trying to pull, and it won't work on me!" She sat up, fixing the cuff at the bottom of her jeans.

"I must agree with Roberta," Sibyll now sat down on my bed. "After all, you did come in rather late last night…"

I flung the covers off of me, fearing that I'd overslept. I grabbed the clothes that I'd set out the day before, whipping off my pajamas in one shot and hastily getting my legs through my grey trousers.

Roberta watched with great amusement as I fumbled at my buttons in panic.

Sibyll, presumably feeling quite sorry at my spectacle, grabbed my arms.

"Lucinda! Calm yourself, dear! It's only eight-thirty!"

I let out a huge gust of air, not realizing that I had even been holding my breath. I took my time putting on my Ravenclaw sweater. Lack of school spirit was highly frowned down upon during the days of Quidditch matches, otherwise, I would have settled for an ordinary sweater.

As I put on my snow boots, Roberta sat down behind me and began to gently comb my hair. Sibyll adorned me with perfume.

What a trio, we were! I couldn't help but admire the fact that we were like a well-oiled machine. I was so thankful to have such fantastic friends. Unfortunately, as Roberta was behind me, I could not detect the mischievous smile she wore on her face.

"So…." She said simply, fiddling with a strand of my hair in a deceptively pleasant manner.

"So," I replied, knowing full well what she wanted.

"Oh, Lucinda please! Can you really just sit there and not tell us a thing?" She placed her hands on my shoulders, moving her body around mine to look me in the eye. In her blue eyes I could see her ravenous desire to know every single detail about what had transpired last night.

"No," I mused, "I suppose I cannot." I reached for my cloak and rolled it into a bundle under my arm.

Roberta and Sibyll sprung up from their positions, readying to head down to breakfast.

"Well, it's all very complicated. You see last night I sort of… thrust myself upon Severus. I couldn't help it, and I just started kissing him!" We made our way down the steps into the common room. Hushing my voice so I could not be overheard, I continued to give my friends the shortened version of what had happened. "He didn't kiss back. He was very blank. I was upset, naturally, so I just ran back to our dormitories…"

I paused briefly as we traveled through the tunnel, then out through the portrait. Once in the corridor, we huddled closer together, walking at a leisurely pace toward the stairwell.

"Go on," Roberta encouraged impatiently.

"Well, I was about to go in, when suddenly someone jumped out from the shadows and slammed me into the wall. He just started kissing me and, when I realized it was Severus, we snogged! And it was incredible!"

Sibyll clapped her hands together happily. Roberta jumped up and down slightly in excitement.

"I just knew you could do it!" She grabbed my hands and proceeded to wave them around. I think she was a bit excited for me than I was… I simply smiled, not wanting them to ask further questions about my meeting with him. They weren't to know of the potion.

"But Lucinda," Sibyll remarked. "You seem so…. Ponderous, for lack of a better word…" She looked at me with great concern, and I did my best to stifle a laugh.

"It's very silly, you see. But I'll let you all in on it. With the way everyone carries on and about toward him, you'd have to think he'd never been snogged before…" My friends nodded in agreement. "Last night, it was as if he knew perfectly well what he was doing! What to do, when to do it, where to do it….He never missed a beat and it was amazing! The best snog I've ever had in my life! And I've snogged quite a bit of boys!"

Roberta nodded at this, easily able to relate to such a scenario.

"So, if he's so inexperienced, how the bloody hell is he so fantastic?" I asked them.

"There's only one feasible explanation, Lucinda." Sibyll said seriously.

"And what's that?"

"Witches Weekly was correct…"

We all burst into laughter at this. I had to admit, Sibyll made a decent point. However, one couldn't help but to find humor in such a statement! We continued on in this way, laughing and huddled together. The three of us must have looked like a flock of geese!

"Seriously, Lucinda. He's probably a god in the-" Roberta had begun speaking, laughter in her voice. Yet, in the course of following her train of thought, her eyes aimed downwards. That was the point at which she'd stopped laughing as well as speaking altogether. Curious, Sibyll and I traced her gaze, our laughter ending just abruptly as hers.

There was a shoe where we looked. It was a shoe that I recognized. I lifted my head slowly, knowing full well who the owner of that shoe was. Up past the black trousers….past the Slytherin sweater vest, black blouse, green and black tie…

I tilted my head back slightly, to better see the face of Severus Snape.  
For some brief, awkward moments, we looked at each other, not certain how to proceed.

"I-- " Where to start? "I don't think I've ever properly introduced you to my best mates, have I, Severus?"

He shook his head, signifying 'no'.

I put my hand on Sibyll shoulder, indicating that I would be introducing her.

"This is Sibyll Trelawney. Sibyll, Severus Snape."

Sibyll gave him a friendly smile, extending her arm for a handshake. Cautiously, he took her hand shook it.

"I remember you from Hogsmeade, I believe." He said to her. She nodded in response, her smile growing wider.

I placed my hand on Roberta's back, now.

"Roberta Rosings, Severus Snape."

Roberta thrust her hand out to Severus a bit more enthusiastically than Sibyll did, which was a bit more than I would have liked. Uneasily, he slipped his hand into hers, only to have it violently shaken up and down by an overeager Roberta.

"Snape, Snape, Snape! Lucinda has told us so much about you!" I threw Roberta a warning glare. I seriously would hex her right on the spot! She was being ridiculously embarrassing! "Let me just say, any friend of Lucinda's is a friend of ours. Even the friendly, friendly ones, if you do catch my drift-" I shoved Roberta and smacked my hand against my forehead.

She was bloody beautiful, and bloody brilliant to boot. But Merlin's Beard, she could be a pain in the arse!

Severus seemed to appreciate her humor, drawing back the left corner of his lips.  
How humiliating! Not only was Roberta embarrassing me in front of him, but he was enjoying it!

"Undoubtedly, you wasted no time in telling them….."

Oh, don't tell me he's going to play along with her!

"However, I find myself in this particular part of the castle because I need to return something of Lucinda's that she dropped last night… Though, make no mistake, I do enjoy your wit, ladies."

Severus pulled his Slytherin cloak forward a bit, reaching into an inside pocket. Carefully, he extracted the item that I had 'lost,' a very small vial of brown liquid, which I recognized nearly instantaneously as the Hate Potion.

Very smart thinking, Severus. Very smart, indeed.

"Oh!" I said thinking quickly. "My Pepperup Potion! Thank you so much for returning it to me!" I pulled my handbag around so that it hung around my front. I carefully lifted up the flap and placed the vial inside a small, circular pocket, typically meant for quills.

"Just a drop should do, to keep you safe from catching a cold…" There was a gleam in his eye. He was secretly instructing me to only put a drop into James's canteen. How very clever again!

I nodded, signifying that I understood. We stared at each other intensely for a few seconds, and I fought off the sharp urge to snog him as forcefully as I did last night. From his expression, I could tell that he was feeling the same way.

"Well," he said, his voice quivering slightly from the will he was using to restrain his emotions. "It's been lovely chatting with you all, but I must head down to the Great Hall. Hopefully I shall see you all after the match?"

Before I even had a chance to speak, Roberta began to nod extremely enthusiastically. "You certainly will! Just come find us!"

He gave us all a friendly wave, and, before he turned to go, held my gaze for a substantial period of time. Spinning quickly on his heel, he made his way down the stairs at a surprisingly quick pace. Robes billowing out behind him, he continued downstairs until he disappeared from view.

"Roberta," I said, closing my eyes. "Do you have any idea at all just how much I'd like to kill you right now?"

"Oh, ease off it! I was only helping!" She continued to walk, descending the stairs. Sibyll and I followed.

"You were absolutely embarrassing!" I cried.

"Maybe, but now you'll get to see him after the match for certain!"

"What makes you so confident about all that?"

It was now Sibyll's turn to pipe in and make my life a living Hell.

"Because, dear, we'll make sure of it!"

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When we entered the Great Hall, we rushed to sit down and eat. It was nine o'clock now, which only gave us two hours to get to the Quidditch field, set up the holding, and ready our team.

As I guzzled down my pumpkin juice, I allowed my idle eyes to make their way discreetly over to the Slytherin table, in search of Severus. After scanning the table left to right, and back again, I finally found him. He was carefully biting into an apple. It seemed that he was listening very intently to someone, and, allowing my eyes to flicker to his left, I caught sight of Lucius Malfoy, angled toward him, talking away.

I had mixed feelings about Severus's having social interactions with Malfoy. He wasn't really a bad fellow, it's just that he wasn't particularly nice to me. Then again, he wasn't really particularly nice to anyone from outside his own house. I was happy that he associated himself with Severus, talking to him and carrying on as if they were both friends. After all, Lucius had always been, and still was, Severus's mentor. Lucius was very ambitious, and, after this year, would be guaranteed a secure, top-notch Ministry job.

No, I wouldn't say that Severus associating with Malfoy was a bad thing. I watched as Severus finished chewing on the hunk of the apple, replying to his mentor.

I wouldn't stare. It wasn't polite.

"Lucinda," Remus's voice penetrated my thoughts. Automatically, I moved over on the bench to make room for him. He sat, thanking me, and leaned in close to my ear. "I just wanted to tell you I'm really sorry about those pictures James drew. He and I talked, and he swore to me that he would stop harassing you."

"Don't apologize, Remus. I shouldn't have even been so audacious as to mail you the bloody drawing!"

"No, no," he protested. "You did the right thing. If you hadn't sent it, James would, undoubtedly be bugging you about something right this very minute!"

I nodded, understanding.

"Sirius even agreed that it was completely out of line. And he wasn't just saying that because he's dating Roberta. Please don't think that. He told me that he saw James drawing the pictures, but didn't see him throw them at you. He didn't believe him to be that stupid, and, I have to tell you, neither did I. He spoke to James, too. We told him that there was no call to do that. After all, it's not as though you snogged Snape or anything like that!"

I giggled nervously.

"Yeah….."

"Good! I'm glad we could work this out!" He ruffled my hair, then swung his legs over the bench to stand. "James isn't a bad guy. He's just….very immature…" That being said, Remus walked away, rejoining his friends at the Gryffindor table.

Turning away from him, I checked Roberta's progress at eating, only to find, in panic, that she was nearly done. Not wanting to hold her up, I practically swallowed down my entire bowl of oatmeal, finishing just in time.

"You ready?" Roberta asked, not wasting any time. "Let's go!" She jumped up from the table, bundling her cloak tightly around herself and securing her scarf around her neck.

I did the same, and hurried behind her as we made our way through the doors of the Great Hall.

"I don't mean to rush you," she told me as we bounded through the corridors. "But you do know how long it takes to get to the field, let alone in the snow!"

"It's not a bother!"

We hurried along in silence a bit longer, turning down this corridor and that… Reaching the courtyard, I followed behind Roberta as we cut across it, making our way to the corridor on the opposite side. Veering to the right, we soon found the doors that led to the open area outside of Hogwarts.

"What's the time?" she asked me, slowing down.

"Ten," I replied.

"Dragon shit!" She busted the doors open and sprinted wildly toward the Quidditch field.

Stunned by her sudden outburst, I followed behind her, trying to match her pace.

"Merlin's Beard! Slow down! It's a half a mile away! It'll take us five minutes to merely walk there from here!"

Taking my words into account, she slowed her pace to a brisk walk.

"I know you're right, but this is Ravenclaw's biggest game of the season! I can't afford to botch anything up!"

"Roberta, relax! Every game against Gryffindor is any team's biggest game of the season!"

She laughed, yet didn't slow her pace any further. Oh well, at least I had gotten her to relax….

"Come now, can't I do something to take your mind off things for a bit?" I asked, desperate to calm her nerves completely. Indeed it was the biggest game of the season, and if she was going to be jumpy bundle of nerves, she wouldn't even be able to enjoy it!

She looked at me, deep in thought. I knew she could sense my desperation to help, and was trying her best to think of something.

"I don't think so. Sorry, love." She said, pulling her scarf up to her chin. She continued to think, and that's when I noticed a sudden spark in her eye. "Actually, I know. I was so focused on trying to inhale my food that I didn't have time to harass Remus. What was he saying to you, anyway?"

"You take such delight in torturing me, don't you?"

"What are friends for?" She smiled and gave me a playful punch.

"Actually, I suppose you'd be quite glad to hear this, as Sirius's name did come up…"

She turned her head toward me quickly, silently urging me to continue.

"He told me that he had a spoken to James, and had gotten him to swear to stop bothering me. Remus said James was being extremely immature, and that Sirius agreed." I looked at her. "So, that's good news there. At least you know your boyfriend has half a brain!"

"Thank God for that!" We slowed down now, Roberta seeming much more like her usual, relaxed self.

"How about your date tomorrow?" I nudged her playfully. "What are you two lovebirds doing?"

"Oh, we've worked out quite a nice arrangement. If Ravenclaw wins the match, he gets to choose what we do. If Gryffindor wins, I do."

"What fun! You both do get along so nicely."

A serious look crossed over her face. There was not anger in it, which classified this as a very special type of look. I had seen this look on Roberta perhaps only two other times. The look was, for those who knew of it, a warning. No joking or tomfoolery of any sort could be had while she was making a most serious of statements. Anyone who violated this unspoken law would suffer the consequences dearly.

"What's on your mind?" I asked, concerned.

"I was just thinking about you and Remus…You know, you really should be careful of how you two carry on, now…"

"How we carry on?"

"Well, I was just thinking about this morning, how Remus came over to talk to you…And he did get so close to you…And he ruffled your hair. I know how you and Remus are, but you see, I'm not quite sure Severus does."

I widened my eyes, realizing what she was getting at.

"You see, I know that's all play….It's just how you both act. But I'm not so sure your Severus is aware of all that. I didn't happen to notice if he saw you both at breakfast, but if he did….." She trailed off, not finishing her sentence. And she didn't need to.

What if Severus had seen us? Would he have thought something of it? Would the newfound love between us be shattered? Would we end? These thoughts, which flickered through both our minds, carried us in silence to the Ravenclaw holding tents.

Roberta became easily distracted from these thoughts for the simple fact that she had to. It was now half-past ten. The match would start in thirty minutes, and there was much to be done. She darted to the cupboards, removing the team's canteens, and then to the sink, filling each individual one with water.

"Be a dear and get the brooms from the trunk?" She yelled from the sink.

I rushed over to a trunk that was sitting in the corner and opened it, taking each of the brooms out and setting them into the holding rack.

We then set about straightening up the room together. By the time we finished, able enough to heave a sigh of relief, the Quidditch team began filing into the tent.

They lingered about the room, some taking sips from their canteens, others getting hold of their brooms, straddling them, practicing their gripping for the game.

"Where's Kelly Kears? Kelly Kears? Are you in here?"

"Yes…" Came the meek response. A slight girl came out from behind the cupboard nervously, her long black hair shielding her face.

"Oh, Kelly! Come now, there's no need to be so anxious!" Roberta rushed over to give her a supportive hug. Several of her teammates patted her on the back, murmuring words of encouragement. Someone handed her a hair tie, and she immediately set about tying back her hair.

"Thank you," She sniffled, her almond eyes puffy and red from crying.

"ALL PLAYERS REPORT TO THE FIELD AT THIS TIME!" Dumbledore's self-amplified voice boomed from the stadium.

Wordlessly, the entire team rushed out, Roberta following after. I planted myself firmly to the ground, feeling a bit nervous myself. In fact, I felt more than nervous. I felt downright sick. What if I got caught? I had never even bothered to think of that. What if the Gryffindor Supervisor decided to stay in the holding? What then?

Roberta turned slightly, hand on the flap leading to the stadium.

"Aren't you coming?"

"I'm sorry. I think I'll just stay in here. I don't feel very good."

"You do look a bit sick," she agreed. "Would you like me to take you to Madame Pomfrey?"

"No, I'll be fine. I'm just going to sit…" As if to solidify my point, I parked myself down on a bench.

Roberta looked at me, concerned.

"I suppose. But do promise me that if you need me, you'll come get me? I'll be just out here."

"I promise," I lied.

She smiled at me one last time before turning to go out through the tent.

"Fuck." I said to myself, immediately standing. "How in the bloody hell am I going to do this?" I was pacing about the room wildly. There was a tented passageway that connected all the tents together in case of an emergency. Dare I go that way? Or should I just walk around and go in? What to do…What to do…

I lost all track of the time, still considering all my options of performing this task. A loud announcement roused me from my intent thoughts.

"GRYFFINDOR TAKES THE LEAD, SIXTY TO FIFTY! AND WHAT'S THIS? IT LOOKS LIKE JAMES POTTER HAS CAUGHT SIGHT OF THE SNITCH!"

Shit!

No time to think, only to act. I flung myself through a flap on the right of the tent, barreling down the passageway. Thankfully, the holdings were arranged in such a way that Slytherin and Gryffindor, placed across from each other, were on either side of the Ravenclaw tent. As stealthily as I could, I snuck my way down the fifth of the mile between the two holdings.

As I hunched myself over and slowly crept down the passageway, I slid my hand into my cloak, checking to make sure that the potion was still there. Clumsily feeling around, I finally discerned the hard, round form of the vial and sighed with relief.

Worried, and unable to tell James's progress in pursuit of the snitch, I hurried along. The Gryffindor tent was in my sight, just a few strides away….I sprinted into the tent, a rush of adrenaline catching me by surprise.

The unfamiliar set up of the room, as well as the red and gold that dominated my vision, confused me.

Canteens, canteens…Where are those canteens? I scurried about the room wildly, nearly tripping over benches and discarded headgear. Perhaps they were still in the cupboard?

I tip-toed over to the closed cupboard, wary of how peacefully untouched it seemed. Daintily grabbing the handle, I pulled it open as quietly as I could. A loud, horrendous creaking sound ripped through my ears. Startled, my hand flung back, ripping the door open the rest of the way.

To my delight, the canteens were neatly arranged on the shelf, their caps boasting beads of water, signifying that they had been recently filled. My eyes roamed anxiously over the canteens, inspecting the names sloppily scrawled across each one.

Flaxis? – No

Brighton? – No

Turner? – No

Quintly? – No

Potter? Potter!

I nearly cried out in excitement when I found his bottle! I brought it down from the shelf, setting it on a nearby bench. Unscrewing the cap with one hand, I fished around my cloak for the vial with the other.

I carefully uncorked the vial, and held it over the canteen. I let it tilt down ever so slightly, and a drop of brown liquid traveled at a painstakingly slow pace down the length of the vial, into the canteen. A light plopping sound was made as liquid hit liquid, and my heart cheered.

Victory!

"VICTORY! POTTER'S CAUGHT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS!"

Oh, no!

In a furious hurry, I quickly screwed the cap back onto the canteen. Jumping off the bench, I practically flew to the cupboard, putting the item back as exact as I could to how I found it.

There was a noise, the sound of snow crunching underneath the weight of something….Footsteps!

I slammed the door of the cupboard shut and darted as quickly as I could into the passageway, just in time to hear the flap of the tent open. The footsteps now echoed their way around the tents.

"Come on then, the lot of you!" The supervisor's voice called. "Come get your canteens! Madame Pomfrey wants you all to be well hydrated! Everyone takes at least one swig! You got that?"

Believing that to be enough confirmation, and not wanting to get caught, I sprinted down the passageway at the speed of light, flinging myself into the Ravenclaw holding and crashing down in a seated position on a bench just as the flap of our own tent opened.

Roberta walked in, startled, for some reason, at seeing me.

"Lucinda!" She cried, and ran over to me. "What's happened? You're all sweaty!" As if to prove a point, she swiped a gloved hand across my face. I felt the moisture of the beads of sweat across my face then. "You promised me that you'd get me!"

"I honestly feel better than I look!"

She gave me a look, as if to tell me she didn't believe a word I said.

"Truthfully?"

"Truthfully."

She sighed, and I could tell I was about to be procured with more admonishment when the Ravenclaw Quidditch team began to make their way into the holding, half-heartedly congratulating each other on their efforts.

Roberta turned away from me to tend to them, and I placed my head in my hands, smiling, incredulous at what I had just done. It was so ludicrous of me! Whoever heard of a Ravenclaw acting in such a way?! Doing such things?

Sorting Hat, oh Sorting Hat, how you gravely misplaced me….

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**Don't forget to tell me what you thought!!!!**

**Oh! Funny anecdote!  
Yesterday my friend and I were sitting in class making personalized websites. Mine obviously was littered with Snape.**

**So she started singing the Snape part of The Mysterious Ticking Noise....and then I started doing Dumbledore. And then this random kid next to us that we don't even know started doing Ron Weasley. IT WAS GREAT! I laughed so hard.**

**Sorry. Just felt like sharing**


	10. Ch 9:: The Aftermath

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**A/N**

**This isn't important. You can skip over this.  
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**I recently stumbled across something that, as a fanfiction author, made me cringe with fear. I have come across what might be the worst Harry Potter fanfiction of all time. The character is a horrendous Mary Sue. After re-reading my own work, I have now got it in my head that my character might be a Mary Sue (someone please, 'say it ain't so!') That was the first point. Next, the character described in the story is described to look like Amy Lee. For those of you who aren't aware...I used Amy Lee's music videos for my trailer for my upcoming fanfiction, "Trials and Tribulations of a Pure-Blood."**

**In case you couldn't already tell, I'm fearful now that this story is a complete failure. In order to console myself, I enlisted the help of my friends in making dramatic readings of the fanfiction.**

**I know my spelling and grammar is better, it's the plot and Mary Sue aspects I'm worried about.  
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www. youtube. com/watch?v =gHEQ0CBQyas

**In case you were curious. There's the first one. I've made four. The link to the atrocity that some call a fanfiction is attached to the link. (It doesn't make me feel any better D:) **

**Lucinda Redbourn, Mary Sue?**

**Oh well. At least I never called Voldemort 'Voldemint' or Dumbledore "Dumblebum"..... T_T"  
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Sibyll rushed over to Roberta and I as we sat in the courtyard. I felt much better now that I'd had some time to rest. Clearly physical exertion was not my forte. I had just finished reapplying my make-up, so I looked halfway decent and wholly inconspicuous.

With the tip of my boot, I was making little holes in the snow, and I was so deeply in thought that I didn't even hear her call our names. She sat next to me, and I looked up, both startled and happy to see her.

"Hi! What did you think of the match?" I asked, genuinely interested as I hadn't been able to see it.

"Oh, it was absolutely amazing! Roberta, didn't you think Kelly Keats did a great job for her first time?"

Roberta, it seemed, was also lost in her own thoughts.

"Roberta?" She repeated.

"Hmm?" Our blonde friend pushed her shaggy hair back from its position over her eyes.

"Oh, my." I said, turning to Sibyll. "Don't you mind her, Sibyll! Roberta was just

planning out what she and Sirius are going to do on their date tomorrow!"

"How lovely, dear!" Sibyll said, once again directing her comment toward Roberta in an attempt to get our usually talkative friend to communicate with us. "What is it that you're planning to do?"

"That's right!" Roberta gasped, smiling. "Gryffindor won! That means I get to decide what we do!"

"My only advice to you, Roberta: If he offers to take you to Hogsmeade, do not, I beg of you, agree to go! Each time they try to get me to go with them, it's usually in some way that violates school rules."

Roberta pretended to think about this, as if she were considering going.

"Of course, not!" She said finally, bursting into a fit of laughter. "How ridiculous would I be?"

"Extremely," mused Sibyll. "By the way, Lucinda, I saw Severus before I went in to the stadium…"

"Go on," I urged.

"He was talking to that Malfoy," she wrinkled her nose in disgust. "They didn't seem to be getting along too well." I gave her an inquisitive look. Not once had I ever heard of Severus and Lucius having a discussion that was anything less than cordial. As Severus's mentor, Lucius treated him well, and the two got on famously!

"Oh?"

"Yes. Malfoy was leaning over him, saying something with quite an angry expression on his face. You could tell whatever he was saying, it was harshly done because he was talking through his teeth. Severus was kind of leaning back as he was being berated, and then when Malfoy stopped hunching over him, he bowed his head. It was peculiar."

"Then what happened?" Roberta, it seemed, had broken away from pondering her date with Malfoy to convey her interest in the discussion.

"Then Malfoy looked at Severus for a bit, smiled, and patted him on the back!"

"What did Severus do?" I asked.

"He looked up, sort of nervous, at first. Then he smiled – and that's when I entered the stadium…"

Roberta and I both groaned in disappointment, about to let silence dominate our social order, but Sibyll, always the interesting character, planned to continue a conversation.

"I bet Potter's awful pleased with himself," Sibyll began to comb through her frizzy hair.

"I daresay he is." I said stiffly, still a bit annoyed with him for the picture incident.

Make no mistake, James Potter has done quite a sum of things to get on my nerves over the past seven years, but never has he done anything so inconceivable! Calling me a bookworm, or taunting Remus and me about our supposed 'love life' was one thing, but to draw such a lewd picture and hand it over to me was a different matter entirely.

I suppose it was merely done in the defense of the feelings of his friend. He saw Severus and I so close together in the store, and, worried that I might be betraying his friend, he acted on his own loyalties to Remus. As much as I could dismiss any ill feelings I bore toward him, I had to admit to myself that he did take it a bit far.

"Hello," a deeper, recognizable voice intertwined with our conversation.

We all looked up, Severus Snape looking down at us all.

"Severus!" Roberta said, smiling. She was so ridiculous in her attempts to make certain everything between him and I went well. "Come, sit down!" She scuttled a bit more to the right, making room for Severus to sit. He obliged her, and sat next to me.

"What did _you_ think of the match?" Sibyll asked, determined at last to receive an answer to her question.

"Exactly how I think of them all: dull." Sibyll laughed at this. She wasn't a particular fan of Quidditch herself, but every once in a while she took delight in watching it.

"Poor Lucinda wasn't able to watch the match! She stayed inside the holding the entire time! She said she felt ill!" Roberta leaned forward to look at me.

"Did you take a drop of the potion I got for you?" Severus inquired, the hidden meaning of his question quite clear.  
I nodded, but before I was able to formulate a verbal response, Roberta dominated the conversation again.

"Oh, Lucinda! That's right! I completely forgot about the potion! Did you take it?" She inquired. "I mean, you should have taken more than one drop then, the way you were sweating and panting after the match!"

Severus looked at me, surprised and concerned, then turned his head towards Roberta.

"Panting and sweating?"

"Oh, Severus. You have no idea how dreadful she looked! I daresay you might no longer feel the attraction that pulls you so strongly to her!" Roberta began to gesture wildly to her own face. "There was sweat literally pouring down her face! Her cheeks were blood red, and she was gasping for air!"

His gaze returned to me, oozing concern. I angled my face in such a way that Roberta would not be able to see as I winked at Severus. He seemed to relax a little, and, enlightened, decided to play along.

"Shall I escort you to Madame Pomfrey?" He asked me.

"Don't bother," Roberta said, now examining one of the frills on her scarf. "I've made that offer to her about a dozen times, and she always refuses. Stubborn as an ox, she is."

"Stubbornness can be an admirable quality in a person…"

Roberta snorted.

I felt something cold wrap around my overheated hand. The slight pressure was accompanied by a delightful tingling sensation which crawled up my spine, releasing the butterflies in my stomach.

I looked down at my lap to find Severus's hand nervously trying to intertwine with mine. He would have been successful, had he not been so fearful that I would reject him…

I never expected Severus would display any sort of affection with me whatsoever in public, even something ridiculously innocent as holding hands. Though, I had to admit, it was really quite nice. Wanting to better accommodate him, I stretched out my fingers and wrapped them tightly over his.

Sibyll and Roberta struck up a conversation about Kelly Kears, but Severus and I, not being huge fans of Quidditch, just stared down at our hands, too afraid that one of us would let go of the other. We were both so lost in our thoughts. I was terrified that everything around me would suddenly fade to black around me, and I'd wake up only to discover that it was Friday morning…

"What time is it?" Sibyll suddenly asked me, laying a hand on my shoulder.

I broke free of Severus's hand, giving him an apologetic look, to check my watch.

"Merlin's beard!" I cried. "It's already six-thirty!"

Roberta sprung up.

"Six-thirty? I don't know about you all, but I'm starving." She pointed at Sibyll, then at Severus. "Have you two eaten yet? I know Lucinda and I haven't, and, based on her little episode earlier, I have to insist that she eat something."

Severus stood, tugging at my arm before he did.

"I must agree with Roberta," he winked.

"Well, I am quite hungry…" Sibyll stood, too. She and Severus both offered me a hand to help me get to my feet. Taking both hands graciously, I allowed my friends to pull me up. While Sibyll let go of my hand, Severus did not, holding it tightly as we made the long trek down the corridors.

After we had been walking for a bit, having turned down several corridors, there was a loud sobbing sound. A blur of red hair and tears flung itself from around a corner and soared past us. We all turned abruptly, staring after the figure that was racing down the hallway.

"What in the name of Merlin could that have been?" Sibyll asked, smashing her glasses closer to her face to get a better look.

"Who," corrected Severus. "And I do believe that was Lily Evans…"

With my free hand, I covered my mouth to hide my smile. As terrible as I did feel to see Lily in such a way, and even more to know I was the cause of her pain, my heart cheered in victory.

"Lucinda, you should go to her…" Roberta said slowly, eying Lily as she became more and more of a spec down the long corridor.

"Me? Whatever for? Let Potter console her!"

"It seems Potter isn't exactly chasing after her, is he?" I held my tongue. She had a point.

"Besides," She continued, "you're the only one of us that's really friends with her…"

I threw Severus a questioning glance. He nodded, and I couldn't help but notice that he, too was trying to conceal a smile.

"Alright," I finally sighed. "You three go on ahead, and I'll meet up with you."

Severus began to slowly inch away from us.

"Severus!" Sibyll turned, sensing the slight motion. "Where are you sneaking off to?"

"Well, I just thought…Since Lucinda won't be coming with us….Well, then there's really no point in my--" He was turning completely red in the face before Roberta cut him off, forcibly linking her arm with his.

"Don't be ridiculous, Severus!" She exclaimed. "Did I not tell you this morning that any friend of Lucinda's is a friend of ours?" She turned abruptly, jolting him along with her.

"See you soon, dear! Hopefully Roberta won't torture Severus too much…." Sibyll said to me with a big smile before turning and rushing after them.

I solemnly turned my head in the direction of Lily. I knew this was going to be terribly difficult…When Lily gets upset, there's really no way to cheer her up. She really can hold a grudge….

I ambled down the hall quickly, hoping she wouldn't create too large of a distance between us. Making my way closer to the end of the corridor, I saw a small red ball huddled against the far end of the wall.

"Lily!" I called, quickening my pace.

She looked up at me, and I could see her teary expression clearly. She looked deeply hurt, and I could tell that whatever James had done had really upset her.

"Go away," she choked through her sobs.

"Lily, what's the matter?" I sincerely hoped that I had above-average acting skills, detecting that my consoling Lily was another opportunity to potentially botch up Severus's plan.

"He yelled at me..." she trailed off.

"Who did? Who yelled at you?"

"James…" I nodded, encouraging her to elaborate. She sniffled, and, using the back of her sleeve, wiped at her eyes. "I mean, he usually does yell at me every once in a while, but not like this. And certainly not in front of everyone! He had the bloody nerve to berate me in the Great Hall!" She regained more of her composure as she spoke.

"How did that all come about?"

"Well," she sat up straighter now, not so much full of sorrow as she was full of anger. "I told him to calm down. He was acting like a silly git, you know? Flailing himself about and cheering, like he was the most amazing person to ever walk the halls of Hogwarts! And so I said to him, 'Calm yourself, James. It's not as if you haven't brought Gryffindor victory in a Quidditch match dozens of other times!' It was like he snapped, or something. All of a sudden his eyes narrowed at me, two beady little things, and he honestly gave me a look like he hated me! He started to call me names, tell me I had no life than to just stick my face into a book….What else?"

Another thing about Lily Evans, once you get her going on a topic, there really isn't any way of stopping her.

"Then, he had the audacity to tell me, in front of all his friends, that I embarrass him! I'm no fun, I always try to spoil _their_ fun, I always try to boss him around and control his life. Then he told me to get out of his face. I did, and here we are."

"Oh, you poor thing!" I said through my grinding teeth. I was about to shower her with compliments, and tell her how right I was about the whole thing, when I heard a set of footsteps approaching.

She and I looked to the source, only to find Remus crouching down next to us.

"Hello, Lily." He said softly, a sorry expression in his eyes. As if the added pity was too much, her eyes began to well up with tears again. In seconds, she was just as badly off as when I found her. I shot Remus an irritated look, silently thanking him for unraveling all that I had done…Well, all that Lily had done, really. She'd done most of the talking.

"Go away!" She blubbered, turning her head away from us.

"Lily," Remus sighed. "Please come back to the Great Hall. James didn't mean it. Honestly."

"Dragon shit," Lily scoffed through her tears. "He meant every word of it. Don't lie to me Remus."

Remus looked at me hopelessly, wanting some idea of what he should do. I gave him a look, warning him that he'd better keep trying. After all, it wasn't as if I had any ideas of my own…All my responses to her were generically feminine. 'What a jerk!' 'You're so right!' It isn't anything any girl hasn't heard before, and for a boy to say it…That was, truthfully, just a bit strange….

"I won't sit here and try to make it seem like James wasn't wrong. He was extraordinarily out of line, and he had no call to say such things to you. I don't know what's gotten into him today… But I will say this, sitting here and sobbing in the corridor really won't make it better.

"He's right," I piped up, now knowing full well what Lily could do to settle the score. "You know, what really would get a message to James the most is if you show him that you couldn't care less about what he said! Get up! Have fun! That'll really get his broom in a bunch! He'll be begging you for forgiveness!"

Her face brightened a bit at this.

"Really? Do you think that would work?"

"I'd hate to admit it," Remus added, "but that does sound rather…feasible.."

Lily got to her feet immediately.

"Well then, bloody hell with it all! I'm going back to the common room!"

Before Remus and I even had a chance to say another word, she was halfway down the hall, bouncing along with that usual Lily Evans spring in her step.

After I had managed to escape from Remus, who was desperately trying to convince me to take a walk with him along the edge of the dark forest, I made my way to the Great Hall. If I knew as much as I thought about Sibyll and Roberta, they were probably torturing poor Severus…

These suspicions were, of course, confirmed when I entered the grand room, finding a very uncomfortable looking Slytherin sandwiched in between two Ravenclaws, each rambunctious in her own way. Upon noticing my arrival, Roberta scooted herself down the bench some, clearing room for me to sit with Severus.

"Did they torture you?" I asked, taking a bowl of spilt pea soup that Roberta was handing me.

"Torture? Why, dear! I'm offended!" Sibyll said, leaning past Severus. "Roberta and I have only talked to the poor boy!"

"Yes, torture…" I stated plainly before having some of my soup.

"Oh no, really…They were fine…" Severus said nervously. "Perhaps just a bit chatty…." This he said very lowly to ensure that only I could hear it.

"I have to say, Lucinda, out of all the boys you've ever dated," she indicated to Severus with her spoon. "I like this one the best!"

"Oh, the same goes for me!" Sibyll piped in.

If I could have been granted any wish at that moment, it would have been to fold into myself and die. Those two carried on like embarrassing relatives. Well, Sibyll wasn't so bad. Roberta was more so the problem, really. I'd have to make certain to repay her when I next saw her with Sirius…

"Yes, Sibyll and Severus have been hitting it off quite famously. I daresay the two of them have talked about nothing but books the entire time!"

"It's true! He's recommended some really interesting books about Defense Against The Dark Arts."

I looked at Severus, questioning the truthfulness of their comments.  
He smiled at me, and held up a small piece of paper that had some book titles scribbled all over it.

"Sibyll's told me about some books on Divination, as well…I was going to stop by the library on Monday, anyway. I'll be sure to pick these up…"

"You really don't have to if you don't want to…" I mumbled quietly.

"No, it's fine. I'd like to…"

There was that feeling again, something cold tugging at my fingers. I allowed my hand to turn over, palm up, in my lap. Slowly, a tentative coldness made its way there, finding its place in between my fingers and latching onto it tightly. A pleasant chill jolted down my spine, and I couldn't help but smile.

"You know," he whispered sweetly yet nervously in my ear. "I've never formally asked you….Well-"

"You don't have to." I brought his hand, enclosed within mine, up out of my lap, planting a warm kiss on the tips of his fingers. "You already know what my answer will be."

We sat like this for a while, holding each other's hands and pretending we were holding each other. I was happy just to be close to Severus, and it was enough for him, too. We remained in this way until Roberta and Sibyll began to urgently tug on our sleeves, bidding us to come away with them.

I'd never imagined myself to be so happy as I was in that singular, spectacular moment. And I could only hope that Severus felt even half the way I did. If someone were to so much as mutter 'avada kedavra' with their wand pointed at me, I'd slip away peacefully. Dead before I hit the ground, I would have the happiest of smiles upon my lips.

* * *

On beautiful days such as today, Sibyll and I never missed an opportunity to sit outside and read. Despite the dreadful cold, not to mention the snow on the ground, we decided that the weather was amiable enough for us to brave the cold. After all, we could always place a charm on our clothing to keep it warm.

Out of courtesy, we would have invited Roberta to join us, though she wasn't truly a fan of sitting about and reading. She had a more experimental attitude. As her date with Sirius was today, Roberta was rushing around the dorms like a mad woman. She was obsessing over her clothes, her hair and her make-up. Not to mention, she still hadn't figured out what to do on her date.

As for me, I adorned my now usual make-up, the very same that had appealed to Severus so much that day in Hogsmeade. When I was finished, I found Sibyll in the common room, book in hand, waiting.

"Where shall we sit today? The courtyard?" I asked as I descended the stairs, fiddling with the tie of my cloak.

"I was thinking we might go somewhere different. A change of scenery, if you will."

"Sibyll!" I laughed. "We're going to be reading! I doubt scenery is going to make much of a difference."

"Dear, ambience is everything!"

"Well, good. Lead the way to a more ambient location, then."

And so, she did. Somehow or another, we found ourselves out in the cold in a matter of minutes. It was a beautiful day, and the first of the new month. Thinking of this, I gave a sad sigh. Hogwarts was almost over. My last year…. I blindly followed Sibyll, and wondered how much I'd see of her when term ended. How much would I see of Severus?

I knew it was always possible to keep in touch, but we were all pursuing very different career paths. Sibyll wanted to work with Divination, as it was her favorite subject. Not to mention, it was in her blood. I'd never really had an aptitude for it. Out of everything I'd ever learned, my best skill was one that was not taught at Hogwarts, Legilimency. In my sixth year, Dumbledore caught me reading 'An Introduction to Legilimency.' As he was very fond of my interest for learning, he allowed me to practice my skills with him every once in a while. Each time he complimented me, stating that I had an above average for such a skill. He even went so far as to tell me I was far more disciplined in my technique than some adults he knew. I did not take these words for falsehood. Albus Dumbledore did not lie.

I had already figured long ago that the only person I was ensured to see after school was Roberta. She and I both wanted to become aurors. Undoubtedly, we would enter the three years of training together, and work together when it was called for…

I nearly tripped over a tree root that was making it's way above ground, poking out just enough to trick a daydreaming fool such as myself.

Sibyll noticed this moment of clumsiness, and turned to me, a mixture of concern and amusement developing across her face.

"You alright?"

"Fine," I said, regaining my footing. I took this moment to look around, not familiar with any of my surroundings. As I did this, I was surprised at how far from the castle we had strayed. We had somehow managed to make our way around the lake, and found ourselves standing upon what would have otherwise been a lush, beautiful field, had it not been for the snow. There were a few trees to call this space home, and I daresay, I wished I could do the same. The view of the lake was breathtaking, not to mention the awesome sight of the great castle and mountains. I really couldn't get enough of this view.

"What's next?" I asked, turning to Sibyll. As usual, she wasn't quite giving me her full attention. She was staring farther down the field, at another tree a couple hundred meters away.

"My, my! Is that Severus?"

I turned my head to follow her gaze, only to find my dear Severus underneath a distant tree, book cradled in his lap, a slight smile on his face.

"Indeed, it is."

"Shall we join him?" Sibyll huddled her book tightly against her chest as she awaited my answer.

"I think not. He seems so peaceful all by his lonesome, and very intent on whatever it is that he's reading. Let's leave him be. Perhaps he will find us on his way back to the castle?"

Sibyll nodded, and allowed herself to settle into the snow against the tree with the unruly root. I joined her, casting a charm over my cloak to defend against the temperature.

Despite the fact that the sun was shining so brightly in the sky above us, there was still the leftover tracings of a long, harsh winter within the air. The biting cold could, after a while, become unbearable. It was best to take certain measures ahead of time, rather than to be in regret later.

Settling against the tree, I opened my 'Intermediate Legilimency' book, lifting up the dog-ear I'd made on the page. Most people would find it to be a boring read, but I found this book, particularly the chapter I was working on, to be fascinating. To me, there was nothing boring about any aspect of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Out of the corner of my eye, I scanned the title of Sibyll's book… 'What Are Your Tea Leaves Telling You?' I stifled a laugh. _That_, if anything, sounded boring.

Soon, we both became lost in black and white, so completely enthralled with a good read. For a time, I had forgotten all about Severus…all about Hogwarts…all about anything, really. I was captivated in an intellectual world, so absorbed by the text and knowledge I so worshiped. Deeply interested in my book, I hadn't even heard the crunch of snow under feet as four Gryffindor's made their way past us.

"SNAPE!" A familiar voice screeched, the sound reverberating off the nearby mountains, swinging back to me at full blast.

Sibyll and I thrust our heads upward, knowing and dreading what we'd see. James Potter marched past us, wand drawn, Remus and Pettigrew in tow. Lily Evans was circling around James, flailing her arms and screaming for him to stop. Peering around the tree, I watched as a startled Severus snapped his book shut and stood, fiddling to get his wand from his side.

"Expelliarmus!" James was quicker, uttering the spell as he'd done hundreds of times before. Severus's wand flew out of his hand. Out of options, he began to back up, fearful of what James would do to him.

"JAMES!" Lily's cries were desperate now. She tried to stand in front of him, only to be knocked away. James remained intent on his target.

I watched in terror as Severus slowly began to float upwards, kicking desperately to try to get back to the ground. Pettigrew giggled like a maniac when the Slytherin was flipped upside-down, his pants suddenly undone and tangled around his ankles. His cloak whipped around him as he struggled with all his might to bring up his fallen trousers, but it was no use. James would not allow for such a small victory. He was having much too much fun.

Remus vainly tugged at James's sleeve, silently urging him to let up. The stubborn Gryffindor violently pulled his arm from Remus's grasp, continuing to torture his victim.

"Don't try to stop me this time, Remus. I don't know how he did it! HE SLIPPED ME A BLOODY HATE POTION AND I'LL HAVE MY REVENGE!" James's voice got louder and louder each time he spoke, uncontrolled by rage.

I'd had quite enough. Closing my own book, I stood.

"Lucinda!" Sibyll whispered sharply. "What are you doing?"

"I can't just sit here! He's my boyfriend!"

I don't know what on Earth I was thinking. It was a very ballsy move on my part, though I suspect my judgment was much too clouded by rage. I charged after James, flying by Remus and Pettigrew before they even realized what was happening. With all the force I could muster, I smashed my book into the back of James's head, erupting more screams from Lily.

"Bloody Hell…" He groaned, rubbing his head as I rushed past him to the fallen Severus.

His eyes narrowed after me as I helped Severus to stand and re-buckle his trousers.

"Remus! If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times! Get some control over your woman!"

"I've had enough of your insolence, Potter!" I yelled, turning to face him. "What gives you the bloody right to storm over here and pick on him?"

"Need I say it again? He slipped me a hate potion! I know it was him! He had to have done it during the Quidditch match!"

"He couldn't have!" Sibyll had come to stand with Severus and me now. "He was with me the whole time."

I looked at her, slightly startled. Sibyll was not really an avid liar. In fact, she avoided lying as much as possible. It was completely out of character for her to lie for someone she just met. I'd have to be sure to thank her later, as she might have just put an end to this uncomfortable situation.

"Is that so?"

"Come along, James." Remus tried to pull at James now. "He didn't do it, then. Let's go." James didn't budge. He stood in place, his eyes narrowing more and more at the three of us.

"Then it had to have been you, Redbourn!" He pointed his wand accusingly toward me.

"Me?" I was shocked, despite the fact that I really had done it. However did he come to such a conclusion?

"Lucinda? James! Are you bloody out of your mind? We're going! This is insane-" Remus tried once more, only to be pushed away.

"There's no other explanation," he said snidely.

"Logically speaking, of course there is." Sibyll was going to go on a rant. I could tell. She was fiddling with the frames of her glasses. She always fiddled with the frames of her glasses when she was getting ready to rant… "You see, it's equally as probable that you, in a fit of anger, lashed out at Lily. Not wanting to risk putting your relationship at an end, you decided to blame it on said mythical 'Hate Potion'. Someone would have to be behind this indecent act, and so you decided to blame Snape. This would allow for the situation to seem as though it were completely out of your hands, and the fault of someone else."

"Well, let's ask Lucinda then. Lucinda? Does that sound right to you? It shouldn't!" James sneered.

"James! Stop!" Lily cried from behind Peter.

"Lucinda couldn't have done it!" Remus stated.

"That's right," a recognizable voice angrily came from directly behind me. Sibyll, Severus and I slowly turned, relieved at finding the owner of the voice. There stood Roberta, arms crossed, an angry expression on her face. Sirius stood close behind her, guarded.

"It's completely insane that two people can't go for a bloody walk in peace around here because gits like you always have to start trouble. Lucinda couldn't have done all that you claim her to have done. She was with me the whole time!"

"How convenient!" James clearly didn't believe any of it.

"It's true, James." Sirius said quietly. "Lucinda was helping Roberta in the holdings during the Quidditch match."

"Not you, too, Sirius!" The angry Gryffindor stared at his friend incredulously. "I don't know what's been going on with you two-" he pointed his wand at Remus, then at Sirius- "but you've all been acting completely batty!"

Roberta snorted.

"Something funny, Rosings?" James gave her a deadly glare.

"I just found it funny that you'd call them batty, considering you're the one with the unhealthy obsession with taking off Severus's trousers…"

I could hear Sirius fighting with himself. Bursts of snorting escaped from his person as he attempted to hold back his laughter. He knew perfectly well it wouldn't be wise to laugh at a joke such as that. However, I certainly wouldn't let Roberta plunge into this battle without backing her up.

"She's right, you know! Every bloody day I see you hoisting this poor bloke in the air and taking off his trousers! I'm beginning to think maybe _you_ fancy Severus-"

And then, something I did not quite expect happened. Peter Pettigrew shot forward and grabbed me by my neck. He lifted me up, choking me, a wild look on his face.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! DON'T SPEAK TO HIM THAT WAY!" He yelled, his face turning red.

Lily began her incessant screaming again. Remus looked panicked, uncertain of what to do.

I felt myself slipping from consciousness, everything around me faded into one suffocated blur. I began to loose all my senses, slowly, one by one. All that remained was sound. Oddly enough, it was a strange sound that saved me.

Something that sounded quite like parsel tongue erupted from behind me, sweeping over me and hitting Pettigrew full blast.

"SECTUMSEMPRA!"

Spiraling back to awareness as my body thudded against the ground, I looked up to my attacker, relishing fully in the cuts that adorned his entire body. He made a pathetic whimpering sound, and raced behind James.

"What the bloody fuck was that?" Roberta's eyes were wide in admiration and curiosity.

"I don't know what you did, Severus, but you'll regret it!" James and Pettigrew moved backward somewhat fearfully, leaving the scene.

Severus rushed over as I tried to sit up, swallowing me into a bony hug, then a hard, passionate kiss on the lips. I'd felt as though fireworks coursed through my very veins. He hadn't kissed me since Friday evening. So lost in the kiss, only was I made aware of reality when I heard a choking noise coming from Remus's direction.

I could do no more than give him an apologetic look before he turned away, storming after his friends.

Lily remained.

"I'm so sorry!" She said to us, tears pouring down her face. "I tried to get him to stop! He's so hard-headed! He never listens!"

"It's alright, dear." Sibyll assured her quietly.

We all sank into silence, watching the three boys painstakingly make their way back to Hogwarts. I couldn't help but feel horrible for poor Remus. He would have had to find out about Severus and me sooner or later… Snogging in front of him was just a horrible way for it to have happened. Although I didn't share the same feelings as Remus did, he was one of my dearest friends. I didn't want to lose him…

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked up to find Sirius looking down at me knowingly.

"I'll talk to him." He told me. Slowly, he began to follow his three friends as the distance between them and us increased. "Come along, Lily."

And with that the two Gryffindors left, leaving only a Slytherin and Ravenclaws in the aftermath of what had just happened.

Sirius would later tell me that he had spoken to Remus, and that he harbored no ill feelings.

"He said that he just wishes you happiness, and hopes that the two of you can remain friends."

Somehow, I did not think things would ever be the same between us.

**

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Don't forget to tell me what you thought!! PLEASE! Since my self-esteem as a writer is dropping severely....

Oh! Another Funny Anecdote.

I was sitting in the hallway, waiting for class when a tallish boy walked by me. If I ever had a description of a young Severus, he matched it _exactly_. He had shoulder-length black hair, and it was greasy. His nose was a little big and crooked. I just thought that was funny. I'm seeing Harry Potter everywhere!!!!

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	11. Ch 10:: Alstroemeria

* * *

**A/N**

**It's Sunday!**

**You know what that means!**

**So I was really nervous about this chapter. You'll see why. ;D**

**Also, I know people are going to wonder why everything seems a bit more sped up as far as the passing of time, there's a reason for it. If no one gets it by Chapter 13, let me know, and I'll try to explain as best as I can.**

**One last note before you all get to the story: People have been asking me if the story will pick up where the Prologue left off. The answer is yes. I briefly considered leaving it at the point where the bad stuff happens, but I wanted to give Severus the happy ending he deserved.**

**So, without further ado.... The chapter of An Unrequited Love Song that's been giving me anxiety since I wrote it!**

**Enjoy? I hope...?  
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Just as I had suspected, Remus and I did not speak much in the weeks that followed. When we saw each other in the halls, we would offer one another cordial 'Hello's, but that was it. He no longer came to our table, and all miscellaneous invites to sneak away to Hogsmeade ceased.

My relationship with Lily Evans remained the same. She often invited me to go to the library with her after Muggle Studies, and I would oblige. Although I did, and always would, disapprove of the way Lily so easily discarded Severus as a friend, I did not wish to be so quick as to do the same to her.

On many different occasions, Lily confided to me that she thoroughly approved of my relationship with Severus.

"That's not to say that I don't like Remus! He's terrific!" She would hastily try to justify her words. "I just think it's fantastic that Severus finally found someone. And you both do have so much in common."

I would always nod and smile, not finding any danger in her words. She, too, would tell me how Remus wished to retain my friendship, how he did not harbor any ill feelings toward me nor to Severus.

No matter how many times I heard this, I knew all who said this spoke truthfully. Remus never bore hatred for anyone. He was, quite possibly, the most civil person I had ever met. His extraordinarily high tolerance allowed him to befriend James, and his kind heart always urged him to discourage his friends from tormenting others. Indeed, he was an admirable and respectable person. I had always been proud to call him my friend.

As for Peter Pettigrew, indeed, I did see him in the halls as well. He looked upon me so strangely, I could not possibly tell what he was thinking. Yet whenever I returned his unscrupulous glare with one of my own, he would whimper and skitter away like a frightened mouse.

And so, life went on in this way. March went as quickly as it came, soon replaced by April. All the while, Severus and I discovered a new means of correspondence. It was difficult for him to walk with Roberta, Sibyll, and me, or just with me, for that matter, to each class. Because of this, we weren't really as able to talk as much, or see each other as much as we would have liked during the day.

After having dinner with Sibyll and Roberta, Severus was increasingly shy of coming to eat at our table. However, he would make it a point to have breakfast with us each morning. Lunch and dinner, on the other hand, were spent with Lucius Malfoy. Often, I would see the two carrying on like old friends. Other times, they quarreled. As they did this, their eyes would flicker to me, and then back. As I had adopted the pathetic habit of allowing my gaze to drift to Severus during meals, I would witness this.

I didn't think Severus was really one to use owl correspondence, and so when I received my first note from him, I felt nothing but the purest of excitement.

During lunch one day, I took it upon myself to, once again, chastise Sibyll for reading the heap of garbage otherwise known as Witches Weekly.

"Lucinda, really! You must learn to lighten up!" Roberta said after swallowing a mouthful of food.

"How can I! I'm not going to sit idly by and encourage her to read this filth!" I gestured to Sibyll, who was, naturally, unaware of the conversation unfolding right before her. To prove my point, I began to read a headline off the front of the magazine. " 'Young Wizard Gilderoy Lockhart Single-Handedly Defeats Swarm of Renegade Orcs.' I mean, really, Roberta. A swarm of renegade orcs? You'd have to be out of your bloody mind to believe that!"

"I wouldn't mind snogging him…" Roberta said dreamily, looking at the picture under the font.

Sibyll peeked her head over the top of the magazine to look at us.

"Hello! What are we talking about?"

"Nothing, Sibyll. Nothing at all." She smiled at us, then went back to absorbing herself within the poppycock.

"…disgrace to the literary frontier…" I grumbled as Roberta continued to stare dreamily at the magazine cover.

All of a sudden, the owls flew in. There seemed to be quite a bit of mail to be delivered today, as they were all in quite a frenzy. My usual fear of having something dropped on my head overwhelmed me, and I looked up, squinting, just in time to see something falling from the ceiling toward me.

Giving out a shriek, I slammed my head on the table, protectively covering it with my arms. I felt someone lean over me, presumably Roberta. Feeling no impact after a few moments, I decided it was safe to look up. Across the table, Roberta looked at me with an amused expression, the parcel that had been heading for me in her hands.

"As I said. Lighten up." She handed the parcel to me, and proceeded to sit up straighter, leaning over slightly to see what it was I had gotten. Even Sibyll pulled her nose from the oh-so-captivating pages of Witches Weekly to eye the parcel with interest.

Usually, I received letters. Letters were not uncommon. However, parcels were something rare indeed. My father always hated owl mail, and perhaps that's where I developed my irrational fear. Typically, those who did not favor such means of correspondence did not use it, which was the explanation as to why I never really received any packages. Letters were fine and dandy, yet parcels were a bit of a hassle.

This parcel, however, was not from my father. He always sent things in boxes. This was a small, round, dainty little thing. It looked like a big cigar, silly enough as it was.

"Who is it from?" Sibyll, too, leaned over to get a better look.

I flipped over the parcel carefully, as it was delicate, I did not want to risk ruining whatever was inside.. I read the name that was so elegantly written along the wrappings.

"Severus," I breathed, restraining myself from tearing the parcel to shreds.

"How romantic!" Sibyll crooned.

"You must open it!" Roberta said, impatience and excitement taking hold of her. Very carefully, I peeled back the wrappings, shredding off all the layers until all that remained were the contents.

I held in my hand, a flower, one of the most beautiful I'd ever seen.

"Alstroemeria," Roberta breathed, identifying the flower.

"My favorite…"

"However did he know?" Sibyll asked, completely bewildered.

I shook my head, not having any idea myself. I didn't believe I had ever mentioned it to him… What a sneaky little Slytherin, he was….

Attached to the stem, I noticed was a small square note card. I opened it, immediately taking delight in Severus's careful and beautiful handwriting.

_' Meet me at the first floor girl's lavatory after dinner.'_

I read it once to myself, blushing immensely. Then, I read it aloud for the benefit of Sibyll and Roberta.

"Oh, it's so romantic!" Sibyll repeated, her eyes glistening at this display of Severus's sweet, quixotic nature.

"I daresay it is!" Roberta reached her hand out for the flower, and I obliged, much too consumed with curiosity from Severus's note. I didn't dare look to his table, knowing full well that Sibyll and Roberta would join me in this. The only thing we'd succeed in doing is embarrassing him, and I did really hate to make him uncomfortable.

"Well, Lucinda. What do you think?"

"She's going, of course!" Roberta said, as though it weren't even a question. "The poor boy put a lot of time and effort into this…"

I nodded. Even if he hadn't put time and effort into it, I would still have gone.

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After dinner I found myself in front of the girl's lavatory, just as I had silently promised. I waited anxiously, unable to help my relentless fidgeting. I had only just got there two minutes beforehand, but it felt like hours. In desperate need of distraction, I began to twirl the alstroemeria in my fingers, the motion soothing my nerves.

Soon, I heard the sound of approaching footsteps. Fearing that they might not be Severus, I ducked into a corner. They grew louder and louder until I finally saw a familiar pale and lanky figure round the corner.

"Lucinda?" He whispered, eying the corridor nervously. I came out of my hiding place.

"Hello." He held my hands and kissed my forehead, allowing his lips to gently rest there for a minute. Then, he tugged at my arms, leading me into the lavatory.

I really had planned to snog his lips off the second we entered the loo. I thought the flower was sweet, and the whole concept of the correspondence was romantic. We'd been dating for some time, yet still I figured Severus much too shy to do anything such as this.

"Hello!" An irritating voice wasted no time in greeting us.

I wrapped my arms around Severus's neck, not bothering to look at the troublesome apparition that floated eagerly around us.

"Hello, Myrtle," I sighed contentedly.

Following my lead, Severus slowly lowered his hands around my waist, and, subconsciously I released my grip over the flower. It felt so perfect to hold him like this.

From the corner of my vision, I could see Myrtle's head darting back and forth between us, just as a happy dog eying a particularly interesting ball might.

"You both look rather strange," She mused, her eagerness morphing into suspicious glances. "You look as if you're going to-"

We didn't bother to allow her to finish her statement. Severus gently pressed his lips to mine, and I, ever cooperative, returned the kiss. He allowed for one of his hands to skitter upward, his fingers daintily tracing my jaw line. With each touch he provided to my skin, our kiss began to build, ever more passionate, ever more heated.

"Absolutely appalling!" Myrtle cried in disgust before disappearing, muttering to herself all the while.

In the newfound silence that engulfed us, I ran my tongue shyly across Severus's top lip, surprised when he opened his own mouth enthusiastically, allowing for our tongues to carry on in such an intense, sweet, loving battle. As with the night of our first kiss, Severus once again claimed victory. Defeated, I yielded to him, allowing him to lead the way in each magical moment that our mouths were so sensuously connected.

His lips were burning against mine. I lost all notion of time and place, only knowing that I was ensnared within Severus's embrace. Trapped, with no where to go, I didn't want anywhere else to go. I wanted to remain the captive of this beautiful soul forever.

My body wanted so much more than the kiss, yet I knew this was out of the question. Undoubtedly, he wouldn't be ready for such advancements. A virgin myself, I was still much more practiced in the art of love, even if Severus proved to be much better. I would simply force myself to remain a victim of this sweet torture, until that fateful day comes….

Severus withdrew his tongue long enough to nibble at my bottom lip, eliciting a gasp from my unconscious control over my vocal chords. Before I had even any more time to react, his tongue was battling mine once more. When it came to love, Severus, it seemed, delighted in sneaking about and catching me off guard at any opportunity he could. Needless to say, he was quite successful at it. 'Sublime' would not be a word adequate enough to describe what was taking place.

We had been so unaware of everything around us, that is, until my wristwatch began to beep uncontrollably. Frustrated, I parted myself from Severus to examine the annoyance that had interrupted so delightful a connection between us. Pushing back my sleeve, I blinked my eyes wildly in an attempt to focus on the numbers on the small screen. Still in my dreamy state, it took me a while to realize what was, exactly, the relation of those numbers to the beeping sound.

My eyes widened in horror when the realization made itself apparent within my mind.

"What is it?" Severus asked nervously, fearing that, perhaps, he had done something wrong.

"Five minutes to curfew!" I had no control over my voice, and found that I had screamed this fact rather loudly.

"Shit!" We cried together, racing out of the lavatory. I veered sharply to my turn, about to make my way hastily back to the Ravenclaw Tower when a cold hand grasped my wrist, pulling me back violently so that Severus might plant another delicate, loving kiss on my lips. It ended just as abruptly, and he shoved me away. I could hear his footsteps until he rounded the corner. We both ran wildly, not wishing to suffer the consequences of being caught in the halls at night.

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Such correspondences became frequent between us. We would often meet in the bathroom after dinner, carrying on in the same way that we had that night. The parcels, the flowers, the notes, they soon became somewhat commonplace to Sibyll and Roberta. The two Ravenclaw girls would simply give me an encouraging smile.

Myrtle knew to make herself scarce during such evenings, taking one weary look at us before shaking her head, announcing that she had some business to attend to elsewhere.

On this particular night, she eyed us warily.

"I'll leave you two to your…business…I have something I must do in the Hufflepuff prefect's bathroom."

In a faint poof of specter-like smoke she was gone, leaving us both to our privacy. Little did I know that tonight would be so vastly different from all those other nights…

It started with a kiss, one simple action, so cannibalistic in nature, lead to something much more fierce. Fingers pulling at the buttons of my blouse, a hand fiddling with the buckle of his trousers. In an unstoppable force, we were both naked before we were fully aware of the situation that had so wildly and blindly presented itself to us.

Like so many times before, obsidian eyes met brown ones, and we looked at each other, questioning. I was ready. I was almost certain I was, anyway. As for Severus, I could not tell. My bare back against the tile of the floor, my eyes trailed impatiently up his standing form. He took note of my gaze, and, making the final decision, he dropped to the ground, closing the gap between us.

There was pain then, the feeling of something ripping and tearing away… And though it was intense, it was brief, giving way to pleasure I had never imagined. For all his innocence, much more prominent than my own, he knew just what to do and when, ever the surprising sex god I had envisioned him to be.

Everything in the world had gone silent to me. No longer did I hear the hum of the toilets or the dripping faucets of the sink. No longer did I hear the creaking of pipes. What was left to my ears, however, was much greater to behold. In the sense of sound, there existed only Severus and me. I heard the velvety sounds of his moans, an occasional grunt or growl to stir the intensity and ferocity of it all. In response, I heard the sounds erupting from my own throat as our bodies continuously connected.

With each thrust I felt something building and building deep within me. I could barely manage to close my eyes, no longer in control of my own body or any of its actions. My vision was a blur and a blast, stars, planets, and black holes surrounding one majestic light, Severus. That feral look had overtaken his eyes once more, and I couldn't help but feel so fantastic under this strange gaze, the building feeling strengthening again. Suddenly, the stare increased tenfold, and I found myself being hoisted up, he standing and I, left with no choice but to wrap my legs around him. He threw me up against the circular wall with sinks, kissing me with such a fervor I had never before experienced from him.

His pace never faltered, neither did his kiss. We stayed in this way until the very end. Feeling something tremble and shudder deep inside of me, I threw my legs from around him and dug them into the respective sinks on either side of us. With the first violent waves of this welcomed sensation, I pushed against them, my body writhing backward, only to be trapped between his body and the wall.

It began to wash over me like a flood, and I could not control myself. Screaming would have been completely out of the question. In our heated frenzy, we had not bothered to cast a silencing charm over the lavatory. People did pass by, even at night. Screaming or yelling of any kind would have been much too risky.

In desperation, I bit down on the only thing available to me, his neck, violently trembling as my release overtook me. The instant my teeth sank into his skin, he pushed into me, and I could feel the same pleasurable affliction catching and taking hold of him as well.

Ah, so I had found a sweet spot. I vowed to myself that I would remember it forever, feeling as though I now had the upper hand on him.

We stayed like this, looking each other shyly in the eye, not quite sure how to react with one another after what had just transpired. He pulled out and away from me slowly, allowing me to slide my feet to the floor. He turned his face away, and I could see that it was a bit flushed. Reaching out to him, I brought his face back to look at mine. Cradling it in my hands, I brought my lips to his and we kissed. When the kiss was broken, he allowed my head to rest against his shoulder, and I permitted him the same.

"H-how…How was it….for you?" He stammered.

I felt myself groaning inwardly, knowing that for once I'd have to give credit where credit was due.

"It was everything Witches Weekly said it would be…" I said miserably.

He smiled at this, knowing fully of my hatred for the silly magazine, and melted into the embrace. The hug reassured both of us, letting us both know that nothing would change between us. As we stood like this, naked an intimate, I felt his vocal chords at work against the top of my head.

"Yes?" I asked, turning my face to look toward him a bit.

"Well….You didn't happen to mention whether or not your father was a hit wizard, did you?" I laughed at this, only to realize that he was being terribly serious.

"No, no…" I smothered my face into the crook of his neck for a moment, enjoying the feel of his skin against mine. "My father's an accountant…."

This calmed him down some. Relaxed, and at ease once more with each other, we began to get dressed. An elitist when it comes to rushing, I was dressed and presentable long before Severus had even managed to buckle his trousers.

"You go on ahead," he said, his eyes envying the quick pace with which I dressed myself. "I'll meet up with you tomorrow."

I raced over to Severus and planted a quick kiss on his cheek before turning to dart out the door. I hadn't even made it four steps out of the lavatory before I found that I had bumped into someone again, completely lost in a daze.

"I'm so sorry!" I stated as I looked up to see who it was I had bumped.

The fact that I even had to turn my head completely upward should have been a clear giveaway as to who it was I had bumped.

Steel eyes met my own, and I flinched prematurely at the insults to come. However, peering upward, I saw that Lucius did not look upon me with hate, as he usually did. There was a friendly air about him….And something else quite undetectable….Concern?  
I was determined to find out somehow what had brought him into this sudden change of heart.

I opened my mouth to restate my apology in the manner that was expected of me, 'I'm so terribly sorry, Mr. Malfoy…' Yet, he beat me to it, successfully producing words before me.

"It is of no consequence. But how lovely to see you, Miss Redbourn! Just the girl I was hoping to see!"

I eyed him skeptically.

"Really?" I adored the fact that he was treating me more like an equal and less like scum, I just couldn't help but feel suspicion toward his actions.

He laughed, sensing my tension.

"Yes, my dear! Of course! What other Miss Redbourn is there?"

"None, I suppose…."

"Precisely! And so I was hoping I might speak to you-"

The sound of the lavatory door opening and slamming shut behind us interrupted the exceedingly strange conversation between Lucius and myself. Turning, we both watched as Severus distractedly wandered into the corridor, doing the buttons on his blouse. When he finished, he looked up and, seeing his mentor and me, came over to us.

"Hello, Lucius." He said as he wrapped his arm around my back, holding my right shoulder with his hand. His glare was stern, yet I didn't really think anything of it. The two had been bickering quite a bit lately. From the way their gazes would always proceed to make their way to me, and from the way everyone's disposition had just suddenly shifted, I would have to presume that I was the cause of it all.

I turned back to look at the flaxen-haired Slytherin. His eyes were wide, his mouth turned downwards at their corners… A look of horror overtook him as the realization of our emergence from the lavatory began to settle in. His eyes flickered between the two of us, and he looked like he might speak. All in all, it was quite clear that he disapproved the notion of the two of us shagging.

"You won't tell anyone, Mr. Malfoy, will you?" I asked, fearful that he kindness he had just shown me would evaporate back into the severe hatred he previously felt for me. If he did tell anyone, Severus and I would be expelled for sure.

"No…" He said slowly, not taking his eyes off of Severus. "I won't…" Severus and Lucius continued to stare at each other in silence. My eyes wandered around nervously, unsure of how to respond to whatever was going on between them. "Good evening to you both…" Lucius turned away from us and continued his way down the corridor, disappearing into the darkness.

Severus quietly kissed the top of my head.

"Goodnight, love."

Then he, too, faded into the darkness of the night.

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You have no idea what trauma I'm feeling as I'm typing this.... I really hope you didn't hate the lemon. That was my first one ever. I didn't make it all graphic for a couple reasons...

One, I didn't feel it went right with the story.

Two, I didn't feel comfortable writing that, nor did I even know how to go about writing something like that.

It's very crucial to my self-esteem and sanity that you comment on this chapter.  
Thanks for reading!

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	12. Ch 11:: The Shifted Alliances

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**A/N**

**Okay. The moment you've all been waiting for **

**You know, when I was going over this chapter, I was sitting in Copley Square (Boston). As I was making revisions and what not, I heard shouting behind me..... Slowly and cautiously, I turned around to find out what the racket was! The girl next to me did, too. We turned only to find two homeless women having an outrageous, loud argument. One boy, who was skateboarding, sat with us and watched. Another guy, who seemed to only be passing through, got very excited and climbed up on a statue to get a better look. One of the women left in a huff, violently throwing her copy of New Moon over her shoulder. Everyone disbanded in time and it was only myself. All by my lonesome I sat and worked away. Then.....the woman came back. She was cursing, spewing the "f" word. Then, when the other homeless people shooed her away, she reared her head like an angry dragon and began to spit at their feet. Then.....SHE CAME BACK! She was screaming such obscene profanities (redundant?). I thought it would be in my best interest to pack up and leave.........**

**Sorry about that little story. I thought I'd lighten the mood before, you know.....**

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The full moon shone brightly in the sky, illuminating our way through the deep dark woods. Leaves and twigs clung to my jeans as I allowed Severus to lead the way through the Forbidden Forest.

Like so many other times, I received an alstroemeria with a note around it, yet this one requested that I meet him behind Hagrid's Hut. I was a bit skeptical at first, not really wanting to do anything that would require my blatant disregard for the rules. It would be absolutely ridiculous to be expelled so close to the end of our final year at Hogwarts, the End-of-Term Ball only weeks away.

In fact, I anticipated that Severus would formally and officially ask me tonight. It was already assumed that we were going together, however, the boy _had_ thought it necessary to formally ask me out after he had jumped out from some mysterious hiding spot and snogged my lips off…

We reached a clearing in the woods, and I couldn't help but to look around nervously. I knew that Hagrid often patrolled the Forbidden Forest, and I certainly did not want to get caught. Just thinking of the consequences made me physically ill. The forest was off limits as it was (hence the name, Forbidden Forest), and yet here _I_ was….And out past curfew, no less!

Intertwining our hands between us, we faced each other. His features were a beautiful blur in the moonlight, reminding me everything that had initially attracted me to him physically. His nose didn't seem so hooked as it did aristocratic, his hair unmarred by the damage of concocting too many potions. His skin was ever more translucent, and as the wind blew gently past us, the smell of ginger engulfed my sense of smell…. We had been together for nearly half of the school year, and still I felt as though I might swoon over him.

Looking up at him, I smiled nervously…though whether it was out of fear for breaking Hogwarts rules or shyness, I couldn't say for certain.

My eyes flickered down to his lips, which were slightly flushed as they had been that day he'd been chewing at them. They loomed ever closer to me, planting a soft kiss on my very own before drawing back.

"I love you," he whispered, saying those viciously sweet words to me for the first time.

"I love you , too…" I somehow managed to say back.

He brushed a stray lock of hair from my face, and leaned in to kiss me again. It was not heated and passionate, like those we shared in the lavatory, but gentle and sweet. With each timid pressing of his lips against mine, I felt a sort of transfer. I could sense all his thoughts and feelings running through me…I could really feel how much he cared for me.

There was shouting in the distance, and it brought us both back to our senses.

"MOONEY!" The voice sounded so familiar. I looked at Severus, startled. He had gone pale, and his eyes twittered around the forest nervously.

"Severus, what is it?" I was feeling scared now. Why did he look this way?

"Lucinda. Do exactly as I say." He said, barely moving his lips to speak. "Ready your wand, and keep it out. Stay in the clearing, and do not move." He turned away quickly, disappearing into the darkness of the forest.

Bloody fantastic! I was trapped in the Forbidden Forest…Alone…Past curfew…

I twirled in circles, never daring to even budge from my spot in the center of the clearing.

I had no earthly clue what a 'mooney' was, but I was quite certain I didn't want to find out.

'Mooney'…. 'Mooney'….I'd heard a variation of that word before, aside from the obvious 'moon'….. 'mooning'? Certainly there wasn't some raving moron who was running about the Forbidden Forest at this ungodly hour mooning magical creatures? Would that have really stirred such a disturbance from Severus?

"MOONEY!" Another voice called out, also familiar. This one, however, was much closer. I was certain I knew who it was… I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Suddenly, someone emerged from the clearing. Startled, and remembering what Severus said to me, I kept my wand raised, ready to attack.

"Who's there?" I squinted through the dark.

"Redbourn? Lucinda, is that you?" The figure inched its way closer and closer, until I could finally make out who it was….James. Fantastic..

"Potter? What are you doing out here?" I asked, startled.

"I could ask you the same thing," his defensiveness got the better of him, if only for a minute. His face became quite somber and serious in a mere instant. "You haven't seen Remus around, have you?"

"No, why?" Was he hurt? "What's wrong with Remus?"

"Err..Nothing…" James said nervously, looking around himself. Another figure crashed through the clearing, stopping in front of us.

"Lucinda?" Ah, the other recognizable voice.

"Sirius? Alright, someone explain to me what the bloody hell is going on."

"Are you out here alone?" Sirius placed a hand on my shoulder, looking more stern than I had ever seen him as long as I've known him.

"N-no…." I stammered. "I'm here with…."

"Yes, of course." He muttered over my voice distractedly as he thrust me into James's chest. Then, he turned his own back toward me, wand at the ready. James's turned around, too. It was strange to see them in this state, as if they were readying themselves for something.

A flash—something to the left of me caught my eye. I squinted hard, doing my best to adjust my eyes in the light. There was something eerie and yellowy in the bushes off to the side of the clearing…Oddly enough, they looked like two pairs of eyes……..

"What's that?" I whispered to James, never taking my gaze off the bushes.

"What?" He whispered back harshly. Following my gaze, he let out a surprised gasp. Then, like Severus, the color drained from his face as well. "Padfoot, it appears that we have company…"

Padfoot?

As he spoke, something emerged from the bushes. It was tall, hulking, grey….rather wolf-like, oddly. And yet, something rang out as a familiarity…I was sure I'd never seen this sort of creature in my life, yet I could not look away, determined to place where and when I had. While the beast was, ultimately, wolf-like, there was something human about it….Something in the way its eyes gleamed at me as it hulked ever closer, Sirius and James scooting further and further in front of me all the while.

The thing did not stop until it was directly in front of us. While I was well-hidden behind Sirius and James, its gaze never left my face. It eyed me sadly, then lifted its head to howl at the moon. I jumped involuntarily.

Just then, I felt something cold touching the back of my neck….cold hands…

I tensed up, yet a soothing voice whispered in my ear.

"Sh! It's just me! Stay very calm. Don't make any sudden movements."

"Snivelly, is that you back there?" James slightly angled his head, trying his best to keep his eye on me as well as the strange wolf-beat that had appeared to us.

"Prongs! Don't be so easily distracted!" Sirius reprimanded sharply.

Padfoot? Prongs? What the bloody hell was going on here?

"Sorry….sorry…Snape….How fast of a runner are you?" James attempted to continue to speak to him.

"Not very," Severus said wearily, as though he knew James's reason for asking this question.

The wolf-beast was shifting it's haunches now….

"I'll take her back," James said, turning himself more towards me, but very cautiously.

"Don't be foolish. I'm the faster runner. I'll take her…If that's alright with you, Severus."

Severus made a grunt of approval, yet I still had no clue as to what was happening around me.

Padfoot? Prongs? Mooney?

Clearly the strange wolf-beat was Mooney, yet I did not understand. Was it some sort of wild pet? How did it so equivocally look like a wolf and man?… A wolf man?

The realization dawned on me then.

Werewolf.

"Remus," I whispered, covering my mouth with my hand. I felt like I was about to puke.

The instant the name left my lips, the wolf-beast lunged at me.

I screamed. I screamed hard and loud. For two reasons in particular. One, there was a werewolf jumping for me, and two, Sirius had vanished, and was replaced by a great black dog. I found that I was, in a flash, thrown over the dog as it raced through the forest, heading back to Hogwarts.

This only caused my screams to get louder. So much so, I could barely hear the sounds of James and Severus casting spells, even though they did fade with the distance.  
Trees, shrubs, flowers, grass, plants of all sorts rushed past me in a nauseating whirl of color. The fact that one of my best friends was a werewolf did not really do anything for me, either. And not only that, had Remus tried to attack me?

The dog's tail flung itself back and hit my hand, signifying that I should shut my mouth.

It seemed like seconds, but we were soon out of the forest, safely within distance of the school.

I found that the great dog was no longer such. I was slumped over Sirius's back as he kept himself off the ground on all fours.

Standing, and then helping me to my feet, he gave me a general check-over before turning to head back into the woods.

"Wait!" I grabbed his arm so he could not go anywhere. "Was that…Was that…"

"Yes." He said sullenly, avoiding my gaze. "It was him."

"Padfoot and Prongs?"

He seemed even more reluctant to answer this question.

"Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. The Marauders. Named for our three animagus forms, and Remus's unfortunate lycanthropy…."

Those names, it had just dawned on me, appeared on the Marauder's Map whenever I used it. How could I have never noticed it? How could I have never thought anything of it?

I stared at him, bewildered. It was certainly difficult hearing that Remus was a werewolf. Though, thinking back on it, whenever the moon was reaching it's full moon cycle, he wouldn't be in the Great Hall…He wouldn't show up to classes for a few days…… He always avoided going out at night….It all made perfect sense…Thinking back on it, of course. At the time, I thought nothing of all those factors.

"Animagus?" I asked, still not comprehending.

"Animal forms Peter, James and I can take. Peter, Wormtail, takes the form of a rat. James, Prongs, a stag. And I, Padfoot, take the form of a dog." His eyes flickered over my face nervously. "Please…promise you won't tell anyone….about us….about Remus? Nothing?" His eyes bore into mine, searching for some sort of affirmative response that I would do as he asked.

"Please, Lucinda," he begged. "If anyone at school found out about Remus, it could ruin him. Please…"

"Yes…of course, Sirius. I promise…" I said to him, still in a daze.

He took my hand and held it, squeezing it a bit before letting it fall back down to my side. Turning away, he darted off into the forest, once more the great dog. His frame disappeared gracefully in the moonlight.

As I stood, halfway between the castle and the Womping Willow, I cringed, fearing for the safety of Severus…for the safety of Remus…for all my friends….

Merlin, I how I hoped everything would work out for the best.

* * *

The end-of-term dance was tomorrow, and Severus still hadn't asked me. It was quite strange, as I had already purchased my dress in Hogsmeade with Roberta and Sibyll. Was I being a bit too hasty?

This question was answered for me during lunch, the day before the dance. When that owl dropped the anticipated flower and note at our table, I was ecstatic. All day long, my thoughts drifted to Severus. I could barely contain my excitement, and my friends were certainly excited for me, as well.

Roberta and Sibyll already had their dates. Roberta, obviously, would attend the ball with Sirius. Sibyll had been asked by a rather sullen, precocious Hufflepuff named Lewis Danbry.

When evening finally came, I found my heart was in my throat. Making my way to the first floor girl's lavatory, it was all I could do to keep myself from running. The instant Severus asked me, I would throw my arms around his neck and kiss him! I vowed to do this! I had been waiting for this for so long, I knew I'd be completely thrilled when he asked me.

I had spent a lot of time during the day thinking about how I might stay in contact with Severus after Hogwarts. I really didn't want to have to give him up. I'd never felt so strongly about anyone before… I hoped, perhaps, we could still be together. Strangely enough, in all our time together, we had never once discussed our plans for the future. I was determined to ask him next I saw him…when it was appropriate, of course.

If I were to become an auror, I'd have to train for three years. That could put a bit of a damper on starting a life with him. Oddly, enough, that was no problem. I found that I was willing to give up my dream in order to be with him. I could find a new profession. Surely it wouldn't be that heard. I had taken all my required classes, and nearly all the advanced classes. I was certain I was well-suited for any position the wizarding world had to offer.

With an unconscious spring in my step, I made the turn around the corner to the girl's lavatory. I had to use all my willpower just to stand still. Twirling the alstroemeria in my fingers as I waited with great impatience, I found that I was wearing at the stem a bit.

After an eternity, a figure emerged from the shadows, and I sighed with great relief.

I hadn't realized I'd been holding my breath for most of the time! The newer intake of oxygen felt so sweet within my body.

"Severus!" I cried happily, watching the approaching figure very intently.

"Sadly, no." The voice was one that I recognized very well…yet it was the last one I expected. Lucius Malfoy stepped into the light in front of the loo, making himself visible.

"Oh! Hello, Lucius!" I did my best to be cordial and polite. "Have you seen Severus around? I'm supposed to be meeting him here…"

Lucius looked down upon me with sad eyes.

"He is not coming, my dear."

"What? What do you mean he's not coming? Of course he is!"

"No," He looked down, a troubled expression playing on his face. "I'm afraid I have some terrible news which I must now reveal to you, Lucinda."

I eyed Lucius warily. Something told me I was not going to like this. Not one bit, indeed.

"I'm afraid my friend has played you false," He said hesitantly. "It appears Severus Snape has no intention of going to the ball with you…"

Did I dare believe Lucius Malfoy? My heart did not, yet my brain, for some inexplicable reason, did. I could only stare at the blonde Slytherin, my eyes wide with horror at such a notion. Severus would go to the ball with me. He loved me! ….Didn't he?

As if guessing my silent question, Lucius began to speak again.

"No, my child. Severus never loved you. Your infatuation with him…his love for you…your relationship… It was all a lie. And, friend or no, I cannot sit by and allow him to play you for a fool any longer. Even if you are not of my house, and I owe no loyalty to you, I cannot bear to see someone tormented in this way."

Lucius's words were very bold, and they startled me.

"This cannot be true!" I felt my face getting hot with rage. "How can you say such things?!"

He took a step closer to me, his hands out in a peaceful gesture.

"My dear, it is so simple. He slipped you a love potion….This sparked your infatuation with him, it would seem. And as you 'lured him' ever nearer, he did his part to play back. I have known of this devious ploy since the day you two became an item, and I fear I can hold my tongue upon it no longer. Despite the Cruciatus curse he threatened to inflict upon me if I told a soul, I fear I can no longer keep silent."

My eyes were welling up with tears. I would not believe this. I could not believe this. Not of my Severus. He loved me! He did! I would never believe the foul words of this terrifying snobbish man! However….the pains I was feeling within my stomach suggested that some part of me, unfortunately, did.

"And why on Earth," I said, biting through the tears, "would he go through all the trouble to do that?"

"Two words, my dear. Lily Evans. Revenge upon James Potter and his friends for the various torments they inflicted upon him over the years. They all contributed to his daily torture. Yet Potter, he wronged him the worst. Potter took the one thing Severus had near and dear to him, Lily Evans. One cannot imagine the hurt and pain that poor boy must have felt….Yet, as the years have passed, this hurt turned to hate, and yielded to his plight for revenge.

There would be no way to get Lily back, and no way to give Potter his just deserts. The only option left would be to attack one of his friends. Those four are so closely knit, if one of them stubs a toe, the other three will feel it. Pettigrew has no hope of having any sort of love interest. Black, at the time, had none. That only left your dear Remus Lupin. He was an easy target…half the school knew of his affection for you…."

The tears were flowing freely down my face, now. I did not wish to believe his words, yet everything that he said to me fit together in one way or another. Everything seemed as it could be the truth….Everything in my soul wished to cry out and turn away from these words, yet something tugging at my hope just would not allow me.

"I am truly sorry," he said to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "My only wish is that I came to you sooner…Please forgive me for allowing you to continue on as the butt of a vengeful act against the misdeeds of Lily Evans and James Potter………." His eyes flickered upward, and, through the blur of my tears, I followed them. They looked horrified, staring at something behind me.

Shrugging out of his grip on me, I turned to see what it was that terrified him so. The sight that presented itself to me was enough to make my heart shatter within my chest, to solidify the point that Lucius so ardently tried to make to me. There stood Severus, head lowered slightly, his hair hanging in front of and around his face in a way that suggested nothing but rage. His arms were by his sides, hands clenched into tight fists. I could see his knuckles turning white from the pressure with which he was squeezing his muscles.

"Severus," I whispered, wishing he would run to me….Wishing he would smooth my hair back, kiss me, hold me….tell me it all wasn't true! Something! Anything!

Yet he simply stood there, glowering at Lucius in all his fury.

I was no fool. His silence spoke enough words, words which verified all the horrible things Lucius had told me.

Sorrow turned to anger briefly, and I marched up to Severus, throwing the flower angrily at his feet. He flinched only slightly. I glared at him for a moment, my anger so prominent my eyes were probably glowing red. Then, not able to bear the sight of him any longer, I turned and fled, making my way past him, around the corner, and as fast as I could down the corridor.

I wanted to forget all about the way he made me feel.

I wanted to forget the sweet scent of ginger.

I wanted to forget what it was that attracted me so to his features.

I wanted to forget how it felt when he held me, and how I felt when he held me.

I wanted to forget everything, if only for a little while.

I was certain that even if he had slipped me a love potion, it was certainly a strong one. It's effects would wear off in time, yet I was quite positive my feelings would never change. Despite having been lured in by a love potion…Despite having been used as a tool in his twisted revenge for his loss of his relationship with Lily…I loved him. I knew it in my heart. The feelings I had for him were more than an infatuation…………..They had to be love…

I didn't dare go back to the Ravenclaw tower. I didn't dare seek out anyone. My destination was one where I could be alone, one where I wouldn't be troubled by the harsh truths of my reality. I made my way blindly down the corridors, just as I had months ago when I believed Severus had rejected me. This time, I was heading for the astronomy tower.

**

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DX

((The reason why I concentrated most heavily on the infatuation rather than the real relationship should have been explained. I hope that was clear....?))

Thanks for reading!

Now tell me what you think. Who expected that?

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	13. Ch 12:: Friends

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**A/N**

:D

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I leaned against the metal structure, my knees pressed against my chest. I didn't want to think about all that had happened just an hour ago, yet my thoughts kept reverting back, and there was no way to control them.

How could I have been so vulnerable as to allow someone to taint my pumpkin juice? It was a possible feat, and certainly Severus could have even done it before I had known him. Just a simple drop would have been enough to build the infatuation that I held for him.

But how could he do this to me? Even before I had become so falsely close with him, I never suspected him of anything so horrid as this! Yet whatever Lucius told me, it had to be true! Severus heard him admit to me the whole thing, and didn't say anything when I turned to face him. Even thinking of this caused my heart to cry out to Lucius. I hoped Severus wasn't really going to use the crucio curse on him! _That_, if anything, seemed particularly out of character. Using an unforgivable spell would get him landed in Azkaban…that is… if anyone found out about it.

I put my face in my knees, wanting so much to be able to stop crying, yet the tears still flowed from my eyes. I had given my heart and my body so openly and easily to someone who I believed felt the same for me. I had nearly ruined myself! And how I wished I could be able to do something but feel sorry for myself!

Footsteps ascending the stairs to the tower began to echo around the room. Looking up from my huddled position, I saw several people making their way toward me.

These were my real friends, even if some of them irked me beyond comprehension.

Remus Lupin

Roberta Rosings

Sibyll Trelawney

Lily Evans

Sirius Black

And James Potter.

They all looked at me wearing mournful expressions. Judging from the way I felt, I'm sure I was a depressing sight to behold myself. I tried to smile at them all, to tell them that nothing was wrong, but it was an utter failure. I felt the corners of my lips twitch wildly as I commanded them to bow upward into a smile. Speaking? I could barely get my mouth open.

The sadness in their expressions only deepened. Remus, especially, looked as though a blade had just cut him in two. This could have been for one of two reasons. Either he was upset that my love for Severus was so strong, and so much greater than mine for him, that it was making me feel this way, or just that I felt this way. Either one was a possibility, and I was in no mood to sit and analyze it.

I stood as Roberta, Sibyll, and Lily ran to me, grabbing me and holding me tightly in an embrace. Their faces were almost as sullen as mine.

"Malfoy told us what happened," Remus said slowly, his eyes searching my face.

"And at a great risk to himself, too!" Sibyll said. I assumed Lucius told them about the threat.

"Bloody decent bloke, he is. We misjudged him…" Sirius mumbled.

"I can't believe Severus would do this!" Lily cried, her hold on me tightening even more than I thought possible. "I mean, I figured he was a bit of a jerk when he called me a mud-blood, but this is so uncalled for!"

Roberta nodded her agreement. I felt her short hair bobbing against my ear, then the vibrations of her voice box as she spoke.

"He had no cause to do such a terrible thing to you, Lucinda. I'm so sorry. I'm your friend, I should have been able to see if something was wrong… I should have been able to tell. I could have prevented all of this!"

"It's not your fault, dear." Sibyll said to Roberta from behind me. "I wasn't able to sense anything wrong, and you know how good my 'sight' is. I didn't even foresee this most unfortunate event. Severus played us all for fools…"

Remus broke away from the other two Marauders to make his way to me. The girls that huddled around me broke free, allowing Remus to swallow me into a warm embrace.

"I'm so sorry," He whispered into my ear, petting my hair and holding me tightly.

"Don't say that," I sniffled. "If anyone should be apologizing, it should be me. I can't believe I allowed myself to be fooled like that. I hurt you, Remus."

"That day in the forest, I could've hurt you."

"But you didn't." I whispered back.

"If I hadn't been stopped…I would have."

I widened my eyes a bit at this.

"I was wild with rage and jealousy. It was already bad enough that he won your heart, and I didn't…But smelling both your scents…together… in the forest that day…it drove me wild. I could smell it all the way from the Shrieking Shack. I broke free from the watch of Madame Pomfrey, Sirius, Peter, and James just to come after you. Thank God they got to you before I did……"

"I'm so sorry…"

My voice trailed off as James's dominating voice rung out loudly in the tower.

"Lucinda! "Don't you dare apologize for what that greasy git did to you! We're going to get him for it!" His eyes were full of anger and revenge.

"No, please." I mumbled. "Just leave him be."

"What?" Roberta asked incredulously. "Lucinda! Although I must say I am against any general sort of tomfoolery, some sort of revenge is, it seems, in order!"

"I'm going to have to agree, I'm afraid." Lily raised her hand daintily, as though we were taking a vote. "He's gone too far this time."

"I won't deny that his cunningness did indeed fool me. But by whatever trickery he utilized, I did love him. I still do….And so, as my last act toward him, I just wish him whatever happiness he could have ascertained from this entire terrible situation. He wanted his revenge? Well, let him have it."

I slumped to the floor, pulling myself into a sitting position. My friends, meanwhile, stared at me in disbelief.

Remus lowered himself to me. "Okay," he whispered, kissing me on the cheek. "Okay…"

Everyone sat down, as well. I didn't really want to talk about what had happened, but it seems as though they did. Not in the mood to fight back or be resilient in any way, I allowed them to, even joining in on the conversation myself.

"What I don't understand," I said to them, eying my way around the circle. "Is how he managed to obtain so much Love Potion! A vial is understandable, but he would have needed to brew some of his own! His supply would have run out. And, come to think of it, there wouldn't have been enough time to brew enough for this to work……."

"They don't sell any at Potion's Devotions….but they do sell the ingredients to make it. Then again, as you've just said, there wouldn't have been enough time…. Unless he had brewed some before hand?"

I shook my head, not thinking that Severus would have really planned so far in advanced. If I knew him as well as I thought I did, which might not even be much, at this point, something this devious would have been a spur of the moment thing. Even the Hate Potion was spur of the moment, it just took a long time to make and, during that time, he hadn't even known how he was going to slip it to James!

A sudden thought flashed its way across my mind. I turned my head to face Lily, my expression weary.

"Lily…?"

"Yes?" She clearly had not event thought anything close to what I had, or she would be as somber as I.

"Whatever did you do with that love potion…..?"

I watched as realization settled on her face, her expression turning from one of sorrow for a friend, to absolute horror.

"I-I put it on your desk…"

"And?"

"And Severus took it…."

Roberta and Sibyll made sharp intakes of air, and Remus, who had been holding my hand, tightened the firmness around my digits.

"Lucinda! I am so sorry!" Lily looked as though she were about to burst into tears. "This is practically all my fault!"

Sibyll put her arm out and rubbed the panicked Gryffindor's back, cooing soothing words to her.

"Don't be ridiculous, Lily." James said. He seemed very distracted, not his usual joking self.

"It's no one's fault from my own. I shouldn't have been so easily tricked…" I leaned my head against Remus' shoulder, unable to keep myself propped up any longer.

"Lucinda, you are the last person at fault for this whole ordeal."

"I still think we should get that git for what he's done…." James piped in quietly.

"I just want to jump from the astronomy tower…" I thought I had said this quietly enough so that no one would hear, but apparently I was wrong.

"WHAT?" Roberta cried angrily.

I looked up, startled by all the angry and scared faces that were looking back at me.

Remus's grip on my hand tightened.

"Don't you ever say that again. Look around. You are surrounded by people who really love and care about you. Don't you even think about wasting your life on someone so worthless as Severus Snape. Do you understand me?" His voice was so harsh. Had I really angered him so?

"Yes," I mumbled quietly, avoiding everyone's gaze.

"Lucinda, if you jump from that tower, I'm going to follow you right down." Roberta threatened.

"Me, too." Sibyll said.

"Us three, we're a team!" Roberta continued. "We have to stick together no matter what. I know that saying this isn't going to lessen your pain any, but I still feel it's something that needs to be stated out in the open. Snape isn't worth the love you bestowed upon him. He isn't worth your tears, or any of this pain that you're feeling. One day, you'll see that."

I forced a smile. I knew she was right. However, she was also correct in saying that it didn't ease my pain.

Looking around, I was completely surprised to find how dark it had gotten. Granted, it was dark when I had come up here, yet the night seemed blacker, as it always did when it was reaching the unholy hours of the morning.

Sibyll, too, followed my gaze toward the sky, then immediately pulled back her sleeve to look at her wristwatch.

"Goodness! It's nearly two in the morning!" She cried.

"Lucinda, come back to the common room with us. If you stay up any longer, you won't be able to keep awake during the ball!" Roberta outstretched an arm toward me.

I merely looked at her arm, completely confused. I lifted my head of Remus's shoulder and lowered it toward the ground, not wanting everyone to see the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Roberta, I thought it was quite clear that I wasn't going to the dance. After all, I don't even have anyone to go with!"

"Nonsense, Lucinda! You're going with me, naturally." Remus wrapped an arm around my neck and pulled me back into him.

"Remus, surely you've gotten a date!"

"Oh, no. He's saving himself." Sirius said with a grin.

"Please," He said gently, for my ears only. "Let's go together. We can have loads of fun, just like we used to." Then, louder for all to hear: "And we can show Snivelly what a wonderful time you can have without him!"

Everyone clapped and hooted at Remus's comment. I just felt my heart sink even further. This was all wrong.

And yet, the more sorrowful I felt, the more I couldn't help but realize a slight feeling of joy. I had never realized how much my friends cared for me til this point. They were breaking school rules for me by being outside of their dorms past curfew. They were right. The people sitting with me in this room, even James, the pratt he is, cared for me a trillion times more than Severus ever did. As for Remus, I really couldn't have asked for a better friend. After all the heartbreak and pain I put him through, he was still there for me in the end.

I looked at Remus, a smile somehow cracking on my lips. He truly was amazing. It was such a shame I didn't love him the way I loved Severus. He and I could be so happy together……

I bolted upright from Remus's shoulder, confused by the daylight that was suddenly surrounding us. In a frenzy, I checked my watch. It was half past eight. I must have fallen asleep…

Looking around the tower, I found that the others were gone. It was just Remus and I. I turned to look at his sleeping form. He seemed so peaceful and happy….He had really stayed with me the whole night. Not wishing to startle him, I leaned over and shook him gently.

"Remus," I whispered.

"Mmmmhmm?"

"Wake up. It's morning."

His eyes jerked open, and he, too bolted upright.

"Bloody hell! What time do you have?"

"Half past eight…."

Inching his way closer to me, he braced both hands against my shoulders.

"Go back to your common room and get washed up. Then, meet me down for breakfast. I don't care if you're not hungry," he said, brushing off the protest at the tip of my tongue. "You're going to go downstairs and sit with us, and we're going to pretend that bloody bastard is of no consequence. Understand?"

I nodded, and Remus kissed me on the cheek. Then, in a flash, he stood and bolted down the stairs of the tower.

* * *

After I had washed up and done my usual make-up, pointless as it seemed, I begrudgingly made my way downstairs. Everyone was seated together at the Ravenclaw table, and I, too took my place in between Remus and Sibyll. Lily, who sat across from me, began to spoon a heaping amount of eggs onto my plate. Sirius, next to her, threw toast to Remus, who then passed it to me.

"You guys!" I nearly shrieked. "That's way too much food!"

"You need your energy." Lily said.

I sighed, knowing it was completely useless to argue with everyone. Reluctantly, I began to eat the food that had been placed in front of me.

Conversations resumed around me, but I found I couldn't pay any attention. Every once in a while I would do my best to chime in on some charm that Roberta was talking about, or some sort of variable in the auror training as James would mention it. For the most part, my mind was elsewhere.

I noticed my eyes would often drift to the Slytherin table, but, miraculously, I would become aware of my straying glances and bring them back to my friends. Never did my eyes land on Severus Snape. Perhaps it was fear that prevented me from seeing him? I wanted so desperately to look at him…..

My eyes did indeed dare to flicker over to him at that moment. He sat there, completely normal, as though nothing was out of order at all. As though he did not nearly cause me to go completely insane. Life was just floating by, and he was letting the tide pull him along.

As they used to, long before he 'loved' me, his eyes drifted all about the room. Never once did they travel anywhere near my direction….Never once did they even seem to be searching for me.

The conversation at my table, which had somehow switched to the feasibility of flying ones broom underwater, dulled itself into a muffled roar. All of my senses, it seemed were becoming muffled. I could only bring myself to continue to stare at Severus…

Hours passed in my mind, and I found that my breathing was hitched, my heart pounding just as it would when I first saw him in the halls, or whenever I got close to him before we had become an item. It was that unsteady, unsure feeling that resembled love. Against my will, it had overtaken my body whilst I was most unaware. I could feel it now flowing through my veins, feeding off the oxygen that entered my lungs with every ragged and uncomfortable breath I took.

No one seemed to notice that I was staring at him, for I'm certain that if they did, they would have given me some encouraging words, and done their best to navigate my attention elsewhere. Remus, especially, would have taken it upon himself to divert my attention.

Out of the blue, I was overcome with the feeling that someone was staring at me. It was odd…Who would be staring at me? I looked over at Severus, but no, he was completely engrossed by his plate…. I looked around at my friends, they were all looking at me. Not to mention, they were giving me rather odd looks.

"What?" I asked, offended. I hadn't even done anything that out of the ordinary, really. I was staring at someone I had feelings for. So what? Granted, he took my heart and ripped it into thousands of bleeding pieces, I did still love him.

No one said anything, continuing to stare, and it was then that I noticed they were all staring past me. Slowly, I turned in my seat, only to find Patricia Paisley staring down at me, a smug look on her face.

"Hey there," She said, faking friendliness.

"What do you want, Paisley?" Roberta asked in an annoyed tone. No one was really fond of Patricia, certainly not Roberta.

Patricia returned Roberta's glare with one of her own, sneering as she spoke.

"None of your business, Rosings." After snapping at Roberta and continuing to stare at her a few seconds more, she returned her attention back to me.

"So, Lucinda. I heard Severus dumped you." She made a sad face at me, pouting dramatically.

"What's it to you?" I grumbled through my teeth, irritated that the subject was coming up at all, much less from someone I didn't particularly like.

"Normally, nothing." She replied, lifting her hand up casually to inspect her fingernails. "Except for the fact that you were staring at _my_ boyfriend."

I felt my heart shoot up from my chest, hit my brain, and fall back into my mouth. It thudded and pounded with such a ferocity, I could hardly keep tears from welling in my eyes.

After months together, after captivating my heart for so long, and then carelessly throwing it aside, he dared to make matters worse by getting another girlfriend?

Tears began to build up at my eyelids, threatening to pool over and slide down my cheeks.

"Yeah. It's really great that he got rid of you. Now he and I don't have to hide it anymore." She sighed happily, clearly enjoying the emotions she was rising out of me.

Remus clasped his hand around mine, a tight grip on my wrist the only thing holding me back from running out of the Great Hall.

Looking back at my friends, I felt slightly consoled by their disgusted looks. All of which were directed at Patricia, with the exception of Lily. She had turned in her seat, glaring at Snape. Undoubtedly, she was adding more things to her mental list of things he's done wrong.

"Why don't you do me a favor, Lucinda, and quit oogling over him? He doesn't want you. He never did. You're just embarrassing yourself, and more importantly, us. Why don't you be a good little Ravenclaw and chirp and fly away?"

"Better to chirp and fly than to slither and hiss!" Roberta shouted, standing. I knew Roberta. She wouldn't hesitate to make this physical. Even now, her hand was sliding down to her waist, preparing to draw her wand.

My attention had been so focused on my blonde friend that I hadn't even heard Lucius approach. Apparently, neither had Patricia, as she jumped when she heard his voice behind her, and felt his hands on her shoulders.

"That's quite enough, Patricia." He said, firming up his grip on her.

Startled, she turned around to face Lucius.

"But she-"

"Why don't you go back to the Slytherin table and join your friends?" He said very diplomatically. Though, it was more of an order than a question….

She simply nodded and skittered away, clearly not wanting to bug Lucius, nor get on his bad side.

After watching her go, Lucius turned his attention toward us.

"Hello, Lucius. How are you?" Remus said. It seemed to me that his politeness was not forced. The Marauders were truly accepting of him for his role he played in revealing the truth to us. I couldn't say I wasn't grateful…but ignorance _is_ bliss…..

"Fine, fine, thank you. Actually, I was hoping I could speak to Lucinda for a moment. I want to make certain she's okay." He indicated toward me, then reached out a hand for me to take. I obliged him, and together we walked toward the far end of the Great Hall.

It was an awkward walk, though, thankfully, extremely short.

When we reached the other end of the Hall, he turned to face me, taking his hand from mine and using it to lift my chin.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I've been better," I mumbled.

"I just wanted to say again how terribly sorry I am about this whole business…."

"Please, Lucius, you're the last person to be blamed for all of this. If anything, it's no one's fault but my own for being so foolish! But my friends do get quite upset whenever I say this."

"I can only imagine…This must be hard on you." He seemed very concerned, and I feared he would keep me here all day unless he thought me emotionally stable.

"Heartbreak is heartbreak," I said as simply as I could. "Everyone knows it at least once in their lives. It's nothing quite out of the ordinary."

"But such horrendous deceit!"

"I don't condone the underhanded manner in which he broke my heart, but, nevertheless, I accept that we were over, and whatever existed between us was purely one-sided."

I tried to make my outlook over what had happened seem as harsh and as indifferent as possible. Well, whatever I had done, Lucius seemed to believe it. He did not seem so tense as he had a few moments ago, and he removed his hand from my chin.

"I'm quite glad you're not a dreadful mess."

"Yes, surprisingly I am quite well…"

There was a brief pause before Lucius spoke again. It was awkward, almost. He peered into my eyes, as though searching for some detection of a lie. Bravely, I glared back. Confidence was key if I were to keep this charade…

Sad as I was, all I really wanted at this point was for everyone to stop worrying about me. There was something in the way that people felt and expressed pity for you in desolate situations such as these… It did more harm than anything. With all the depressing and worried looks Lucius had been giving me, I felt sorrow brimming at the edges of my eyelids once more, and fought with all my might to hold them back.

Lucius took in a deep breath, leaning back. It seemed that I had convinced him that I was much better.

"I will leave you to the company of your friends, then. Have a good day. Will I be seeing you at the ball tonight?"

"I daresay you might," I said, knowing full well that my friends would drag me off by force if they had to.

He smiled at me, then turned away, making his way out of the Great Hall.

And I was left with nothing more to do than to dread tonight….

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Thanks for reading!

(I got stuck in an elevator for forty minutes on Thursday. It seems like really interesting things happen on the days I update)

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	14. Ch 13:: The Dreaded Event

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**A/N**

:D

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Had things been differently, I would have delighted in saying that the ball was as spectacular as I dreamed it would be. Everything was dazzling and perfect! It seemed to be something straight from a fairy tale. Unfortunately, there was just one thing missing from mine, and that, of course, was Severus.

I had convinced my friends to allow me to walk to the ball myself, that I would find them and join up with them when I got there. You see, I really wanted the walk alone to prepare myself for the pain that I would endure on this cursed night. As I descended the stairs, I passed by Patricia Paisley. She was talking to some of her Slytherin friends, though I did not know their names.

I didn't dare to even look at her, not wanting to attract the unwanted attention. Instead, I kept my eyes focused directly in front of me. And, as I descended the stairs I found, much to my dismay, that this simply would not work, either. For who should be waiting at the bottom of the stairs but Severus? He was holding a bouquet of flowers. I spotted some alstroemerias among the red roses and baby's breath.

His right arm, holding the bouquet, was slightly elevated, and his gaze, it seemed, was transfixed upon me. Most assuredly, I was a strange sight to behold. My dress alone would make those who knew me well enough turn and stare at me in confusion. When I had purchased the dress with Sibyll and Roberta, it had been during a time when I was hopelessly in love with Severus, and when I had believed him to share similar feelings. I thought I would give him a nice surprise and wear Slytherin colors. Quite clearly, the joke was on me….

And so I slowly made my way down the stairs, looking warily at Severus. I was a sight to behold in an olive green dress, cutting off just above my knees, and a black sash and bow around the waist. I approached ever nearer, and his expression seemed to grow more and more hopeful--- when suddenly I heard behind me a most delighted cry, and a black and white blur flew past me as Patricia flung herself onto Severus, kissing him passionately on the lips.

A few factors about this kiss pained me in such a way, I do not believe anyone could have ever felt pain similar to my own. The first factor would be, naturally, the kiss itself. It really did hurt to see someone I loved so dearly sharing a kiss with someone else, especially when, just two days before, it was my lips his were pressed against. Ah, but then, if what she claimed was true, hers might have been pressed to his as well…

The second pang was brought to my chest after Patricia pulled away from Severus. I could still see her pink lipgloss shimmering on his pale lips after they had separated me. Evidence…. that hurt, too.

And the last, but certainly never the least, was their behavior after the kiss. Severus blushed deeply, and, in a very shy manner, offered Patricia the bouquet of flowers he had been holding. Thrilled, she took them, making every effort to smell them and swoon over him in such a dramatic way. She even dared to give me a couple of dirty looks in between praising Severus and trying to get him on the dance floor.

On the stairs, I felt my legs might just collapse underneath of me, if it weren't for someone much taller for myself holding me, keeping me upright. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see platinum blonde hair draping over my shoulder as the one assisting me leaned over to whisper in my ear.

"Come along, then. Pay them no mind, for they deserve no such recognition." His voice wrapped around my numbing mind like a ribbon, and I allowed him to lead me away from this place. Everything seemed to move past me in a blur when, before I realized it, I could see my friends. Sibyll noticed me first and broke from Lewis briefly to intercept me.

"Thank you, Lucius. You've done a great deal for her these past twenty-four hours. As her friend, I hope there is some way we can repay you."

"Nonsense," I was removed from Lucius's arms and intercepted into Sibyll's. "Just seeing her get through this situation in one piece is enough. Take care of her." And with that, he walked away, joining some other Slytherin's over by the punch table.

I allowed Sibyll to push me into the middle of a crowd that all my friends had made. There stood Remus, engaged in a conversation with James and Lily. And I had to say, they all looked quite handsome. Lily, who did not usually care to put much effort into doing her hair and make-up, looked like an entirely different person! Her hair was tied up in a bun, which I have only seen her do once before during a particularly involved potions lab. That, along with her make-up, really complimented her features.

James's hair, along with Sirius's, I noted, had been slicked back, no longer appearing shaggy. Remus had combed his over and geled it, really making him seem even more striking than usual. I had to admit, had my heart not been so preoccupied with Severus, I daresay I might have found myself swooning for Remus.

Noticing my presence, they turned to greet me. Remus looked happy to see me, though slightly confused. Lily also possessed an expression of confusion, though it was not so slight as Remus's. James, on the other hand, looked ready to burst into laughter. It was my dress, I knew it had to be.

"Lucinda, you look….lovely…" Remus said, pulling his eyes from my dress to my face.

"Slytherin colors," James scoffed. "SLYTHERIN COLORS." This time, it was anger.

"James!" Lily said sharply, taking his hand.

"Don't be an imbecile. She purchased this dress back when she thought she was going to be here with….you know…" Roberta had come up behind me, feeling the need to defend me from James.

"Roberta, Lily, you misunderstand." He looked upon me with kind eyes. Really, I had to admit, these past two days were the most kind and mature I had ever seen James Potter. Maybe Severus had finally taught James a lesson? After all, wasn't that partially what he had been trying to do in the first place? Maybe now James realized how badly things could go when you picked on someone, or teased them, or fooled them and tricked them. I was made a victim, by a victim, to prevent a bully from continuing the great and terrible errors of his ways….

From this day forward, maybe James could conduct himself in such a way that, when he died, people would be able to say, "James Potter, bloody decent bloke." Perhaps he may be able to behave in so right a manner, that he can be forgiven the misguided actions of his boyhood. Of course, I hoped for something similar for Sirius. Though, I knew he was still a bit off. Yes, Sirius would, in a more personal manner, have to see what it would be like on the other end of the stick before he made any lasting changes. So often would he break something, or defile something, or do something wrong, and allow someone else to take the blame for it.

And, perhaps, maybe even Peter Pettigrew might finally find himself amongst people where he truly fit in. Yet, in every aspect, he was a lamb following a shepherd. Wherever life would take him, undoubtedly he would find that shepherd, and follow him faithfully with every ounce of his being.

"You misunderstand," James continued, the soft expression still remaining. "It just….It infuriates me that even at this ball, where we are to have left that whole incident behind us and start anew, there is evidence of it. Just seeing her in this dress, in those colors….It makes me feel like Severus is having one last laugh at us all."

Indeed, I could understand his point, and I sympathized now with his reaction, though it had startled me in the beginning.

"Well, that is nothing!" Lily declared, drawing her wand. With a flick of her wrist, she mumbled a spell I had never heard before. Yet its effect was obvious. In a small flash of white, my dress had changed from olive to silver, the ribbon from black to sky blue. The grateful expression I gave Lily was enough and, satisfied, she turned around and grabbed James.

"Let's all dance and have a bloody good time!" Roberta screamed eagerly. She took Sirius's hands and the two rejoined in their dance.

Remus shyly made his way over to me, just in time for the songs to change. The one that had just been playing was fast. This one, however, called for a slow dance. And so, Remus placed both hands at my waist, and I hung myself around his shoulder, letting my head rest on his chest. It felt right, in a way, but not as right as it ought to have been.

We danced, swaying back and fort in silence. I felt Remus turn his head a little, and his lips were pressed against my ears.

"You know," he said, "you look even lovelier than before. Silver really does suit you, just as well as black did."

"Of course you'd say that." I teased. "For silver is the color of the moonlight."

"Ah, yes. And no color ever made me forget myself, or had so much power over me as silver has."

I smiled at this, and pressed my head even deeper into his chest.

After that dance had ended and we had shared a few more, I decided I was going to get myself some punch. I asked Remus if he cared for any, and he told me he didn't. Though, he did inquire as to whether or not I wanted him to come along with me.

"No," I said adamantly. "For I am going to have to have some bit of independence sometime. You all need to let me learn how to live again! I can't go on with all this babysitting!" And with that I made my way through the crowd toward the back wall where the punch table was.

One thing I'm always self-conscious of at dances is navigating my way though people. I always feel rude or awkward whenever I am forced to squeeze myself past someone. That is why, typically, at such events, I allow Roberta to lead me through the crowd.

When I finally reached the table, I was quite surprised at what I saw. Professor Dumbledore, of all people, was serving the punch! I was quite surprised when it was he who held out a small muggle cup out to me with the pink liquid inside.

"Professor! What are you doing back here! Shouldn't you be out and enjoying the festivities?"

"I can enjoy them quite well from here, thank you. And actually I am just giving Professor Slughourn a break. He'll reclaim his post in about an hour or so. Besides, I thought you might like a drink, and I've been meaning to speak to you."

Fantastic.

"Fantastic!" I tried to muster up a cheery sound in my voice. "What about?"

"There's no need to take up that false tone, my dear, for you know well what it is about."

My heart sank. Of course. Had my friends taken it upon themselves to inform every professor at Hogwarts about what had transpired?

"Relax, Lucinda. Your friends have not gone out and spread word to the world, as you might think. Only two professors know of Severus's terrible deed, those being Professor McGonagall and myself. I will not press you further about the matter, as I can imagine it troubles you greatly to discuss it. I would just like to make certain that you are well."

"Oh, yes. Very well, Professor. Thank you."

"And one more thing. Although you shall be leaving Hogwarts very shortly, please know that if you ever, in your life, need someone to talk to, I shall always be here for you. You are my student, and, as such, my child. I will always be here for you."

Tears welled up in my eyes. What a crybaby I was!

"Thank you, Professor." I sucked the tears back as best I could. "That really means quite a lot to me."

I was about to go, but I couldn't help but notice that Dumbledore's gaze briefly and ever so slightly flickered behind me, and back. Interested, I turned around to find what he had looked at, only to come face to face with Severus.

"Severus!" I said, shocked. What else was I really to say besides his name? The hurt and pain came welling up again, and I thought I might be physically ill right then and there.

"Lucinda," he remarked nonchalantly. "You're looking well…."

"Uh, yes, thank you." I wanted to get away from this awkward situation as quickly as possible. Looking around for any possible ways to slip past him, I finally saw one, and was about to make my way through it, out the hall and into the girl's lavatory to sob my heart out when I noticed that he had a hand outstretched toward me.

"Wh-" I began to ask, but was soon cut off.

"No hard feelings." He simply said with an odd grin. I had absolutely no idea how to respond to that. No hard feelings! Of course there were hard feelings! He broke my blood heart! Made a mockery of it! Of me!

Robotically, I felt myself respond, much to the protest of the rest of my body.

I shook his hand and then quickly darted away. I was about to carry on my plan of heading towards the bathroom when Roberta intercepted me. Of course, I saw her bright, bold yellow dress before I actually saw her, and in an instant she was by my side, an arm wrapped firmly around my back.

"Darling, are you alright? What could that arse have possible wanted with you?" She was rubbing my back now, trying her best to comfort me.

She escorted me back over to Remus, when finally I spoke.

"It was, undoubtedly, the strangest thing…. He offered me his hand and…tried to ensure there would be no hard feelings, I guess, is the best way to put it."

"Tell me you didn't shake his hand!" Lily cried. The girls looked emotional. The boys had their lips set in thin, straight lines. Well, all of them except for Lewis. He looked around at everyone else confused, clearly not knowing anything about anything that was going on.

"Come now, boys!" I said, doing my best to suck up all my confusion and hurt. "Let's not let this ruin your good time!"

Reluctantly, Remus eased into a forced smile and, taking my arm, we continued our dance where we left off. The other couples did the same. It was really lovely to watch all my friends slow dance. Lily had her head resting on James's shoulder, her eyes closed, and there was a peaceful smile on her lips. She really did look happy.

Roberta and Sirius were much different. They had their eyes down set onto the floor, occasionally looking up and giving each other shy glances. Every once in a while, their eyes would meet and, embarrassed, they would quickly look down to the floor once more.

Sibyll and Lewis were different still. They had all the closeness and chemistry that two good friends would have. Having been Charms partners for the first four years of their Hogwarts schooling, it was no wonder that they should be. They did not possess the romantic happiness that Lily and James had, nor the flirty awkwardness that was so eminent of Roberta and Sirius. Occasionally, one would say something to the other, and a small conversation would start up.

As for me? I found myself as a mixture between all three. While, in physical appearance, I slightly imitated Lily's position, mentally I resembled that of Sibyll, at the ball with a friend, one that, at one time, could have been much more but never was. Between the two of us, we acted much like how Roberta and Sirius were. Though, it was less on a romantic level, for me anyway. Occasionally, when my head wasn't resting on his shoulder, I would look at Remus, only to look away, red in the face.

It was just so strange to be with him at the ball, after everything that had occurred this past year. I think things would have been far less awkward if Severus never happened. Perhaps Remus and I might be dating? Who could know? The shyness that was Remus when he met my gaze was one of romanticism. It was a shame we could not be on a similar emotional level. How I would have given anything to feel how I did two years ago, for us to be what we were….

Every once in a while, my eyes would dart to where Severus and Patricia were dancing. He looked so blissfully happy to be with her. I had to laugh at myself. The whole time before we had become an item, I was so worried about Lily. Indeed! I had been dreadfully paranoid of his unresolved affections for Lily, and how they would overpower anything he felt for me. Little did I know that the person I had to worry about was the arrogant girl who made my life a living hell at every turn!

It was strange. I had figured Patricia Paisley to be a very shallow sort of person. As she had no hesitations in sneaking around with Severus while my back was turned, one could say I had been dead wrong. And I knew she was the sort of person to run around with someone's boyfriend regardless of her attraction to him. The fact that she was with _Severus_ of all people, she _had_ to feel something for him.

Patricia was, by no means, an unattractive girl. She could have her pick of a whole lot of boys. Ah, but, she was with Severus. Of course, I did feel scorn, and I did feel bitter. But Severus was happy, and despite the hurt he had inflicted on me, I could not, for the life of me, bear him any ill will.

I was wondering when this silly love potion would wear off when I was subjected to seeing something I could never be prepared for. It was more than just a kiss… They were snogging. No, not even snogging…making-out, would be a better term for it.

They were going at it quite fervently, tongue and all….Patricia grabbed at Severus's hair in passion, much like I had when I attacked him in the bathroom…

Bile rose in my throat, tears in my eyes. I knew then that this potion would never wear off, ever. While it may have facilitated my infatuation with him, I did come to love him. That was for certain. And I knew no amount of comforting from Remus or any of my friends would do me any good. Nothing could rid me of the spell Severus had cast upon me, one with no magic or potions involved.

In pain, I turned my face into Remus's shoulder. He had no idea what I had seen and, encouragingly, he wrapped his arms around me, one still about my waist, the other higher up on my back. He embraced me tightly.

How sad for him that things had to be like this! I knew that continuing on in the wizarding world would hurt him. I could never love him the way he wanted. Why linger on and keep his hopes up when I could disappear forever and give him a chance with someone else? Staying in the wizarding world would hurt me, too. Each time I saw a cauldron, I would be reminded of Severus. Could I really stick through the pain and pursue my dream as an auror?

_No._ I knew I could not. And so I made a promise to myself, nestled into Remus's shoulder, his lips brushing my cheek. I promised myself that after this night I would leave the wizarding world forever. I would rejoin my father and live out my years as a muggle.

Lifting my head up after Remus retracted his own, I took a good, long look at all my friends. How I would miss them! I knew I would be saying good-bye to them on the train tomorrow, but little did they know it would be forever. Mentally, I bid them farewell on a more permanent scale. None of them could know of my plans. When auror training began next year, and I failed to make an appearance, they would then know. When they sent me letters by owl, only to have them returned to no avail, they would know. I would move someplace where no one knew me. I would be as far from Hogwarts as I could be. Perhaps I'd move to Scotland? I'd heard Edinburgh was lovely. Yes, perhaps there…..

Before I even realized it, people were hugging each other, bouncing up and down.

Had the dance really ended so quickly? I found that I was pushed by Roberta into a quick hug with Remus. "Not too long, you too! There'll be plenty of time for goodbyes on the train!" And then I was dragged off, back toward the stairs.

With what I knew to be my final opportunity, I stole a glance at Severus. It was the briefest of all glances, for I saw he was looking at me, too. My head turned, I wondered just what it was playing on his face when he was looking at me. There was some odd expression, yet it made no sense to me….

Ah, well. When I had gotten back to Ravenclaw Tower, I feigned exhaustion. Having changed out of my dress and into my pajamas, I pulled the curtains around my bed closed and took out my wand, rolling it delicately around in my hand.

What horrible things I did that night… I made sure that I would never forget Severus... His face might one day dissipate from my memory...but his name would forever strike into my heart....

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Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected.

((As for the last line in the chapter, all will be revealed. I'll make a brief note at the beginning of the chapter where it comes up again....If need be...))

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	15. Ch 14:: Anew

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**A/N**

Hey guys.

So it was pointed out to me that Hogwarts is actually in Scotland. Silly me. Replace Scotland in the last chapter with Cornwall, England.

:D

Also, I have a favor.

I am writing another fanfiction after this called Trials and Tribulations of a Pure Blood.

It features an OC, who is a student at Hogwarts.

Should it be Severus x OC or Draco x OC?

And should it be as true to the book as possible (Order of the Phoenix) or should I just AU it?

Just leave me your thoughts in addition to the other happy things you guys write to make my day.

Thank you!!!

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The years had come and gone quite peacefully. I had missed several things, and had, through the occasional letter found its way correctly to my lap in Cornwall.

James and Lily were getting married. I was invited. Would I RSVP yes? Ha! I had no intention of even answering the letter.

Whatever followed was sent by Dumbledore. There was no doubt about it.

It started with an obituary clipping.

James and Lily had been killed by Voldemort. Their son, Harry, would be in the care of Lily's sister and her family.

Voldemort had been a rising entity during my time, but never did anyone expect him to amass this great of an amount of power!

I felt myself shiver at the situation, and almost then did I remove myself from my blissful hiding. I had met Petunia one summer after third year, when I had stayed with the Evans for a week. She was a bitch, no way to censor my feelings for her. But alas, I figured Sirius would be in a better position to take care of the young Potter boy.

A week later, I received another headline cut from the Daily Prophet.

Sirius Black, among other names I was familiar with had been sent to Azkaban. Apparently he had killed Peter Pettigrew, and had betrayed James and Lily's position to the Dark Lord.

There was no doubt I was very startled by this. Sirius was the last person I expected to betray James. And poor Peter? I never pictured any of the Marauders to hurt one hair on his head! Yet, all they had found of him was a finger…

Too late to take Harry in, I supposed. Perhaps Dumbledore had a reason for leaving him with Petunia?

Then, years passed, and the owl brought me no news from the wizarding world, and I thought, perhaps, Dumbledore had given up. Oh, how wrong I was!

Years later I received several envelopes, all of them included clippings from the paper.

"Escape from Azkaban! Sirius Black Breaks Out of Wizard Prison!"

The picture was horrible. I hadn't dared to look at it for more than a second before placing it face down on my coffee table. Sirius's face, screwed up with rage, mouth agape and screaming in anger, was far too much for me. Just hearing about the people I had cared so much for was terrible enough. Seeing their faces? Seeing how much they changed? That was worse.

Two years later,

"Mass Breakout From Azkaban!"

"The Boy Who Lies?"

"Lucius Malfoy to be Tried."

"Lucius Malfoy Guilty! Debate Ensues Over Azkaban Sentencing."

And, of course, an obituary for Sirius Black.

From then on, I waited in fear. What news would Dumbledore send me next? Would Voldemort and his followers proceed to kill everyone I had ever cared for?

The world has gone horribly awry.

And then, one day, I found myself thrust back into the wizarding world.

How strange, when I passed by faces I remembered from Hogwarts.

Even stranger was when I walked past Lucius's cell. A dirty, pathetic heap in the corner of the jail, I viewed him with a mixture of sadness and awe. My! How differently people looked after twenty something years had passed!

I viewed the day I returned to Hogwarts as the new worst day of my life….

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I allowed Sibyll to drag me off down the once-familiar corridor. She pulled me through the large doors that Severus had disappeared through, past rows of unfamiliar teen-aged faces.

As there was no group of young people standing at the front of the room, I had to assume that everyone was sorted. When I walked by each table, all the students craned their necks, it seemed, looking at me with some interest.

Had they heard of me?

She dragged me off to the table at the front of the Great Hall, the one where all the staff sat. Our seats were located in the tables that were angled to the side. This, I believed, allowed me to look on at the students in a more reserved manner. How I would have hated to been at the main table, looking directly out at them all! To sit at the main table, it seemed to me, would be much like being up on a stage…

As I sat next to Sibyll, I looked shyly around at everyone.

I saw professor McGonagall. Goodness! She still taught here? I expected her to be nearly as old as Dumbledore!

Speaking of him, I moved my eyes slightly to the side, and there he sat. He, too, seemed to be looking around, taking everything in. He turned to me and, seeing that I was looking over at him, he smiled and waved.

The only other faces I recognized were those of Hagrid and Snape. Though, I barely had any interaction with Hagrid….

And Snape…How incredibly unfair!  
I would have rather done my time in Azkaban than be forced to see him again!

His eyes met mine suddenly, and I turned my face away.

I preoccupied myself with examining my goblet.

Sibyll leaned close to me and whispered in my ear.

"Don't look now, dear, but that arse is looking at you. What nerve!" Her voice quivered in anger.

"Really, Sibyll. Calm down. The past is the past. I just hope we can at least get through the year with minimal conversation."

"Yes, well. Good luck to you. He's always been after a Defense Against the Dark Arts position, and I daresay, Legilimency is sort of a branch of it, isn't it?"

"Fantastic. Thank you, Sibyll."

I would have said more, but Professor Dumbledore stood, commanding the attention of everyone in the room. He waited a few moments more than necessary, as a few people continued to talk amongst themselves.

When the room was completely silent, he began to speak.

"Welcome back, students! Before we begin our wonderful beginning-of-term feast, I would like to make a few very brief announcements. First, I would like to remind all the first-years that everyone is prohibited from entering the Forbidden Forest, hence the name. I would also like to introduce a new teacher we have joining us at Hogwarts. She will be teaching Legilimency and Occlumency. As this is her first year teaching at Hogwarts, and as this course is experimental, she will only be teaching one class. So, sixth-years, do not be overwhelmed if the class size is a bit larger than what you're used to. Professor? If you'd please stand?"

I stood, despite the embarrassment. Sibyll looked up at me and joined the other professors in clapping for me.

"Professor Redbourn is joining us straight from Azkaban!" Dumbledore said good-naturedly. Why he said this, I have no idea! Perhaps he felt my sentence to Azkaban was just as ridiculous as I did?  
In any case, the clapping died down a great amount afterward. Many of the students were looking at me, shock clear on their faces. Even some of the professors looked surprised, Snape being one of them.

Flushed red, I quickly sat down.

"Enjoy the feast!" Dumbledore shouted excitedly.

Food appeared at the center of our table and, not wishing to look up at anyone, I just concentrated on my food and on eating, though I really had no appetite.

Sibyll was talking to me quite frequently, though many of her words, I did not hear.

Against my will, my thoughts drifted to Severus. How I sincerely hoped I would have little to no association with him over the next few years.

I didn't think he was still with Patricia Paisley. Professors at Hogwarts were, usually, single. If they were married, their spouses were typically teachers as well. I didn't see Patricia Paisley at the staff table. Perhaps they parted ways after school?

Whatever had happened, it was no business of mine. I forced myself to lend all my concentration to Sibyll, who was chattering away eagerly about something she had read in Witches Weekly.

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The next day, I found myself face to face with a room full of students. They eyed me warily, and I was looking upon them wearily. I didn't need Legilimency to know what was running through their little heads. There were three possibilities, in their minds, as to why I was in Azkaban. The true reason no where to be found among them.

Quite clearly, I had either killed someone, used one of the three unforgivable curses, or I was a servant of the Dark Lord.

Whatever they believed, I just wanted to make it past this first day.

Looking out in to the sea of students, I saw two children that I swore looked familiar to me, though, obviously, I had never seen them before in my life.

One was an extremely pale boy with bright, blonde hair. He was a Slytherin, and I instantly knew him to be a Malfoy. Could he be Lucius's son? Did Lucius marry Narcissa? There had been rumors when I was younger that they were to be married...

"You, Sir. Yes. The blonde Slytherin."

"Yes, Professor?" He seemed a bit frightened of me, and I had to smile at this. Never in all my life did I think a Malfoy was going to be frightened of me!

"May I have your name?" I tried to sound as sweet as I could, but, alas, as the last years hadn't been too kind on me, I found that my voice had grown harsh.

And what could I expect? I had lived for about two decades surrounded by people I hated, with no friends, no social life. I only left my home to go to work. At that point in time, anything was better than the pain. Perhaps, by surrounding myself with Sibyll and magic, I might be more like my old self?

"Malfoy," he said hesitantly. "Draco Malfoy."

"As I suspected," I replied. "And you?" I pointed to a boy, a bit smaller in structure. He looked like a little James. Though his eyes had all the fierceness and intensity that was Lily.

"Potter, Ma'am." He offered. "Harry Potter."

The two of them looked at me as though I were about to eat them for my dinner.

Their friends, who sat near them, looked just as terrified as they did.

"Oh, relax, the lot of you! I knew your parents, that's all."

They seemed to melt in their seats, utterly relieved that they weren't in trouble, and that I wasn't antagonizing them.

"Alright students. I'm going to be as kind as I can to you all, and I hope that in return, you all will be kind to me. I'm not here to fail anyone. I'm not here to hand out detentions like chocolate frogs. I'm not here to antagonize you all. I am simply here to pass on skills that I deftly taught myself when I was in school. So all of you calm down! I mean really it's ridiculous-"

I was interrupted by a knocking on the door. Who could possibly require seeing a student on the first day of classes? Annoyed, I turned toward the door, hands on my hips.

"Enter!" I yelled.

The door cracked open slowly, and I was quite surprised to find Severus standing in the doorway. His arms were crossed, and his eyes peeked out at me through his greasy hair.

What the hell? What nerve did he have coming in here and disrupting my class?

"Yes, Professor? How can I help you?" I asked stiffly.

His lip twitched a bit in what was supposed to be a smile.

"So sorry to interrupt, Professor. Actually, it is I who will be helping you…"

I blinked rapidly, not understanding his meaning. This isn't entirely true. I had a general idea what he could possibly mean. I just wasn't pleased about it.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Well, Albus Dumbledore thought, since I do hold expertise in the area of Defense Against the Dark Arts, and since I have been teaching at Hogwarts for sometime, that it would be in your best interest if I were to assist you with your class. He's worried for you, you see, as this is your first time teaching. I'd sit in each time and assist you, be it maintaining order over your students or what have you…"

I heard a boy in the back of the room groan. He was a Gryffindor, and, though awkward looking, I had to admit there was a cuteness to it. Much like a frightened turtle….

"You, Sir! Young man! What is your name?"

"N-Neville Longb-b-ottom, Ma'am."

"Neville?"

He nodded his head cautiously.

"Five points to Gryffindor."

He looked at me, confused. I heard Harry Potter trying to stifle his laughter. Looking over quickly, I saw that his friends were trying to do the same. Clearly, they had gotten the joke.

Severus had, too. Trying to ignore it, he continued on.

"I hope there are no objections?"

"Oh, well…Professor it is so kind of you to offer me your help. However, I'm certain one of your Potions classes would be better off under your wing as opposed to-"

"Professor Redbourn," he drawled on. "How very kind of you to be concerned for the well-being of my students. However, it is of no consequence to me. At this time, I have a free period. It would be of no inconvenience for me to assist you." He said as he stepped into the classroom.

There was no way I could politely decline him. I was too scorned.

"Well, then. By all means! Join us!" I pulled a chair over to him and patted the seat, indicating for him to sit down. He gave me a rather funny look, undoubtedly because I hadn't used my wand to summon the chair. Some of the students were giving me a similar look. Ah, well. I was too used to the Muggle way of doing things. Perhaps a few months back at Hogwarts could rid me of that….

When Severus sat down, I turned back to the class.

"Now, in this classroom, you all will be learning the exact and precise arts that are Legilimency and Occlumency. Together, they go hand and hand. I have found that the best way to learn is through hands-on experience and practice. So, I shall place you all into groups of two. These groups will rotate throughout the year, so you can better build up your defense or test out your skills on a broad spectrum of targets. Legilimency is, in my opinion, the trickier of the two. Occlumency seems to come as a natural reaction. So, for some of you Legilimency may be more difficult, and others, Occlumency. Any questions so far? State your name and then your question"

Everyone remained completely still in there seats but slowly one hand near the back of the room did raise itself high into the air slowly.

I pointed to the person to whom the hand belonged. A blonde Gryffindor girl twisted her head around to better see me.

"Lavender Brown, Professor. Please, I hope you don't mind my asking, but…What were you in Azkaban for?"

The students, who had looked at her in awe when she asked this question, all turned back to me expectantly, their eyes wide.

"Miss Brown!" Severus hissed, leaning forward in his chair.

Oh, my! I could see why the students all feared him! How goblin-like he had become!

Did he always sneer and act maliciously toward everyone?! How miserable! How dreadful! For an instant, I was convinced that throwing a daffodil at him might make him cheerier. Perhaps if I conjured up some bunny rabbits to swarm around his feet…?

"It's all right, Professor Snape. Please calm down." I put a hand up and tried to get him to ease himself back into the chair.

"Alright, I have to admit that wasn't really what I meant when I called for questions. But I suppose I expected as much… It was only a matter of time before I was asked. I am a new teacher. And the only thing you all know of me is that I recently was released from Azkaban. I imagine dreadful opinions have been forming about me. You all have a right to know why I was in there. And now, I shall tell you."

Everyone was leaning forward anxiously, wanting just so much to hear what 'horrors' I had committed.

"You see," I began, pacing the room. "Many of you do not know this about me. I've spent my years after Hogwarts, up until this point, living out a Muggle life. I lived in a Muggle neighborhood, used Muggle transportation, and held a Muggle job. I worked at the Cornwall police station as an interrogator. One evening, a woman came to us. She had just been raped, and narrowly escaped the clutches of her attacker before he had a chance to kill her."

I paused briefly, letting this all sink in for everyone.

"Months prior to this, we had been getting cases left and right about women who were being raped and viciously murdered thereafter. We had a lead, yet there was no evidence against him. We could not make an arrest. The woman who survived was our only link to stopping these travesties and, naturally, she was difficult, as all Muggles are. She refused to give us any details on the case, saying she didn't want to relive the horror of it all. I daresay, her getting away and there being no consequences made the suspect all the more confident. Over the following two months, eight more women were raped and murdered."

Some of the Hufflepuff girls were quivering in their seats. Ravenclaws, Slytherins, and Gryffindors alike were shaking their heads in disappointment at the women's obstinacy. No one viewed me with those fearful eyes, as they had at the beginning of class. It was clear that they seemed to feel, given the scenario, that I was quite clearly justified in whatever I had done. At least, I had thought I was justified.

"I called the girl into the station and begged her just to give us a description of her attacker. Anything! Any little thing that could help. She refused. I asked her if she cared at all that people were dying while he still roamed free. She merely replied that she did, but she didn't want to think of it. We'd simply have to find another way to solve the case. Given my disposition, which has soured over the years, I was in no mood for that answer. I wanted this man stopped once and for all! So, for the first time in a long time, I used magic. And I used it on a Muggle. I used Legilimency to find out what had happened to her that night, gaining a description of the man. When I was finished with her, unfortunately, she was nothing more than a huddle in the corner, screaming and pointing at me and calling me a devil.

"We were able to make an arrest on the man who was responsible for all those horrors. The woman, unfortunately, was placed in a mental hospital. The Muggles all thought she was quite mad. She told everyone she came in contact with that I was performing witchcraft on her, making her feel things she ought not to, and think of things she didn't want to."

A Slytherin girl raised her hand, and expression of curiosity on her face.

"Yes? State your name and then your question." I had a goal in mind to learn everyone's names by the end of the month. I think that really makes a good teacher, knowing everyone's name.

"Pansy Parkinson, Professor. I don't think I'm following all that well. You saved lives. Why did they put you in Azkaban?" She seemed embarrassed by her own lack of comprehension.

"Oh, right. I didn't get to that part yet. Very good question. I wondered the same thing when aurors came knocking on my door the next morning. It seems that the use of Legilimency on other wizards, is, in itself, bad. It is even more strongly frowned upon when used on Muggles. Being as I did it on a non-magical person, they counted it as misuse of magic, regardless of the lives I saved. I hurt one Muggle, and so Dolores Umbridge insisted that I face the punishment for my crime."

At the mention of the name 'Dolores Umbridge,' everyone in the room groaned. Even Severus, it would seem, looked disgruntled.

"I take it you've all had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Umbridge?"

More groans.

"Yes, she was quite displeased that I was offered a parole….She seems to have a particular grudge against me, though I really don't think I did anything that horrid…."

Harry Potter's friend, the one with the red-hair, spoke up.

"Well I'm relieved. No offense Ma'am, but I was afraid you'd knocked someone off or something!"

I laughed at this.

"No, no. I haven't killed anyone Mr…?"

"Weasley," he said. "Ron Weasley."

"Mr. Weasley. Now students, I hope that we, collectively, can achieve two things today. The first being that we set the record straight about my stay in Azkaban with all your schoolmates…" Students laughed at this. Lovely. It was always nice to make people laugh. "And the second to gain a general knowledge of the subject matter. We shall start with learning the art that is Legilimency. Who can tell me what Legilimency is?"

A frizzy haired Gryffindor girl, another one of Harry Potter's friends, gave the answer out loud. It was quite accurate, and I was exceedingly thrilled.

"Hermione Granger, Ma'am. Legilimnecy is the ability to extract the memories and emotions from someone's mind. Those who practice Legilimency are known as Legilimens."

"Miss Granger," Severus hissed. "You speak out of turn! Ten points from Gryffindor!"

Hermione looked at me, clearly a bit upset and put-out by Severus Snape's self-appointed privilege to take points away as he pleased. This was, after all, my class.

I had angled myself in a way so that Severus was behind me, and the class directly in front. I made a face that portrayed just what I thought of his presence in this class, and students smiled. In my mind, it was better to get on the good side of the student body than it was to get on the good side of Severus Snape.

"Correct answer, Miss Granger!" I said, pretending not to hear Severus's comment. "Ten points to Gryffindor!"

Hermione looked puzzled, yet somewhat pleased with herself. As for Severus, I could practically hear him grinding his teeth in anger.

"Now students, the thing to learn is this. You can use Legilimency, and you can discover a person's worst memory. This alone is a powerful thing. You can really debilitate someone with their worst memory, which is quite obvious from the story of how I came to be in Azkaban. Now, I don't expect any of you to be natural Legilimens straight away! So, we are going to see just what a memory looks like. Legilimented memories, in your head, look much the same as they do when you look in a pensieve."

I indicated then to the far side of the room, where there was an elongated pensieve, large enough for all the students to be able to use.

"Please gather around the pensieve and make room for everyone. When you are there, do not start. Wait for instruction!"

Everyone began to get up from their seats and make their way eagerly to the pensieve. Severus, I could see, was giving me a curious look. However, he did not speak up to ask me what it was that I was doing. Instead he sat patiently, awaiting my further instruction of the students.

I walked over to the pensieve and pulled from my pocket, a bottled up memory. It was edited for the students, and I blurred out all the faces but my own. I had even managed to alter the voices, so no one could be recognized. Any names were deleted. I wasn't showing this memory with the intention of harming any of the students' opinions of anyone. I was simply showing it for educational purposes.

I placed the memory into the pensieve.

"Begin."

The students all plunged their faces into the pensieve. I had to admit, it was quite a funny sight. They looked much the way children do at Halloween parties, bobbing for apples.

I tapped my foot on the ground, waiting for the students to finish and keeping my eyes away from Severus at all costs.

When they finished, all their heads seemed to burst up at once. A couple of students were giving me funny looks. Some looked confused. Hermione Granger had a sad expression on her face. Reaching in between Pansy Parkinson and Draco Malfoy, I extracted the memory and placed it back into the bottle where it belonged.

"Now, as I've said. Legilimency and Occlumency go hand in hand. If someone were, let's say, trying to go after your worst memory, or any bit of useful information they believed was in your possession, you would Occlument them.

"Yes," Severus added, getting up from his chair. "Let's say, figuratively, of course, I work for the Dark Lord." Several students looked surprised that he would even say such a thing. "Let's say Professor Redbourn's worst memory is of great interest to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and I am to retrieve it for him. I know that Mr. Malfoy possesses this vital information and-"

Severus seemed to be staring intently at Draco, who was now sweating profusely and looking very uncomfortable. Draco was wringing his hands and breathing hard. Pansy put her arm around him and glared at Snape. Several other Ravenclaw boys were putting their hands on Draco's shoulder, trying to console him. Of course, they didn't know the discomfort he was going through. Undoubtedly, Draco was subconciously trying his best to Occlument the Potions Master. Alas, it was to no avail. It was his first time, he was merely a beginner.

Suddenly, Draco broke free of Severus's captivating stare and, panting, looked away and down at the floor.

Severus slowly turned his gaze to me.

"Very interesting," he drawled, a gleam in his eye.

"Mr. Malfoy," I ignored Severus as best I could, though he seemed to be transfixed on me now. "You will feel a bit of discomfort. It is normal as you all are beginners. However, the more you advance in skill, the easier it will become. Professional Occlumens exert little strain in protecting their minds from invasion. Hopefully by the end of this course, you may all do the same. Legilimenting will be tricky, as well. But that is why we are here, of course. To learn. Twenty points to Slytherin."

I really didn't want Draco to have gone through all that awkwardness for nothing. I also felt like I owed it to Lucius to keep Draco under good care, as he was not around to do so. Of course, there was the boy's mother….But the Narcissa I had known never seemed so assertive as Lucius had.

"I think that's quite enough for today! The hour is almost up, in any event. Class dismissed!"

The students all shuffled out of the room, talking excitedly. I even overheard a few say that they were very excited for this course. That boosted my confidence. I guessed I was off to a pretty good start…

Hermione Granger was the last to leave the room, despite the impatient urgings of Ron Weasley. Before she turned to leave, she gave me one last sorrowful look. And then, I was alone.

Well, no. Not alone, for the room was occupied by one other.

It was just myself and Severus Snape. Alone in the room.

He was staring at me intently, not blinking.

I returned the look and we stood like this for nearly ten minutes. Just staring…Not moving… Not speaking…Only staring and breathing.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Something I can help you with, Severus?"

Instead of responding, he turned and fled.

For some reason, I had a terrible feeling I'd be having more interactions with him than just in the classroom….

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Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected.

Don't forget my questions! Your feedback is very important to me!

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	16. Ch 15:: A Sight for Sore Eyes

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**A/N**

Thanks for your input!

So everyone pretty much unanimously agreed that I should make it Severus X OC, despite the fact that the OC character is going to be a student.

I'm going to keep it true to the book, and deviate where necessary.

Someone threw me a curveball. Draco? Severus? Why not both? So I'm plotting away.... Draco is going to be more of a temptation....Nevermind I won't ruin it. You'll just have to wait and see. There's a tentative trailer up for it on Youtube...but a better one is in the works.... The one that's up now isn't precisely accurate.

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Because I liked you better  
Than suits a man to say,  
It irked you, and I promised  
To throw the thought away.

To put the world between us  
We parted, stiff and dry;  
"Good-bye," said you, "forget me."  
"I will, no fear," said I.

If here, where clover whitens  
The dead man's knoll, you pass,  
And no tall flower to meet you  
Starts in the trefoiled grass,

Halt by the headstone naming  
The heart no longer stirred,  
And say the lad that loved you  
Was one that kept his word.

- AE Housman

(this has nothing to do with the chapter, i just thought it went well with the story)

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Weeks passed, coming and going in a flash. Before I knew it, it was the end of October. I had achieved my goal of learning everyone's names by the end of September. This thrilled me, among other things. The class was moving along quite well. I had the students in groups of twos, and I gave them in-class assignments that typically utilized the skill of Legilimency. On the board I would simply write down a specific memory I would want them to search for. Legilimency was useless if you did not know what you were looking for. Topics were typically "Christmas Holiday, aged 12" or "Favorite Quidditch Match." I would walk around the room, attending to anyone that needed help, and answering questions as they came up. Once a week, I would devote a class to note-taking. However, I did not do this often. Experience and practices were, by all means, the best devices to learn.

As for Severus and I, we were very cordial to each other. It seemed more forced on my end than on his. Of course....I _was_ the one that was heartbroken...

Sometimes, he would insist on walking with me to the Great Hall. I found this to be particularly awkward. Why couldn't he leave me to wallow in my misery in peace?

When class ended, on this particular day, he waited for me patiently as I gathered my things. We walked to lunch in silence for the most part. But, every once in a while, he would insist on trying to make small-talk with me.

"The weather does seem to be fine today." He said, looking out at the courtyard as we walked past.

"Severus, are you really going to proceed to be so dull and drab as to talk about the weather?"

He turned his head toward me and gave me a sharp look.

"Are you really going to insist on carrying on in this childish manner?"

"Childish manner?"

"Yes." He answered stiffly. "You're acting quite infantile."

"Is it any worse than being so miserable all the time? You prowl about these halls with the design to make unpleasant any form of life you come in contact with!" I nearly shouted this, and several students were giving us funny looks as we passed by.

"I suggest you stop living in the past, Lucinda. You're getting quite irritable." I was taken aback then for two reasons.

One; he used my name for the first time in two months. This was the first time I'd even heard him say my name in over twenty years. Despite myself, I felt my heart skip.

Two; how dare he say such a thing? What nerve, after all the horrible pain he put me through.

I looked at him, my mouth wide open. He seemed to realize the inappropriateness of his words, too, and instantly began to try to apologize.

"Lucinda, I didn't mean….I-"

"Don't!" I cut him off. "I know quite well how you feel. Don't bother me with your insincere apoligies."

I stormed past him, into the Great Hall. Nearly sprinting, I took my place next to Sibyll. Severus was the type of person to follow you in an instance such as this. He'd try to follow you and make you see reason. That's what he did to Lily, anyway. However, he wouldn't dare attempt this if there were multiple people around you. Placed in an awkward situation, Severus Snape becomes a different person.

Sibyll eyed Severus maliciously as he made his way to his own seat.

"You know, one thing I could never understand is your tolerance toward him."

"Whatever do you mean, Sibyll?" I said monotonously, spooning some carrots onto my plate.

"I mean how is it that you let that bastard walk you to lunch everyday? After all he's done to you?"

"It's complicated."

"Nothing is ever too complicated, Lucinda." She gave me a very pointed look.

"Alright. First of all, I have to work with him."

"You could have told him no!"

"But that would have been so strange! He put me in a very awkward situation, Sibyll!"

"I daresay he asked you when he did for just that reason."

"Whatever," I waved her statement away with my hand. "Even when it's not in the classroom, it's here, at Hogwarts!"

Sibll bit into her sandwich and nodded thoughtfully.

"But there's something else." She commented after she swallowed.

"Yes…"

I was unwilling to let her know what had troubled me the most about this whole situation. Yet, alas! I could practically see her spiraling toward the conclusion before I even had time to consider changing the subject.

Slowly she turned her head toward me, a look of complete and utter shock on her face.

"You're still in love with him, aren't you?!" She said this so loud, I could hardly stand it. What if he heard? What a great disadvantage that would be to me! He already stomped all over my heart once, imagine if he did it twice!

"SHHH! Sibyll!"

"I don't understand you, Lucinda! How can you feel that way after all these years? After all he did to you? He's horrible! How can you be attracted to a monster?"

"I have no idea, but it seems as though I am. And I guess that's why I allow him to walk me to the Great Hall every day. I miss what we had…"

"But what you had was a fabrication! A lie!"

"I know." That was all I could say. The heart worked in mysterious ways. I could question it and doubt it all I wanted, but I could never change it.

Fortunately, I didn't need to say more, as Professor McGonagall was standing, tapping on her glass to get everyone's attention.

"As you all may already be aware, tomorrow is Halloween." Several students gave out a cheer. "Students are expected to be on their best behavior. After dinner, you will all be holding festivities in your common rooms." She looked to her left and her right, indicating that her next announcement was for the staff. "Faculty, please remember that after dinner we are celebrating the holiday at the Three Broomstick's. Dress nicely."

She sat down, and the students resumed their cheering and clapping.

"Oh, what fun! The professors haven't all gone out to Hogsmeade in a while! You do have something to wear, don't you Lucinda?"

I nodded. I had a few outfits left on reserve for special occasion. I felt sick at the prospect of going to the celebration. I had become somewhat a recluse over the years... I really dreaded going out. A most enjoyable evening, in my opinion, would be to sit in my chambers and do a puzzle. Ah, well. Perhaps a social activity would be just what I needed to be back to my old self again…

I scrutinized my appearance in the mirror. I seemed sort of plain, but that was how I liked it. That was how I always liked it. Moving away from my clothing, I then stared at my face for what seemed like hours. Did my make-up look ridiculous or did it look good? It was the first time I had done my make-up in years, and I tried my best to remember everything Roberta had taught me.

I decided it was good enough. If Remus had liked it, then I could be assured that no one I encountered today would think I looked like a clown.

I walked out of my chambers and tried to navigate my way through the halls. I was meeting Sibyll at the place where students typically met for Hogwarts excursions.

Sibyll was there, and Madame Pomf—Poppy was there, too.

Madame Pomfrey insisted that I now call her Poppy, like everyone else. When she saw me approach, she beamed and waved.

"Hello, dear!" She called. When I approached closer she gave me a warm hug. "I haven't seen you in so long! How have you been! My how much you've grown! I don't mean to attack you in such a manner, but I haven't had a chance to properly speak with you! Oh, how lovely it is to see you!"

"It's very nice to see you too, Madame Pomfrey…I mean Poppy."

Sibyll waved to me. We saw quite a bit of each other. There was no need for hugs and whatnot.

"You look lovely, Lucinda."

"Thank you, Sibyll." I admired her colorful skirts and tunic. "You look good as well."

Poppy clapped her hands together.

"Shall we be off, then?"

"Shouldn't we wait for everyone else?" I pointed back toward Hogwarts.

"Oh, don't be silly, dear!" Poppy was all smiles. She must have thought I was adorable, not having any idea how things worked around here anymore…

"Yes. I suspect most of the staff is already at the pub by now." Sibyll muttered pensively.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I haven't made everyone late, have I?" I cried, hoping I didn't knock a few hours of fun off of everyone's agenda.

"We're not late, dear! The professors and everyone usually make their ways to Hogsmeade on their own. Come, then. Let's get a move on."

Sibyll began walking down the dirt path that lead to Hogsmeade. Poppy and I followed.

After walking for ten minutes, I could see the dim glow of the village below us. Sibyll, excited, began to skip a bit there. I preferred not to, as I had taken quite a bit of time on my appearance, yet the decision was not up to me. Poppy, desperate to keep up, grabbed my arm and jogged after her.

When we reached the pub there was, much to my dismay, a faint film of sweat over my skin. Though, I soon forgot all about this as I was too stunned by the beauty of the festivities. Jack O' Lanterns floated around the ceiling. There was a band, somewhat older in age, playing music for the occasion. Orange and Black trimmed every countertop space, and there were candles everywhere.

Sibyll, Poppy, and I seated ourselves at a table. No sooner did we sit down were we joined by Hagrid and Dumbledore. After we ordered and received a round of ale, we eased into a conversation. Unfortunately, I was the center of it…

"Lucinda, tell us. What was it like living among Muggles?" Dumbledore leaned over, very interested in whatever my answer might be. His eyes gleamed at me over his half-moon spectacles.

"Well," I began, taking a large swig of my ale. "It was quite dull compared to what you're all used to. But it suited me at the time."

"You know, Lucinda. Roberta hasn't entirely forgiven you for running off like you did. Hiding from us! Do you know how many confused owls came back to us all, unsent letters in their beaks?"

I shook my head. I didn't want to think of it.

"Ignor'nt people, them Muggles are." Hagrid said drunkenly. "Always thinkin' they know more than ever'one else."

Poppy nodded sympathetically at this.

"It's true. Every once in a while I'll venture out into an ordinary Muggle city. If I stop to ask for directions, everyone just gives me the cold shoulder. It's awful!"

"Were the Muggles where you lived like that?" Dumbledore asked.

"Not quite…." I wasn't sure how to describe them, really. "Some were bad, some were good. It was a fair mix."

Sibyll, Poppy, and Hagrid nodded approvingly.

"Ronald Weasley is in your class, is he not?"

"He is, Professor Dumbledore." I replied.

"His father is fascinated by Muggles. He's even been fortunate enough to take this interest of his and use it to make a living. He works for the Ministry of Magic. I'm sure he'd be delighted to speak with you."

"Would he? Just send him my way, then!" I said good-naturedly.

I turned to Poppy, trying to change the subject to something less oriented about me.

"Are you still in need of large stocks of bruise-healing paste?" I asked her.

"Oh, heavens! No! Ever since Severus graduated, I haven't really had a need for it as often!"

I paled. A conversation about me was bad, but by no means did I want to hold one about Severus.

"He's such a charming boy," she continued on. I didn't blame her, though. She had no idea what he'd done to me. In her mind, he was still the quiet, defenseless boy that always came to her with bruises. He was never responsible for any wrong-doing. "Where is he, anyway? Is he even coming? He never comes to these things. It's such a shame he didn't have more friends growing up-" She cut herself off, squinting her eyes and trying to remember something.

"Oh, wait a moment! Lucinda! You made friends with him in your last year, didn't you?"

I nodded grimly, flickering my eyes to Dumbledore. He said nothing.

"Oh yes, how lovely! You two were such a cute pair! You were dating, weren't you! Whatever happened to that? You're not married are you?"

I finished off my ale in three gulps, knowing full well I'd need to be quite inebriated to handle this conversation, especially where it seemed to be headed…

"No, you're not married! Well why-ever aren't you and Severus married? You two still walk together in the halls! I see you both sometimes! Oh, yes. How lovely! Where is Severus, anyway?" She asked again.

"I saw him in 'ere a while ago, I did. 'Course, I don' know where he migh' be now." A red-nosed Hagrid piped in.

"Oh! Lucinda! You should go find him! Have him come back to the table and join us for a few drinks."

I gave Sibyll a look, which she returned with a sympathetic one of her own. With the slightest movement of the knife of her hand, she pushed her –quite full- ale glass over to me. I thanked her quietly and chugged it down. Dumbledore chuckled a bit. Hagrid looked at me with admiration. Poppy, however, still seemed oblivious. She continued to smile at me, waiting for me to get up and find Severus.

"Actually, I have to make a number one." I said blushing.

Confused faces stared back at me.

"It's a Muggle expression. It means to make a piddle." I explained.

Sibyll laughed at this.

"How adorable!" She said.

I noticed, beginning with Sibyll, that many people seem to regard Muggles in the same manner as the mentally ill…

"Well, hurry off and find the little witches' room and then find Severus when you're done."

I excused myself from the table walked past the great fireplace. I walked around the stairs and found myself in a narrow, winding hall with nearly a trillion doors.

Walking past the doors, I tried to figure out which one could possibly be the loo. After walking a little bit down the hall, I heard muffled noises coming from behind one of the doors.

It seemed likely that the loo was past this door. After all, there were people in there.

I pushed open the door of what appeared to be a small, dimly lit broom closet.

Likely that it was the loo? Yes. Too good to be true? Also yes.

The sight that greeted my eyes succeeded in unearthing every possible dreadful feeling I had been faced with at the end of my seventh year. In the closet, much to my despair, was a man and a barmaid. The man was not just any man, of course, for if it were, it would be a different matter entirely, a matter that was none of my business at all. Well, technically, it wasn't my business either way.

Severus was in the process of shoving his tongue down the throat of an all-too-willing barmaid. Her dress was cast aside, and lay in a crumpled heap on the floor. She was in nothing more than her underskirts and corset. Though they were both standing, Severus had her pressed against the wall, and both her legs were wrapped around his shins and ankles.

The muffled noises that I mistook for idle chatter were actually the sounds of their...passion...

Flooded with unwelcome emotions, I grabbed the handle of the closet door and pulled it back shut. However, when I did this, it made a horrible creaking noise. Though I could have hoped they didn't hear it, it would have done me no good.

" 'Ello? Who's there, then?" The barmaid's shrill voice called out before I had a chance to shut the door properly. I pushed it back open, facing the horror that was before me.

Severus, though still on top of the barmaid looked at me, a mixture of shock and terror. His face was completely covered with red lipstick, and his hair was ruffled and messy, sticking up in all sorts of places. The barmaid was all smiles, twirling a strand of her curly blond hair around her finger and giggling.

"Not the loo!" I was trying to be funny to disguise the fact that I was feeling quite a horrible pain in my chest. I did my best to smile at the barmaid.

"No, not the loo!" She smiled back, very friendly. "Go down the corridor a bit more, deary. It's the third door on the left from where you are now, it is. There's a portrait of an old man to the side of it. You can't miss it."

"Thank you!" I put my fingers back through the handle and, before pulling it shut, my eyes drifted back to Severus. "So sorry!" I said once more. "Didn't mean to get you caught with your pants down!" I slammed the door shut and hurried down the corridor to the loo.

The instant I got there, I locked the door shut behind me. I did my business and went to wash my hands.

I wanted to get out of this place and back to my chambers as quickly as possible. Never in so many years had I felt so horribly! I didn't think I even felt so terrible when I saw Severus making-out with Patricia Paisley. This was different. It appeared he was about to have intercourse with that woman.

I turned from the sink just in time to vomit into the toilet. It took quite some time, for whenever I thought I was finished, bile rose to my throat again. Finally, I did stop, only to dry heave a few more times for good measure.

I did my best to wipe the sweat from my face. It had reformed when I was making sick into the toilet. I tidied up some make-up that had been smudged, and did my best to clip stray strands of hair back into their places.

Intercourse. I had only had it once, with one person. That night in the girl's bathroom…with Severus. I hadn't really opened my heart, or anything else for that matter, to any man after what he'd done to me. Perhaps it was because I was afraid of getting hurt again…Perhaps it was because I still loved him…

Finally, when I felt I looked presentable, I flung the door open...

...Only to come face to face with Severus.

There was slight discoloration on the parts of his face where lipstick had once been. Just looking at him, I thought I might have to puke gain.

"The loo's all yours." I grumbled, stepping out of the doorway. I waited for him to move past me and enter, but he stood in place, arms folded across his chest.

I stared at him for a few seconds and, shrugging, tried to make my way past him. He caught me by the shoulder and wheeled me around to face him.

"Let go!" I screeched at him, trying to free myself from his grip.

"Don't make a scene!" He hissed.

"ALRIGHT FINE!" I pulled my shoulder away. "What?"

"Don't……"

"Don't?"

"You mistake my solicitation of prostitution as a quest for love." He said without any hint of expression.

Was that supposed to make me feel better?

"I don't know why you're bothering to tell me this." I turned to go, but then righted myself again to face him. "What you do in your private time is your business. It's certainly not mine anymore." I then fled down the corridor before he had a chance to say anything more.

When I returned to the table, Sibyll placed her hand on my back, a look of concern on her face.

"What's wrong? You were gone for so long!"

"Did you find Severus?" Poppy, now drunk, asked me.

"Oh, yes." I said somewhat bitterly. "He was with a lady friend."

Dumbledore and Sibyll eyed me sadly. Oh, but they did not know the full extent to _how_ Severus was with his lady friend.

"A lady friend you say?" Poppy inquired ever so innocently. "How delightful! Perhaps he's finally getting married? I daresay his children will turn out handsome. He has a very defined jaw-line you know. I must go say hello to him." She clumsily got up from the table, drink in hand, and walked down to the corridor I had just come from.

I put my head in my hands, and couldn't control the tears that let themselves slide from my eyes.

Dumbledore looked upon me, sympathy eminent in his eyes.

Hagrid was passed out drunk on the table.

"Would it be alright if I went back to the castle?"

Dumbledore nodded. Sibyll offered to take me back, but I told her not to worry about me.

"Just sit tight and enjoy the party," I told her. "I'll be fine."

I was so thankful to be leaving that place. I just wanted to run back to Hogwarts, back to my chambers. I wanted to flop down on my bed and bury my head in my pillow. Then I'd force myself to wake up the next morning and carry on as if nothing happened. I seemed to be quite good at that.

The cool, brisk autumn night felt good against my sick skin. Dirt crunching under my boots, I made my way back toward the castle. I couldn't help but stop to look around at Hogsmeade, admiring how much it had grown and changed over the years. I regret having stopped though… For when you stop alone on a cool evening, unwanted company seems to have its way of catching up to you.

"Lucinda," I heard him breathe my name more than say it. I turned on my heel, giving him as neutral a look as I could muster.

"What is it, Severus?"

He stared at my face for a bit. Then, his eyes flickered downward, taking in my entire appearance. He seemed to zoom out a bit, viewing me as a whole.

"You look so-"

"Leave me alone," I pleaded to him, not wishing to hear what he was about to tell me.

"Were you crying?" He tried to reach a hand out to my cheek, but I drew back before it had a chance to graze my skin.

"I don't feel well!" I said adamantly. I wasn't about to let him know he had gotten to me.

"And you're blushing." What was that in his tone? Amusement? Was he mocking me?

"Don't be such a fool, Severus. You know you're smarter than that. Clearly I'm running a fever." I turned back around and started to head back to the castle.

He ran slightly to keep up with my accelerated stride.

"It's dangerous out there. Let me walk you back."

"Severus, what on Earth gives you the idea that I want you to walk me back?" I yelled angrily at him.

"I'm going to walk you back. With the Dark Lord on the rise, it's not safe for a half blood such as yourself to be out alone at night."

"You're a half-blood, too!" I snapped. I glared at him, but he met me with nothing more than a blank and unconcerned stare. "You're not going to leave me be, are you?" I asked, exasperated.

"I think not."

"Fine! I'll permit you to walk me back. Just don't speak to me."

He said nothing then, and I smiled smugly to myself. I thought I was, for the first time in a while, getting my way. Then a whisper, a hard, stony voice interrupted my thoughts.

"It didn't mean anything."

"I thought I told you not to speak." I said sternly.

"She didn't mean anything," he said even softer.

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to him. Anger replaced the blood in my veins.

"Let's get something straight. You're going to answer some questions, and we're going to settle this whole matter right here, right now. Then we can be done with it and that….and that will be that. Did you or did you not, in our last year of Hogwarts, use me as a stupid little tool for revenge against James and Lily? And did you not, the whole time I was disillusioned about our 'relationship', go running about with Patricia Paisley?"

He, too had stopped. His fists were clenched into little balls by his sides, and his knuckles were slowly fading to white. He was looking down, his hair drooping in front of his face to hide it.

"Yes,"

"Good. I'm glad we've settled that. Good night." I briskly walked the rest of the way back to the castle. I carried out my earlier plans. I ran down the corridor and, when I got to my room, childish as it was, I cried.

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Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected.

Comments are quite possibly my life now..I check them every morning and evening.....

I'm depressing....

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	17. Ch 16:: Umbridge's Fury

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**A/N**

Hai...

So in this chapter I do not call the Winter Dance a Yule Ball because I figured the Yule Ball to be singularly associated with the Tri-Wizard Tournament...

Also, GUESS WHAT?

There's a story that was published a month after mine, and the similarities are astounding!

Said story, Unrequited Love (yeah...) is about a girl who fell in love with Severus Snape and, with her feelings not returned, did her best to forget him. Years later, she is thrust back into a situation where she has to deal with him again.... There's more....I can't think of it at the moment though....

T_T

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A sharp knocking on the classroom door roused everyone from their work one December day. Students looked up, anxious to see who it was that could be knocking on the door in the middle of class.

I was curious as well.

I made no move to get up from where I sat. Neither did Severus.

The knocking became more urgent, much louder. Even those students that hadn't looked up did now, disrupted from their work by the awful tapping noise.

"Severus, you're my assistant, are you not?"

"I am." He responded grimly.

"Why don't you assist me by answering the door, then?"

He got up out of his chair with a groan and flung the door open in what could only be described as in a very 'Snape-like' manner. He peered out into the corridor and, instantly, he paled. He stepped back, an annoyed expression on his face.

What appeared to be a large, pink ball made it's way into my classroom.

Every single student in the room made no attempt at discretion. A roar of groans erupted from around the room.

Ms. Umbridge spoke then, her obnoxious voice tearing through the peacefulness that had previously been my day.

"Aren't you going to orchestrate some control over your class?" She asked in the most presumptuous manner.

"Right," I said. I stood and shook a finger at the students. "Bad!"

"My, my...how fitting! Supporting the troublemakers! Well, I guess in a way, you're a bit of a troublemaker, aren't you?" She was so condescending, and the fact that she kept a cheerful tone the whole time made it all the more terrible.

"I don't mean to be disrespectful-"

"Of course you don't."

I gritted my teeth, trying my best not to jump over my desk and strangle her.

"I don't mean to be disrespectful, Ms. Umbridge, but might I ask what you are doing here?"

"Certainly you may! Well, I'm not going to glitter it out for you with any cute little euphemisms. I came to check up on you." She sat herself down in Severus's seat, and looked around the room smugly. Then, she pointed to Harry Potter.

"You there, Potter."

He looked up reluctantly.

"What are you doing there?"

"Copying notes, Ma'am." He replied cautiously.

"I see. From where?"

Harry pointed to the board, in the front of the room, where I had written out notes.

Ms. Umbridge tilted her nose upward, clearly disapproving of something I had done.

"Something troubling you, Ma'am?" I asked as courteously as possible.

"I don't see the point of having these students take notes." She gestured to the board. "You've already done the work for them."

"With all due respect, Legilimency and Occlumency are complicated processes. Attention to detail must be made. I'd rather these students copied down the notes correctly, and got everything perfect. Otherwise, they might do serious harm."

"Quite like how you did, am I right?" There was that obnoxious, hell-ridden giggle.

She turned back to the students again.

"Did you all know that your teacher is a convicted criminal?"

I couldn't help whatever face I was making at her. She was assuming that my students didn't know my history. She wanted to upset them all, hoping that they would tell their parents that a wizard-convict was teaching them. Furious parents would then have me yanked from Hogwarts and thrown back into jail. Of course, that was only her hope.

She turned to me, a fake smile plastered across her lips.

"Something the matter? These students have a right to know your…background, shall we say…?"

"Yes, and they already know it. I told them all on the first day of classes. What do you mean by coming in here and trying to turn my students against me?"

Umbridge's smile was forced now, and she seemed to be utterly put-out. However, she tried her best to ignore me and turned to face the class once more.

"Your Professor used illegal magic on a muggle. She drove a poor, defenseless woman into insanity."

"That woman was not 'poor'!" Hermione Granger stood from her seat, her cheeks flushed with fury.

"Of course she was! She was a muggle! A rape-victim! She came to the police for help, and what did she get? Pain!" Giggle. "Pain brought on by the unnecessary actions of your teacher! Now she spends the rest of her life rotting in an insane asylum-"

"Good! I hope she rots in there! At least more innocent women aren't dying at the hands of some pervert!" Hermione yelled back.

Umbridge turned to me.

"Your student is out of line, and she speaks out of turn. I expect you to take disciplinary action!"

"Quarter of a point from Gryffindor. I'm very disappointed in you Miss Granger." I said sternly.

"Why, I never!"

"I'm quite sure Professor Dumbledore would not appreciate you wandering the halls of this fine institution and disrupting my class."

"I'm sure he wouldn't, either. But then again, what say does a headmaster have in the affairs of the Ministry of Magic?"

"Considering he is a huge influence on the education of tomorrow's leaders of the wizarding world, I say he has quite a bit of a say."

"That man? Education? Hah! Is that what you call this mess of a school?"

"Ma'am, come into my classroom and say what you'd like about me, but don't you dare slander the name of Albus Dumbledore. The Ministry has no solid jurisdiction over the goings-on of Hogwarts."

"Why? Are you going to get angry, Miss Redbourn? Are you going to attack me?"

She seemed like she dared me too, like she wanted me to. Oh yes, she'd like me to violate my parole, wouldn't she?

"No." Severus stood directly behind her now. "But if you continue to patronize my students, patronize my associate, and patronize my headmaster, _I_ am going to get angry."

She turned sharply to face him, looking up at him defiantly.

"Is that a threat, Mr. Snape? Because if it is, I'm sure Miss Redbourn's cell is big enough for the both of you!"

"Leave them both alone! You were ignorant last year, and you're simply repeating your mistakes now!" Harry Potter stood now coming to my aid.

"Two students and two teachers? Really? This is absurd! The Ministry is more inclined to believe me than a sparse group of misfit wizards."

Slowly but surely, other students began to stand, taking our side over hers. Soon, everyone in the room was on their feet. We all stared Dolores Umbridge down until she finally began to recede.

"How dare you all defy my authority?" She cried. "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!"

"What authority are we defying? Mr. Fudge himself thought I was responsible enough to handle a classroom full of Hogwarts students. Your appearance here today proves how much you think on his judgment. Aren't you defying _his_ authority, in a way?"

"Miss Redbourn," She reached into her bright pink pocketbook and fished out a notebook, as well as a quill. Scribbling away, she kept her eyes on me. "I'll have to ask you not to speak to me in such a disrespectful manner. I'd also have to request that you have your students treat those with a higher authority with greater esteem-"

"I'll never respect you, you dreadful woman!" Hermione yelled, her face turning almost as red as Ron Weasley's hair.

"I'll have you know, young lady," eyes fierce, Umbridge then turned on Hermione. "My position in the Ministry of Magic commands much more respect toward me than your _headmaster_." She sneered these last words, her meaning clear.

Several of the students looked as though they were about to rise from their seats and personally fight her.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave my classroom." I said to her stiffly, pointing to the door. I would have liked to have said, and, albeit done much more. Unfortunately, my parole prohibited me from doing such things.

"No, no." She replied with a grin. "I think I'll stick around a bit longer."

"Ma'am, as the assisting professor of this classroom, and as Head of the Slytherin House, fear I must ask you to leave this classroom."

"Slytherin? Slytherin you say?" She giggled, and it seemed to be directed toward Severus's title. "As if by mentioning your House you intimidate me?"

Severus turned an even ghostlier shade of white.

"What's that, young Malfoy? Are you going to attack me? That's right, like father, like son, I always say."

I flew over to Draco and, with every ounce of force in my body, plus whatever adrenaline would lend me, I pushed him back to his seat. I tried to murmur calming words into his ear, but he was much too far gone, especially after that last comment Umbridge had made. Crabbe and Goyle, his best mates, sensed this. They placed their hands on his shoulder and held him down in his seat. Try as he might, Draco could not get up.

After making sure he was properly restrained, I turned back to Umbridge. Severus was leering down his nose at her, and I came to stand by his side.

"Ms. Umbridge. Do NOT insult my colleague. As Potions Master of Hogwarts, and Head of his House, he DESERVES to be shown respect. Do NOT disrespect ANY of the Houses of Hogwarts! Each has produced fine wizards and witches and though Slytherin has given us slight cause for disappointment, I will not those who have not to be slighted in such a manner!

"Furthermore, in regards to your blatant disrespect for my student. How _dare_ you? How dare you bring up such a delicate matter? In the presence of his entire class, no less? Have you any self-respect? Have you any restraint? Tell me, woman, are you able to control yourself, or do you just spew out any snide comment that graces its way across your mind?"

Professor McGonagall stormed into the room, then, an irritated expression on her face.

"What seems to be going on in here?" She asked angrily, looking first at all the standing students… then her eyes landed on Umbridge.

"Ms. Umbridge? May I ask what you think you are doing here in the middle of class?"

"I am here on official Ministry business. I am observing Miss Redbourn's class."

"It certainly doesn't appear that way! I heard the lot of you shouting and yelling from down the corridor!" Professor McGonagall placed her hands on her hips. "In fact, I don't remember Professor Dumbeldore's receiving a slip in the mail from the Ministry informing us that you would be sitting in today."

For the first time ever, it appeared that Umbridge had nothing to say. Her cheeks were beet red and, it appeared, she was caught.

"I do hope you remember the ordinance passed in 1933, Professor Umbridge? The one that states all Ministry sit-ins require a slip to be filled out and turned in a week prior? Or did you forget?"

Umbridge walked up to Professor McGonagall until their noses were practically touching.

"This isn't the last you'll be hearing from me!" She declared angrily before stomping out of the room. Professor McGonagall sighed, shook her head at us all, and followed after her.

I slumped down into my chair, eying the standing sixth-years wearily.

"I'm filing a complaint with the Ministry. In fact," Hermione turned to all her classmates, "I'm going to pass around a petition so that dreadful woman never sets foot in this classroom again. Anyone who wants to sign, stay after class."

Although some students were acting a bit hyper, pumped up to be rebellious and join in Hermione's plight, there was a general demeanor of misery hanging over the Slytherins.

"Class!" I tried to command everyone's attention. "That's enough note-taking for today, but I'd just like to say one thing before I let you all go. What Dolores Umbridge said about Slytherins is completely unforgivable and untrue. While some have grown from Hogwarts to be exceedingly horrible," my eyes flickered to Severus, "many have not. And you will find that, in any house, there are irritating people who bring shame themselves and their house. Never presume to think badly of any person due to the mistakes of others. Is that clear?

The students all nodded.

"Slytherins, do not let her impact your thinking. Do not allow her to make you feel ashamed of your house. Be proud to be Slytherins. In the memory of Salazar Slytherin, you _will_ do great things. You'll show her that the snake is nothing to sneeze at! Class dismissed."

* * *

The end of the semester was approaching, and I was truly dreading it. Along with it would come the Holiday Dance that they were holding this year. I had had my fair share of balls…

All the staff was expected to chaperon. It was supposed to be a fun event for all, but for me, it would just be torture.

At dinner, I found I was poking my meatballs with somewhat of a violent fervor. I _really_ didn't want to go to the ball. And it was tomorrow! Perhaps I could place a sickening charm on myself. That would get me out of going.... They would have to let me stay in my chambers then…

Sibyll was brooding over the new issue of Witches Weekly. She had just gotten it in the mail at lunch, and had scarcely put it down ever since.

"It says here that they're doing a thing called 'Wizard Speed-Dating' at Hogsmeade this weekend. We should go!" She continued to read the ridiculous article.

I was stabbing my food now, plunging my fork in and out angrily.

Sibyll, without looking up, slammed her hand down on my wrist. I dropped the fork.

"So, have you decided what you're going to wear to the Yule Ball?"

"That black, sort of lacey, sheer…dress that I have….The one with the long sleeves....."

She grunted.

"I don't know what it is with you and long-sleeves. It's a dress for Merlin's sake. It's not supposed to be a chivalrous beach cover…"

"I just like having sleeves, Sibyll. You know how balls are. They're always dreadfully drafty. And I don't want to have to carry around a sweater all night."

"This is true," She admitted, finally looking up. She looked at me for a bit, seeming to imagine the dress on me.

"Yes, I think that one will be quite nice. Though I do wish you'd wear something other than black every once in a while…"

"But it fits my personality so well! You know me, deep and brooding."

Sibyll snorted, turning back to her magazine.

"One question, though."

She arched an eyebrow, to show that she was listening.

"Are we supposed to bring someone or something? I'm not quite sure how these things work on the staff's end…."

"Well, sometimes faculty members do go together, but you're not obligated to. Hagrid asked me the other day, and I said yes to him. I've never danced with a giant before, let alone a half-giant. I thought it could be interesting."

"Oh, Hagird asked you? How wonderful!"

I spooned mashed potatoes into my mouth, swallowing them. Perhaps they would just let me serve punch? Then I wouldn't feel so bad about going alone.

The sound of birds caught the attention of everyone in the Great Hall, and those owls that had been delayed by the fierce snowstorm outside made their deliveries.

I tried to get back to concentrating on my food, but I was distracted by some odd looks Severus was giving me. Every once in a while, I would catch him staring nervously at me, and then, when I looked at him, he would instantly turn away.

I was about to stand up and call to him, ask him what in the name of Merlin did he think he was looking at when an owl swooped down and dropped something on my lap.

Daintily, I picked it up, and, instantly, I regretted it. I wish I had just let it fall to the floor, pretending I had been none the wiser about a mysterious parcel dropped by an owl.

But no, I had taken it from my lap and was holding it above the table, sickened by the familiarity of the rounded bundle.

It couldn't be what I thought it would, could it?

Sibyll, was, undoubtedly, intrigued by the fact that I had received something. I hadn't received a letter or package all year, so this would be the first. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as I picked the thing up off my lap.

"No!" She gasped, turning her whole head toward me. Rather slyly, we both flicked our vision to Severus, who was concentrating hard on his roast lamb. A little too hard, in my opinion.

It seems that her gasp, my reddening face, and Severus's mildly uncharacteristic behavior attracted the attention of both Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore.

They knew of the parcels Severus used to send me, but they were older now, and their memories not as good. They did not remember the shape of the packages, though I'm certain they remembered the contents. To them, I had just received a normal, ordinary package.

Receiving a parcel was fun for anyone around you, even if you were an adult. The curiosity to see what your mate had gotten never truly dies down.

Upon realizing what this could be, I had planned to open it in the privacy of my own quarters, Sibyll by my side. Unfortunately, the entire staff table was drawn to me now, even some of the students looked at me curiously, including Hermione Granger.

I was wondering why this could be, as I wasn't really acting very peculiar. Then I realized I had been staring down at the parcel for ten minutes, not moving, not looking around, not saying a word. I just sat staring at the parcel, which now lay on the table, my face turning an ever-deeper shade of red.

"Go on, dear!" McGonagall urged. "Open it!"

Gingerly, I pulled at the wrappings until I came to the dreaded contents of the parcel: One white alstroemeria with a note tied around it.

I felt silent tears welling up in my eyes as I opened the note. Through my peripherals, I could see that Dumbledore's face had become quite sullen. McGonagall simply looked confused. She had not yet reached the level of comprehension that Sibyll and Dumbledore had.

My eyes flickered to Severus, hoping for some sort of confirmation, anything, that this wasn't just another dirty trick. He was staring down at his lap, jaw set like stone. He didn't even appear to be breathing.

The note was unraveled now. I took one look at it, and the message scrawled in Severus's immaculate script was all it took to release my tears.

Sibyll leaned over my shoulder and read the note out loud.

"Will you go to the Yule Ball with me?" She glared at Severus. "I have foreseen many things, but never did I see something as ridiculous as this coming!"

I let the flower and the note fall from my hands. Flustered, I brought my hands up to cover my face. Thankfully the students were too engrossed with their own mail to notice the conflict at the front of the Hall.

"Severus!" Professor McGonagall hissed, the elevation and tone of her voice surprisingly well controlled. "Given your history with Professor Redbourn- how could you even consider-?"

"Severus," Albus said calmly, though his voice was thick with disappointment. "This is most inapt."

"Where do you get off sending her this? Are you planning on playing another cruel trick on her? I swear to you if Lily Evans were alive-!"

I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed my chair back violently, almost knocking it over, and, with whatever dignity and cool I had left, made my way out of the Great Hall. When I passed by Severus's chair, he stood quickly and grabbed my arm.

"Let go!" I whispered, having a hard time controlling the volume of my own voice.

"Let me speak!" He hissed.

"Why should I?" Sadness, it could be said, was much more dangerous than anger. Fortunately I could feel my sorrow turning to fury as he dared to make the situation worse.

"Will you please find the sense and reason to stop your foolish behavior long enough to allow me to present you with an explanation?" This was the most fervor I had ever heard in his voice. It was startling, and for a brief instant, I almost wanted to believe there was more to this than what there appeared to be…

Coming back to my senses, I pulled my arm from him and bolted for the door. Persistent, he followed me, continuing to whisper harshly.

"Can't you understand? This isn't some cruel trick, Lucinda!"

"Professor Snape!" McGonagall was following us, too, speaking shrilly behind Severus. Undoubtedly, she wanted to cause a scene just as much as we did. Otherwise, she would have been shouting as loudly as possible… She ushered us out the side doors, then flicked her wand harshly, performing what I could only guess was a silencing charm.

He spun me around to face him, and continued to speak.

"It was for you! It was always for you! The flowers, the messages!" I turned my head away, hoping he would let go of me if I made it physically clear I didn't want to hear any of it. "The bouquet at the dance!" He yelled furiously at me.

I turned my head back toward him slowly, disgust clearly written across my face.

"The bouquet at the dance?" I sneered. "Don't presume to think me an idiot, Severus! They were for Patricia, your date!"

"Give me a moment-"

"No!" I brought my hand forward and struck his cheek as hard as I could. Startled, he staggered back slightly, a hand pressed to the reddening mark on his cheek.

I kept myself pinned against the heavy stone door, unable to move.

"Severus, you forget yourself." Dumbledore said kindly to the Potions Master, shutting the door to the Great Hall behind himself. "Do you not remember the ruckus you created at the end of your seventh year?" He reapplied the silencing charm, making sure it was not damaged by his usage of the door.

"Ruckus? I daresay it was much more than a ruckus!" Professor McGongall said through gritted teeth. Out of the corner of my eye, I could ear disappointed students straining to hear what was going on. "James Potter himself asked me to keep an eye on her the whole dance, lest she got away from her friends. They were concerned she might do herself in!"

That last bit was most certainly something that didn't need to be said, at least, not in front of Severus. Thank goodness her voice wasn't as shrill, though. It was too low for any of the students to hear.

There was something in his eyes then, and I felt almost bad for reacting the way I did. Granted, I didn't know why I felt bad, I just did. When he'd heard the bit about my wanting to jump from the astronomy tower, he turned back toward me, a mixture of shock, horror and pity. It was too much.

"Severus?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. "I don't know what you meant by giving me that note in such a way. And I don't want to know, quite frankly. I'm a far cry different from the girl you once knew. I don't take kindly to being tricked, or fooled, or made into a joke."

Silence.

"Can't you leave me alone?"

I turned and stormed off. I would show him that I didn't care for him anymore… Untrue as that might be… I would show him that I wouldn't allow him to fool me.

I would go to this dance, and I would be fine…hopefully.

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Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected.

I eat them for breakfast and dinner. But not for lunch. For lunch I have a roast-beef sandwich with pepperjack cheese on whole wheat bread, also with tomatoes, red onions, and pickles. :D

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	18. Ch 17:: The Awkward Predicament

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**A/N**

Hai...

....I don't think I have anything to say. (I doesn't thinks I has nuthingz to says!) -- lolcat speak?

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"I don't understand why you didn't deck him in the face!"

" Sibyll…." I gave her a desperate look as I buttoned up my dress. "First off, that's uncalled for… Well, in front of students it is. Secondly….It's still…complicated..."

The secret I was hiding was revealed in a flash then. She jumped off of my bed, horror-stricken.

"Oh, Lucinda! Even still? After all he's done to you? And after Halloween, too?!"

"It's not a matter of whether I do or I don't, Sibyll… It's a matter of whether or not I've ever stopped."

"How could you not have stopped? After all that's happened?"

I simply shrugged, pushing down a particular piece of hair that was adamant about sticking out of place.

"I really don't believe this! It goes against everything Witches Weekly said in the article they published last Tuesday-!"

"Sibyll, you've really got to stop following that dumb magazine so intently. I mean, Gilderoy Lockheart won the most charming smile award five times in a row, but to this day I swear to you that Olivander's is much more pleasant."

"That man had a charming smile, Lucinda!"

"Oh, please! He was all teeth! I saw his books! It was like staring into the face of a beaver!"

Sibyll made some tutting noises. Then,

"At least Lockheart smiled."

"I know where you're going with this, Sibyll, and I have an equivalent retaliation."

"Really?"

"He might smile more than Severus, but they're both equally dishonest."

She bit he cheek, knowing all too well how right I was.

"You're not going to dance with him, are you?"

"If he asks me to, I don't know what I'll do. I suspect it depends on my mood."

She gave me a stern look. I pulled my eyeliner away and turned my head to give her a pathetic one right back.

"We'll see!" I declared adamently.

"If Roberta ever found out-"

"Well she's not going to find out, is she?"  
I returned back to the meticulous work that could only classify something so trying as make-up. Sibyll watched me, clearly very bored. Then she spoke again.

"You'll have to send her an owl soon, you know that."

"Yes. I'm aware." I said dryly.

"What, you don't want to see her?"

"Not until I get my thoughts all sorted out. If she were sitting on that bed instead of you, she would have whacked me one over the head and you bloody well know it."

"Too true," Sibyll said, taking off her glasses and wiping at a smudge on the left lens.

"I promise I'll write to Roberta before school lets out for the year."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Right." I did a quick check to make sure I looked decent, then turned to my friend. "Let's be off, then."

Arms linked, just like we used to when we were younger, we made our way to the Great Hall. The doors were held open, and, despite the fact I really didn't want to be there, I was in awe of the decorations. They were much more spectacular than what they had been when I was a student. Perhaps the school received more funding nowadays?

"Sibyll! O'er 'ere!" A loud voice called. We turned to find a waving Hagrid, positioned just to the side of the door. Sibyll waved to him excitedly, then turned back to me, unsure what to do.

"Go on!" I urged, her excitement contagious. I was just happy she had a date! Sibyll gave me a friendly kiss on the cheek and hurried off toward Hagrid. I watched the two disappear into the Hall, and continued to stand there for a while. It really was marvelous. Students had already gotten to dancing, and I searched for some of the faces that were more familiar to me. It was always quite interesting to see, at such events, who turned up with who.

Pansy Parkinson flew by, dragging Draco Malfoy in tow. He looked wistfully back at his friends, Crabbe and Zabini, who were standing by the desert tray. Clearly, he'd rather be socializing with his friends than dragged off to the dance floor.

Milicent Bulstrode and that Goyle boy were dancing. I watched them wearily, afraid that the floor would collapse right underneath them.

Roger Davies was dancing with Cho Chang.

Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, and a girl who appeared to also be a Weasley were lounging by the punch bowl.

Fortunately, so was Albus Dumbledore.

Making my way through clusters of students, I came up behind Professor Dumbledore, who was handing some punch to Harry.

"Hello, Professor!" I said cheerfully as I placed myself next to him.

"Heavens, Lucinda! Don't frighten an old man so!" He smirked, handing another cup to Hermione.

"Professor, I have to say, two-hundred years in age is not old!"

We laughed at my joke. Hermione, who had heard it, joined in.

"That's right, Dumbledore was the headmaster when you were in school, wasn't he?"

"Yes, Hermione. And I daresay he looked just as old and frail then as he does now!"

"Old, perhaps." Dumbledore sniffed indignantly. "Frail? Never!"

Despite what he said, he did look a bit weary. The party had started an hour ago. How long had he been on his feet serving punch?

"Dumbledore, why don't you let me take over here?"

"Lucinda, I can quite manage!"

"I know, Professor. I don't know if _I_ can manage, though. I'm so bored. I'm looking for something to do, even if it's as tedious as handing out punch to students."

Dumledore sighed, about to give in.

"You could share a dance or two with Professor McGonagall….." I suggested.

This brought a smile to his lips.

"You have me convinced, dear." He placed the ladle in my hands. "Happy Christmas to all of you." He then set off in search of Professor McGonagall.

"Hello Harry, Hermione, Ron. How are you all?"

"Fine, Ma'am." Ron said, looking deep into his cup. I guess he felt anxious to be speaking to a staff member at a party… I don't blame him. I knew how he felt. Then again, I still knew how he felt. I was overwhelmed with anxiety whenever I spoke to anyone!

"I was hoping to ask you if you were all right, Professor Redbourn." Hermione said, looking at my shyly.

"Oh?"

"Yes, Professor. You see, we couldn't help but notice you seemed a bit upset the other day in the Great Hall…"

"Oh." I said flatly. "That."

"We didn't see everything," the other red-haired girl offered. "We just noticed you looked upset. And then Snape grabbed you. We couldn't believe it when Snape grabbed you! We didn't know why he tried to stop you, we thought you two hated each other…" She trailed off, as though she had spoken too much.

I couldn't help but smile at her. She seemed genuinely concerned, just like the other three, and she didn't even have me as a student! My friendly expression turned to one of confusion quickly, for in a flash, a look of terror appeared on all their faces, and a shiver ran up my spine when I heard a voice by my ear.

"Miss Weasley, I don't believe that's any of your business, is it?" Severus commented coldly.

"Hello, Severus…" I sighed. "What brings you over here? Besides your obvious delight in terrorizing these students?"

Ron stifled a snort, though he did look like he was prepared to run.

"No need to dash off in a hurry, Mr. Weasley. I just stopped over to get some punch."

Taking this as my cue to give him a drink, I began to fill up a cup with punch.

"Miss Granger," he said without looking at her. "Excellent work on your essay. Best one in the class."

"Thank you, Sir." She replied.

I turned to the side to hand Severus his punch.

"Here you are, then." I hoped I didn't seem too urgent to have him go.

He took the punch from me, and as he did, our fingers touched. I felt mine tingle, the sensation soon spreading through my body, causing me to blush slightly. Fortunately, the students didn't seem to notice.

Severus, however, pursed his lips slightly, and lifted one of the corners. I had no idea what this look was supposed to mean, but he quickly and quietly thanked me for the punch before turning to join Argus Filch in a corner.

Harry exhaled loudly, as though he had been holding his breath the whole time. Ron and his sister seemed visibly more at ease.

"That horrible?" I asked, taking a cup of punch for myself.

His sister nodded gravely.

"All the Hufflepuffs in my class are frightened to death of him, Ma'am." She paused, then: "Oh! I almost forgot! I never told you my name! I'm Ginny Weasley." She stuck her hand out to me, and, with my free hand, I shook it.

"Pleasure to meet you, Ginny. I thought you might be related to Ron. With any luck, I might be teaching you as well next year."

"Let's all keep our fingers crossed." Hermione said.

"You….You all _like_ my class?"

"You seem so surprised!" Hermione was in shock herself.

"Well, it's just…I never taught before…I didn't think I'd be any good!"

"You're a wonderful professor," Harry said.

"With any luck, Professor Redbourn, they might permanently give you the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor." Ron added thoughtfully.

"We haven't had a good one of those in ages." Harry reached next to the punch table for a cheese cub. "The best on we've ever had was Professor Lupin."

I paled at this.

"Professor Lupin? As in…As in Remus Lupin?"

"Yes, why?" Harry seemed confused by my reaction.

"Oh, nothing." I quickly brushed my emotions aside, trying to appear as normal as I could. "We were friends back at school, that's all."

We stood in silence, having run out of things to say. Hermione Granger, however, didn't look as though she had run out of things to say. Yet, all the same, she kept quiet. After a minute or so, it began to get to me.

"Something on your mind, Miss Granger?" I asked.

"Hm? Oh, no, Professor! I'm just stuck a bit farther back in the conversation. You know, before Professor Snape came over and…interrupted things."

"Was there something you still wanted to ask me?"

"Well, you never did tell us whether you were all right or not…" Mentally, I scanned the conversation. She was right, I hadn't.

"I'm as fine as fine goes. As for why Professor Snape grabbed me, I really don't know. His mind seems to work in mysterious ways…"

They nodded grimly at this. Hermione looked as though she still wanted to ask more, but continued to nurse her punch.

"How ridiculous!" I nearly shouted at them. "This is a dance! Go dance! What fun could you possibly be having standing over here talking to me?"

"Honestly, Professor," Ron said. "You're the most relatable staff member we've ever met. We get on with Hagrid, sure. But he doesn't count. We've always gotten on with him. You seem to think a lot like a student."

"Is that good or bad?" I asked confused.

"It could go either way, really…" Ginny responded.

"In your case, it's good. It all depends on the person. It makes us all feel as though you genuinely care how we feel, and you seem like the sort of professor that would understand if we weren't performing well due to something troubling us outside of the classroom." Hermione grabbed a jelly bean out of the Bertie Bott's variety bowl, placing it in her mouth. Then, she wrinkled her nose. "Ew! Dirt!"

"And we're not afraid to come to you for help." Harry piped in. "Unlike with other Professors…" They all shot grave looks in Professor Snape's direction.

"Well, I'm glad." I resolved, putting down my ladle. "Now get out there and dance! Go have fun---and Happy Christmas to you all. Nice meeting you, Ginny."

They all wished me a Happy Christmas in return. Ginny added a 'Nice to meet you, too!' at the end of hers.

Not even ten minutes since they had gone, Draco Malfoy emerged from the crowd, panting heavily, both hands on the table.

"Finally managed to escape from Miss Parkinson, Draco?" I asked good-naturedly.

"That-girl—is driving me---batty!" He breathed, beads of sweat now apparent on his pale face.

I poured him some punch and held it out to him. He took it gratefully and guzzled it all down.

"Thanks!" He said after he had finished.

"I take it you're not much of a dancer, Draco?"

"Well, I dance alright. Father said it was important for a boy of my stature to hold his own on the dance floor…"

"He's right, you know. But I wouldn't say it was only important because of your stature. It can be quite fun at times." I told him.

He looked up at me, still breathing a bit heavily.

"If it's so fun, why aren't you out there?"

"Ha! Dear Draco, note I said 'at times.' Besides, I have no one to dance with."

A grin on his face, Draco searched the room. Obviously he was trying to determine what staff member would make a good partner for me.

"Filch looks a bit lonely," he said, his eyes resting on his subject. I turned to follow his gaze. Sure enough, Filch stood in a corner. Snape, who had been keeping him company earlier, seemed to be long gone. Where was Severus?

Filch didn't stay lonely for long. Madam Pince came strutting over to him, holding out her arm. Graciously, he took it, and, with a startling intensity for a librarian, she pulled him along to dance.

"Hmm…Scratch that." Draco mumbled.

"Tell me, Draco," I began, not wanting him to continue to look for a suitable dance partner for me. "How are you feeling about class? You're grades are spectacular."

"Class is good. Occlumenting is still a bit tricky for me, though."

"Ah. That is because you are young. Your mind is still open. What you need, dear Draco, is to practice. Practice on your own."

"Practice on my own? How do I practice on my own? Don't I need a Legilimen-?"

"Do yourself a favor. Tomorrow, or whenever it is that you next have time, take a turn about the castle and try to block your thoughts. Occlument, even though there is no need to be on the defensive. Trust me. It works like a charm."

"Alright, I'll give it a go. Thanks Professor."

He had time enough only to give me a quick smile when Pansy Parkinson emerged from the crowd. She looked both ways, then settled her eyes forward. Draco turned, spotting her.

"Oh, no-"

She dashed forward and grabbed him, giving a great and loud giggle. Then, she pulled him back, and they both disappeared into the crowd.

I laughed a bit at this, but it was cut short when Severus then stepped in front of the table.

"Hello," I said tiredly. "Any reason you're back?"

"I could do with a bit more punch." As if to prove the validity of his excuse, he tilted his empty cup in my direction.

I took it from him, careful to avoid his hands. I didn't want to be reminded of what I still felt for him. I just wanted to relax and enjoy myself on this night. I knew it was, most likely, impossible…but still, I could try.

Taking the ladle in my hand, I poured some more punch into the cup. Daintily, I handed it back to him. Then, I poured myself a cup.

When I finished, I looked up, only to find Severus holding his wand over the cup. He muttered something, and there were a bit of sparks. He then began to sip at the drink in a peculiar way, as though he weren't drinking punch at all.

Noticing my questioning look, he spoke.

"It's a simple spell. I could've done with a bit of punch, but I could've done even more with a bit of rum. Would you like me to-"

"Oh, yes! Please!" I held out my cup toward him, deciding rum was exactly what I needed right now.

He did the charm with his wand again and I took the cup back, doing all I could to stop myself from chugging the drink.

So busy concentrating on my post at the punch bowl, as well as my own little drink, I hadn't even noticed that Severus had managed to slip his way around the table. He stood behind me now, and I could feel his breath on my cheek. I could smell it, the scent of alcohol filling up my lungs. Even worse was the fact that I could smell _him._ That sweet scent of ginger, which I had missed for so long, began to overwhelm me.

I had always made it a point to keep myself a good enough distance from Severus so that it would not present a problem. When I did get too close, I found I would try to hold my breath, or breathe out of my mouth.

But to smell it again nearly made me forget myself… I almost turned into him and buried my face into his robes. However, I caught myself just in time. I was, literally, about to turn on my heel.

How silly it would have been of me to have done that! Especially since I wasn't sure what he meant by sending me all those things. I would have seemed like quite the easy target.

I turned my head to look at him. He was staring at me, though he seemed to be oblivious to the fact that I was staring back. Normally, he would turn his face quickly.

He held me in his gaze so brilliantly. I felt myself melt and, at the same time, a twinge of pain shoot through my chest. The pain spread throughout my body, numbing me completely, and I felt that I could not stand. I knew that this was from the way he was looking at me… It reminded me so much of how he held me in his gaze that night in the forest…and his scent….Together, the two were a deadly combination. Though, deadly only to me. My body began to teeter forward and back. I would have collapsed if it hadn't been for his arm catching me and pulling me back to my feet. It hurt too much to have him looking at me in that way.

"You've been working the punch bowl for two hours. Let's have you sit down." My arm still in his hand, I allowed him to guide me to one of the chairs that had been pushed up against the wall of the Great Hall. He took a seat next to me, eying me with concern.

"Thanks…" I murmured, feeling much better.

He only grunted, taking another sip of his rum.

Giving up all attempt at self-restraint, I downed mine. Severus gave a sort of chuckle at this, and did the same.

"The decorations are very lovely," I commented. I hoped that, perhaps, a meaningless conversation about the decorations might make things a bit less awkward. I also hoped that they would make me forget, even for just a moment, my unhealthy infatuation with him. Really, it was doing me no good to feel for him so. He had broken my heart in the worst way possible, made a joke of me, and yet I still felt for him. I could understand why Sibyll thought me to be ridiculous. And I still stood by what I said earlier. If Roberta knew, she'd hit me over the head with something and call me a stupid goose.

"Glad you like them. The set-up was my idea."

"Was it really?" I didn't want to indulge him at this point, but I didn't want to be rude, either.

"Yes. I thought you might like these decorations…"

"They're lovely." I looked mournfully down at my cup, wishing I had more rum.

"Would you care to dance?" He asked quite suddenly.

"Dance?"

"Yes…"

"With you?" Was I getting this quite right?

"Yes…"

"Wouldn't that be quite the opposite of leaving me alone?"

He said nothing, and I stood, angrily.

"I don't know what you mean by all of this, Severus. I really don't appreciate it. You had me once, and you made a mockery of me. You didn't really want me then, how am I supposed to believe you really want me now? And what makes you think you are the ideal person I'd be prevailed upon to take up as a partner? Really, you infuriate me!"

I stood there, leering down at him, huffing and puffing for what I was worth. He looked up at me defiantly….

…And then there was that ginger.

Before I lost it completely and melted myself on him, I stormed away. I heard him get up, as though he were about to follow me. As for actually following me, I didn't hear him proceed to do so.

_Oh, please! Follow me! Chase after me! Grab me, spin me around, kiss me! Show me I'm wrong like you did that night when we first kissed!_ I thought in the farthest corner of my mind.

But he didn't follow me. And I fled from the Yule Ball alone.

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Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected.

(( Tonight was one of those nights where I turned off my computer to go to bed, turned off the lights, pulled my covers over me and closed my eyes.....Only to have them pop back open, and, tripping the whole while, I make my way back to the light switch, turn on my computer, and update XD ))

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	19. Ch 18:: Skiving Snackbox

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**A/N**

Hai...

This is another one of those chapters...you know...the kind that has my stomach churning...

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Class had finished for the day, and I eased back into my chair. Severus stormed down with the students to his Potions room in the dungeon. I was left alone to my thoughts, which I was both grateful and ungrateful for.

Over the past few weeks, I had done my best not to look at Severus, or get so much as within a meter range of him. I felt bad to be treating him thusly, but a prominent part of my brain told me not to.

**_He deserves it. He did horrid things to you! Horrid things...._**

_I know, I know. I just wish there was another way…_

Feeling I was in need of a distraction, I made my way to the library. I locked my classroom with a charm and made my way down the hall. It was a short walk, down two flights of stairs and past the courtyard. It took me five minutes, and I was delighted by the smell of books as I pushed open the large doors of the library.

I made my way to the recently reorganized 'Fictional Magic and Legends' section, where I found exactly what it was I was looking for. I was surprised witches and wizards everywhere hadn't burned the books, as they were loaded with rubbish, and none of their contents were true.

I thought the school would be more than ashamed to carry such books in the library, yet, its existence on the shelf lead me to believe otherwise. I pulled the book off the shelf, staring with a vexed expression at the cover.

A black and white photo of a man who was too concerned with his appearance and looks for his own good smiled, waved, and winked up at me.

_Magical Me_ by Gilderoy Lockheart. Yes, I felt I was quite deserving of a good laugh.

Eagerly, I cracked the book open and began to read.

_Wherever I go, I find that I am flogged with such questions as 'How did you defeat Wagga Wagga Werewolf?' 'How did you vanquish that banshee?' I am much too modest to respond to these questions beginning with 'I', but rather, 'If it weren't for the help of my assistants…' For you see, one important thing about fame is to always give credit where credit is due. And I must say, many of my valiant undertakings could not have been made possible without the help of several brave witches and wizards. Bless their souls, for some did not quite make it out all together. _

_I know what you might be thinking, Gilderoy Lockheart? Taking on so many perils and succeeded? Impossible! It does sound impossible, doesn't it? But I guarantee you, good people, it is not. And in this book I shall recount to you some of my most favorite moments in undertaking those perils, as well as my early life. _

_It goes without saying that I will include information from my later, more recent years. Even though I have given up physically battling the forces of evil and darkness, making room for a new champion to arise from the rubble of this world, one free of the Dark Lord, my indirect participation in this ongoing battle still occupies much of my time. _

_You all might also be thinking, 'What a busy man! How ever does he have free time?!' I can guarantee you, I most certainly do. In my spare time, I collect Galleons and Sickles for St. Mungo's hospital, as well as tend to my greenhouses, where I grow mandrake roots. When these mandrake roots mature, I turn them into potions for petrified persons and the like. People ask me, 'But Gilderoy! Doesn't it tire you to be so great?' Well, my friends-"_

I slammed the book shut. That was a little too ridiculous for me. Looking at the time on a grandfather clock nearby, I let out a little gasp. I had missed lunch completely! Thank goodness I shut the book when I did! The new hour was about to begin, and I had to make my rounds about the school.

I slipped the book back on the shelf, though I had a good mind to burn it. Exiting the library, I prepared to make myself look most officious. Nothing eventful ever occurred on these rounds. Occasionally, there would be a student that was walking around the corridors when he shouldn't be. That wasn't anything a good yelling couldn't fix, that and dragging the student by his or her ears back to the classroom.

It was usually Professor McGonagall or Professor Snape who caught the feisty ones. These would be students trying to sneak about during their first or last classes. No one would try to skip class after lunch for the sole reason that the class wasn't stressful. Students had just had a good lunch, and a good chat with friends. What reason was there to be unhappy?

I made my way to the first floor. That was how I usually conducted my rounds. I would start at the first floor, then make my way up to the top floor. It was much easier, and much more organized. I wouldn't have to worry about backtracking this way.

There seemed to be no one on this floor, and there never was…typically… This was, perhaps, the most dangerous floor to be wandering about on. It was so very easy to get caught here.

Making my way past the Great Hall, I entered the corridor where the girl's lavatory was, looking wearily at it. Dare I venture to go in? Was Moaning Myrtle even still in there? I looked wistfully at the door, contemplating this. Would going in unearth too many uncomfortable memories?

It probably would. She would most likely ask me a million and one questions about Severus. And, since tales of misery and woe delighted her, she would take enjoyment out of my angst.

"How dreadful!" She would say to me, smiling.

No, better to not go in there. I sighed, putting a foot forward to move along when I heard a terrible shrieking noise.

Without thinking twice, the decision made for me, I burst into the bathroom.

Moaning Myrtle was hovering over a small first-year Hufflepuff girl. The girl was crumpled into a bunch underneath a sink, and Myrtle was cackling at her.

"You stupid, silly girl! I told you not to put that in your mouth!"

"What did she put in her mouth?" I asked, hurrying over to the girl.

"Oh! Lucinda! Is that you? It's quite lovely to see you!" She said cheerfully to me, forgetting all about the Hufflepuff.

The girl crumpled on the floor looked unnaturally pale. There was a dribble of blood leaking out of her mouth, and her pudgy face looked a bit pasty.

"It's very nice to see you too, Myrtle." I did my best to sound cordial and unhurried. "I wish we could have met under better circumstances, though."

This got Myrtle's attention back to the girl.

"Ah, yes. Shelley. I told her not to eat that dreaded stuff! But she wouldn't listen to me. Wanted to get out of a Charms exam, she did. Isn't it positively horrible?" She was smiling gleefully.

"What was it that she put in her mouth?" I turned the girl onto her side, bracing myself to pick her up.

"Check her right hand."

I complied with her suggestion, finding something quite strange. It was an orange thing, and appeared something like taffy. The wrapper was still around it, and as I read it, I was infuriated.

"WEASLEY'S SKIVING SNACKBOX?" I found myself shouting.

Myrtle cackled happily again as I pocketed the package and did my best to pick the Hufflepuff girl up.

I wasn't very strong, and I could barely carry a cast-iron cauldron. I thought of casting a spell on myself for temporary strength, but nothing came to mind. I didn't really have an aptitude for charms….

Luckily, I didn't have to cast such a spell. The girl opened her eyes, which, much to my horror, were yellow, glazed over, and veiny.

"Girl, what is your name?" I tried my best to speak in a calm voice.

"Shel…ley…Sik…ir….son.."

"Shelley, can you walk?"

She nodded feebly. I helped hoist her up, and guided her out of the lavatory.

"See you, Myrtle. Thank you for your help. I'd love to stay and chat, but I really must be getting her to the infirmary."

"Glad to help!" She sneered.

Pushing the door open, I allowed Shelley to go first, then I followed.

The door slammed shut, blocking out Myrtles hoots.

I had to carry her up the stairs, but she was able to walk for herself down the corridors.

She and I continued in this way for about three floors, but, I had to admit, I was getting quite worn out from carrying her. We were about to round one corner, when who should turn sharply but Severus Snape?

Shelley, who I had been guiding from behind, leaned forward suddenly and vomited blood. I jumped back, narrowly avoiding getting covered with her sick. Unfortunately, Severus was not so lucky. He looked down at his robes and shoes, not bothering to hide his disgust. He looked as though he'd had worse… but there was still fury written upon his face.

The girl had looked up at him to apologize but, seeing who she had just been sick on, and seeing his expression, she seemed to be on the verge of getting sick again. She trembled, looking up at him fearfully.

"Severus!" I said panicked. "I'm so sorry! I apologize for her. She's very sick. I need your help getting her to the infirmary."

Hearing the urgency in my voice, he helped me to hoist her up and carry her down the hall. We moved as quickly as we could, but I was thoroughly exhausted, and Severus obviously wasn't the sort for heavy lifting. I was out of breath by the time I reached the door to the hospital wing, and Severus looked as though his arms were ready to snap off.

We burst through the door, myself panting, fearing my lung might jump out of my chest and onto the floor. Oh well. This was the best place to do it, as it was the infirmary.

"Why, what's the matter with her?" Poppy asked, shocked at the state of the girl. She leaned over to examine her eyes carefully.

"This-is-what's—wrong-with-her." I panted. I pulled the wrapper out of my pocket and handed it to Poppy, who read it. Severus read over her shoulder. Within an instant, their faces twisted from concern to fury.

"Those Weasley boys!" Poppy hissed. She disappeared for a moment, then reappeared with a damp cloth and a bottle of strange potion. "They always stir up trouble! Always making destructive and harmful potions!"

"Don't worry too much of it." Severus said. "I'll write a letter home to their parents. They might have graduated, and they might own their own shop now, but they certainly won't continue to wreak their havoc upon this school!"

"Weasley boys? Relations to Ron and Ginny Weasley?" I asked, unsure of who these two boys might be.

"Yes!" Poppy said angrily. "They were brilliant boys! Brilliant, I tell you! But they always put their talents to the wrong use! If I could just get my hands on those two…."

"But Ron and Ginny are so well-behaved!"

Severus snorted.

"I'd say Mr. Weasley is far from well-behaved. Though he and his friend Potter do much....shall we say.....good for the school, they break every rule along the way." He turned to me then. "I have something I must attend to. Please don't hesitate to let me know how the girl turns out."

I nodded and rushed to the girl's side, pushing a stray strand of hair out of her face.

Poppy handed the cloth to me.

"Would you mind? Just hold it to her forehead-that's right."

Nervously, I pressed the cloth to the girl's face. She was sweating something awful and, just when Poppy was about to try to give her a dosage of potion, she began to dry heave. Unexpectedly, she flung her head over the side of the bed and vomited more blood onto the tile.

"Oh, dear!" Poppy cried as she set down the potion in a rush. I whirled around, finding a wastebasket. I grabbed it, sat Shelley up, and stuffed the can onto her lap. She then promptly puked in it again.

Poppy had turned and gone to get another potion. It didn't take her very long to find it.

She opened both bottles and stuffed a heaping teaspoon of the contents of the first one down the girl's throat.

Almost instantaneously, the girl began to show symptoms of easing. Poppy then spooned the contents of the second potion into the girl's mouth and, within minutes, she was fast asleep, slumped over the can. Gingerly, we took it out of her lap and set it down.

Using the damp cloth, I cleaned the blood off the girl's face. Meanwhile, Poppy was undressing her and putting her into a white smock. We worked as a team, in silence for about a half an hour. We folded her clothes and put a compress over her eyes.

She laid like this for quite sometime before Poppy got up, prying one of her eyelids open.

"Oh, yes. She's doing much better. They're not so yellow, and certainly much less bloodshot!"

I got up and leaned over to take a look. She was right. Shelley was looking much better already.

The mediwitch then ran to her cupboards in a fluster, shuffling around some papers before "AHA!" she rushed over and placed an odd looking blue sheet in my hands.

"This is a report form," she explained. "I'm going to need both you and Severus to sign it. You mentioned something about Moaning Myrtle when we were changing the girl, but it won't be necessary to get a statement from her. It's quite clear what caused the girl to get sick."

I sighed with relief. It was bad enough I was going to have to go see Severus…but Myrtle, too?

Taking the paper, I thanked Poppy. I leaned against a coffee table and quickly filled out my segment of the form. Then, paper in hand, I made my way to the dungeons, butterflies in my sickened stomach.

It was quite strange to dread going to a place that you were also excited to go to… I did want to see Severus again very badly. Yet, this is also why I didn't want to see him. The fact that I still had an attachment, no, an attraction to him made me very concerned. It made me feel weak and guilty, as though I were doing something I shouldn't. Certainly Sibyll made it seem that way.

These thoughts occupied my mind as I made my way down to Snape's office. Well, I was intending to go to his office. Yet the door to the Potions room was cracked open, and I couldn't resist. Quietly, I pushed the door open, slowly at first, then faster.

The room smelled quite strange. Very different from what I remembered. If memory served me correct, a stale odor would hang around the classroom. There would always be an off scent of 'Essence of Newt' or Doxy Eggs….. No…This room smelled….pleasant….

No, not pleasant….It smelled of ginger….and bruise healing paste…Two fragrances that I deeply adored for one reason and one reason alone….They reminded me of Severus.

I felt myself becoming intoxicated in a way that I had never felt before. My heart bubbled up inside my chest and I felt as though it might burst. In a darkened corner of the classroom, I could see Severus. He was huddled over something pink and glowing in a cauldron. The mere sight of him seemed to weaken my state. My knees felt wobbly, and my arms were shaking.

Wanting to do more than stare longingly at him, I tiptoed over to where he worked, the scents getting stronger. With each step I took, I found that I was swarmed more and more with thoughts of Severus. I could think of nothing but how I wanted to hold him, to kiss him, to make him happy in anyway that I could. Mentally, I declared myself everlastingly his.

Edging my way closer, I placed the form down on a desk and crept my way up behind him.

He looked so easy and inviting, just sitting there, hunched like that…Not even aware of my presence... It was all I could do to hold back from slithering my arms around him. Well, it seemed that I couldn't really even control myself well. Within a second, I had attacked him. It was all so strange, and it was a sudden blur. One minute I was a good two feet behind him, the next, I felt a compulsion to speak, and I was much closer.

I felt the words at the tip of my tongue, but the only part of my brain clinging to reality tried to stop me. I knew very well what that pink substance was, and I knew very well what was making me act and feel this way. Though, it was very hard to fully understand this, as Severus mainly and fervently occupied my thoughts.

The smallest of voices in the back of my head tried to discourage me from doing this. It told me to just turn myself around, grab the paper, and clear my throat to get his attention. But, in my heart, I was resolved to get his attention by another means…

"My, my, my…" I cooed into his ear. "Is that love potion for me?"

Before he had a chance to react properly, (I saw only the surprised look on his face) I bit that special spot on his neck…The one only I knew about…The one I discovered that magical day….

How I longed for a day such as that again!

I heard him beginning to breathe heavily, a slight moan escaping his lips. Then he shook his head wildly, disagreeing with himself, and pulled me off of him. I wouldn't be pried off so easily. He flung himself upright to stand, and I clenched tightly onto his robes, rising with him and following his body precisely.

With a strength and force that surprised even myself, I shoved him back against his chalkboard, forcing my lips over his. Once more did I ravage the skin of his lips, still sweet, surprisingly. I moved them in a passionate fury, feeling quite like my mouth was on fire. My body responded more and more to this much-wanted contact, and I began loosing myself completely into the kiss. I wrapped one hand around his back, which had gone rigid like the rest of his body. My other hand, I placed on his shoulder, slowly trailing it upwards until I had a fistful of black hair intertwining with my fingers. I began to nibble lightly on his lip, for I knew how much he enjoyed that, too.

Personally, I wanted to enjoy the kiss for what it was. My body, it would seem, had other plans. It was doing everything it could to get Severus to respond to my contact, to try to melt away his self-restraint and succumb to me, whatever his feelings were. It wasn't a safe thing to do, but I felt myself give in to this nonetheless.

All those sensations that I felt whenever we kissed came rushing back to me. That warm, tingling sensation which seemed to spread from my lips all the way down to the tips of my toes… Startled and unprepared, I faltered a bit.

That was when Severus reached over and slammed the lid back onto the cauldron, cutting off the intoxicating scent completely.

I snapped out of whatever haze I was in because of the potion. Angered and horrified, I withdrew my face from Severus's, my teeth still clamped around his bottom lip. It stretched, dragging outward with my movement until finally it slipped through my teeth and, with a faint slap, bounded back.

He whispered my name, but I barely heard it. My head was rushing with thoughts, most of which made me sick.

_You stupid girl! How could you be so easily overwhelmed simply by inhaling a love potion? You call yourself a witch? You should be ashamed of yourself._

It wasn't my fault though… The potion's power was intensified by my love for him.

Ashamed, I turned my face away from Severus's startled and disconcerted stare and stepped backward. I turned and grabbed the blue sheet off the desk, thrusting it into Severus's chest.

Ignoring the nausea that was beginning to take me by storm, and the bile that seemed to be steadily rising in my throat, I opened my mouth to speak.

"Madam Pomfrey asked me to have you fill this out. You can bring it back up to her when you're done with it." I said, pretending as though nothing had happened at all.

"Lucinda? How-"

"Good afternoon, Severus."

I turned to leave, but he grabbed my shoulder.

I spun around, eyes blazing with fury. Embarrassment had already put me in a bad temper. The fact that I was being further subjected to it, knowingly by Severus, enraged me.

"Don't touch me!" I spat, ripping my shoulder violently from him. "You're the last person on Earth I want touching me! I can't believe you have the gall and the presumption to lay your hands on me you filthy, greasy thing! I hate you. I _despise_ you. Don't touch me. Don't speak to me. Don't come to my class. Ever. Again."

I don't know why I always said these things to him, despite my real feelings. However, the instant I said these words, I regretted them. He wasn't furious with me, which was good…. But now that I had said this, I'd see him so much less. I would probably only see him at meals.

My heart sank a little at this. However, I was probably better off not seeing him. Maybe knowing he's around and not seeing him will be just the ticket to rid me of my infatuation…. I dared to look up at his eyes.

He looked annoyed, much like how a parent does when their child throws a temper tantrum. Fuming, I stormed out of the dungeon, slamming the door on my way out for good measure.

In a rush, I made my way to the closest bathroom and locked myself in a stall. There was nothing more I could do than to cry my eyes out.

Why did I feel this way? Why did I love him so much, even when he didn't return the feelings? He hadn't felt the same in the past, and, undoubtedly, he didn't feel the same way now. He was being so courteous and friendly because he either felt bad for me, or because he wanted to further ridicule me. There was no reason to trust him, yet I yearned to so badly.

Kissing him had felt so amazing, it was everything it had been when I believed us to be in love.

Remembering the kiss I had just forced upon him a few moments prior, I held my hand up to my lips, still warm from the friction. My fingers tingled, somehow still feeling his essence there. My head was a mess, and my skin felt like icy fire.

Placing my elbows in my lap and my head in my arms, I sobbed.

I was a hopeless wreck.

I'm never going to stop loving him. I'm never going to stop….

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Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected.

I definitely had something to say......Oh well..... Oh I just remembered...and I'm too lazy to hit backspace! Any suggestions for my next story, anything you'd like me to include or whatever. Seriously, anything...(okay...well...let's be rational people) send it in a PM.

:D

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	20. Ch 19:: The Outburst and the Idea

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**A/N**

Hai...

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It was very dark out, even for a January afternoon. I sat in my chair, head propped up by my elbows. I still had a little bit of time before class started, and there was a stack of papers sitting atop my desk, waiting to be graded. I couldn't concentrate at all. And so, they sat, neglected.

There was no reason why I didn't have them completed…Well, no reason except that my thoughts were completely occupied by Severus, and Severus alone. It was quite aggravating. The entire day I would try to force myself to think of other things, but it was no use. After a minute or so, I found my thoughts upon him once more.

I watched as the snow lazily fell from the sky, thinking about all that had happened the day before. It was all so odd. What was his reason for brewing a love potion anyway? Severus would never teach his students such a frivolous thing... Not when they could be making poisons and antidotes...

It couldn't have been for me, that was certain. Coming to this definite conclusion, I sighed sadly. I was coming to a lot of miserable and unfavorable conclusions lately. I'd also come to the heart-wrenching realization that I would never stop loving him, not so long as my heart pumped the blood in my veins. There was no way to stop. I had thought of everything. The only possible option would be to take a Hate Potion, but for that I required a good amount of his hairs….Such a thing would be difficult to come by, even in a singular form! And even harder now that I'd yelled at him a great deal, and proclaimed my everlasting hatred for him. He probably wouldn't come near me with a ten foot pole now. And taking a Hate Potion so frequently? I'd have to drink some every couple of hours. Forgetful me, I'd miss a sip and go right back to loving him all over again. I couldn't do that for the rest of my life...

What was the point of taking a hate potion if I knew I loved him? My luck was pure trash, and the chances that it would grant me the permanent effects that Severus's love potion somehow did was highly unlikely.

A huge snowball hit the window, startling me slightly. Getting out of my seat, I went to the window to look out at the courtyard below. A young Gryffindor boy gave me an apologetic wave, pointing at one of his friends, whom the snowball was probably intended for. I returned his smile, then lifted my gaze to stare out at the Black Lake and the Forbidden Forest.

Looking out at the view that presented itself to me, I couldn't help but remember fondly the day Sibyll and I had gone across the lake to read, the weather much the same as it was now. The day that James tried to attack Severus, blindly (though correctly) accusing him of brewing a Hate Potion. I also remembered the night that Severus took me into the Forbidden Forest and how we kissed…and we did kiss well....

What I wouldn't do to just wake up and have this all be a bad dream, to wake up and be seventeen again and have a special place in Severus's arms…A genuine place…To have a love that was not a sham. I'd give anything for it.

And how much better this all would be if Roberta were by my side! She'd know just what to say. She'd know just what to do to make things right. After all, most of the little tricks we came up with to get me 'closer' to Severus had been completely her idea. Yes, she could advise me much more efficiently than Sibyll ever could.

I felt terrible to think that. Sibyll was trying her best to make me feel better. She knew that what I was going through was terrible, she did…She just had an awkward perspective of how to make things right…She offered to read my palm and my cards, telling me that a glimpse into my future might help me to forget my past…..

Someone cleared their throat, and I spun around quickly. All my students were already sitting in their seats, wands on their desks, ready to begin.

"Oh, hello. I didn't even hear you all come in!" I said, surprised and slightly embarrassed.

"We've just gotten in, Professor." Parvati called from the back of the room.

"Right, then. Shall we begin? Today we will be doing some free Legilimency. That is, you will each be probing through your partners minds, though not looking for any particular thought. I know it's a bit of a change, but you all need to develop some independence where this is concerned…. Do not Occlument! The purpose of this exercise is to strengthen your skill as a Legilimen. When class is half over, you may all begin to Occlument your partner. I will make an announcement when it is time to do this. Is that all clear? Are there any questions?"

Draco Malfoy's hand skyrocketed the center of the room.

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?"

"Where's Professor Snape?" He asked, a hint of panic in his voice.

The other students, realizing his absence for the first time, began to look about the room wildly in search of him.

"Professor Snape will not be joining us for the rest of the term," I commented vaguely.

I kept my eye on Draco, as he looked particularly uncomfortable from hearing this news.

"Is there a problem, Mr. Malfoy?" I asked kindly.

"N-no Ma'am!" His expression contradicted his words.

Not wanting to pry, I decided it better to leave well enough alone.

"Alright, then. Begin!" I clapped my hands together and the students immediately set to work.

I sat myself down at my desk and began to grade the papers that were so patiently waiting for me. I had put it off for three weeks, but today would be the day it would get done. Heaven forbid even more essays manage to pile up on me... Taking my quill out, I resolved to have the whole stack finished and graded by the end of the day.

I began to grade the paper at the top of the stack, delighted it was Hermione Granger's. She always wrote very promising essays. And perhaps a good essay was just what I needed to distract me.

I began to skim over it, marveling as always at how she managed to go above and beyond the expected parameter. For starters, I required the essay to fill only one sheet of parchment, certainly not double sided. Not only had she completely filled the parchment, she had written on the back of it, and did so for two other bits of parchment. There could be no use reading it in great detail. At the rate my attention span was functioning, I'd be sitting at this desk for five months.

Finishing her paper sometime later, I rewarded her with a perfect mark. And really, I expected nothing less. Putting extra work into a paper that would have otherwise been perfect at the set length, I suspect she didn't, either.

My next paper was by Millicent. It wasn't as enjoyable, and nowhere near as immaculate as Hermione's had been, but it passed.

I had managed to get through a total of ten papers before halfway through the period, and I was ecstatic. If I kept it up at this rate, I'd be done before dinner.

I heard a murmur from the center of the room, and then very forced, quiet snickering. I looked up, searching the room for the noise.

My first reaction was that someone had uncovered a particularly embarrassing memory, which was bound to happen at some point or another. I scanned the room for any crestfallen faces, but there were none. I was just about to return to my work when I noticed Draco, a somewhat frazzled smile on his face, lean over to Goyle and mutter something to him. His eyes were fixated on me.

I should have known better than to suspect the situation was as simple as I had perceived it to be. I hoped Draco had a good reason for speaking and slacking off in class. I really didn't want to have to take points away from Slytherin….

"Mr. Malfoy?" I called to him. I noticed that there was something of an annoyed tone in my voice. I was getting to be quite like a miserly professor already, calling out to people in a bored voice, and having a bit of a hissy-fit when the slightest infraction of classroom etiquette was committed.

"Yes?" He asked, a nonchalant expression doing its best to overtake his somewhat stiff features.

"Do you have a question?"

"No."

Satisfied that this would be enough to nudge him back in line, I turned back to Neville Longbottom's paper.

"Actually, come to think of it professor, I do." I looked up, feigning interest. There was something about his tone I didn't quite appreciate.

"Care to tell me what it is?" I asked.

"As a matter of fact Professor, I do. I'd like to share it with the whole class. You see, I was just asking Goyle here how it was that _you_ were the most qualified person to teach this subject to us?"

"Excuse me, Draco?" Had I heard him correctly?

"The way I have it figured, Miss Redbourn," Miss Redbourn? "You'd have to be somewhat of a Squib!"

Some students had already stopped what they were doing to stare at Draco. Now, those who hadn't certainly did, stopping mid-probe of a thought to turn in their seats or to lean down and give him incredulous stares. It was quite clear what they were all thinking.

_'Did he just call Professor Redbourn a Squib?'_

"I mean, you spent Merlin-knows-how-long among _Muggles_ and the like, and then you get yourself locked up in Azkaban- magic against muggles, you tell us. A simple case of illegal usage of magic – and now you're here! You're here, and you're teaching us a subject that Dumbledore claims you were a master at your fruitful age of seventeen. Yet we have yet to see any of your great skill in such talents."

For some reason, I was more amused than angry by what he said. Looking at him jovially, I said: "Forty points from Slytherin!" Then I turned back to my work. Longbottom had written a particularly strong essay, quite different from his normal, half-hearted and fearful work. I was very excited to read it.

Just when I was about to pick up where I left off, Draco interrupted again.

"You see? She didn't even deny it! It's because she knows it's true. She knows-"

"_Legilimen_!" I pointed my wand at him, though I didn't really need to. I needed no wand, or any other extension in order to use Legilimency. I had gotten too good at this. They were tools for beginners. I hadn't really needed to shout, either. I was just as good as Severus was, if not, better.

All at once, his thoughts and memories came rushing to me. I had only a moment to note the startled expression on his face. Clearly, he expected me to react, but not in this manner.

The vision I was first presented with was a somber looking Draco, one that was patting his mother on the back as she cried. Aurors were swarming through their house, looking for something. Presumably, incriminating evidence that linked Lucius to the Dark Lord. I saw a single tear roll down Draco's face. Then, a thought boomed through my head, and I felt that I might be deafened.

_Malfoys never show weakness, Draco!_

The memory blurred and I was dragged to what seemed to be moments before his little outburst during class. He was mumbling under his breath, and I could only just make out what he was saying.

"Please understand, Professor. Please understand. I have to do this. No one is allowed to know. My mother cannot even speak of it with _me_. I can't let him read my memories. They'll-"

There was a swirl of color, and I faintly heard someone screaming for me to stop.

The memory blurred again, and I saw Draco sitting in a chair in a cold, dark, room. A ghoul of a man flipped out his cloak and made his way behind him. Draco was sweating, his hands clenching and unclenching the armrest of the chair.

The man leaned over Draco's shoulder, and, seeing him, I instantly knew him to be Voldemort. He was ghastly to behold, his eyes narrow and cold. His nose seemed to be flattened or, perhaps, nonexistent. His lips were pressed into thin, tight lines, which moved now as he spoke, placing a skeletal hand on Draco's shoulder.

"And what I require from you now, Draco, faithful boy… Is a matter of the utmost importance."

"Wh-What's that my Lord?" Draco asked, trying his best not to seem fearful.

"Kill Dumble-"

A surprising force of Occlumency drove me from his mind. Draco had pushed me from his memories, yet he still cried out.

"Stop it!"

Pansy Parkinson had gotten up and was trying her best to comfort him.

I sat back in my chair, bewildered by what I had just seen and heard. No wonder Draco was so concerned about improving his Occlumency. He didn't want anyone to discover what I just had…

Kill Dumbledore? It couldn't possibly be true! To ask that of such a young person, of one of Dumbledore's own pupils, nonetheless! Would Draco indeed do the deed? His father was a Death Eater, presumably he was involved with the Dark Lord at Draco's ripe age of sixteen...but could he really have wished for his son to be so heavily involved at such a young age? To do such a deed as killing?

Wearily I eyed Draco.

"See me after class." I said with a stale tone.

I then turned my attention toward the entire class.

"I don't want to hear any more business about 'Squibs' ever again. Let this be a lesson learned."

Fearfully, students nodded their comprehension, and turned back to their work.

"Mr. Goyle, please situate yourself to form a group of three with Mr. Zabini and Miss Parkinson. Quick, now! Get a move on!" He scurried out of his chair and brought it over to the group on his left. "As for you, Mr. Malfoy. I want you to spend the rest of the class time constructing a five-paragraph essay on whom you feel is the greatest Muggle to have ever lived. Begin."

I consulted my watch.

"By the way, the period is halfway done. Time for you all to switch from Legilimency to Occlumency."

I plopped myself back into my chair, weary from all that I had seen. I set myself to Longbottom's paper, and would let no other distractions get to me. When I did finish, I was pleased to grant him with a very high mark. I only had to take off a few points because he had gotten some terms confused. This cheered me up a bit, as Neville was one of my favorite students. I wanted him to excel, just as I wanted everyone in my class to excel.

By the time class finished, I had managed to get another twelve papers done. So far, I hadn't had to fail anyone, something I was very pleased about. Though, remembering Draco's little outburst, and what I had seen in his memories, I went sour again.

"Students, time is up! Class is dismissed. Read chapter 13 of your textbooks for next class."

With slight whispering, everyone began to grab their bags and file silently out of the classroom. Some of the Slytherins ogled Draco on their way out. Pansy Parkinson and gave him a very woebegone look before she, too, followed Blaise Zabini out of the classroom.

And then it was just Draco and me. He sat, frozen solid at his desk, staring at me with a petrified look.

"Come up here, if you please." He began to get up slowly from his desk. "Bring your paper, too."

He crept over to me, paper in hand. It was a bit depressing. He looked much like a sad puppy.

When he got near enough, I snatched the paper out of his hand. I laid it face down on the desk, folded my hands, and just stared at him. I really didn't know what I was supposed to say, or how I was supposed to react to it all! I had a good mind to get Dumbledore, or McGonagall at the very least.

I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt I owed his father too much to put his son at such risk. Draco would, undoubtedly, be expelled. Perhaps even locked up in Azkaban? I couldn't let that happen to such a young boy. It was too terrible. I would just have to find another way…

"Draco," I began.

"Professor Redbourn, I'm sorry. I had no choice, you see! I really didn't mean it, you know. I don't think you're a Squib. They don't let Squibs _teach_ at Hogwarts. I couldn't let anyone know. My own mother isn't even supposed to know. BUt I have to do it...for my father. I do like you, Professor. However if you stand in my way, I'll have to-"

"Draco." I said simply. "Shut up. You and I both know perfectly well you wouldn't."

Instantly, his mouth clamped shut, and he looked at me with wide, fearful eyes.

"I'm not going to tell anyone. I feel much too indebted to your father to do that to you…" My voice softened, and my eyes became wet with tears as I came to terms with the harsh reality of the situation he had been thrust into. "You're only a boy…" I snapped myself out of my piteous haze. This was not a time for sympathy. "Naturally, I cannot allow you to murder Dumbledore. If you do persist in your actions, I will have to speak. As of right now, let us both presume that you are not going to do that. My, my....And your mother is going to let you do this?" I couldn't help but ask. Would Narcissa Malfoy really let her only son be made a pawn like this?

"She doesn't like it either. That's why-that's why…Nothing…" He had begun to tell me something but then, deciding against it, he cut himself off.

"Draco, I can't excuse you from class the rest of the year without arousing suspicion… You really are just going to have to practice like I told you. But for now, right me an essay each class. A different one each time, about great Legilimens and Occlumens throughout the history of magic. Come the end of next month, you'll have to join back in on hands-on class work. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"And remember, you're not murdering anyone. I'll know if you even consider it, Draco. That's one of the advantages of being a Master Legilimens."

He nodded stiffly.

"Good, now go."

I didn't have to tell him twice. In an instant, he had flung himself through the door of the classroom, into the hall.

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It was certainly a better day today, much nicer than it had been last week, what with the dreary weather and all that had happened. Classes had ended for the day, and I found myself in the library doing what had been my favorite activity as a Muggle, a puzzle. This one, however, was unlike any puzzle I had ever done before, as it was enchanted. The image moved when you put it all together, and I was quite excited to see how it would look.

This puzzle was quite tricky. Not too daring, I would usually take on puzzles that were only five hundred or a thousand pieces. This puzzle was two hundred pieces! To make things much more difficult, it was of the Hogwarts Crest. That meant there was a horrendous amount of yellow, green, red and blue pieces to be dealt with.

For the time being, this puzzle was keeping my mind from drifting off to more pressing issues, and I was quite content with the distraction.

Over the years I had found that, despite the studious attitude I held during my school years, I was a master of procrastination. I seemed to have quite a knack for avoiding people I needed to confront or talk to, to occupy myself with distractions… Yes, it was quite astonishing to find that I could put off nearly everything to the last minute, and still have it all turn out just as fine as if I had put forth the required effort.

Another thing I noticed was that, interestingly enough, whenever I put off thinking about a problem that needed to be resolved, the answer just seemed to come to me.

Was that what I was hoping to achieve through this puzzle?

As I connected one piece of the Gryffindor lion's tail to a solid red piece, a pair of hands came into my vision, moving several pieces around to try to see where they fit.

Surprised, I looked up to see who it was. Hermione Granger, brow furrowed, was examining two particularly similar looking yellow pieces

"Hello, Miss Granger." I smiled at her when she looked up. I really did like this girl. She was absolutely delightful, and she reminded me of myself as a young girl. As a Hogwarts student, I, too had been very studious. I, too, fretted a bit excessively over tests and homework.

"Hello, Professor." Hermione returned my pleasant expression. Then, she returned to the two questionable pieces.

We worked in silence together for some time. Occasionally, we would mutter apologies to one another when our hands knocked into each other, or when we would both reach for the same piece.

After a while, I could stand the silence no more.

"Miss Granger," I began, turning to her. "It has been beginning to warm up outside, and I daresay that all your classmates are all in the courtyard. What is it that you're doing cooped up in the library? Granted, I would be less surprised if you were studying, but…." I allowed my voice to trail off.

"Ma'am?" Hermione set down her puzzle pieces and was looking at me, confused.

"My dear girl," I sighed, following suite in discarding the puzzle. "I don't need to have an 'Inner Eye' or Legilimency to know what you're thinking. You've been wanting to ask me something since before the holiday break."

Hermione blushed slightly, only confirming what I already knew.

"That's true," she said hesitantly. "I just know that it's not appropriate to ask you…"

"It probably isn't, but I'll allow you to anyway."

"That memory you showed us in the beginning of the year…I've been thinking about it a a lot…and then… that one day at dinner, with you and Professor Snape…I recognized that flower…."

I didn't take my gaze from Hermione, and she flinched, fearing that I would yell at her or take points from Gryffindor.

"You have a refreshingly keen eye for detail, Hermione." I said simply. She cringed, then looked at me with a slight expression of shock.

"Th-Thank you, Ma'am….?" It ended as a question, for she was unsure of what I would do next. And that was only natural. For, if I was in her position, I would have felt the same way.

"You were right, it is an inappropriate question. And I'm afraid I cannot _give_ you the answer." Her face fell, and she opened her mouth to apologize. "However," I said, cutting her off. "I find that I am terribly preoccupied with this puzzle. Yes, it is rather distracting... If someone were to utilize Legilimency at this precise moment, I'm quite sure I would be caught completely off-guard....." I turned back to the puzzle, trying to figure out the places of the two pieces that had vexed Hermione.

I could feel here eyes boring holes into the side of my head.

"You…You mean earn it?"

"I'm not quite sure what you mean, Miss Granger."

I heard a ruffle of clothing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hermione fishing for her wand.

She aimed it at me, and I feigned my attention back toward the puzzle. In a matter of seconds, I was rushed back within my own mind, reliving that terrible situation all over, though with a numbness. I could sympathize with what I was feeling at the time, but as for actually feeling it, I did not. It was only a memory, a horrible one, and it made me _feel_ horrible…. Indeed it was _painful…_Just….not in the same way as it had been. I avoided this memory like the plague.

To Hermione, this memory was interesting. Unlike before, she could actually discern who was speaking, as well as who was present, aside from me.

The memory ended when I threw down the flower, identical to the one that she had recognized at dinner…. I felt her pull out of my mind, a startled expression on her face. Clearly, she wasn't expecting to discover that Severus was the cause of my torment. Well, with the way he carried on these days, she probably never thought anyone had ever had a romantic interest in him…

I was the poor fool who did.

"Wasn't what you expected, was it?" I asked, surveying the strange look on Hermione's face.

She shook her head furiously.

"How can you have remained so calm? He was around you every day for nearly half a year in class! How could you have been so courteous?"

"Hermione, if only you knew how much effort that forced tranquility required. It's something I can barely muster together when you and your classmates are not around."

She nodded her head, trying to understand. It seemed she had never been hurt that badly by anyone.

"I'm afraid I cannot tell you any more than you know. It would be most inappropriate of me…."

Hermione understood, nodding. She grabbed her bag and, before she turned to go, she spoke.

"Thank you, Professor. Your secret is safe with me." Then, she left.

As she walked away I couldn't help but think how clever she was for a Muggle-born.

And there, I found my solution.

Hurrying back to my office, I drafted a letter in my head, one to be sent immediately. Either I had come up with something ingenious, or I was a complete fool. Most likely the latter, but I would see in the end…

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Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected.

Any suggestions for my next story, anything you'd like me to include or whatever. Seriously, anything...(okay...well...let's be rational people) send it in a PM.

Don't hate me....Mid-Terms have been ruining my life....I have virtually no free time. SO. Unfortunately, I can't update on Sunday. Sorry, I know that's really annoying because I kind of left off with a cliff hanger...... I'm really sorry, but I will definitely update again next Thursday and, hopefully, continue my normal bi-weekly schedule.

DX / XD

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	21. Ch 20:: A Deal with Severus

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**A/N**

Weekly updates must continue until further notice. I AM REALLY SORRY. I really liked my bi-weekly updates, too. I thought that I would be able to write more this week, but there have been......incidents........

No matter :P

Trust me, Bi-Weekly shall resume if it's the last thing I ever do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, this is the trailer for Trials and Tribulations of a Pure-Blood.

yo utube.c om/watch ?v= VBCcYR9 LaQ4

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_Dear Mrs. Malfoy,_

_Besides typical inquiries of your health and wellness, I am writing to you on behalf of your son, Draco. Enthusiasm could be one word to describe Draco's mentality in this particular course study. Looking eager and ready at the beginning of every class, Draco's stellar performance in class does not go unnoticed. Logically, it would only be natural to reward Draco for his hard work. Any praise I give him on my own accord cannot be enough to suffice. To commemorate him for all his efforts, I would like to write a letter of recommendation, on his behalf, for his appointment as Head Boy. Right now, his chances seem very high. I feel that my letter would provide him with the extra boost needed to be given even more consideration than the other candidates. Xeric, your Draco is all but this, and you should be proud._

_Sincerely,_

_Lucinda Redbourn_

In my opinion, it was quite clever. Who would suspect such a letter? The first letter at the start of each sentence spelled out who I really needed communication with. Though, I wasn't lying about Draco. He was an exceptional student. I would write him a letter of recommendation for Head Boy.

In a hurry, I took the letter to the owlery and sent it off to Malfoy Manor. It was of the utmost importance, for I knew the rest of the term would fly by and then it would be too late otherwise. I only hoped Narcissa could understand the clue…

I checked my watch, overwhelmed with how late it had gotten. Looking toward the sky, I saw that the sun was already beginning to set. I didn't wish to be late for dinner, convinced it would look odd. Well, what wasn't odd about me? What wasn't odd about my being here? I had noticed that I was always trying my very best to appear normal, to make myself seem as though I were a typical wizarding adult.

Scurrying down the hallway, I flung myself through the doors and, regaining my composure sudden enough to appear as though I hadn't just dashed down the grounds fast enough for my life to count on it, I strolled toward my seat next to Sibyll, trying to ration out my inhalation and exhalations so it wouldn't appear as though I were out of breath.

As I sat next to her, she eyed me curiously. Several other staff members were, too.

"My dear! Your face is so terribly red! Are you all right?" Looking up to meet her gaze, I tried my best to smile.

"Oh….." I paused to take a breath. "You see…..You know how terribly frustrated I get with puzzles…..I couldn't finish it and I tried to get it to reassemble itself…..I guess I was a bit too forceful….it burst into flames….."

"My goodness! You're fine? Did you put it out?"

"Yes….I conjured up some water, but I daresay it got terribly….hot….in there."

"Ah! So that's why you're sweating so!" Sibyll said decisively, accepting my excuse for the truth.

"Indeed, dear friend. Now, what do we have here? I'm starving." I truly was starving.

Before Sibyll had a chance to answer, heaps of boiled potatoes, rack of lamb, and other delightful foods appeared at the center of the table. Famished, and feeling quite like I hadn't seen food in years, I began to pile as much as I could onto my plate.

Sibyll and I, along with Professor Vector, who would occasionally quip into our conversation, engaged ourselves in a delightful chatter pertaining to blast-ended skrewts.

"Oh, yes. They are dangerous indeed. Hagrid breeds them and uses them in his lessons to the students. I feel that there is a strong connection between them, and Mr. Potter's impending death." Sibyll said ominously.

"Harry Potter's death?" I nearly choked on my food. Given the yearly course of events in this boy's life, I felt it was hardly appropriate to make such a bold statement.

"Ah, yes…" She wrapped her shawl around herself tightly before taking a sip from her goblet. "Poor chap has the grim…It's only a matter of time now…"

I stared at Sibyll incredulously. When we were young, she would make predictions that were..well….reasonable, and even useful. At point blank, she could give you the weather forecast for the week, and even predict when a teacher would be absent. She needn't worry about studying, and finding time to do her work, because she would always know of a later date when there would be time enough. Granted, she did get a lot of strange feelings from seemingly innocent things.... However, the last bad vibe she had did turn out to be true.... However, for her to run about predicting death and chaos and whatever else might be flooding her head was extremely uncharacteristic.

"Sibyll… do you think you might be being a bit…..dramatic?"

"Dramatic? Oh, heavens, no! That Potter's done for. It's practically etched in stone."

"Okay." I said with a sigh, turning back to my potatoes.

We all ate in silence a bit longer, when all of a sudden, Sibyll jumped. As a chain reaction, and severely startled, I flew out of my seat with a small shriek, turning to Sibyll, concerned and frightened.

"Bloody hell, Sibyll…..What's the matter?" I asked, panting.

"You might remember when I told you yesterday over breakfast that you would be experiencing some misfortune this week…?"

"Oh…Yes…" I lied. I wasn't about to admit to Sibyll that whenever she went on her tangents about Divination, I tuned out.

"Ah, well… I was just informed today that Ms. Umbridge is returning to Hogwarts to observe your class…"

I felt as though a rock had just settled in my stomach.

"Tomorrow?" I asked timidly.

"Yes." She nodded, turning to her own potatoes.

Fantastic. Sighing, I piled down the rest of my food, savoring it all the while. This would, perhaps, be my last good meal for a while.

Warily, I pushed my chair back and made my way over to Professor Dumbledore. I had to walk by Severus, though I did avoid looking at him. Standing in between Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, I addressed them both.

"Hello, Professors. I'm very sorry to disturb you while you're eating, but it has just come to my attention that my class is to be…er….observed…tomorrow. By Umbridge. Is…this is true?"

I desperately wished for Dumbledore to simply laugh in my face and tell me I how silly I was. I wanted so badly for Professor McGonagall to look at me as though I were diseased, and beg me to explain to her how she'd ever allow that foul woman to enter Hogwarts ever again.

Unfortunately, no such thing happened.

"Yes, it is true that Ms. Umbridge will be observing you tomorrow." Dumbledore said matter-of-factly. "No need to worry. I've heard you're an excellent teacher." He then gave out a hearty chuckle, reaching for his goblet.

Professor McGonagall, on the other hand, did not seem so positive. She gave me a very grim look and patted me on the back.

"My dear, I know she's terribly annoying. Just…have them read out of their textbooks or something. It really is your best bet. During her time as High Inquisitor here, she gave several fine professors mediocre reviews. Take Severus, here!"

Severus, who had been intent on his stewed carrots, snapped his head upward quickly, jumpy that his name had been mentioned, and leaned slightly over.

"Yes, Severus!" McGonagall turned to him now, urging him to join our conversation. "Lucinda is being observed tomorrow. I was just telling her that, for no sound reason at all, Umbridge gave you mediocre marks."

"Yes. I daresay I was fortunate. After all, she didn't have a grudge against me." Severus's meaning was pointedly made in his words. I realized this and, unfortunately, so did Professor McGonagall.

"Well, I'm sure she'll be much better off with you helping her, Severus. It seems Dumbledore did have quite a good idea of having you assist her. Perhaps she'll think you're monitoring her…."

Severus looked as though he was about to inform her that he would not be working with me tomorrow, seeing as how I had forbidden him to work with me ever again.

Not wishing to stir up an argument or create any sort of drama, I quickly butted in.

"Yes, of course. Severus will be helping me. I'm quite certain all will be fine."

Professor McGonagall gave a satisfied nod and turned back to Dumbledore, who was already engaging her in another conversation.

I was about to return back to my own seat when I couldn't help but notice the angered glare Severus was giving me.

I tried to sneak away before he could utter so much as a syllable, but I was too delayed in my actions. Or, perhaps, Severus knew me too well…

"Lucinda, a word?" He stood from his chair, signifying that what he was presenting to me wasn't, by any means, optional. He pushed his chair in, then turned to walk by me. I followed half a step behind, exiting the Great Hall through the side door. I shut it quietly behind me and followed him a bit farther down the hall.

"Listen-"

"You never cease to astound me." He turned abruptly, and I nearly crashed into him. What was it with him and sudden movements? I almost smiled to myself, _almost_, recalling how often I used to compare him to a snake. Yes…their movements were also sudden and abrupt. At any rate, if he kept this up, I was going to smash into him for sure one day…and probably chip a tooth in all likelihood…

"What is it you mean by using me?" He demanded, arms crossed.

"Using you?" I blinked stupidly.

"Yes. What else could it mean when you tell me never to set foot in your classroom ever again but, the instant you're in trouble, you place me in a situation where I have no choice but to assist you?"

I opened my mouth to argue, but instantly thought better of it. Technically, yes, I was using him. And what would I do when I passed through Umbridge's examination with success? Kick him out of my classroom, no doubt. It really wasn't fair…

Thinking those words, the angry imp in the back of my mind presented itself, pointing out that it wasn't exactly fair when he toyed with my emotions, when _he_ used _me. _Did I dare even bring that up?

Perhaps it would just be better to leave the past in the past… for now…anyway.

"You're right," I said, admitting defeat. He was right, though I hated to admit it.

"You're joking." Severus said, holding his arms tightly against himself. "You're actually agreeing with someone?"

"Don't confuse me with Lily ever again! It was only James I disagreed with. Lily was the one who was so ostentatious in her own ways that she placed walls around her mind. Despite what you may think, I can be reasonable."

"Yes, I see…" We stood in silence a moment longer. "Very well, then."

"Very well, then, what?" I asked, a sharp tone to my voice. I really had no idea what he was talking about.

"I'll help you."

I felt my eyes narrow, and I was about to question him when he spoke again.

"Don't argue. Take my help or leave it. You can't be so fickle on the conditions upon which you accept the assistance of others. Though, I will make this clear, we are working on my terms."

I desperately wanted to argue, but I knew better. If there was one person who was good at trickery and false flattery, it was Severus Snape. Though I wished this wasn't the case, I had first-hand knowledge… If anyone could smooth this over, it would be Severus… Umbridge despised Dumbledore… McGonagall despised Umbridge…

Sighing, I extended my arm out toward Severus. He stepped back, a bit clumsily, for him. I gave him a questioning look, noting that the color on his face had drained a bit, his hair seeming to hang even more limply around his face.

"Surely you don't think we require an Unbreakable Vow for this?" He said, his voice affected by his great surprise, and, perhaps, insult that I was not appearing to take his word.

An Unbreakable Vow? I looked down at my arm, then back up at Severus. A smile was forcing its way upon my lips, and it wasn't long before I began to erupt in loud laughter. He had thought I was going to make an Unbreakable Vow with him? That was a laugh. Who would make one over something so silly? Alas, I was too wrapped up in my Muggle ways….

"I simply wanted to shake on it." I said, when I managed to calm myself down.

"Oh…yes…of course…" He placed his hand in mine, and for the briefest of seconds, I felt an electric shock go through me. Almost instantaneously, after our hands touched, he withdrew him. This, in addition to the tingling sensation his hand had brought to my own, shocked me.

We stood staring at each other for some time. Timidly, I gazed upon him, while he looked down his pointed nose rather warily at me.

"Thank you, Severus," I whispered.

"Think nothing of it." He said, turning to go. Before he walked off, however, he turned his head back to face me. "Just as you think of our friendship."

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"My, my! How quiet! I must say, Redbourn , I am impressed! How did you manage to keep all your students so sullen?" Umbridge waltzed around the room, weaving her squat body in and out of desks.

"It's quite simple, Ms. Umbridge." Snape's brisk voice rang throughout the quiet classroom. "It was either remain silent and orderly, or disembowel frogs."

"An adequate punishment, I daresay. But how is it, Professor Snape, that you are the one that seems so quick to talk, while our dear Miss Lucinda here remains so quiet?"

I glowered angrily at her from the chair where Severus typically sat. The plan, in my opinion, was to present Umbridge with lie after outright lie. When students had gotten to the classroom, a great deal before Umbridge would be arriving, they glared coldly at Snape, who sat behind my desk.

"Professor Redbourn, aren't you teaching us? Why's Sn—Professor Snape sitting at your desk?" Ron Weasley asked the instant he entered the classroom.

"Umbridge is observing today, so you see, Professor Snape and I decided a bit of acting is in order. Now, if all of you could just play along with our ruse, we'll be seeing no more of her."

No sooner had the students nodded their understanding, than Umbridge paraded into the room, as if we, mere wizarding commoners, had all gathered together just to see her.

As on cue, when Dolores Umbridge asked me this question, Snape answered once more. After all, I was to be seen and not heard…

"Professor Redbourn and I came to an agreement a few days after you last visited our class. She is a convict, and therefore, she really is unsuited to be teaching our youth. I have taken over the role of primary educator in this classroom." Snape said, as though he had been given a great burden.

Umbridge nodded sympathetically.

"Well, if you are teaching the class all by yourself, perhaps Redbourn would be better suited to return to Azkaban?"

I threw Severus a sharp look. Catching my eye, he presented me with the briefest of nods. He knew full well that if I ended up back in Azkaban on account of his plan, I would break out, then break his neck.

"Oh, no." he said. "I wouldn't dream of it. After all, she is still quite useful."

"Is she? In what way?"

"When I am conveying to the class particularly difficult concepts, she is, at times, able to lend us information through her own expertise. She's also rather good at fetching me things…."

Umbridge made her way over the Gryffindors, who looked rather unnerved by her approach. She stopped behind Harry's desk and placed her hands on his shoulder, inciting a very uncomfortable look from him, and scowls from Ron and Hermione.

"Does the Potter boy still give you trouble?" She asked, a malicious gleam in her eye.

"Oh, every once in a while. It's nothing a little detention doesn't occasionally remedy."

She nodded, and took a pink notebook out of her purse. The entire room watched in silence for about five minutes as she scribbled away. She then walked over to a corner of the room, out of the way, and beckoned for Snape to begin the lesson.

"I'll just be observing you, now. Feel free to begin your lesson."

"Everyone. I know that while _Professor Redbourn_ was teaching you all," he sneered my name and I clenched the arm rests of my chair, my knuckles whitening, "you were all accustomed to getting in way ahead of yourselves. Am I not correct?"

No one dared say anything.

"I have, however, decided that you are well beyond the stages of simply reading from textbooks. You are not, I'm afraid, ready enough to begin to use Legilimency on your peers. That is why, today, we will be concentrating on building up your Occlumency. For you see, there really is no call for you to be learning Legilimency. As good Occlumens, you should all be able to resist the powers of the Dark Lord."

I peeked at Umbridge out of the corner of my eye. She was wearing a broad grin, undoubtedly agreeing with every word Severus uttered.

"Today you will focus on clearing your minds. Spend the entire class relieving your minds. Clear yourself of any thoughts, worries, anxieties, or the like. This is how you will build up your Occlumency skills. Begin."

Turning sharply, Severus came to my chair and stood behind me.

"What do you think?" I whispered out of the corner of my mouth.

"So far, so good."

The students sat in silence, some with their eyes closed, others staring straight down at their desks. I looked around the room, satisfied to find that all my students were having little difficulty clearing their minds. Was this a sign that I had been teaching them well?

As if on some sort of cue to disrupt my happy thoughts, I heard Dolores Umbridge's aggravating cough. Once, twice, three times it rang throughout the room. More and more students were brought out of their concentration, paling at the sound of what they were correct in presuming could only be a most troublesome interruption.

"_Hem,hem."_

"Ms. Umbridge, would you care for a cough drop?"

"No, no."

"Is something troubling you?"

"Well, it's just that Mr. Potter seems to be making light of your lesson. It doesn't at all appear that he's taking it seriously, judging from his whisperings to Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger. They keep looking at Mr. Malfoy, and I can only suspect they're creating some sort of terrible gossip about the boy."

I can only suspect that you're out seeking revenge, you dreadful old bat….

"Judging Mr. Potter's behavior during his years at Hogwarts, and his particular regard for Mr. Malfoy this year, that wouldn't surprise me."

I looked up at Severus, incredulous that he would actually feed this bollix.

Apparently, this was enough to draw Harry from the blade of Umbridge's sword, and turn it upon myself.

"Something troubling _you_, dear?" Umbridge said, turning her body toward me. Her grin was stretched widely across her face, her eyes glinting only with the keenest attempts at evil.

"Professor Redbourn, are you unhappy with the way I'm running _my_ class? Your mouth seems to be hanging open rather stupidly" Severus sneered.

"Oh, Professor Snape, I _am _ sorry I wasn't very amiable to you the last time I was present… You're quite right, though. Her mouth _is_ hanging open rather stupidly." Umbridge commented, pleased that someone else was partaking in her taunts of me. I shot Severus a warning glare, but, it seemed, it went unnoticed.

"Yes, she does tend to do that a lot."

"Does she, now?" Umbridge said, scribbling something down on her clipboard. "Is it when students ask questions? Do they go a bit over her head? She has a bit of a idiot streak, does she?" The glare I gave Severus was more pointed. What I would do to him after this was all over would be far worse than any detention he'd ever given.

"My dear Ms. Umbridge, you misunderstand me. I was, by no means, making an attempt on Professor Redbourn's intelligence. Her smarts are, plainly, commendable." I relaxed a little, comforted that he finally had the good sense not to take this little charade too far. "Rather, I was commenting on the way her mouth drops open. She does seem to make a habit of doing that whenever she is startled. She always has."

There was a strange fondness to his voice as he said that, instantly making me legitimately question, for the first time, his intentions. Did he care for me? Even if only little? Or was this part of the act? Well, if it were part of the act, wouldn't he surely be agreeing with Umbridge?

"Ah, I take it you knew her well before she taught here?'

"Yes. I seemed to have been the cause of much of those jaw-dropping instances."

Umbridge inclined her head toward him, as though beckoning him to continue.

"One time, I remember the most. It appears I had played a joke on her, particularly humorous to some more than others…I can recall it all as if it were only yesterday. It's an expression I'll not soon forget." Severus stated somberly.

Hermione Granger's face was so red, she might have produced steam from her ears. Biting her lip, she made her best attempt to keep quiet, throwing me a furtive glance every once in a while.

At first I did not understand why she was acting in this way. Sitting for a moment, I let his words fully sink in. Then, there was a large knot in my stomach, twisting and turning and making me feel overcome with nausea. To affected to even move, I just stared at Severus. There was something painful behind my eyes, and that very familiar sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Umbridge turned toward me, a delighted expression on her face.

"Oh, she seems to be making a face again. Perhaps she can recall the joke?"

Severus, rather reluctantly, looked down at me as well. His eyes connected with mine for only a second before he turned his head away.

"Yes…It's rather close…" He said.

A fire began in my brain, the pain growing and growing until it became unbearable.

"Bathroom." I somehow managed to form the word, rising from my chair and fleeing out the door of the classroom.

All the sensations I was feeling brought me sadness, confusion, pain, and anger. The heated pain in my head, the churning in my stomach, the stinging of my eyes…

I leaned my head against the hard wall, and it seemed that all I could do was breathe. I stood in this way for some amount of time. I am not quite certain the amount of time I stayed like this, but for the entirety of it, I only inhaled, held my breath, and exhaled.

The bell signaling the beginning of the lunch period rang out, and anxious students filed into the hallway. I heard Umbridge's loud voice as she bid Severus farewell, informing him that she was most pleased with what she had witnessed from her observations.

Having me storm out of the room in a furious rage? I'm sure she was. Severus followed her out into the hall and, when she left, allowed his eyes to roam the corridor until they landed on me.

Moving like a shadow, he glided over to me.

I tried my best to forget Severus was there until I heard him sigh.  
The same exhalation of air that brought me so much joy now brought me such aggravation, I would have never conceived it possible years ago.

"I realize that what we were doing in there is something called acting. Something, Severus, you appear to know how to do very well. However, I do have my doubts about when you were telling the truth and when you were lying in there." I leaned closer to him so that our noses were nearly touching. "I realize, Severus, that we had to make things up, and say things we didn't mean. However, there was absolutely no cause whatsoever for you to say anything like that! As if you didn't do enough bloody damage to me, you dare to continue to bring it up? As if it were some sort of joke? You're unbelievable. And here, I thought you'd at least matured."

He said nothing, and I could not make out anything from his face. Though we were millimeters from each other, he was enveloped by shadows.

"Why is it that whenever we take a step forward, you always have to push me back?"

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Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected.

Any suggestions for my next story, anything you'd like me to include or whatever. Seriously, anything...(okay...well...let's be rational people) send it in a PM.

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	22. Ch 21:: Membership

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**A/N**

Weekly updates must continue until further notice. I AM REALLY SORRY. I really liked my bi-weekly updates, too. Way to kick my butt, college. DX

Knock Knock

*Who's there?*

You Know

*You Know Who?*

Exactly. AVADA KEDAVRA!

* * *

I waited in front of the Hog's Head anxiously wringing my hands. I was exactly where she had told me to be. She was five minutes late… Had she been intercepted by aurors? Merlin knows they're looking for her.

Footsteps crunched on the earth behind me. Startled, I whirled around on my heel to see a thickly cloaked figure beckoning me to the side of the building. Cautiously, I followed. Of course, in all probability it was her. In such times, one couldn't be certain, but a disguise such as that would not be uncommon for the Hog's Head, nor would it be unnecessary for a fugitive such as Bellatrix.

"Are you Lucinda Redbourn?" The voice under the cloak asked me.

"Yes."

"To prove yourself: what was the subject of the first letter you wrote, initiating our correspondence?"

"It was about Draco Malfoy, your nephew." I replied calmly, hoping there would be no more questions. The coldness of the air was starting to get the better of me, and there was always the chance that I might be spotted by a fellow professor…In which case, this rendezvous with Bellatrix Lestrange would seem most odd….

The figure threw back her head to reveal a face so similar, yet so different to the one I knew. Though her hair was still dark, and there was a fantastic quality to it….Though her eyes were just as heavily lidded, her lips just as full…She was, physically, much unlike the girl she had been when we attended Hogwarts. Her expression was weary, her eyes a bit more sunken in… Her skin seemed to lifelessly cling to her frame. She was in Azkaban. It was only a wonder that she came out of it looking this decent. I had seen a picture of Sirius Black, and he had looked ten times worse. There were more tormented features to him, his skin yellowing, his hair limply framing his face….

I shuddered at the mere memory of the photograph, continuing to peer into the face which bore so slight a resemblance.

"As I have informed you, the Dark Lord is willing to take in new members, especially in such a time of uncertainty for his new rise of power. We, his Death Eaters, shall be a fierce force to be reckoned with when that day comes. There will be violence, there will be blood…There will be death, and if things do not go as planned, or should you decide to betray us, there will be consequences. Do I make myself clear? This is your last chance to turn back and retreat safely to Hogwarts. Should you back out now, you shall suffer nothing more than a memory charm. Best to back out now, rather than later. What say you?"

Her words affected me a bit, but I still stood by my intentions.

"Bellatrix, by sending you a letter requesting a meeting with a Dark Lord, requesting to join his service, I have made my decision."

She gave me a vague smile and held out her arm.

"Come then. We'll be off."

Assuming she wanted me to partake in side-along apparition, I grabbed her arm.

There was an uncomfortable spinning, and I felt queasy. My body felt as though it was being forced through a small tube which wrapped around and twisted and turned until, finally and thankfully, I found myself quite stationary. With a mere pop, we had managed to land in front of a large manor.

Taking in my surroundings in what little time I had, I was able to read something along the wrought-iron gates leading up the drive to the manor.

'MALFOY'

My knees quaked slightly, as I began to take in the sight of the manor with more trepidation. The abode, it seemed, had seen better days. What once might have been a beautiful and luxurious living space now appeared to be dreary and miserable.

Bellatrix ushered me along impatiently. Pushing the gates open, she gave me a slight push through, bringing me spiraling back to the situation before me, the one I had placed myself in.

"You'll have to move a bit faster than that." She said rather abrasively. "It'd be most unwise to keep the Dark Lord waiting."

That was a statement I found myself agreeing with. Though I had heard much of the Dark Lord, I had heard virtually nothing involving any sort of patience…

We tromped up the walk to the Manor and, upon arriving in front of the great doors, Bellatrix tapped the knocker loudly, emitting a harsh banging sound that seemed to echo through the quiet of the evening.

"Password?" A shaky voice asked from the other side.

"Wormtail, open this _damned_ door right now before I hex it down. How you even dare to ask _me_ for a password-"

Bellatrix began to shriek at the door, slamming it every once in a while with her hand. I couldn't comprehend why she was so irritable. She hadn't said who she was, really, and the poor man on the other side of the door couldn't have possibly known it was her….Wait…did she say Wormtail?

"Good enough…" The voice murmured. The door pulled back to reveal a very weathered and worn Peter Pettigrew, who was harshly pushed aside as Bellatrix entered the house.

Sure enough, it was him… Confused as I was, I took a hesitant step into the house, never moving my eyes from him. Curious to see who it was that was blocking the doorway, he looked up at me, as well. He stared at me for a bit, as if trying to place who I was. When the connection was made, his mouth dropped open slightly.

I pointed at him rather stupidly.

"You're supposed to be dead!" I exclaimed, convinced I was seeing some sort of well-defined ghost. "Sirius Black murdered you, and all they found was a finger!"

"Yes….well…funny how that all worked out-"

Bellatrix's cold, angry voice rang out once more. I hadn't even noticed she had gone into the next room.

"Wormtail, don't keep the Dark Lord's guest waiting!"

Still very puzzled, I hurried in the direction Bellatrix's voice came from. Catching up with her, she grabbed my wrist rather tightly and dragged me off farther and farther into the house. After passing through several ornately decorated rooms, filled with objects I could only imagine to be very expensive, we emerged into a dining room, of sorts. Around the large rectangular table there sat several Death Eaters, all hooded, shielding their faces. At the head of the table sat Lord Voldemort, calm as could be. His elbows were resting on the table, his hands folded, obscuring his face.

"My Lord! I beg you for the intrusion. This is the woman you were to meet with tonight. The one that wants to join us."

"That will be all." An even colder voice than Bellatrix's seemed to pierce my spine. Beckoning me with a finger, he spoke again. "You. Come."

Cautiously, I made my way over to him. Unsure of how to approach him, I merely knelt, keeping my eyes glued to the floor. I dared only look at him for a second when I entered the room, and I certainly would not steal a glance at him now. It could be the last thing I ever do. There was a purpose for my enlistment here, and I would not have it shot down by my premature death, caused by something so ridiculous of me as to look in the eye of the Dark Lord.

"Tell me," he said when I situated myself on the hard floor. "What is your blood status?"

"I regret to inform my Lord that I am a half-blood." I replied, ignoring a couple jeers that erupted from the Death Eaters.

"You say you regret? Why is that?"

"It makes me half mud-blood."

"Too true, too true. And you would regard that as a bad thing…?

"Certainly."

"Would you say you have a hatred for Muggles?"

"Indeed." Well… it was more dislike than hatred…but I'm sure it'd be all the same to him.

After a few seconds of no reply, he seemed to be waiting for me to continue.

"My mother was a Muggle. She hated magic. Inadvertently, it would seem, I was the cause of her demise. The intolerable dirt that she was….Couldn't stand it when I got my Hogwarts letter…and so…she killed herself with my father's wand. She dared to touch it with her dirty, impure Muggle hands…."

"Ah…your mother wasn't even capable of magic herself? How very interesting… You say you hate Muggles, and yet….my sources say that you lived among them for quite some time…"

"And it fueled my hatred for them! No doubt your source would have also told you that I tortured one of their weak little mines into insanity. It would seem that Legilimency can be just as effective as the Cruciatus curse…"

Lord Voldemort gave an approving grunt.

"And why is it that you join us here tonight?"

"I want to help you. I want to join you. I do not wish to sit by any longer and dream of an end to mud-bloods and Muggles. I want to partake in it. I want to speed up the coming of that day."

I tried to say this all with the most fervor I could manage. I was unsure of whether or not I was convincing enough…But after sometime Voldemort spoke. It was nothing malicious, nor ill-intended…There was hope that he did, indeed believe me.

"Gentlemen, what say you?" He asked his Death Eaters.

"Let's put her to it!"

"She wants a Muggle to off, we'll give her one!"

"My Lord! Another Hogwarts Professor? She'll make your link to Potter even closer!"

What did he mean another Hogwarts Professor?

"I advise against it." A voice, muffled by a cloak and ….a hand, perhaps? This voice was singular in protest. Still aimed downward, I shot a glare in its direction.

The Dark Lord remained silent once more. Whatever he was doing, no doubt he was deep in thought. It was five very suspenseful minutes before he spoke to me again.

"I will consider your offer. Bellatrix will apparate with you back to Hogsmeade. You will speak to no one of our meeting. No details at all. Am I clear?"

"Yes, my Lord." I said.

"You will be notified when I have come to my decision.

"Yes, my Lord."

"Bellatrix! Come and take her back to Hogsmeade."

Bellatrix, who had been waiting against the wall near the door, came and wrenched me up from the ground. I made every possible effort to not look up, bowing with respect when I was on my feet before I was ushered out of Malfoy Manor just as harshly and rapidly that I was thrust in it.

The moment we were outside, she turned. In a flash and blur of shapes and colors, we were soon down the darkened alleyway in Hogsmeade once more. I turned to go, anxious to not be seen. She grabbed my wrist and as if reading my mind, ordered me to stay in Hogsmeade for a time longer.

"No doubt people will have seen you waiting. If someone were to ask questions, and none of the shopkeepers were to say that you had been inside…I'm sure you can imagine the implications, and what it would mean for us. Go to the Three Broomsticks and have a butterbeer. After that time, you may return to Hogwarts."

With no time wasted after she had spoken, she turned and, with a bang, disapparated into the night. Following her orders, I trudged along down the main street of Hogsmeade until, finally, I reached the door of the Three Broomsticks. There was a chill. Huddling my cloak closer to myself, I braced myself….not against the cold of the evening, but for something that was to come.

* * *

The butterbeer seemed to improve my feeling, but not much. Nor did it really have the time to do so effectively. The near instant I set foot back outside into the quiet of the night, I was grabbed. Something was thrown over my face, and the sensation of apparation took hold of me.

Then, I landed somewhere…on something hard and cold. Stone, perhaps? It was of no importance at the moment. Multiple footsteps were swarming me, and I was having trouble discerning how many people were actually within vicinity of me. Two? Three? Was it possible that there were even four? Who were my captors?

I paled, fear going through me. Were they aurors? Did they know that I had just met with Death Eaters? I was no expert in Magical Law, but I was quite certain that this would violate my parole…

"Who were you meeting?" A deep, frightening voice roused me from my thoughts. "Who were you meeting?" It demanded again, when I did not answer within a fraction of a second.

"No one!" I lied. "I wasn't meeting anyone. I was out for a nighttime stroll. Then I had a butterbeer. You can ask Rosmerta-"

"Silence! I won't ask you again. Who were you meeting?"

"No one." I was staunch in my resilience. If they apprehended me, there was no way I could help Draco….and there was no way in hell I was going back to Azkaban.

"She lies!" Said a high pitched voice from the other side of the room. "We know what to do with liars!"

"By order of the Ministry, I am ordered, Miss Redbourn, to tell you that I will not hesitate to perform the Cruciatus curse upon you if you do not cooperate. I ask you again, Who?" The deep voice persisted, but I did not say a word. Instead, I focused on bracing myself for the pain.

"_Crucio!_"

A horrible sensation, like nothing I had ever felt before ripped through my body. It was hard to discern what was worse, this or the dementors. It felt like my skin was splitting apart, raw flesh exposed and being sliced. Then, it relented.

"_Legilimens!"_ They were trying to get into my head, to see who I was talking to. I blocked them for as long as I could. It was difficult to do it effectively, having just suffered such torture. Before long they would break through, and they would have their picking of any memory they wanted. I did not know how much longer my Occlumency would last, skilled as I was. Not wishing to chance it, I thrust at them the recent memory of my butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks.

"Liar! She lies! Fine. If you will not tell us who you were meeting, tell us where." The high voice demanded of me.

"I went to the Three Broomsticks!" I choked. "That is the only place I've been all night!"

"_Legilimens!"_ Another attempt to penetrate my mind. I pushed forth my memory of walking to Hogsmeade, then sitting in the Three Broomsticks, and then leaving the building. I pushed these memories forth so that it would appear that I was completely worn from being tortured, and that I had no control over what they were seeing.

"You dare to keep secrets from the Ministry? _Crucio!_"

There was that insane pain again. My body felt as though it was being stretched to its limit, my limbs tugged at and pulled upon from every direction. Pain so terrible I couldn't even think. All I could do was scream, scream and feel.

"That's enough!" A familiar, cold, hard voice cut through the pain, bringing it to an end.

I lay on the cold ground, my eyes still covered. Coughing and taking large, gulping breaths seemed to be the only two things I was able to do. I rolled over slowly, afraid that the slightest of movements would bring the pain back to me. I got on my hands and knees, my body readjusting to the ability to breathe normally. Swallowing incorrectly, I began to choke wildly on my own saliva.

A door opened and closed, and then the cold voice spoke again.

"Wormtail, I leave you to attend to her. Join us downstairs when you get her settled."

"Yes, my Lord!" The high pitched voice said in return. Once more, the door opened and closed, and it was just Peter and I alone in the room.

"Peter?" I called out, my hands searching wildly around on the ground for something, anything, to help me get into a standing position. "Peter are you still here?"

The blindfold was suddenly ripped away from my face, and there he was tittering his fingers nervously. A foot came down on my back, and I was violently slammed into the ground.

"Peter, what on Earth-?"

"Shut up! _Crucio!_"

The pain started up all over again, and I was writhing on the ground for all of five seconds before he relented.

"Stupid, bumbling Pettigrew. Never worthy of your attention, was I?" Peter said, bitterness in his tone. "_Crucio!_"

Another five seconds, and it stopped again.

"No. But you could tease me, make fun of me…..taunt me. And of course I wasn't the only one who was the butt of these jokes. You insulted James to his face, and you broke Remus's heart-"

"Peter! I-"

"_Crucio_!" He let me writhe in my agony for half a minute, before he pulled the spell off.

"Well, now I'll show you who's laughing! It's me! The stupid Gryffindor you never looked twice at! The one you always ignored, the one you always made faces it! I'm the one with the power now. Let's see you beg for your mercy!"

"Peter it was ages ago! Please! I never made faces at you, or anything. You were always so shy and-"

"_Crucio!_"

Over my screams, I didn't hear a the door open and close. Nor did I hear Peter's startled gasp as someone, somehow, got him to call off the curse.

"Didn't the Dark Lord ask you to prepare her? To get her ready and then take her downstairs? I'd say this is the exact opposite of preparing a new initiate… wouldn't you, Wormtail?" A thick voice that I had come to know all too well asserted itself over the chaos that Pettigrew was instating in this room.

It couldn't be….

"S-Severus! I was just…"

"Don't bother to make silly excuses. I am no idiot. Go. Leave here before I dare tell the Dark Lord what you've done."

I heard Peter scamper out of the room. This time I made no move to get up. I barely had the nerve to breathe. It was a factor of both fear and anguish. I always knew that those that Severus could closest consider friends were Death Eaters, or Death Eaters in the making…but never did I suspect that he would become one…Especially not after Lily….

A step was taken towards me, and he kneeled down by my side.

"Are you all right?" His voice was every attempt at comfort, though, for Severus, it proved to be much more difficult than it should have. I didn't bother to answer the question. He knew perfectly well I was fine. A little shaken up, but fine nonetheless.

"What are you doing here?" In a matter of seconds, his voice had grown harsh. And now his gentle attempts at prying me off the ground became more violent, more forceful. Grabbing me by my wrist, he dragged me into standing position, making every attempt to force my gaze to meet his.

It was so easy to see that he was one of them…So plain, and yet all this time I had never noticed. He associated with the Death Eater crowd when he was younger, but, after Lily, I assumed this was something he had grown out of. He was always so lonely, so off and by himself… Yet it appeared so clearly that, in the end, they had won him.

My first instinct, when he touched me, was to jerk away. True I disliked Muggles, but surely their annihilation wasn't the answer? This shell of a person before, a man that I once loved, and still do, was the representation of the greatest evil in the wizarding world. I could not pull myself from him. I could not cry out in protest. I could only allow him to hold me so near him. I was putting on this charade, and if I cringed away at what I would become, under a willing impression, my chance to save Draco would disappear.

And then, the torture would become real. Would they even bother to torture me, or would they kill me straight away?

The questions and thoughts swirled around in my head, blocking out the low hum that had become Severus's voice…A sharp jolt brought me back to my surroundings, as he had given me a good shake. He had been asking me questions, and clearly he had grown weary of not receiving any answers.

"What are you doing here?" He asked once more, aggravation saturated in his voice.

"Isn't it obvious?" I gave my best attempt to gain a hold over my typical personality. I couldn't seem so displaced by his presence. "I'm…enlisting…"

"You? A Death Eater? How very interesting. I never would have thought it of you…"

"No, you never did think much of me, did you?" I tried to tug my arm free. For such thin fingers, and bony hands, he did have a surprisingly tight grip. After a few times, and a great show of persistence, I finally managed to free myself.

I turned to make my way toward the door, foolishly thinking that Severus would not attempt to prolong my delay downstairs. Slowly making my way toward the door, unable to walk properly, as I was still shaken up from being cursed so many times, Severus proved to be much faster. By the time I had turned around, he was already there. The surprise and unexpectedness of this action caused me to loose my balance and, my weary, pained legs giving out from under me, I fell back down on my hands and knees.

"You are not well enough to receive it. I shall go downstairs and notify them." His back still to the door, he placed one hand on the knob, preparing to go.

"Don't…go..anywhere!" I managed to choke out, dizzy and out of breath as I was. "I'm fine enough to receive whatever it is. I don't need you making decisions for me…" Glancing upward, I caught sight of his discontented expression.

"I advise against it."

"Would I be correct in assuming," I paused to get a fresh breath of air, then reattempted to stand. "That you were the one that protested my joining? The sole naysayer of earlier?"

"You would be correct in that assumption, yes." Severus said simply.

Finally managing to get to my feet, I slowly made my way over to him, nudging him out of my way.

"Move. I'm going to do this no matter your opinion on it."

"I'm afraid I cannot let you."

"Then you leave me no choice." Staggering backward a few paces, I hastily withdrew my wand from my cloak, pointing it at him.

"You wouldn't dare use magic against me." He said simply. Would I dare? Yes….No….not unless I had to... Surely I could convince him to stand aside and let me pass?

"Try me," I warned, giving my best attempt to sound threatening.

Severus' lip curled upward into an ugly sneer. He spread his arms wide, taunting me to jynx him.

Thoughts flew through my mind rapidly. I really didn't want to have to resort to magic…I couldn't hurt him, though there was a little voice in the back of my head that seemed to express glee at the prospect. I didn't think there would be any convincing him to stand aside, he was adamant about my not going downstairs. What a curious dichotomy…… I had to get by him…but I didn't want to hurt him to do it…..But then, I didn't have to hurt him….

My knuckles turning to white around my wand, I closed my eyes and yelled, "_Stupefy!_"

Severus's arms slammed back to his side. He was simply a board standing in front of the door, shock clear on his face. Quickly I slipped past him, opening the door and sliding through it. Before shutting it behind me, I stuck my wand back through the door.

"_Finite Incantatem!" _It wouldn't do for me to return downstairs and leave him behind. His absence would be noticed, of this I was sure.

Before he had the opportunity to reach out after me, to grab me and drag me in the room or whatever it was he was thinking of, I shut the door and darted forward down the long and dark hall, trying my best to find the stairs. After pacing blindly and hurriedly against the wall, I located the stairs. And this was done just in time, as I heard the a door open and close, and footsteps running in my wake.

Taking the steps down two at a time, I found myself in a parlor, Death Eaters all seated in a circle, a singular chair in the center, next to which stood a tall figure, enveloped wholly in his cloak.

"Ah, Miss Redbourn. You've come down." A body stood next to mine, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Severus, cheeks red from the physical exertion. His eyes were narrowed in my direction, but they seemed to revert back into a more normal state when Voldemort spoke again.

"Have a seat here." He ordered. Not wishing to keep him waiting, as they had probably all been gathered here for a while, I quickly made my way over to the chair. Dutifully, I sat in it, wondering what could possibly be happening. This seemed to be some other part of my induction, though I had already passed the first test…

Voldemort leaned over the left part of my body.

"Today is a very memorable day for you," he said loudly. Though he was addressing me, this was for the benefit of all Death Eaters, as was part of the ceremony, it seemed. "For this is the day that you shall receive the Dark Mark."

I wondered what a Dark Mark was, yet before I had time to further contemplate this strange thing I would be receiving, I felt cold hands wrap around my left arm. Voldemort crouched down next to me and began to roll up my sleeve.

Surprise and fear coursed through my body as he did this. He took a moment examine the skin of my arm, a look of amusement betraying his features not too long after. Surely he would find the magical branding of Severus' name onto my skin to be humorous. He found comedy in anguish, and this physical portrayal of my emotional dependency on the Death Eater at the far end of the room made this an interesting endeavor.

"My, my," he whispered, ensuring I could only hear. "A bit demented, are we?" His eyes flashed behind me, to where Severus stood. I saw faint traces of cruelty pass over them as he spoke, this time for all to hear.

"Severus. I require your assistance. Hold up her sleeve while I administer the Dark Mark." Complying with his master's orders, Severus made his way over, seemingly reluctant to have any part in this. The servant took my sleeve from his hand. The frigid body part moved away to retrieve Voldemort's wand from his side.

Severus kneeled down next to me to get a better grip on the clothing he held, pushing it upward a bit farther. His eyes were bearing holes into the side of my head, anger radiating off of him like a well-practiced heat charm. When Voldemort moved away, his eyes flickered downward, as any would in the course of sudden movement. They returned back to my face, but only for a moment as something had caught his eye. Just as quickly as it was raised, his gaze descended once more and he stared down at my arm which bore his name so pathetically.

I felt something, his thumb, trace the outline of the first 'S' in his name. Voldemort seemed to be taking his time, and all the while Severus never looked away from my arm. When he did, after a moment, he stared directly at me, his expression unreadable. I felt a prickling sensation at the crown of my forehead. When I realized he was attempting to see into my mind, I did my best to Occlument him, blocking him from the memory.

What interested him? Was it when I did it? How I did it? Why I did it? Well, he would never know. I would never let him see. He would never know that his name on the top of my forearm was to serve as a reminder and a warning. Never again would I be so silly, so trusting.

The touch of Voldemort's wand upon my skin frightened me. I would have nearly jumped out of my seat, were it not for Severus' firm grip on my clothes.

Something I could not quite hear, nor could I quite understand was muttered from his lips…And then, blinding, inexplicable pain.

It was unlike the Cruciatus curse in that I felt my skin begin to crawl, starting from the point on my arm and spreading throughout my body. The pain, however, was most intense on my forearm. There was a horrid itching and burning sensation, and I feared that the flesh of my arm might come off.

The pain continued in this way for a good five minutes, spreading up my skin and underneath it. I began to writhe and scream, twisting and turning in my chair, so violently that two other Death Eaters came from their seats to hold me down.

When it ended, I felt to be nothing more than a lump of flesh and nerves. Covered in sweat and on the verge of fainting, I peered down at my arm, at the new symbol that took its place to match Severus' name. A snake, wrapping around a skull and protruding from its mouth now found its home on my arm. It was heavily blackened, but with each passing second, it began to lighten.

"You should be honored!" Voldemort yelled, now turning to the seated Death Eaters. "For you have received this mark before many others who, one could say, are equally deserving. I have given you this mark to ensure your everlasting loyalty to me, and in the time of the mission you will complete in my service."

There were several murmurs arising from the cloaked, masked figures around the room.

Certainly, they had not been informed of any sort of mission.

"My Lord," Severus asked timidly from beside me. "What would you have her do?"

"Another time," he replied, waving me off with his hand. "For now she must rest, and recover her strength. She will need it. Tell me, what is the date?"

"The twenty-eighth of April, my Lord." Severus confirmed, his voice taking on a dull, blurred tone as I began to slip into unconsciousness.

"Ah, yes…All in due time.. All in due time…."

And then all sounds faded out, the world around me turned to black.

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Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected.

Any suggestions for my next story, anything you'd like me to include or whatever. Seriously, anything...(okay...well...let's be rational people) send it in a PM.

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	23. Ch 23:: Veritaserum

**A/N**

Weekly updates must continue until further notice. I AM REALLY SORRY. I really liked my bi-weekly updates, too. Way to kick my butt, college. DX

Uhhh....yeah.... I did not proofread/edit this segment, so I'm sorry if it's a little error-ific. I couldn't connect to the internet this morning, and I am mooching off of someone else. I want to get it up before I loose connection. DX

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I found May to be a strange sort of month. I always had, and I always would. For with May came the scent and sounds of Summertime. May, however, felt everything like spring. I recall awakening on several mornings as a teenager, rolling over to the colder side of my pillow and snuggling under my sheets sleepily. On these mornings, I would stretch and look happily out the window, glad for such a beautiful Summer morning. And then the realization would spiral toward me. It was still Spring. I was not out of the clearing yet.

Even now it did not, by any means, appear as though I was out of the clearing yet. Voldemort had implied that I would have a mission in the not-too-distant future. Whatever it was, I would do it. I would do it to save not only Dumbledore's life, but Draco's as well. Drumming my fingers on the desk and staring impatiently down at my feet, I waited for my students to finish their exercises.

I was pleased to find that Draco had gotten a good enough handle over his Occlumency to start practicing with the class. In addition to my joy, as a teacher, at having all of my students on a relatively similar level, I could not deny that I was also glad to have one less paper to grade. I sometimes found, especially at times of late, that the paperwork involved with teaching was overwhelming. Did I indeed complain as a student about the lengthy workloads I would procure each week? Rather, I should have felt sorry for the poor teacher who would have to grade it. I would only have about seven assignments. The professor would have about a hundred!

Severus stayed on, as I knew he would. Was it to protect his precious _master_? His Dark Lord? He was always glaring at me with distasteful eyes. Did he fear that I would betray Voldemort as he was Dumbledore? How long had he been a Death Eater? Lucius Malfoy had a greater sphere of influence over him than I would have expected. Very strange indeed.

Whenever I looked at Severus, the words, 'Death Eater' now appeared in my head. And, when that happened, I couldn't help but find my thoughts drifting toward Lily. He had loved her very much, once. Perhaps always. How could he join a group bent on extinguishing those of her birth if he truly felt for her?

How did I ever fancy myself in love with such a person? How was I still in love with such a person? I was only setting myself out to ask questions that I knew I would never receive an answer to.

"Miss Granger, forgive me if I am mistaken, but I do believe that the assignment at hand is to find and retrieve one memory from Miss Brown's first year at Hogwarts. You've been delving into the bowels of her memories long enough. Get on task, or risk the punishment. Ten points from Gryffindor!" Severus' cold voice cut across the concentration of other students, who were working equally hard and long on retrieving memories.

Whether the students completed the assigned task quickly, or if they took their time, I did not really mind. Taking their time, in my opinion, was much better, as they were only getting extra practice. Quietly arising from behind my desk, I walked toward Severus, wanting to share the thought with him. It seemed that he, too, had a few ideas he wanted to share with me, as well. For, when I was close enough to him, he grabbed the fringe of my cloak and drew me nearer.

"Pardon my opinion, as I realize I am only second in command to you in this classroom. However, I do feel that you allow for too much slack. Your students tend to walk all over you."

"Too much slack?"

"You tend to have a certain objective in mind, yet your actions depict something else, something much different indeed. You do have a way of saying something, and then allowing for other events to transpire."

Was it just my imagination, or was there a double meaning in his words?

"Severus, as long as the students are getting the practice that they need, and as long as they are learning the skills that I ask them to learn, I see no reason why they cannot 'slack off.'"

He leaned in closer to me, while still angling himself so that it appeared to the students that we were conferring over some of their actions.

"Reconsider your decision. Run away. Flee. Do whatever you can to make yourself safe."

I allowed my eyes to dart toward him for only a second, and then back to the class.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I said simply, turning to go back to my desk. I felt his gaze penetrate the back of my head, but I was in no mood to carry on this discussion in front of my students. He sensed this of me, and I did not doubt that he would only postpone his lecture for some later time or date.

It was increasingly difficult to evade him, for at any chance he could get, he would try to dissuade me from being a follower of Voldemort. At any rate, he could try all he wanted. Nothing would come of it.

I turned toward my class.

"Does everyone have their memory? Good. Now switch partners with another group. Your objective is to protect the memory you have obtained, and retrieve the one your new partner has. Is that all clear?"

The students nodded, though stiffly. Much of the enthusiasm that had accompanied the class had dissipated since the winter holidays. Work now seemed tedious and uneventful. This didn't surprise me. As fascinating as this subject seemed to me, I recalled, as a teenager, groaning through certain chapters of books that seemed boring, but necessary.

The students really needed to learn how to multitask their skills. While they would use Legilimency on another student, they would leave their minds completely open and vulnerable to outside foreces. This was crucial.

"There are only ten minutes left of class time. Surely you all can utilize it to the best of your abilities?"

An annoyed sigh subtly arose from one of the back corners of the room, but I ignored it. Severus, ever the hawk-like teacher, snapped his head in the direction of the noise. Eyes narrowed, he stared into the corner, as if giving a sign of warning. However, he said nothing. Slowly, he turned his head away, eyes passing judgmentally over the other students in the room.

He certainly did have that scrutinizing way about him. He was always looking from student to student, making sure they were on focus. He sometimes would look at me that way, more so recently than ever before. Perhaps he did not think I was on focus? That really did present me with a dichotomy. Either Severus thought I would not focus enough on my students, or I would not give enough focus to the Dark Lord. He certainly seemed to have focus enough for both parts of his life. So much so, that I would have never in a million years figured him to be a Death Eater. Well, he was quite a decent actor….

As if on cue, his eyes snapped to me. There was something untrusting in them. They glinted with a certain sort of menace that one's eyes might have after experiencing a great deal of strife, after enduring many troubles and hardships. There was a strange wisdom about them as they burned holes into me. It seemed, for a moment, that he was comparing me to him, the experienced veteran skeptically giving a new soldier a once-over. This passed soon enough, and was replaced with the flagrant awkwardness that arises when two people have just been caught staring at one another.

Turning red, I quickly averted my eyes. With a blush of his own, Severus, too, turned his face away.

It was getting harder and harder to read that man. I once was disposed to think that I had known him so well, almost like a book. At the beginning of this strange year, I still thought that I had some sort of ability to discern his intentions, or even his private thoughts.

Now, I dare not even attempt that. He is, indeed, a much more complicated person than I could ever fathom. I was not so good at delving into the emotions and actions of people, as I was with their memories. Had I really been concerned with finding out what Severus was really about, I could have used Legilimency. Granted, it would not have been successful. He was also an expert Legilimens, and an expert Occlumens. Not only would he have been more than able to thwart my attempt, such a thing would have caused unnecessary offense. Increased hostility was, by no means, necessary for us.

I shook myself from my concentrated thoughts in order to rouse my class from their work. Several heads, scrunched up in deep concentration did not hear me the first time I cleared my throat. It took me five attempts in all to round up the attention of everyone in the room.

"Your cooperation today was really beyond what I expected. I know that the year is coming to a close, and I know that this can get a bit boring, since mine is the only class you have each day, but this is very useful, and very important for you to learn. Therefore, I want, for next week, three sheets of parchment about the potential uses of these skills in the real world."

I bustled out of the classroom, along with the students. I dared not be left behind with Severus, lest he try to continue his earlier conversation. I really was in no mood. Keeping my head and eyes lowered, arms tightly by my side, I marched off to the Great Hall for lunch. I must have mastered the art of weaving in and out of students, for I got there before Sibyll had. The only other staff members at the front table were Professors McGonagall and Sprout.

I took my seat, waiting for the other Professors, as well as the students to file in. When it appeared that everyone was present, the food appeared.

Sibyll, sitting next to me, began to chatter away about a dream she had the other night, telling me its significance, and the foreboding messages of the future it presented. I had no interest in dreams. More of a logical thinker myself, I was convinced that they were a sort of fabrication of the mind. I was certain that each event that transpired in a dream more or less related to something that had happened during the day. Dreams relayed your fears and worries, thoughts and feelings. I did not see anything more to them.

I tuned her out when I saw a large owl heading my way. It dropped an envelope on my lap, and I instantly recognized it, large and brown, to be something of the Malfoy house. I swallowed a large lump in my throat, worried that Voldemort already required my services. Sibyll had momentarily paused in her rant to curiously eye my envelope.

"From Mrs. Weasley, about her son, Ron." I lied, hoping to keep Sibyll's nosy nature at bay.

Gingerly, I opened the envelope, hands trembling. Yet, the sight that I was greeted with was wholly confusing. The script on the letter was familiar, yet it was not that of Narcissa nor Bellatrix. It did not even seem to match itself with Voldemort. But if the Dark Lord truly wanted to summon me, he would do so by other means, not by owl….

Staring at the letter a few seconds more, then bothering to read it, I widened my eyes in surprise.

_'Lucinda, _

_I advise you to cease your attempts at avoiding me. There is much I need to discuss with you, and it is in your best interest to comply with my wish. _

_I do not feel I need to tell you that you were given your test of loyalty directly after your departure from Malfoy Manor for a reason. You know, as well as I, that you could not be left to freely wander with such significant information. Had you broken down, you would have been killed._

_You will meet me at the first floor girl's lavatory after curfew. That is not a request._

_-Severus'_

I looked up in time to see Severus' eyes flicker down to his plate.

He had realized I was avoiding him, then. I had not made any point in covering up this fact, yet I did not expect him to confront me on this. Sighing as I picked up my fork, I knew that I had no choice but to go to him tonight. I would let him say whatever he needed to, but would I listen? Would I actually hear it? Chances were, I might not.

And why had he chosen such a place to meet? Granted, no one would be there to eavesdrop on us, I still found it a tad inappropriate. Since we were meeting after curfew, there would be virtually no student activity anyway. Who would overhear us?

I was left to ponder this throughout the remainder of lunch, as well as the day. When night fell, I knew my questions would be answered.

* * *

I tapped my foot anxiously, the sound echoing down the darkened hall. Darkened, it would seem, was an understatement. The hall was near pitch-black. I never remembered it being so dark in the castle, even after curfew.

A hand reached out behind me, grabbing my shoulder. Startled, I spun around quickly, to find Severus' image emerge from the darkness.

"You frightened me." I stated in what I hoped was an agitated voice. I wanted to make it perfectly clear to him that I did not want to be here, and that I had only come because he had so forcefully asked me to. There was a hint of intimidation in his words. As a whole, it really did seem as though he were trying to frighten me into coming.

"It would seem I did." He said, clearly unconcerned. Making his way to the lavatory door, he opened it, arm stretched out to allow for me to enter.

"You want to speak to me in there?" I questioned, peering uneasily into the dismal bathroom.

"Need I remind you that the walls here do have ears? It would be best if we spoke in there."

I grimaced, hesitant to enter. I was, on a whole, uncomfortable with the meeting place, but actually entering the bathroom completely breached the willingness I possessed to cooperate.

"Severus, don't you find this to be a bit-"

"Inappropriate? Of course it is. But it's one of the most secure places in the building. Why do you think I chose it to brew my Hate Potion?"

I found that my feet automatically made their way into the bathroom. Severus was close behind, as if to prevent me from changing my mind and rushing back to my chambers. Shutting the door, he pushed out the darkness of the hallway, which seemed to seep into the lighted bathroom.

We made our way to the circular sinks before we turned to face each other. He opened his mouth to speak, every effect of seriousness clear on his face, when a loud squeal interrupted whatever thought he was about to convey.

"Severus? Lucinda?" Moaning Myrtle shyly peeked out from behind a stall. Seeing us, her ghostly, transparent face seemed to illuminate, and brighten with color. She glided over to us, a happy grin plastered onto her face. It didn't seem to fit. It was terrifying, really. Her features pointed toward sadness and depression. The smile did not fit, and seemed almost maniac. "It's so good to see you both! I get lots of visitors now!"

I shifted my focus to her, unable to control the grateful expression that was playing on my features. Severus looked thoroughly put out.

"What brings you both back to the bathroom? For the sake of old times?" Her happy voice then dulled. "I suppose you'll be wanting your privacy then…"

"Myrtle, as lovely as it is to see you, no such activities will be transpiring today. Though, privacy would be ideal. I don't mean to kick you out of your own bathroom, but if you wouldn't mind…" Myrtle, looking slightly offended by Severus' words, vanished, a shrill cry echoing through the bathroom.

A moment of silence hung in the air before he attempted to speak again.

"Do you have any idea the severity of your situation? Do you have any idea of what the Dark Lord might ask you to do?"

"Something to prove my loyalty, Severus. I thought he'd made that rather obvious." I knew that something serious was expected of me. I was, by no means, regarding this as a joke.

"The Dark Lord could ask you to do anything. And it most certainly won't be easy. What you might do could jeopardize your status in the wizarding world. It could send you straight back to Azkaban. Worse, you could have your soul sucked out."

"I am fully aware of the consequences," I said, though I hadn't really considered the last possibility. "And I am prepared to risk that."

He eyed me suspiciously, another thought ready at his tongue, but a new one budding on his lips.

"Just why are you doing this?" Head turned slightly to the side, he continued to stare at me incredulously. "What have you to gain from risking your life?" He waited, eyebrows furrowed, for me to answer.

"I want to bring about the rightful order, wizards at the top, Muggles at the bottom, as it should be."

Severus exhaled loudly.

"You mistake me for a fool. You believe that is what I want to hear, and so you say it. You and I both know that is not truly how you feel. That is not how I truly feel, even."

"You mistake _me_ for a fool, Severus. You think that I will believe that, and so you say it. You and I both know that you are trying, and wasting your time, to get me to reveal some ulterior motive. You want to expose me to the Dark Lord, and have me killed."

"That is untrue. Are you really so convinced that everyone is out to harm you?"

"What reason do I have to trust you?" I crossed my arms tightly against myself.

Severus reached inside of his cloak, pulling out a small, colored vial. He took the small cork from the top and handed it to me.

"You will agree that this is Veritaserum?"

"Yes," I said finally after inspecting it for some time. It seems that he had been prepared to receive negative cooperation on my part.

He took the bottle away from me then, and proceeded to ingest all of its contents.

I watched, somewhat shocked, as he did this, and then replaced the bottle within the mysterious confines of his cloak.

"Lucinda Redbourn, I vow to you that I am not going to betray you to the Dark Lord. You have suddenly joined up with the Death Eaters, though you display no distinct notion in believing what we stand for. This is displayed nearly every day by your sympathy and tolerance of Miss Granger. I ask that you tell me your true intentions of joining the Dark Lord, knowing that it shall remain within my confidence."

I opened my mouth, then closed it, hesitantly.

"You do not trust me? I have just taken a vial of Veritaserum, and still you do not believe I am truthful?"

"I do believe you are…" I said, wondering why in fact I _was_ hesitating to reveal my intentions to him. Could I be self-conscious that he might laugh at me? Scoff at my strange willingness and urge to protect the boy from harm? It was only right, his father had done the same for me. In a way, I was repaying Lucius for the unexpected kindness he showed me in the end.

I took a deep breath, and then I spoke.

"I know of the Dark Lord's plan for Draco. I want to save the boy. I do not understand how he could so easily demand such a thing from a mere child. I am willing to do the task for him."

Severus stared at me, one eyebrow arched in almost impossible height.

"You do not believe me? I am telling the truth. Perhaps you might be more inclined to think so if I too, took Veritaserum. If you happen to have another vial of it in your cloak…"

"Why?" This was all he asked, his lips twitching backward, something secretive in their way.

"Draco is only a boy. To murder is to have your soul ripped apart. To murder is to distance you from yourself. I can't allow such a terror to befall him." This was half the truth, of course. Severus need not know that the other half lie in repaying the man who so selflessly saved me from complete mortification, and more damaging heartache.

"I see…" These were the only words he cared to present me with. He stared at me for sometime, his eyebrow no longer arched upward in a questioning stare. There was something soft to his expression now, yet his eyes continued to betray him. The same secret that had hung among his lips now moved upward, finding a home in his eyes. They glinted with knowledge, not possessed by any other being.

I could question him about this. I could see if this hypothesis was correct, to see if there was something I did not know. I could take advantage of him, and the way that he had so foolishly left himself vulnerable to me. But that would have been wrong.

Instead of speaking to him any longer, instead of continuing the conversation, prolonging it to unnecessary bounds, I simply bade him good night, turned, and walked away.

We walked out of the lavatory together, into the darkness of the hall, then turned, and went our separate ways.

And as I walked, the black engulfing me with every step I took deeper and deeper within it, a thought dawned on me.

_I could have asked him… if he truly ever loved me._

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Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected.

Any suggestions for my next story, anything you'd like me to include or whatever. Seriously, anything...(okay...well...let's be rational people) send it in a PM.


	24. Ch 24:: The Task

**A/N**

Weekly updates. Sorry. DX

* * *

Nearly two weeks had passed between then and now. And it was now that I received my official summons from the Dark Lord.

It had come as a startling blast of pain in my left arm. Unexpected, abrupt, it felt as though my forearm was on fire. In the privacy of my chambers, I rolled up my sleeve to find that my Dark Mark had turned black. It was tender to the touch, and a burning sensation intensified with it.

There came a knock at my door and, after rolling down my sleeve, I opened it, unsurprised to find Severus in the doorway.

"Now is the time."

"Why does it hurt?" I felt like a child asking such a silly question, yet this was all knew to me. I was curious.

Reaching for my arm, he pulled me out of the doorway, then reached behind me to close the door.

"So you cannot ignore his summons." Without another word, he turned and promptly began to walk down the hall. Confused for a moment, I realized that I should follow him. Like toddler with his parent, I began to scurry after Severus, shuffling close behind him as he lead me through the halls… past the courtyard… past the Quidditch pitch….

Finally, he stopped in front of the Forbidden Forest.

"Are we apparating?" I asked quietly, afraid to speak.

He nodded stiffly, holding his arm out to me. I took it, fearful that he would lead me astray, that he would take me to some unfamiliar place and leave me there. He had told me to run away, and he had promised not to reveal me to the Dark Lord. What was to stop him preventing me from going?

He had come almost as soon as my Mark had begun to hurt. Did that signify that his hurt as well? It must. And if his Dark Mark had been painful as mine had been, then he was also required to come to the Dark Lord.

Despite myself, I was having second thoughts. What would the Dark Lord require me to do? I didn't think I would be able to murder someone. I just wasn't capable of murder. Even now, with my intent to help Draco, to stop him from killing Dumbledore, I couldn't imagine murdering him myself. For all this time, I had hoped that I would continue on, let things play out as they are, and I would hopefully figure something out. Wasn't there anyway to let Dumbledore know? Dumbledore would have a solution. Dumbledore would know-

"Do you intend to stand there all evening? The Dark Lord does not like to be kept waiting. I have no intention of risking my health for your daydreams." Severus' hard voice shook me from my thoughts.

Quickly, I thrust my hand onto his arm, not caring much for the consequences. There was that nauseating feeling again, and in an instant I felt as though I was ripping through time and space. Then, the familiar pressure asserted itself against my body, and, for the second time in my life, I apparated. Overwhelmed by the strange feeling, I had barely adjusted to feeling as though I were trapped in a tight, glass cylinder before my feet were greeted by solid ground.

Before I had time to register the dirt, and the wrought-iron fence, and the moon, dismal in the gray night sky, Severus had already began to march up the long drive, leaving me behind. Scrambling to catch up with him, I stumbled up the long drive. Hearing me struggling to match his pace, he briefly paused, angling his weary face toward me.

"You'd be wise to get your head out of the clouds. You are going to need all your concentration for the evening. I might tolerate your dilly-dallying, but mark my words, the Dark Lord has no such patience."

I said nothing in response to this, knowing he was more than correct. I had to keep focus. I had to do spectacularly with whatever task he gave to me. There were other lives at stake.

When he set himself in motion once more, I followed him up the drive, suddenly somber just by thinking of Draco. The remainder of the walk up the drive was extremely short, and it was in less than a minute that I suddenly found myself standing in the doorway of Malfoy Manor. There were several Death Eaters standing in the living room, fearsome masks over their faces. I followed closely behind Severus until we both found ourselves in the large sitting room.

Death Eaters formed semi-circles around a kingly arm chair at the corner of the room. They sat, kneeling before it, their heads lowered, faces tilted upward. Voldemort sat in the chair, which now seemed less like a simple piece of furniture, and more like a throne.

He twirled his wand in his fingers, eyes narrowed, a snake coiled in his lap. Despite everyone's seated position, Severus and I remained standing in the back of the room. We said nothing. I felt I had no place to say anything, though, wasn't it because of me that we were all gathered here? Severus took to silence, and in an attempt to blend in, I imitated it. He did not look at me, rather, he kept his eyes dutifully lowered. Not once did they flicker to the skeletal form of Voldemort.

Thought my eyes were not lowered, and they took to roaming about the room, a soft, refined voice rang out through the silence. Curious, I looked around the room to see who had spoken. After only a few seconds of searching, my eyes found themselves rested upon Narcissa Malfoy. She stood, solemn, in the far corner of the room, her head bent low. She was the only Death Eater, seated before Voldemort, with her head raised. From where I stood, I could see her eyes angling downward, concentrating on the tips of her nose. She seemed to shake where she was kneeling, and whether she was trembling from nerves or fear, it was impossible to tell.

"My Lord, they have arrived." Her voice had cut clear through the still quiet that engulfed the entire house. When she spoke, a murmur arose from the Death Eaters around her.

"Bring them forth," his cold voice rang out. His eyes never once moved in our direction. They stayed focused on his wand, as if there were something of it more interesting than this person, this slave, who would be required to perform any task of his bidding.

Two Death Eaters, who had been guarding the entrance to the room, stepped closer to me, urging me forward. I took a step, and so did they. With each step I took nearer and nearer to the Dark Lord, heads lifted, and the two followed suite. Finally, I was standing directly before him, nearly as close as I had been on my first encounter. Within ten feet of him, the Death Eater guards retracted back into the crowd, joining others kneeling on the floor. Unsure of what to do myself, I quickly threw myself down lower, concentrating on the frill of a rug on the floor.

Above me, I heard a hissing noise, and I could not discern if it had come from the snake, or if Voldemort was speaking in parseltongue.

I said nothing, remaining in my kneeling position on the floor.

I felt him look up, felt his gaze upon me. I felt several of the Death Eaters behind me stiffen. My heart beat racing, I concentrated on the frills of the carpet, the darkness of the room yielding me to dizziness.

"You've come." He said simply, reasserting the fact that I was already kneeling at his presence, ready to do any and all that he asked.

Not wishing to speak, fearing it may be out of turn, I nodded.

"Severus, have you kept watchful eye over her as I asked?" I felt my head twitch back, slightly in anger. Catching myself before I initiated such an inappropriate gesture, I forced myself to face downward once more.

"Yes, my Lord. She has not acted out of turn. She has complied with the guidelines and rules you have set for her, including those that you mentioned in my confidence alone."

"Excellent. Are you ready for what you must do? I shall give you no easy task. You must submit, you must prove yourself."

"Yes."

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"The task with which I will assign you is, by no means, easy. In fact, I could have any number of my Death Eaters perform such a feat in your place. I have no doubt in my mind that they will be able to do it better, faster, and far more efficiently than you will. They know the area much better, they know the conditions much better. Many have tried this for themselves, and have died. But death, in this case, would serve as such a small risk. You have two options. You accept this mission, and you leave this house alive… for now, at least. Or, you refuse this mission. You will be killed straight away. You must give me your decision now. Do you accept?"

"My Lord!" Severus cried from the back of the room.

"Severus, it was not to you this question was directed. Lucinda answers for herself."

I felt his gaze press more pointedly into the top of my head.

"I do. I accept." The words stumbled clumsily from my mouth.

"Look at me," Voldemort hissed. "I want to see your eyes."

Timidly, I lifted my head, and stared at the face of my new master. Initially, I stared into his eyes, their redness permeating the safety of my soul, causing me to grow desperately cold from the inside out. Shifting my gaze up, I looked at his forehead.

"Do you accept?"

"My Lord, I do."

His eyes remained focused on me a second more, then they tilted down to the snake in his lap.

"Very well. You may rise and join Severus."

Standing quickly, I stepped carefully in between the rows and lines of Death Eaters kneeling on the ground to take my place next to Severus. He reached out to touch my arm. It was very brief, for a second after, he retracted it back to his side. A touch that would have normally sent a tingling sensation through my veins felt like a numbed hardness to me. Frozen in place, all I could do was stare ahead. I had no emotion left in me to feel the comfort which Severus had intended. It was as though Voldemort's very gaze had sucked away all my feeling.

It was different, yet equal to what I faced from the Dementors. Horrible, in it's own right. What I wouldn't have given for that touch yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, so much longer ago. Now, they very thing which I craved the most, I could not feel. Trembling where I stood, I barely noticed when the warmth of his hand left my arm, finding standing on my own two feet to be trying enough. Shaking and quaking, I stared blankly ahead.

A ruffle of clothing echoed throughout the silent room, and Voldemort stood, snake draped over his shoulder.

"We all know Lucius Malfoy very well. He was quite a faithful Death Eater, and it is the house of his family that we find ourselves currently situated in. He and his wife were more than gracious enough to lend the usage of their home to me as a sort of headquarters over a year ago. Lucius has greatly disappointed me, in his failure to retrieve a memory I required from the Minstry of Magic. In fact, it was partially his blunder that allowed the memory to shatter, leaving it destroyed."

Narcissa Malfoy gave out a small sob, which flowed like music with Voldemort's words.

"Our fellow Death Eater now finds himself locked up in Azkaban. Most unfortunate. Yet, the larger our number, the greater we stand. Lucinda, this is where I require your services. You have done time in Azkaban, the wizard prison. Lucius lacks the convenience afforded to my other numbers, the mass breakout. And I lack the convenience of having the head of this home present. Your job, Lucinda, is to break him out of Azkaban."

Severus stepped forward, fists clenched at his sides.

"My Lord, you can't mean that! It is an impossible job. Surely, if she had broken out of Azkaban herself, what you require would be much more appropriate. She has been out of practice of magic for nearly a decade-"

"Mark my words, Severus, this will be the last time you speak out of turn. Faithful servant as you are to me, I will not hesitate to provide you with the same punishment as I would any other Death Eater for such frivolities."

Severus took a step backward, asserting his obedience.

Silence hung in the air, and I was uncertain of what I should do. Fortunately, it did not last for long. Voldemort's impressive lack of patience presented itself.

"Well? What say you, Lucinda?"

"I understand what I must do," I mumbled feebly. A sickly smile spread across the Dark Lord's face.

"Very good. You shall set out tonight, past midnight." He lowered himself back down into his chair.

"My Lord, how….how will I get there?" There was only one way to get to Azkaban, and that was by port key. The Ministry of Magic heavily watched the port keys. It would be impossible for me to take one, especially one that was functioning under its sector.

"You will take a broom." He gestured, and one of the kneeling guards stood, leaving the room, and returning promptly with a large broom, one of the newer models that had just come out. It was thrust roughly into my hands. Fumbling not to drop it, I took it.

Unsure of my next step, I nodded, and stole a glance at a large clock sitting atop a piano in the far corner of the room. 11:28. I hadn't much time.

"Before you go, I must warn you. Do not get caught. If you are caught, there will be no saving you. If you are caught with Lucius, there will be no saving either of you. And if, upon your capture, you speak, someone close to you will die. I assume I am understood?"

I nodded vigorously, and Severus placed a hand on my back.

"My Lord, I do not wish to prove myself insolent, but please allow me to assist Lucinda in acquainting herself with the broom."

Voldemort merely nodded, back to the enticing task of twirling his wand in between his fingers, a disappointed glaze in his eyes.

Pressing his hand against my back, Severus steered me through the rooms of the house, outside, and into the back courtyard.

I straddled the broom, albeit a bit clumsily. Teetering nervously on my heels, I waited for Severus to properly instruct me on how to ride the broom, as it had been a while. Much to my surprise, he did no such thing. Pulling a small vial out of his cloak, he forced it into my hands.

"What's this?" I asked, startled by this spontaneous act.

"Liquid Luck. Take it."

"Are you allowed to be giving me this?"

"Take it!"

I uncapped the cork on the vial, and examined it thoroughly, making certain it really was Felix Felices. It was, indeed. Quickly, I ingested the contents of the vial. It would be best not to leave it lying around, and I forced it back into Severus' own hands with as much intensity as he forced it into mine.

Hovering above the ground on the broom, I waited for any sign that the medicine was kicking in, was working. I was barely able to notice the faint impulse in the back of my mind, encouraging me to kick off from the ground completely, to fly away to my destination.

Severus stood watching me, arms crossed, a thought forming on his lips, so easily visible. It seemed he had some sort of long-winded sentiment to pass to me. Throwing him my most confident smile, I lowered my feet and kicked roughly off the ground. Higher and higher into the night sky, I began to soar. Below me, I heard Severus yell out in fury. He was waving one of his arms.

Laughing at the sight, I continued to follow the impulse in my head, lifting myself higher and higher until Severus became a spec, then the manor itself, then the entire estate.

Never had I flown to Azkaban before, but suddenly, I knew just where to go, and how to get there. With great ease, I allowed the broom to move forward, Westbound to the ocean. High in the sky, I peered down at all the cities and towns and pastures I passed on my broom. I did not bother to cast a concealing charm, as I was so high up, I would surely be mistaken for a bird.

How would I complete this task? How would I ever be able to free Lucius, what with the high security of Azkaban. There were hit wizards and aurors keeping guard…and worse…dementors.

A chill ran down my spine. Would I really be able to handle a dementor if it were to come across me? They affected me so, and I would not be able to cast an effective Patronus charm.

"I'll just have to do my best…" I mumbled to myself.

The dark, thin line of the ocean began to appear in the distance, rising and rising upon the horizon until it became a dark mass that loomed below, daring me to fall off my broom. If I were to veer a bit to the right, surely I would find it in no time.

I made sure to lean to the right ever so slightly, not only for fear of taking it too far off course, but for falling off my broom.

Something began to rise in the horizon. Not a wave, not an island…. It was large and rectangular. I sped up, zooming in a bit faster toward it. Close enough to make it out with deft concentration, I squinted my eyes. Far off in the distance, I could see that this rectangle was a building. Slowing down my broom and leaning back, a smile of triumph on my lips, I knew I had found it. I had found Azkaban. And I was one step closer to saving Draco's soul.

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	25. Ch 25:: The Way Forward

**A/N**

Weekly updates. Sorry. DX

Happy Thanksgiving (USA)

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The wrought-iron gates of Azkaban intimidated me just as they had upon my arrival here, as a prisoner. The stale air greeted my nostrils, much in the same manner that they had that fateful day. Had I never been brought here in the first place, I would not find myself faced with this task now. Yet, it was due to my actions that I was imprisoned.

The lock on the gates seemed rusty, and I feared that by merely placing a finger on it, it would crumble away into nothingness. There was no hole on it. This lock could not be opened by any key or physical tool. I knew it would take much more than a simple unlocking charm to get them open. It might have been from a sort of subconscious knowledge, or perhaps it was just the Felix Felices, but I was feeling quite confident.

I began to look about myself, hoping for some sort of clue of how to get the gates to unlock, how to enter the wizard prison. Nothing around me seemed to reveal any sort of clue. I squinted through the bars of the gate, hoping to find something revealed upon the door.

It really shouldn't have surprised me. In fact, I should have known it all along. There was no door! There is no door! How could I have been so thoughtless? Ministry of Magic employees and the like did not enter Azkaban through a door, the used the Floo network. There was no chance I would get in through this exit, not unless I could walk through walls. Seeing as I was not a ghost, and very much alive, this would be impossible.

I looked up, hoping there might be something in the darkened clouds that would help me in this task. The only sight that greeted me were the bars on the windows of the prisoner's cells. The dismal black of the bars seemed to return to me a negative response, as if to say, 'Sorry, no. This way isn't any good.'

Something caught my eye in one particular window. There was something strange about it. Where the bars were, there was something blacker than black, a sort of impenetrable darkness. Clutching my broom tightly, I swung it under myself and rose upward toward the window.

In the wake of a failure, I had received just the break I was looking for. The dark pit in this particular window was just what I had hoped it would be, a hole. A prisoner had managed to get the bars off the window. But how? Surely this person did not possess a wand any longer. Curious, I peered into the hole. No one seemed to be occupying the cell, which was rather odd. With the tight security measures imposed at Azkaban, one would think that an unoccupied room would be inspected, then promptly filled with another prisoner.

The instant I set a careful foot into the room, a low whimper erupted from the darkened corner to my right.

Or, perhaps they had found the prisoner so pitiful, they did not pay her any mind.

In the corner, huddled into a ragged ball, was a sorry excuse for a witch, no more than a clump of skin and bones, she teetered back and forth mumbling and grumbling to herself, invincible to the coolness of the night air.

"I's innocent, I am. Innocent. Matallia is innocent. But no one believes Matallia." At first, I had feared that this decrepit little witch might create an uproar, that she might scream and yell and alert the guards of my presence. Yet, so mentally ill, delusional in her own little world, she barely noticed me. I tip-toed past her corner, past her dank, moldy mattress, and made my way to the bars of her room.

A few times, while I was at Azkaban, several wizards and witches managed to escape from their rooms. They would run shrieking down the corridors, that is, until a guard petrified them….or until they found themselves face to face with a dementor.

When I did have interactions with other wizards and witches, it seemed as though they all knew how to get out of their cells, some secret knowledge that they were unwilling to share with anyone. Clearly, it was a trend that I never caught on with.

Trapped, it seemed that my only hope was the sorry witch in this cell. Turning about quietly, I slowly made my way to her in the corner. She allowed me nearer and nearer without paying me any mind until I was crouched in front of her. Her eyes were sunken, but to a greater degree than that of Bellatrix, or that of Sirius, from the photograph I had seen. Her skin was wrinkled and gray, and in strange places it seemed almost calloused. Her hair hung limply about her face in colorless chunks.

"Matallia," I said, trying to give my voice a soothing tone. "Is that your name?"

The witch opened her toothless mouth, staring at me.

"I'm innocent!" She whispered harshly.

"Yes, Matallia, I know." She smiled at this.

"Will you release me? Will you end my sentence?"

"Well, I'll certainly try." I hated to lie, but I had no other choice. No one was ever placed in Azkaban by accident. Such processes that yielded mistakes were always rectified.

"Matallia," I continued. "In order to release you, and end your sentence, we need a small piece of information from you."

"Yes, yes! Anything." Her weary face took on a desperate glimmer. It pained my heart, but I ignored it. There were more innocent lives at stake.

"Wizards and witches often escape from their rooms, and go into the halls. The Ministry of Magic finds this to be an irksome thing, and would like to put a stop to it. Would you tell me how they are getting out of their rooms?"

"Matallia has never gone out of her room!"

"I know, Matallia, but the Ministry needs to know," I said calmly, feeling odd at my charade of being a Ministry of Magic official.

"The dementors let them out. Them, his followers…"

"That's absurd." I nearly shouted. "How can the dementors be letting them out? The dementors are typically the ones that catch them."

"The dementors work for You-Know-Who first. The Ministry second. Matallia knows this. All inmates know this. But no one would ever tell. The dementors take action only as a last resort. His followers are given a chance at escape first, a chance to rejoin him."

I took this information in, an idea in my head. So, the only ones that can escape are servants of the Dark Lord?

"So, they come to any Death Eater? At any given time?"

"You have to call them." She whispered.

"Call them? You mean summon them?"

She nodded gravely.

"How do you call them?"

"You must believe in his name, and you must fear it. This is how they have done it."

A flicker of sanity flashed across her weathered face, but it disappeared just as quickly as it had come.

"I's innocent, dearie! I swear it on the tongue of Salazaar!"

Standing quickly, I gave her a curt nod. She seemed to realize I was leaving, and that I had no intention of taking her out with me. She leapt forward and grabbed on to my ankle. I tried to shake her loose, but she wouldn't release her hold.

"Take me with you! You promised!"

"The Ministry thanks you for your operation. The assessment of your case is pending, and you will be notified as soon as possible." I tried to keep my voice calm, official. If I was confident in what I was saying, she would believe it.

And she did. Slowly, she loosened her grip around my legs and retreated back to her corner, mumbling 'Thank you, thank you' over and over again.

Turning quickly, before she had another chance to make a grab at me, I crept over to the bars of the gate.

Cautiously, I peered down the darkened corridors. It seemed that the cells on this floor, for the most part, were unoccupied. In fact, this was a rather dank and ignored section of Azkaban. There didn't seem to be any guards around. Guards typically patrolled up and down the corridors, and if one were to have passed by, I would have been yanked out of this cell, to be certain.

Taking a deep breath, and bracing myself for the treachery, the loss of joy I was about to face, I focused on Voldemort's name, on believing it, on believing in it.

"Voldemort," I whispered under my breath, eyes shut tight.

I stood at the bars, grasping tightly onto them, feeling my hands going numb as they wrapped around them. After a moment, I slowly opened one eye. There was no one there. No one, and nothing.

"Voldemort." I tried again, trying to feel more confident. Yet, my voice was cracking, and my pulse was rising. What if I failed? What if I couldn't ven get out of this cell? I had my broom, and I could leave… but what about Draco? And what about me? I certainly couldn't return to the Dark Lord without Lucius. They would torture me, or kill me.

My thoughts flickered from myself, and back to Draco again. What about that poor boy? His soul would be ruined forever. I had to do this. I had to get out of here, and free his father. How could I possibly allow Voldemort and the Death Eaters to stain his soul in such a way?

Fury rose in my veins at the thought of this poor boy suffering for the ignorance of others, and for my failures. Grasping the bars tightly, I pressed my head against them and screamed. My anguish cry reverberated throughout the dank and dreary corridor, with every second I held it, words began to form within them.

"I BELIEVE IN THE DARK LORD! I BELIEVE IN THE DEATH OF ALL MUGGLES! I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THE DARK LORD TO BETTER THE LIFE OF ONE WIZARD!"

My words did appear to have a double meaning, but sentiment was of no consequence to the dementors. No sooner had the words left my lips than I had begun to feel a terrible chilling within my heart. It traveled through my blood, running down my muscles, and then wrapping around my bones. I was frozen in place, dementors coming closer and closer. When I dared to look up, there were two of them.

Supporter of Voldemort that I was, this did not spare me from the terror they inflicted. With in an instant, I was left to the horrible memories of my past, my dead mother, and Severus. A thousand brilliant images of a younger, handsome Severus began to dance in a ray of light behind my eyelids. Severus holding me, Severus kissing me, Severus telling me that he loved me. Every memory of him felt like a dagger being wedged into my heart.

It was like a pensieve, only more vivid. There was the darkness of the corridor, so real, just like the sinking sensation in my stomach. There was Lucius, and there was the alstroemeria. I felt my body being shifted, to face behind me. And there was Severus. His hands were fisted by his side, anger, or something more plain on his face. I felt myself being flung by him, the flower thrown at his feet. I tried to reach back and grab it, yet it was too late.

In a blur of color and darkness, I was somewhere else. The astronomy tower. When the world stopped moving around me, I found that I could only face my head one direction, down. Albus Dumbledore lay crumpled at my feet, nothing more than a lifeless shell of the vibrant old man that once was. This image burned into my skull, and it was then that I found I could move my head again. A few Death Eaters surrounded Dumbledore in a circle, yet his was not the only body amongst them. Draco was on his knees, at the feet of the old man who was once his headmaster. Sobbing uncontrollably, none of the other Death Eaters stepped in to comfort him. Instead, they praised him.

Their voices amassed together in an undefined roar.

"Excellent job, Draco!"

"The Dark Lord will be most pleased, Draco!"

"All will be forgiven, Draco!"

No one took any notice to his emotion. I tried to reach down and place my hand on his shoulder, yet before I did, he withdrew his face from his hands. His eyes were now full of rage, and bloodlust. He was the picturesque version of the ideal young Death Eater. There was rage in his eyes, and it was easy to see that he would easily slay a thousand Muggles or more given the chance. He had gone mad with what he had done, and he had become what I had feared.

"Draco." I whispered, unsure if he could hear me. "Draco its alright. You had no choice."

He rose, staring directly at me, seeing me, perhaps, but not quite recognizing me.

"The Mud-Bloods will be the first to go! Then those filthy Half-Bloods! Then the Pure-Bloods will be left to rule over those filthy Muggles!"

Horrified at his words, I barely heard an anguished cry from down below.

"MALFOY!" Harry Potter emerged from below, mounting the stairs slowly, as though in pain. This crazed Draco, this unfamiliar child of Lucius turned slowly, wand at the ready. The words were prepared before he was even aware of the other boy's presence. In a flash of green light, I opened my eyes to the new world around me.

I lay on hard stone, pressing into the small of my back in rigid lumps. There was a pain, my neck stiff, and, slowly, I tried to get to my feet.

I was greeted by the familiar surroundings of Azkaban. Though, what a blessing this might be, I was not sure. Anything, it would seem, was better than the alternate reality I had just been faced with. I had to free Lucius, and fast, before this young boy was lost forever.

Lucius, I was sure, would not mind his son being so devoted to the cause of Voldemort, but I was almost certain he would mind the outrageous, almost demented change in his personality.

Everything rushed into focus around me, and I noticed that not only was I in Azkaban, but I was on the other side of the bars! Quickly, I got to my feet, and began to run down the hall. I knew exactly where he was located. Level five. Third cell on the left in the East corridor. Running, I searched the walls for any sort of plaque, any sort of thing that would allow me to know where I was.

My answer came in the form of a grubby sign, falling off the wall. Long-faded numbers revealed to me that I was on the thirteenth level. If I could find the stairs, I might have a chance. Bounding up and down the corridor like this was bound to attract attention. In all my fervor, I was making no effort at all to be quiet. In fact, it was not so much my inability to attempt silence as it was my clumsy nature. Throwing caution into the wind, I began to rush down the stairs. Little did I know that there had been a trap set. A magical barrier was placed before the stairs, how to lift it, I was unaware. I only knew that I had tripped some sort of system, for it wasn't long after I made my way past level eleven that I heard footsteps behind me.

"You, there! What do you think you're doing? Come back here this instant!"

There was a man behind me, and he was gaining on me. Of course, he was not the only one I my pursuit. The capture of a prisoner in Azkaban was not a one-man job. At least a fifth of the security staff was sent out on a mission to apprehend anyone that managed to escape. Climbing my way down to level ten, it was with horror that I realized there were people coming up the stairs. Hastily, I flung the door open and threw myself inside, running with al my might.

If they were storming this stairwell, chances were the one on the opposite corridor was occupied as well. But still, it didn't hurt to try. Quickly mounting the broom underneath myself, in a way only Liquid Luck would allow, I zoomed full speed down the corridor. A left, right, and another left, ignoring the cries and desperate wails of those prisoners still behind bars.

When I approached the stairwell, I reached out to swing the door open, shooting through the crack. I could hear footsteps making their way down the stairs, yet there did not seem to be any coming up….yet. I flew as quickly as the broom would allow, passing down levels much quicker than I had on foot.

Nine…Eight….Seven….and in one sudden, unexpected second, I collided with something. Well, in my unfortunate case, I collided with someone. I struggled to get to my feet, but the person latched on to my leg. Something pricked my ankle….a fingernail? I kicked the person off, a difficult thing to do in the darkness of the stairwell. Throwing myself back against a wall, we both struggled to our feet.

There was something familiar about the lanky stature of the person standing no more than three feet away from me. Before memory was given a chance to make a rapid identification, my attacker lunged at me once more. Jumping quickly out of the way, I managed to escape from his grasp. I had hoped that he would crash into the wall, yet even I wasn't that lucky. With animal-like reflexes, he pushed off the wall and came toward me again. Only the open stairwell behind me, I had to think quickly. Surely he would knock me backward, and unconscious….and what would I do then?

I moved quickly to the side and threw the handle of my broomstick out, stabbing him directly in the abdomen with it.

"Oof!"

There was something eerily familiar about his voice, something my mind encouraged me not to think too much on. Yet while he was on his knees, struggling to quickly catch his breath, I found myself unable to continue to sprint down the stairs, as reason would have me do. I was just two short flights away from my destination.

Instead, I found myself peering into the darkness. Familiar movements...familiar shape…familiar voice….

Only when my attacker began to get back to his feet did I begin to run once more.

"Stop! In the name of the Ministry of Magic stop, I say!"

It certainly wasn't those words that made me stop halfway to the sixth floor, but rather, the confirmation of this man's identity. His voice had filled in every doubt my mind had tried to create to prevent me from staying here, lamb to the slaughter.

I felt him gaining on me. I felt him grab me from behind, one arm around my neck, wand pointed at the small of my back. Startled, I almost let my broom fall from my hand.

"Who are you?" He asked, no kindness nor mercy in his voice. "Who are you? You don't look like any Azkaban prisoner to me. What level are you on? Where did you get that broom?"

"Remus?" Anxiety and disbelief at this turn of events penetrated my voice, cracking it and making it hoarse.

"My name is none of your concern. What level are you located on? I'm taking you back to your cell."

"Remus, is that you?" I whispered. I hoped that he would say no. That it was not him. I hoped he would do anything but confirm what I already knew.

In one fluid motion, he spun me around, facing him. I saw him struggling to see me in the dim light.

He did not recognize me, but I could see him clearly. There were scars on his face, which had once been so beautifully unmarked. His light brown hair, graying…..The vibrant luster of his eyes much dulled. His face was worn, and he looked so very tired. He could not recognize me, but I could see him clearly.

"Who are you? How do you know me?"

"I'm so sorry…"

"…Lucinda?" As fast as my body would allow, I withdrew my wand. Aiming it directly in between his eyes, he made no effort to stop me.

"_Stupefy!_" Stiff as a board, his arms and legs drew into him, and he could only stare at me, with those weary eyes.

I wanted to stay, to find out how he was doing, to see where his life had taken him. Alas, other guards were beginning to file into the stairwell, and too much time lingered here would get me caught. In my head, I thanked him for allowing me to go free. His one instant of hesitation might have just saved more than my own life tonight.

Turning my back to him, I ran the rest of the way down the stairs. Only when I entered level five did I bring the broom back under me.

I hoped it would all be smooth sailing from here. I knew exactly where Lucius was in relation to my own cell. I just hoped they hadn't moved him since my imprisonment.

Rushing around the complex layout of level five, I finally came across my old cell. Hopping off the broom, I jogged the rest of the way to his cell.

Relief washed over me when I saw the blonde lump in the center of the cell, weary, worn, but just as handsome as he was when he was young. Placing my hands on the bars, I brought myself as close to him as I could get.

"Lucius? Lucius. Get up. You're getting out of here."

"Who are you?" he demanded. "I realize that I might just be a prisoner here, but I do have rights, you know."

"Now isn't the time for unsolicited arrogance, Lucius." I warned. "I'm getting you out of here, as in I'm freeing you. Don't ask questions, just do as I ask."

"My, my… Miss Redbourn, is that you? So feisty in your old age, and here I'd heard you'd dropped off the face of the planet."

I fiddled with the lock on his cell, not wishing for him to free himself the same way I did. The security on this level was much greater than the one I had just been on. The instant he yelled anything, I would be caught, and this would be for naught.

"Drop the formalities, Lucius, and lend me a hand. I'm indebted to you from before, but so help me, if you get me stuck back in here, I'll kill you anyway I can."

"Fair enough." Was there a hint of a smile in his voice? Certainly he wasn't being treated badly. Narcissa was probably paying for it. Anyone would succumb to an offer from the Malfoy fortune. They'd be a fool not to.

Lucius began to get to his feet, to come to the bars of his cell and assist me. Yet, before he was even fully standing, he stopped, frozen to the spot. I felt a cold chill slowly seep from my toes, up my spine, and pierce through my heart.

I couldn't have gotten to that point already, could I have?

Turning slowly around, I found myself peering face to faceless with a dementor. Several others were convening from the darkness, and I soon found myself trapped against the bars of Lucius' cell.

The world around me began to blur, a horrible ripping sensation between my body and my mind, and it was much too late I realized the dementors were beginning to administer their kiss.

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Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected.

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	26. Ch 26:: Freedooms and Treasons

**A/N**

Weekly updates. Sorry. DX

Ahhh! A cliffhanger??! Yeah. I went there :P I'm surprised you all commented about it XD

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I felt something being pulled away from me, much different from any other time I had been in the presence of such a creature. I was left alone to memories, horrid memories. Though, they were not ones of my own, ones of the past, but a terrible alternate reality.

Draco was much older before my eyes, kneeling at the feet of the Dark Lord. His head slightly tilted, daring to look up at his leader.

"Draco, my faithful servant, you have served me well." Voldemort swept his arm out, indicating heap of bodies piled at the floor. I found myself standing next to Draco. Part of the scene myself, I squinted to identify those poor souls that lost their lives.

All I could see was white and red, a sight that gave my stomach quite a lurch.

"It is an honor to serve." Draco's voice was changed, matured with age, stronger, and much more confident.

Cautiously, I took a step around the boy, toward the lifeless bodies. Shaking, I kneeled down next to one. A chill ran down my spine as I reached out to turn it over. It was nothing compared to the sinking feeling I felt within my soul when I saw the face of the corpse.

"Narcissa and Lucius were becoming quite an interference, Draco. Though, it must have been quite hard to do such a thing to your own parents."

"They opposed you, my Lord. We shan't let anything stand in the way of your triumph." There was no trace of remorse whatsoever in the boy's voice. Yet, it seemed to gush and overflow with pride.

"You have served me most excellently, Draco. Come now, you and I have much to discuss… I've decided to make you my….how shall I put it? My most honored servant."

There was a malicious smile in Voldemort's voice.

The clammy feel of Lucius' corpse before me began to overwhelm me. The scent of blood penetrated my sense of smell, and the bile rose in my throat. I wanted to run from the fallen bodies of the Malfoys. I wanted to leave this room, wherever I was…. Yet fear kept me in place. Would they see me? Would they kill me if I moved again?

Draco's eyes narrowed at the Dark Lord.

"Most honored? A position currently held by Severus Snape, isn't it?"

"Yes, Draco." Voldemort put an arm around the younger man. "But I'm quite certain you can take care of that."

The corners of Draco's lips twitched back without emotion, as though his body was smiling, though he was too devoid of emotion to do it in actuality. It was an action I knew all too well, one that I had seen Severus perform time and time again.

"Kill the old Potions Master? My Lord, you couldn't have tempted me more…"

"NO!" I screamed, lunging for Draco. In my lunge, the world around me evaporated, and suddenly I was back in Azkaban, the bars of the prison cell pressing into my back. The dementors were all around me, and Lucius, who was off to the side of the cell, was screaming relentlessly. The dementors were very careful not to get too close to him, though why, I was unsure.

"Show them the Mark, idiot girl! Show them the Mark!"

My eyes flickered back to him, and I noticed his left sleeve was rolled far up to his shoulder, exposing his Dark Mark. Taking this as an example, I, too, rolled up my left sleeve and brandished the Mark to the Death Eaters.

"Leave me be!" I yelled.

The effects were instantaneous. Instantly, the dementors shrunk back, and began to float away. If they were so obedient, perhaps they would do me one other favor.

"Wait." I demanded. "One of you, free him."

One of the dementors did, indeed turn around. With one swift passing hand over the lock on the cell, the door opened, and Lucius was free. He stumbled out on legs he had hardly used for a long time, looking quite like he was ready to keel over. I extended an arm, allowing him to lean on me.

"We've got to get out of here, and we must be quick about it. The guards were running up and down the corridor looking for you."

The dementor who had released him began to turn away again. Surely, if they could open the bars of the cell, they could do away with those on the window. Lucius and I could fly to our freedom.

"Stop!" I pointed to the window, of Lucius' cell behind me. "Open that window."

The dementor turned back, but only for a brief second. There was a loud clang, and the bars on the window fell to the concrete floor. Without a second glance back at the dementor, I lugged Lucius along to the window, mounting my broomstick and pulling him on.

"Surely you remember how to ride a broomstick." I said as the flaxen-haired man clumsily straddled the wooden post.

Hunching quite low to the stick, I began to push off the ground. The broom was having a bit of trouble getting off into the air with the extra weight, yet as I continued to urgently get the broom to elevate, I was suddenly thrust into the air. Confused, annoyed, and presuming that Lucius had something to do with it, I turned back to yell at him. He was in no position to interfere with how I was freeing him. We would do things my way. If he didn't like it, he could take it up with me when we returned to his estate.

When I turned around to give Lucius this piece of my mind, I was indeed astonished to find him standing on the ground, a short distance behind me, in the grasp of a guard. A familiar guard…that same guard that had nearly captured me earlier. I couldn't hesitate as I had before. There was no room for any errors whatsoever at this point. Lucius and I were too close to freedom, and Draco, I felt, was running out of time.

I spun my broom around to face him, wand at the ready.

"Lucinda, don't do this," Remus warned.

"I have no choice, Remus. Now, unhand him." I felt my knuckles turning red, then white around their tight grip on the wand.

"Lucinda, stop. Don't do anything foolish." Lucius began to call out, some sort of devious plan that had come to his mind, one that he felt he needed to inform me of right away. Before he could formulate a single word, Remus moved his hand up to cover the man's mouth.

Lucius did not take very kindly to being silenced. His eyebrows furrowed, his eyes narrowed, and he bit down hard on Remus' hand. A trained Azkaban guard was prepared to handle any sort of hex or dangerous curse cast his way. They were skilled in the art of defense, yet I was quite certain one was not sure how to react to being bitten. A startled Remus pulled back his hand. In that one second of relaxed control, Lucius managed to escape, and hurried back to his spot on my broom.

As I expected, Remus' distraction and surprise was short-lived. In no time, his wand was out, pointing at the both of us.

"Lucinda, don't make me hurt you. You know I don't want to, but I'll do it if I must." In the dim light of the prison, I could just make out a slight shake of his wrist, a quiver of his hand.

"The fool is nervous." Lucius whispered in my ear. "He shall not harm you for the past you shared. Be cruel. Do not let him think you have remorse for what you are, for your cause."

Irritating as it was to have Lucius, in his panic and frenzy, try to direct my actions, his words were a bit helpful. If I showed him any sign that I felt bad for what I was doing, for what I was about to do, he would show me more mercy than mercy would allow. He would spare me too much, coax and persuade me out of what I was sent to do, and what I sent myself to do.

"Remus, I would provide you with the same advise. I shall hurt you if I must. Do not stand in my way."

He did not waver, and continued to point his wand firmly at me.

"Do not fool yourself into thinking that I will show you the same ridiculous sort of mercy with which you will grant me. I am leaving here with Lucius, or I shall die. If you are the only thing standing in the way of what I must do, I will send you down without a second thought."

Remus flinched at my words, but tried to remain strong.

"If only we could talk about it for a moment, I'm sure-"

"There is nothing to talk about, Remus. Lower your wand."

He looked up at me through ruffled hair for a brief moment, then sighed and placed his wand gingerly on the ground. He stood back up slowly, never once taking his eyes from me.

"There. It's down. Lucinda, I don't understand why you are doing this. What am I standing in the way of? Talk to me."

"I'm sorry. But I really can't have you interfering with my plans. I know the second I turn my back, you'll try to follow me. I can't afford to have you botch this all up."

Remus looked puzzled, as though his attempts at peace should have been satisfactory enough for me. He opened his mouth to say something, no doubt to protest my claim that he would interfere with my plans. He was taking up my time, and becoming an annoying nuisance.

"_Stupefy!_" The jet of light streamed from my wand and to his body, just as it had done earlier. It seemed a bit tiresome to continue to use the same spell on him, yet I wasn't going to risk an unforgivable like the Imperius curse…and I certainly had no intention of killing him.

I couldn't help but look at the pained expression on his face. I sympathized. It pained me to do such a thing to him. Never did I imagine I would be using spells such as these on a former friend.

Lucius' impatient tugging on my sleeve brought me back to reality. I couldn't waste my time staring at him. Someone would come along and lift the hex. And it would wear off. It would take a very long while, but it would wear off eventually.

As quickly as I could, I flipped the broom back around to the window and, ducking as lowly as we could, Lucius and I fit ourselves through the window. We flew high over the ocean, zooming as fast as the broom would allow.

The shoreline arrived sooner than it had during my trip toward Azkaban. No one had begun to pursue us, yet. No one knew where we were headed. No one had even gotten a good enough look at me to determine who was creating chaos within the prison. Lucius and I were silent the entire way to this point. Feeling very good that my chances of being captured were low, I decided to test Lucius to see how he felt about Draco.

There was something that I had never really considered in all my life. When referring to Lucius and Narcissa as a couple, I viewed them as one unite. They had the same thoughts, same feelings, and same opinions. Oh, how very wrong I was.

"So, Lucius, despite your being in Azkaban, you must have heard about Draco, and what he must do."

"Naturally. I am his father. They have kept me up to date about these things." He said nonchalantly, as though Draco were merely being asked to tame a hippogriff. His indifference reminded me of his corpse, and that of his wife, lifeless on the ground. Dead at the hands of his own son. Yes, his indifference sent a pick of ice through my heart.

"Surely you're concerned! After all, Draco is merely a boy." I tried to hide the blatant astonishment in my voice.

"A boy, soon to become a man. He is doing what is in the best interest for his family. He has only to kill Dumbledore, then all will be forgiven. The Malfoy name will rise once more."

I shifted my head back a little to see him.

"Are you mad?" Rage coursed through my veins. Of course, he had not seen what I had. He did not know the monster Draco would turn into if he carried out this mission. "He's just a boy. You'd really have him kill someone for redemption?"

"It is more than redemption," Lucius stated simply. "It is about honor."

Lucius, as always, was set in his ways. I would hate to be the bearer of bad news, that I might be the one to take the 'honor' from the Malfoys. He might allow Draco to mark his soul, but I certainly wouldn't allow it. Did I dare tell Lucius this? No. It would be better to remain silent. My words would only infuriate him. Let it come as a surprise. His ignorance would definitely call for it.

London twinkled below us now, the sun rising in the horizon just beyond it. Far down, on the ground, I could make out the small shapes of Muggles, beginning their day. Nothing had gone wrong in the day so far. Each one would wake up, perfection a potential, still available to those that manage to catch it. No one had escaped from any prisons today, least of all any wizard prisons. The only ones any wiser were the Prime Minister and, of course, the Ministry of Magic.

Looking down upon the buildings, I tried to imagine hundreds of witches and wizards within them, bustling in a fury at the news of this escape. They were deciding the best way to notify the public, the best actions to take…. Little did they know the culprit was flying right above them.

It would be best to go a bit higher up. I couldn't risk being spotted by Muggles, of all people.

Behind me, Lucius began his best attempts to make conversation. His pride and self-importance shone through at every end. Within a minute, I found my ears were ringing. With an hour still left before we returned to Malfoy Manor, I could tell it was going to be a very long journey.

* * *

When we touched down on the large lawn of Malfoy Manor, Lucius and I were greeted by a very emotional Narcissa and a very angry Severus. Narcissa ran toward Lucius and threw her arms around him, a surprising display of affection, coming from a Malfoy. Severus ran toward me, grabbed me by my elbow, and roughly took me aside.

"What the devil did you think you were doing? Flying away like that, for shame! You could have gotten yourself killed. You didn't even wait to hear the proper instructions."

"Severus, if all you're going to do is berate me, save it for a better time. I have something I need to do."

I tried to move around him, but he sidestepped in front of me. Crossing his arms, he enforced what I already knew too well: he wasn't going anywhere, and he certainly wasn't letting me go anywhere, either. He raised his eyebrows, as if daring me to challenge him.

"What could it be that you need to do so urgently after your mission?"

"That is not really your concern at the moment."

"For the sake of your health, you should at least lay down for a few hours."

"A few _hours_? I don't have a few hours, Severus. I need to speak the Dark Lord _now._"

He stared at me for a second before speaking again, annoyance written clearly on his face. Yes, he was annoyed… but there was something else, something quite indescribable. Could it be guilt?

"Does this pertain to what I think it does?"

"That all depends on what you're thinking." I made an effort to lower my voice by a significant amount, not wanting Lucius to overhear. Merlin knows he seemed particularly defensive of the so-called 'honor' to kill Albus Dumbledore.

"Lucinda, take my word, it can wait. You will find that there is no great rush."

"Severus, as long as it must happen, I will be in a great rush."

"Please just have a seat. Let me have one of the House Elves fetch you something to drink. I will explain everything to you."

He tried to take my arm, gently now, and guide me to a chair. But I resisted. I dared not move until he told me all that was meant to be said. By now, we were speaking in whispers so harsh, I could barely make out what it was he was saying. Narcissa's high-pitched sobs dominated the sound waves of the open lawn. It was an incoherent cluster of cries and words, the only one of which I could make out was 'Draco'.

"I have no need to wait, Severus. You can tell me now, certainly."

Severus' eyes flickered to Lucius for a brief second, then back to me. I tried to discern any sort of secret from them, yet their blackness secured this information away from me. What good was trying to read the expression of someone's eyes when you could not tell iris from pupil?

Again, he tried to guide me away from the Malfoys, back toward the house. His actions were more violent, as they had been when he initially approached me. He attempted to shove me forward. Then, digging his nails into my arm, he made his best effort to drag me away.

"Severus, please!" I gasped, unwelcoming of the pain he had inflicted upon me.

Yet, it seemed that I had inflicted some on him as well. He winced as I said those words, and quickly released me. Was it my tone? Had I startled him? Once again, I tried to peer into his eyes, to find some sort of sign of what he was thinking of feeling. Something was wrong, to be certain.

I gazed intently at him, but he immediately lowered his gaze. If he would not show me his eyes, so be it. There was emotion plain enough in his face, and in the way he was carrying himself now. It had not been my tone. It would not have elicited such a reaction from him. Something I said had to have upset him.

"Come away to the house. I shall explain it all to you there."

"Severus, please." He flinched once more as I repeated the words, whispered now. "What's happened?"

"SEVERUS DID IT! HE KILLED DUMBLEDORE!"

Narcissa let out a devastating wail. Sorrowful, yet laden with relief. She could barely stand now, and Lucius was holding her up with all his strength. He promptly lowered his wife to the grass, and then angrily made his way to Severus.

I felt as though my blood had been replaced by ice. Dumbledore couldn't be dead, could he? Wouldn't I have felt it? Dumbledore, dead. And at Severus' hands. It was devastating, to know that one of the greatest wizards that had ever lived was no longer living. Hard to imagine someone so caring and wise to have come to an end by the hands of a child….no….not a child…. Severus.

Severus.

Ice quickly melted into fire, pumping through my heart and igniting my entire body.

Within seconds, both Lucius and myself were sticking our faces in front of Severus', eyes ablaze, adrenaline and rage the only things we could feel.

"Severus? You dare undermine the honor that was granted to my son?" Lucius' pale face was red now, and I imagined my own to be of a similar shade.

"You dare kill the man that acted almost like a father to you when you were young? The man who graciously allowed your treacherous self back into Hogwarts?"

Severus chose to ignore my comment, instead focusing the force of his rebuttal to the enraged man.

"Draco was not capable of carrying out the action he was requested." He said simply, not looking him in the eye.

"You have no right to make that judgment. Surely, you just did not give him a chance to do the deed. You wanted the honor for yourself! Being a most trusted Death Eater and spy not good enough for you? Had to cement your place as right-hand man?" In the force of an action, Severus now looked Lucius in the eye. His hooked nose was touching the tip of Lucius' thin one. The blonde Death Eater's grip around Severus' neck tightened, and it was not long before Narcissa threw him at his feet, begging him to stop.

If Severus felt any fear whatsoever, he did not show it.

"Draco was in no condition to kill Dumbledore. He had more than enough opportunity to do so before I arrived. That werewolf Fenrir and your sister-in-law can attest to this. Your son only succeeded in disarming the headmaster. The others looked to me to extinguish Dumbledore's life in place of your son."

Much as Narcissa tried to tell her husband that this was the truth, he refused to believe it. Convinced of the falsehood of Severus' tale, Lucius demanded his wife's wand, wanting to use it to punish the offender.

Angry with Severus myself, yet not wanting him to die…at least..not until I had my few words to say to him… I interjected between the two men.

"Lucius, there is a simple way in which we can resolve this problem. Why not get Bellatrix or Fenrir out here? Surely one might disprove or bear truth to this story."

Forcefully, Lucius relinquished his hold on Severus' throat. The Potions Master was sent stumbling backward. A defensive instinct within me prompted me to catch him, to steady him so that he did not fall back. I shook it off. If he were to step back and trip over a root, it would be the least of what he would deserve. Snape, of all people, had no right to kill Albus Dumbledore. No other wizard in this world was qualified to end the life of one who had his very own chocolate frog card, to say the least.

"Narcissa, run along and fetch your sister, then." Lucius directed, surprisingly calm for one that had been so riled only a few moments ago. Perhaps he was not so poised and refined as I had suspected him to be. I certainly seemed more capable of repressing my rage than he did…

Narcissa quickly got to her feet and stormed off into the house. She returned a few minutes later with a very annoyed looking Bellatrix.

"Lucius!" She called as she made her way over to us all. "Do you really find it so hard to accept that your _perfect_ son was unable to kill Dumbledore?" She crossed her arms.

"Draco is more than capable!"

"Your arrogance continues to amaze me even to this day. Your son was very troubled at the prospect of killing Dumbledore. Someone had to do it, and Severus did. He was the best replacement."

"He had no right to take the honor away from Draco!" Lucius yelled, anger showing itself again.

"Draco did not seem to have any intention of carrying out what he was asked, despite our prompting. If my words have no bearing on your disposition, then I suggest you find Harry Potter. He bore witness to the whole incident."

Lucius clenched and unclenched his fists by his sides. His anger was changed. He seemed to accept what Severus and Bellatrix had told him as truth, though he was indeed having trouble accepting it.

Narcissa, thinking it would be best for Lucius to go into the house in order to get a grip on himself, to recompose himself, took her husband by the arm and gently lead him to the house. He allowed her to steer him away this time. Bellatrix remained with us this time, looking down at the grass, she bit the inside of her cheek. After a few moments, she heaved an irritated sigh and turned after them.

Severus and I were left alone. I peered up at him, though he continued to avoid my gaze.

"I realize that you are a Death Eater, and are thus bound to serve the will of the Dark Lord, but do you suppose you might have some sort of decency?"

"There was no choice." He did not lift his eyes, but his head seemed to droop, as though he himself were wilting. "If the deed remained unfinished, Draco would have been punished, along with the Malfoy name tenfold. To think, two failures from the same serving family!"

"But it didn't have to be you. Are you really so heartless?" I felt tears brimming at the edge of my eyes, the full weight of Dumbledore's death coming to me in a terrible blast. Thinking on it now, certainly I could not have been the one to kill him.

"This issue had deeper plans than you yourself are even aware of."

"Don't lie to me, Severus!"

"Why is it whenever you are presented with something you disagree with, something your logic finds fallible, you presume to think I am lying?" His voice was quieted, almost sorrowful.

"You've already done it before. Nothing would stop you from doing it now."

He dared to look me in the eye now.

"This day was planned a year ago. Dumbledore and I had an agreement."

This infuriated me beyond belief. How could he presume to think I would believe such rubbish? After making no attempt to deny that he frivolously lied to me, he had the nerve to tell me he had collaborated the murder with the victim himself?

Severus had made attempts to make me seem ridiculous in the past, but this was, of them all, the worst attempt yet. Not even half so believable as the concept of his loving me was that he sat down with the greatest contemporary wizard to plot his demise. A Death Eater would never even go about corresponding with his victim. They were all action, cut the fat away out of any situation, and this was how they engaged. Severus was a traitor, a treasonous wretch. He was no different from any other serpentine scum under Voldemort.

I threw my hand back, then forward, connecting it with the side of his face. When I removed palm from his cheek, there was a large handprint, nearly welted into his skin. _That_, surely, was least of what he deserved. I let out a frustrated yell, then stormed off, walking right past the entrance of Malfoy Manor, and around the back.

Snape, of all people, had no right to kill Albus Dumbledore. And poor Harry Potter! What a terrible thing to have one of your own mentors murdered right before your eyes. Of course, Severus was a master at surprising us all.

* * *

Thanks for reading!

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	27. Ch 27:: Veritaserum Reprise

**A/N**

Weekly updates. Sorry. DX

OMG it's gonna end soon guyz XP

Trials and Tribulations makes its debut on the last day of this fic.

get excited!

* * *

No one had bothered to disturb, to disrupt my brooding. I sat on a stone bench near the patio of Malfoy Manor. I had been staring into the woods for quite some time, I wasn't even certain how long. The sun hung directly above me in the sky. There was a light breeze, and it carried to me smells from the house. Something did intrigue my senses…what was it, beef? Chicken? I hadn't eaten in a day, and hunger was already getting the better of me.

Surly, unwilling to go into the house and have any sort of contact with Severus, I did my best to ignore it. Mentally, I glued myself to the seat, resolving not to get up for anything. Not until I was certain he had already gone back to Hogwarts.

_Hogwarts?_ I began to contradict that thought. How could Severus have gone back to Hogwarts. A student saw him murder Dumbledore. This was a traumatic day for every wizard and witch in London, soon the whole world. The one figure keeping Voldemort at bay had perished. It wouldn't be long now before he began to infiltrate the Ministry…then the school…Yes, then Severus could return. ..

It seemed that disruption was ultimately in the cards for me tonight. I heard a door slide open, then closed behind me. Light footsteps, a female. Surely it was Narcissa or Bellatrix.

After turning my head slightly, I discovered it to be the latter. Gingerly, she made her way over to me and seated herself next to me.

"It is a shame, if I dare say it myself, that my nephew was unable to carry out what he was meant to."

Not wanting to agree, I made a neutral sound.

"Severus Snape was not, by any means, the person to carry out the deed."

"No, he certainly was not." I agreed, turning around completely to face her.

"He is a weak wizard, and I have questioned his allegiance since day one. He was much too infatuated with those Muggles. And then he comes to us once more, claiming to spy on Dumbledore. A load of rubbish."

"Agreed."

It was now Bellatrix who gazed forlornly out at the forest.

"Ah, well… I presume there is no way to doubt his loyalties now."

"No, certainly not."

We sat together in silence, but it was I who broke it this time.

"Draco isn't in any sort of trouble, is he?" I sounded a bit too soft for a Death Eater, and added, as an afterthought, "It would be a shame for his self-confidence to plummet because of this. He has so much potential."

Bellatrix nodded stiffly.

"One day, he will make a great Death Eater. A fearsome one. He just needs to develop a bloody spine! I tell Narcissa all the time that she spoils him half to death."

"Lucius didn't seem to take it well."

"Oh he is furious. He really wanted this honor for his son, and now that the sneak has it…"

She turned to me, a bland smile threatening her staunch composure.

"There is to be a great feast tonight, in celebration of the death of Dumbledore."

The mere thought of partaking in a celebration of Dumbledore's death sent my stomach churning within my abdomen.

"And, of course, your successful retrieval of Lucius. That is part of the reason why I have come out here."

Interested, I leaned in closer. What could she possibly have to say about it? She doesn't seem too fond of Lucius. It was more than probable that she was not out here to offer me her gratitude.

"The Dark Lord, in honor of your astounding triumph, is providing an reward for you. He is very curious, you see, about how you came to have Snape's name scarred onto your arm."

"Is he?" I asked, politely. All of a sudden, I was very uninterested by the prospect of this reward.

"Yes, very much so. After select and brief conversations with Severus and Lucius, he determined a way to provide you with an award so that everyone gets what they want."

"Dare I ask what that might be?"

"You will accompany me inside, Lucinda. There we will make our way to the second floor, to a more private setting. Both Snape and Lucius will have Veritaserum administered to them, in your presence, and will answer any question you or the Dark Lord see fit to ask. You might find out something you have been wondering, and the Dark Lord, indeed, will."

"If the Dark Lord is so interested in finding out why the name happens to be where it is, why does he not just ask me himself?"

"The Dark Lord feels that you will be a bit unwilling to give this information away, let alone the complete truth," Bellatrix explained with a hint of a laugh to her voice. "He wants to be assured that we are all receiving adequate answers to the knowledge we are searching for…."

The other witch now turned to face me, her own question clear in her eyes.

"I remember well a certain day. It was the cause of my initial suspicions of Severus. Perhaps you might care to hear it?"

There was nothing to do but oblige her. I could not be rude and deny her this, especially as she seemed so keen on revealing this information to me. What was this all really about.

"When the Dark Lord first began to meet with Severus, his seventh year at Hogwarts, all went well. He was to receive his Dark Mark the day after his graduation, and join with us in making the world a better place for all wizarding kind. Around winter, he began to act rather strangely. Off to the side, after our meetings, he and Lucius would begin to have arguments….about a girl."

A girl? Whatever could she mean? The only girl, as I was to understand it, Severus had feelings for was Patricia Paisley. Why on Earth would those two be arguing about her?

"Come spring time, Severus was refusing to receive his Dark Mark. He said that he had other plans in life, ones that had not been foreseen. Of course, we were all very frustrated with him…. And then…the day after graduation….he just waltzed in here, his left sleeve rolled up, continuing on as was planned. We teased the bloke. 'Whatsa-trouble, Severus? Following through with your back-up plans?'

"He didn't say much, only that there was no hope of continuing on with his plans…and just like that-" Bellatrix snapped her fingers. "He became one of us, a full-fledge Death Eater."

"Poor Bellatrix," I sighed, shaking my head with a pathetic smile the only thing I could show for the story she had just told me. "I see what you're trying to imply. And let me just say I do know the identity of this mystery girl. Her name was Patricia Paisley. She was utterly spoiled, utterly obnoxious, utterly shallow, and rude…and utterly beautiful. This was the girl Severus was so mad over all along. A Pure-Blood, and a Slytherin."

"Patricia Paisley? I do believe I knew that girl."

"I daresay you might have. She had been…seeing…Severus that year. I believe they broke off their relationship shortly after school ended."

"Hm." Bellatrix remained pensive for a moment, then returned to her usual hasty self. "Well, that seems to explain it all, then. I guess the rest shall be revealed in time."

"Yes…" I said reluctantly. "In time….Speaking of which, when am I to go claim my… 'reward'?"

"The Dark Lord sent me to fetch you. I had some difficulty finding you. I'd have thought you'd be celebrating with the others." She looked at me suspiciously for the briefest of moments. "But Severus said you were out here, moping or wallowing in despair….or something of that nature."

"Moping? Perhaps. I am just disappointed that such an _honor_ was taken from Draco, and given to Severus in his stead."

"I think all the Malfoys, myself included, could say they feel similar." Bellatrix said, the accusatory nature of her gaze having completely vanished. "But still, we are joyous. This means great things for the rise of our Dark Lord."

I nodded, not wanting to even think of the horrors that would soon befall the Earth.

"Do Severus and Lucius know that they will play guinea pig to the Dark Lord's whim?"

"Yes. Severus has been much quieter than would even be normal, and Lucius just goes on and on… He told the Dark Lord something to the effect that you had already endured enough sorrow from the event, and that it hardly seemed like a reward to make healed scars bleed once more."

"He is right, yet if the Dark Lord wills it to be so…."

"Then it shall be done." She finished. Rising slowly, I stood to follow her back into the house. We went the long way, through the parlor, the dining room, the kitchen, back to the living area, and up the stairs.

Severus and Lucius, comically enough, were bound to wooden chairs, and sat angled toward each other. The Dark Lord himself stood, leaning against a wall with his arms crossed.

Upon mine and Bellatrix's entrance, the two began to yell angrily at us.

"What the devil is this all about? I demand an answer!" Lucius yelled angrily.

"What is this?" Severus asked, much more reserved that Lucius.

"Gentlemen," Voldemort said, smiling at his two helpless Death Eaters. "I'm so glad you asked. "Lucinda, would you please roll up your left sleeve for me?"

Reluctantly, I did so. Faintly, underneath the boldness of the Dark Mark, one could still make out the name whose home had been its place. Voldemort grabbed my arm and, delicately, twisted it toward the bound men so that they might see it.

"For Miss Redbourn's benefit, as well as my own, you shall be administered with Veritaserum. I feel that there is a deep history to this marking, and it is one that I am very interested in hearing about. You two will, without question, cooperate."

He turned toward me and softened his voice significantly, as though he were speaking to child. Had I not proved myself sufficient?

"You and I both shall receive answers to questions that have no doubt been troubling us for some time."

I couldn't fathom what he meant by that, but I submitted to this ridiculous exploit nonetheless. At that moment, a house elf entered the room, shaking and fearful to be in the presence of the darkest wizard alive. She presented to us goblets, filled with wine, and a smaller clear vial of liquid on a silver platter.

"Heres mistresses and masters. For you, it is." If she shook any more, it would all be sent clattering to the ground. Quickly, I took the tray from her hands and dismissed her. She was not reluctant in the least to get out of the room. Bellatrix took the mugs from me, leaving me with the vial.

"That is Veritaserum, is it not?" The Dark Lord inquired.

I uncorked the vial and, after slight study, confirmed that it was, indeed, Veritaserum. I nodded, knowing well what was to come next.

"Place six drops of Veritaserum in each mug."

I did, taking care not to put in too little or too much. When I finished, I placed the cork back onto the vial and set it down on a nearby table. Taking a mug from Bellatrix, I held it to Severus' lips.

Inexplicably, I felt myself overwhelmed with compassion, much like that snowy day after he had been pestered by James. I held the mug to his lips, allowing him to drink from it. Every once in a while I would lower it, allow him to breathe, and raise it once more.

Lucius was not as cooperative as Severus. He refused to drink from the mug.

"I don't understand why _I'm _ being put through all of this. I certainly do not know a thing about it."

"We shall see, Lucius. But I don't feel I need to remind you that the reason you are here is because I am under the impression that you do know…Perhaps, that have something more to do with this than merely your basal knowledge of it."

Voldemort's response quieted Lucius, and in a moment of good judgment, he downed the mug.

The two men shifted uncomfortably in their seats, the potion already running through their systems. When it became apparent and evident that the two would respond truthfully to any question asked, Voldemort began his questioning.

"Let us start with one of the most intriguing of all questions. Severus, what is your name doing on her arm?"

"I cannot say for certain," he whispered, eyes shut tight. "But I fathom it has something to do with heartbreak."

"Heartbreak? You mean she was in love with you?" Voldemort's red eyes flickered to me for a moment in interest, then back to Severus, who only nodded.

"Did you break her heart, then?"

Severus' mouth twitched in a puzzled line. For some reason, it seemed, he found himself unable to answer the question.

"Let's try again. Lucius, did Severus break her heart?"

"Not exactly…no." The blonde wizard said after a moment. He looked away from us all, staring intently at his shoes.

"Be more specific, Malfoy. My patience with you and your entire family is running thin."

"No, my Lord. Ultimately, it was I that did it." Lucius blurted, fearful now.

"Elaborate."

"I informed Miss Redbourn that Severus was merely tricking her, using her as a ploy to get revenge on James Potter for stealing Lily away. I told her that he never really loved her."

I had thought on the incident many times since it had happened, but hearing Lucius, the voice that had borne the bad news to me, repeat those words, was a bit too much to handle. Determined to appear strong, I did my best to shake it off.

"Was this true?"

"No."

"No?"

No?

"No. It was not true."

"How can that be?" I nearly screamed. "Patricia Paisley herself told me that she and Severus would see each other behind my back. Merlin's beard, they even made out at the end-of-term ball!"

Lucius cleared his throat and looked around the room. After meeting each of our gazes for a second, he looked back down at his shoes.

"Six galleons goes a long way."

Voldemort chuckled at this, yet I could not say that I was amused.

"Do you mean to tell me that you paid Patricia Paisley to flaunt herself around and act like a complete bitch? That this was all some sort of perverse joke? Was any of it true?"

"This is what I mean to tell you. None of what I said was true. I deeply regret that you had to be hurt in all of this."

"Do not try to be kind, Lucius." Severus said, his voice hard. "You knew she needed me."

"The Dark Lord needed you more." He hissed.

As if on cue, Voldemort clapped his hands.

"Ah, very interesting, how things seem to unfold all on their own. So here we find that Lucinda loved Severus, and, as I am to understand it, he remained loyal to her the entire time. Tell me, did you love her?" He stepped behind Severus' chair, placing both hands on his shoulders.

Severus looked away from Lucius, to my eyes.

"I never stopped."

I felt my heart rise in my chest. I almost collapsed at those words, had Bellatrix not offered herself as a means of keeping me upright. I tried to be a mature adult, I really did. But the discussion of this incident was like re-opening a hastily healed wound. Upon tearing at the stitches, my seventeen-year-old self burst through, flooding me and overwhelming me. Tear welled up in my eyes, and I found myself becoming more emotional than I ever had, at least since this dreadful night had transpired.

"Why didn't you ever tell me? Why did you let it go on in that way? If you loved me, Severus, why did you go to the ball with Patricia?"

"It is inspiring, what a small dose of Amortentia in one's lip gloss can do, especially when transferred initially in a kiss that appeared unwanted. Patricia Paisley was equipped herself well to live up to the six galleons. This entire incident was out of my hands."

"But you had to have had a chance to tell me!" I insisted.

Severus smiled sadly, shaking his head.

"In truth, I did not. Just before I had come to meet you, Lucius informed me that you had been seeing Remus intimately all week. Naturally, I did not believe him. He's been trying every scheme to pull me from your side. But he advised me to use Legilimency, and he showed me memories of the two of you… I realize now that they were very old memories… Your hair was much shorter…his face less scarred. I should have seen it, but I was so blinded by fear and fury.

"He told me that if I did not end it with you, he would in his own way. He told me he would make sure you never hurt me again, that he was going to cast an Imperius curse upon you and have you drown yourself in the lake. Angry with you, but still hopelessly in love, I told him I would end it. We parted ways, and I went to meet you in front of the lavatory. He was there, and I had only assumed that he had told you only what I would have."

"You needn't blame Severus. After a day, Lily Evans apparently gave him a piece of her mind. That was when he found out that what I had told you was false. He wanted to speak to you, to make things right. I knew I had to think fast, and so I had Patricia step in."

"It was clever, and it worked well, Lucius." Severus spat, eyes narrowed in the direction of the older Death Eater. "The night before the dance, my dose wore off, and I resolved to find a way to make it all right. I bought you that bouquet, Lucinda. I wasn't lying when I told you that earlier." His gaze was directed at me now, eyes softened. "Patricia kept leaving me unattended, but, it seems, she had excellent timing when she needed it. She realized what I was doing right when you were coming down the stairs. Another dose of Amortentia, and I was done for."

Tearful, I lowered myself to my knees and outstretched my arm. Placing my palm on his cheek, I could do nothing more but think of the look he had given me when the night had finally come to an end: that indescribable facial expression that had given me the briefest of hopes for nearly two decades.

"When did you realize it?" I asked, my voice cracking severely with the overwhelming contrast of emotions I was suffering under. I felt great joy that he had loved me all along. I felt great joy in knowing that we still loved each other, perhaps just as much as when we were young. I felt great joy in knowing that he had been loyal to me all along. I felt deep sorrow that we had to be separated all these years, that we could not have grown old together. And also, I felt extreme anger, all of which was directed at Lucius. I would make certain he would pay for this in some way.

"The last time I saw you for years. Right when the dance ended, and your friends were leaving with you. It wore off finally, but it was too late. I knew I wouldn't be able to get to you, not with your friends there. But, I tried. I ran after you, tried to catch up with you, find you. It was no use, and I had remained defeated all these years. Defeat was what permanently brought me into the service of the Dark Lord."

"As it was meant to!" Lucius called out without the slightest trace of remorse. "You were crazy! All that talk about giving up your servitude! You were going to forfeit your Dark Mark, and your service of the Dark Lord all for _her_! What good could she have done you?

"She brought me happiness!" Severus roared, the chair jumped and scraped across the wooden floor in his rage. "It was all I ever wanted, to be happy with her."

A fight could have broken out, surely, with both men attached to their chairs. Yet the fury of the moment was relieved when Voldemort began to clap his hands together, a strange smirk finding itself strangely at home on his lips.

"What an interesting caricature of love and selfishness. A truly inspiring story. Though, from her performance this past evening, it is a shame you did not try and have her join us with you. She would have proven a very valuable asset all these years." He drew his wand from his robes, and, with the lightest of flicks, the two were relieved of their bondage. "You two still remained friends, collaborating together over the past few years to bring me to where I stand today. A headquarters, Death Eater infiltration within Hogwarts, and Dumbledore, dead." I flinched at the mention of this.

"But surely, I was correct in thinking it was better to have Severus than not at all." Lucius said, pointing to himself proudly.

"Indeed you were. Love is a silly fallacy that often dissuades us from what truly matters," Voldemort said with a sneer. "However, you two appear to be quite talented servants of mine. As I owe you both an award for your outstanding services to our order, I shall give you this day to become reacquainted with each other. Come sunrise tomorrow, mark my words you will meet with myself and the other Death Eaters…or suffer the consequences."

Stiffly, Severus and I nodded. With one final smirk, Voldemort made his way out of the room. Bellatrix, annoyance playing heavily on her features, grabbed her brother-in-law by the arm and dragged him away in the Dark Lord's wake.

Gingerly, as if unsure of himself, Severus took my hand. He lead me downstairs, being sure to hide our entwined fingers from view. We left the manor, and made our way down the long drive. For a time, all we did was walk, hands touching each other in the awkwardness of the reunion. Neither of us were quite sure how to react to one another. What did we dare do after so many years apart? After so much trouble and heartache? Surely things could not go on as they had. We couldn't simply pick up where we left off, could we?

The sun was just as high in the sky as it was when I had initially entered the manor. Yet twilight seemed to be an imposing threat to us both. We had not much time to sort ourselves out. My deepest wish was to run away with him. I did not want to return to the manor in the morning. I wanted to be away, to take him home in Cornwall. Yet I knew it was not an option. The Death Eaters would follow us there, and kill us for our insubordination. It pained me to know that we were not safe, and could only be together in limited company.

After what seemed like a strange eternity of walking down a long, winding dirt road, we found ourselves in front of an abandoned old hut. It seemed that no one had occupied it for quite some time. Some windows were boarded, others were broken. The paint was peeling away from the wooden frame, the roof adorned with holes. He lead me to the steps leading up the door, and sat with me there. He pressed against me, holding my head into his chest. There was nothing I could do….nothing more I wanted to do than be here with him in this way, allowing myself to be enveloped in the sweet scent of him, my senses and thoughts occupied by nothing more than ginger.

* * *

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As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected. ( I notice there hasn't been many, which is okay....but feedback is like food...so...yeah...)

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	28. Ch 28:: An Unexpected Disturbance

**A/N**

Weekly updates. Sorry. DX

OMG it's gonna end soon guyz XP

Trials and Tribulations makes its debut on the last day of this fic.

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* * *

I shifted a bit awkwardly in my position on the steps. We had just sat here for some time. Both remained silent, yet our eyes seemed to say so much as we drank each other in, seeing one another in a way we hadn't for years. Before me, I no longer saw the arrogant man that broke my heart, but the perpetually misunderstood boy that stole my heart away from Remus. I knew full well that the figure before me was much more than a boy, but there was such a retention of his childhood sorrow in his eyes, that we, collectively, seemed the same as we were.

On multiple occasions, he looked quite like he was going to say something, but as to what, I was clueless. Perhaps it would be some sort of inquiry about my life up to this point? Perhaps he might tell me that I looked well?

The silence began to pester my ears, filling them with an imagined ringing. Silence was not the only component of my irritation. Something had been left unsaid. It sat perched on the tip of my tongue, waiting patiently for me to part my lips so that it might escape. Patience waned for all, and it seemed to begin to eat me up inside.

"Severus," I whispered, breaking free of his hold on me and daring to look into his eyes.

"What is it, Love?" he asked, cupping my face in his hands, brushing away stray tears that betrayed the thoughts I was about to convey.

"I'd suppose the Veritaserum is still in effect, isn't it?"

"You'd be correct in that assumption, yes. I'd say it has a good fifteen minutes left."

"I…." I hesitated, unsure of how to continue.

I still had one question left to ask him, but whether or not it was appropriate to ask now, I had no clue. There was so much to be said at the current time. I should have enquired after _his _health, what he had done with his life for all of these years. We had left so many things unspoken before we were torn apart by our betrayal, and it was hard to fathom that our feelings remained unchanged for each other. It might have been rude of me, or terrible of me that my thoughts kept straying back to one thing…one person…

Dumbledore was the one person who tried the hardest to keep me connected to the wizarding world. He cared about what happened to me, and in return, it was the least I could do to show my concern for what had happened to him. When all had seemed bleak in my life, Dumbledore had offered himself to me as someone I could confide in. He also made it subtly known to me, his steadfast trust of Severus. Not once had he betrayed to me that all was different than it had appeared. He had left it so Severus to right the wrongs Lucius had inflicted.

When Severus had given me the alstroemeria this year, he hadn't reacted in the manner that McGonagall did. Rather, he told Severus that it was 'inapt.' Inapt, yes. Given the circumstances, it was highly inappropriate to make such an offer to me, based on what I believed and what had transpired before we parted ways for all those years.

"What is troubling you? Have I not answered all the questions you-"

"You have, and yet you haven't. There still remains one thing that troubles me.." I muttered, still fearful of continuing.

He lifted my face higher in his hands, our noses nearly touching now. Tears began to flow freely from my eyes, and he lifted his thumb to grace my cheek, catching each one as it fell.

I never realized how strange it was to doubt his love for me. He had done such a good job of covering it up, remaining neutral to it all. A weaker man would have cracked, surely. When I had been influenced by the strong love potion he brewed, he did not let me continue to impose myself upon him. He had placed the lid over the cauldron, cutting me loose from its effects. Had he done this out of respect to me? Or was it merely that he didn't want me to act in that way unless he was completely certain it came from my heart?

He had been very kind to me this whole time, and I let my broken heart, hurt feelings, stubbornness, and arrogance interfere with coming to these conclusions sooner. Several times, he had pleaded with me to hear him out, and several times, I denied him. It should have been clear to me on Halloween…Sooner than that, when we first bumped into each other on the first of September….It was so clear in his eyes.

"I feel," he began, "that I already know what you are going to ask me. It concerns Dumbledore."

I nodded, eyes shut tight, focusing breathing to alleviate the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"It does."

"I told you earlier that we had planned this day. I was not lying, then. And I cannot lie now.

"How could the two of you have planned this?" I asked, my former disbelief now replaced by my amazement of it all. Truthfully, he could not lie to me. Dumbledore had planned his death with Severus? What was the reasoning for it? It was so hard to fathom the thought of Dumbledore and Severus, sitting together in the Headmasters' office, planning out the way in which Severus must end his life….It must have been so hard for him, to have the weight of that responsibility on his shoulders.

"Lucinda….." he paused, as if unsure whether to reveal his thoughts to me. "Do you know of horcruxes?"

"My knowledge of horcruxes is a very basic one," I sighed, unsure if I was prepared to head down the path this conversation seemed to lead to. "You place your soul in them, preventing you from dying…It's typically done when you commit an act of murder, when your soul is ripped apart."

Severus bit the inside of his cheek for a moment before continuing on.

"What would you say if I told you the Dark Lord has seven horcruxes?"

"_Seven?"_ I could hardly believe it. "Seven horcruxes?"

"The Dark Lord, upon his first return, had seven horcruxes. One was destroyed by Harry Potter his second year at Hogwarts. The next, by Dumbledore last year…Though Dumbledore found he had succumbed to a bit of its power…The resulting effect was fatal. He would have been dead within the year."

"You mean-"

"Yes. Had I not killed him, he would have been dead within a few days, anyway. When he retrieved this specific horcrux, he called upon me. This horcrux, a ring, had a very special significance to him. He tried to wear it-"

I cried out in horror. For the first time, albeit it too late, I remembered Dumbledore's blackened hand. I remembered now, how sickly and out of place it seemed. Had I really been convinced that it was a mere trick of the light? It seemed to have had no bother in my mind at all. It constituted some questions to be raised, but there were none from me.

I could hardly believe my obliviousness.

"I tended to him the best I could, but it was inevitable that he would die. I revealed to him Draco's mission, that the boy was made to murder him. Dumbledore reacted much the same way as you did. Such a young boy couldn't have his soul tampered and damaged so…Not on the mistakes of his parents. Naturally, Dumbledore couldn't kill himself. I promised him I would do it in Draco's stead. I was one of the people he trusted most."

"Severus, why would you have told Dumbledore? I don't understand. You are a spy."

"Indeed, I am a double-agent…yet it seems as everyone is currently fooled as to the side I am playing for."

"What side are you playing for, then?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Dumbledore's. I was never fully that of the Dark Lord's…especially not after he went after Lily…." Severus lowered his head now, eyes squeezed tightly shut. "She didn't have to die, Lucinda. And I blame myself for it every day. Had I not told him of the prophecy, of the new child that would defeat him…she'd still be alive."

I did my best to comfort Severus now. It must have been very hard to be alone for all this time, trusted by no one that mattered, belonging nowhere he wanted to be. Surely, if I found myself in the same position, I would have hardly been able to last. It would have been much too unbearable.

"I have tried, these years, to pay back Lily for the kindness she showed me as a child, for betraying her so…by assisting Dumbledore in protecting the boy that survives her."

"You're brave, Severus." I whispered in his ear. It was my turn to hold his face up. The sun was setting in the distance, casting a fiery glow upon his features. It was a strange thing, the light. When caught at the right angle, it could do amazing things. In this instant, Severus looked much unchanged from the seventeen year old boy I fell in love with.

"It's in his eyes." He said, looking up at me again. "Each time I look at his eyes, I see her, and I imagine her reproachful stare, as if she always expects me to know what to do next…And I can't…I can't possibly know that."

I held him close to me on the steps. The thought of Lily made this all seem like a flashback, as though he and I were two students, merely sitting in the courtyard on a spring afternoon. Severus, my Severus. I had been very protective of him then, and I felt very protective of him now.

"The night…." He began again, after he had composed himself a bit. "The night he died, he had gone with Potter to retrieve another horcrux, a locket, hidden away. We all knew it would be dangerous, and it drained a significant amount of his life energy from him. Coincidentally, that was the night Draco had chosen…Harry was never meant to see."

"But surely, Dumbledore would have confided in Harry-?"

"No." he cut me off, as though waving aside a silly delusion. "The boy never trusted me from the start. He does not trust me now. I am meant to play this part, and to play it well. The less people that know the truth, the better the acting goes. The boy is a terrible Occlumens. Should the Dark Lord read his thoughts, my position will be compromised in seconds."

"What….What's your plan?" I found myself asking.

"It has been rumored that next year, I shall take over as Headmaster of Hogwarts. Death Eaters will replace some of the teachers."

"What about Harry? He cannot go back to a school that has Death Eaters for teachers!"

"Dumbledore has left Harry instructions to continue the search for horcruxes… He will be off with that, his friends as well, I suppose. And I will help him as best I can."

"Oh, Severus!" I cried, throwing myself into his arms. "What a fool I've been for never believing you, for never hearing you out! I've carried myself like a child. We could have been together all those years. We could have had a happy life. I could have helped you. You and I, we could have helped Dumbledore together. Things could have been different!"

"Then promise me this now," he murmured, stroking my hair. "Promise me that you'll never leave my side. Be with me now. Let us live a life together from now till our end. Help me assist Harry."

"You know I will." I whispered to him.

His face leaned in to mine hesitantly. I leaned back in, heart racing fast. We were going to kiss, something we had done many times when we were young, something I hadn't done since I was young. I became fearful that I would look silly. I was convinced I had forgotten how to do it. Closer and closer, Severus leaned in, and finally pressed his lips delicately to mine.

We remained unmoving in this way, lips pressed lightly together, eyes opened. Then, slowly, they closed. It felt almost as it had the first night we had kissed, only more gentle. No longer did we battle for dominance of the kiss… There was no war waged for the strongest lover. As it were, we collaborated in this moment, a team. No longer were we the raven and the snake, but man and woman. We were a unit with a dream, a desire to be together… and to right the wrongs this world seemed to be spiraling toward.

Yet no sooner had we fallen into the comfortable, nostalgic swing of romance had we been interrupted. A strange sound brought us falling from the plateau where we stood so high together. An odd noise, indeed. It seemed like a grunt, or a clearing of the throat. A half-cough, perhaps?

Our eyes burst open in the terrible realization that had overcome us.

"My, my, Miss Redbourn. I'd say this violates your parole. Imagine, catching two Death Eaters in one search! The Minsiter will be most pleased!"

In the split second that we had left to communicate, I squeezed Severus' hand, urging him to read my memories. I concentrated hard on him, apparating, then an image of him walking to Malfoy Manor. He could not get caught. The resistance depended on it, whether it was aware of this fact or not. Harry depended on it. He seemed unsure of leaving, shifted in his position, he prepared to apparate, but gave me one last look.

"Go!" I yelled.

Before Umbridge could lunge forward and grab him, he apparated. With a mere pop, he vanished into the nightfall that began to climb down the sky, toward Earth.

She relented her efforts with a frustrated snarl, then quickly turned back to me, grabbing a painful hold over my shoulder before dragging me from the steps.

"How touching, truly. Love, and sacrificing yourself for him. Fair enough, Miss Redbourn. He's safe…for now." Her grip over me tightened, and with one sweeping turn, we flitted from the scene, just as Severus had done.

Though, we weren't headed back to Malfoy Manor. I knew where we were going. It was a road I had traveled down before. I knew exactly what to expect…or, at least, most of what to expect. We appeared in a darkened alleyway. Muggles passed by before us on an open street, oblivious to the two figures that had just appeared out of thin air. After she shuffled a few scraps of wood and trash cans out of the way, a small doorway was revealed. She flung it open and kicked me through it roughly. While I was forced to lean over, creeping toward the brightness of the Atrium, she was able to walk forward without any adjustment of her height.

Head held high, shoulders thrown back, she pointed her wand at the small of my back and marched me out in the open. It was more for show, than anything else, really. It had already been confirmed that I did not know how to apparate. And, what's more, it was impossible to apparate or disapparate while inside the Ministry. That was, after all, the reason why the employees had to enter through all sorts of bizarre entrances.

People paused in their activities to look at the two of us. Umbridge nodded to the witches and wizards.

"Hello there, dear. How are you? I've just caught a Death Eater. The one responsible for the break out in Azkaban earlier today." Several witches and wizards nodded appreciatively, singing her high praises and what not. A few brave and reasonable ones simply rolled their eyes and walked on.

She lead me down a long corridor, off of the side of the Atrium.

"Your friend is safe for now dear, but I'm confident you will change all that. Before long, we'll have all you lot here, and this business will be over with!"

She lead me into a plain room, with nothing more than a table and a chair. She pushed me forward, pointing to the chair with her wand. The instant I placed myself in the seat, she spun on her heel and turned the other way.

Yes, I had been here before. The day of my arrest, I was brought to this very room. I sat in this very room, and waited. I would be interrogated. And that would be all that would happen, if I cooperated. If I didn't cooperate, well, I knew what would happen. First, they would administer Veritaserum upon me. Then, they would try to force the information out of me through Legilimency. That was a game they could not beat me at. If all else failed, they would use an Unforgivable. Based on hypocritical Ministry logic, even an Unforgivable was forgivable at times.

I drummed my fingers against the table, trying to be patient, and seem brave at what was to come next. They were watching me. They were trying to seem brave, too. If I showed any sign of weakness, they would take it upon themselves to be unnecessarily cruel to me. They would show no mercy, feeling as though the could get any information they wanted from me.

If I seemed brave, they would be timid. They would realize their limitations, and set about to find my own.

Though it was a time where I should have been fearful for my own safety, I couldn't help but feel concerned for what Severus was doing. I hoped he was okay, and that he made it back to Malfoy Manor safely. Should that be the case, the Dark Lord would have been alerted of my capture. There would be no sacrifice of the movement to ensure my safety, but Voldemort, realizing just how important to his effort I was, might try and pull a few strings. I was more valuable to him in his service, than in Azkaban or otherwise, certainly much more so than Lucius.

The door swung open, and Umbridge stepped in again.

"Now, Miss Redbourn, I do hope you will cooperate us as well as you did your first time here. We might be able to grant you some sort of absolution in exchange for the names of all the Death Eaters and the location that they are currently convened at."

She pressed her face close to mine, expectant. I simply looked back without saying a word.

"Well?" She croaked.

"I'm sorry," I sighed, looking her in the eye. "I have know idea what you're talking about."

"You expect me to believe that rubbish? Fine. Then I'll try another question. Are you aware, Miss Redbourn, the man you were with tonight, Severus Snape, is currently under suspicion of being a Death Eater?"

"He is? I had no idea. I'd thought he'd given that up years ago." I said, continuing to do my best to play dumb.

"Miss Redbourn, my patience with you is already growing thin. Sources say you were seen at Azkaban prison last night. You were the one that freed Lucius Malfoy from his cell. We've even brought in a witness who says she saw you. What do you have to say for yourself this time?"

"I wasn't at Azkaban last night. I was with Severus. Bring the witness in then," I challenged, doing my best to sound fearless. "Let's have her identify me."

Umbridge gave me a triumphant smirk before turning around and heading for the door once more.

"Alright. Let's see you lie your way out of this one."

She left, and I was left to ponder how indeed I would lie my way out of this one. Was Mathalda even in her right mind? I couldn't be certain, and it was nothing to gamble on. Before I could think of this any further, she returned with the ratty looking witch, who seemed intimidated under all the bright lights.

She pulled out a seat for the older woman, who cautiously sat down. Umbridge placed her hands on her shoulders and stared directly at me, not even blinking.

"Mathalda, have you seen this woman before?" She asked stiffly.

Mathlada looked at me for a moment, cocking her head slightly to the side.

"Yes. I'd wager I have…" She twittered anxiously.

"Was this the girl that came to see you last night?"

Mathalda's face lit up.

"Yes! She's the one!"

"But Mathalda," I interjected, feeling that my only option was to gamble. "Don't you remember? I used to live near you! I would rake your lawn in the autumn as a child."

She squinted her eyes at me, confused. She seemed to mumble to herself, and on her shoulders I could see Umbridge's knuckles whitening.

"So it is!" Her face lit up once more. She turned to Umbridge, smiling. "She was the nicest little girl! She'd rake my lawn very nicely, and I'd bring her cauldron cakes."

Umbridge's expression, once forcing politeness, turned into an angry scowl.

"But you just said she was the one that was in your cell last night!" She screamed out.

Mathalda visible shrunk back at this, cowering in her robes.

"Azkaban prison is very dark, Ms. Umbridge. One cannot tell companion from specter in it's darkness."

Her face turned red, and she pulled Mathalda up by the arm and dragged her into the hall. Slamming the door shut behind her, she walked over to me. Her face was inches from mine, twitching, a strange smile playing on her lips.

"Miss Lucinda," her voice was cracking. "It seems you've completely exhausted me of my patience. Under much different circumstances we would next progress to Veritaserum, but seeing as how you confounded one of my witnesses-"

"Confound her? I didn't do a thing!"

"She identified you as the one, and you engaged her in ridiculous trickery. She wasn't sane, therefore, she is not a reliable source."

"Yet, had she not recognized me instead as the girl who would rake her lawn, she would have been a completely fine witness."

Umbridge glared at me, lips tightened into a thin line.

"Your backtalk only counts against you in such a situation as this, Miss Lucinda." Once again, she was not blinking. There was something of maliciousness in her eyes and in her smile. "As I was saying, the circumstances in which we find ourselves in now are very different than if this were a more cooperative and orthodox endeavor. However, your refusal to comply-"

"My refusal to comply? I've cooperated! I've answered all your questions."

"YOUR REFUSAL to comply has left me no other choice. We must skip ahead in the interrogation process-"

"You aren't able to do that. Wizarding law requires you to next administer Veritaserum, then utilize Legilimency." I stated this, as I knew it for fact. In becoming an auror, one had to be knowledged in the laws of the wizarding world.

Though it did not seem possible, she managed to stick her face even closer to mine, frog-like features nearly touching the tip of my nose.

"Do not proceed to inform me about wizarding law, Miss Lucinda. As a Ministry official, I know plenty more about it than you. I don't need a convict, a law-breaker to inform me on the subject! As I find you to be uncooperative, I am afraid we will have to skip ahead in the procedure." She finished the last sentence rapidly, as though she were afraid that I might attempt to interrupt her once more.

"You don't have the authority to." I said, trying to sound fearless. Umbridge, unlike the Death Eaters in their test, would not stop until she heard what she wanted. And I, unlike any normal witch or wizard, would not give her that information.

She drew away from me, that sickening smirk and horrid giggle burning through my eyes and ears.

"I have the authority to do as is required…and to do as I please."

* * *

Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected. ( I notice there hasn't been many, which is okay....but feedback is like food...so...yeah...)

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	29. Ch 29:: Evading Protocol

**A/N**

Weekly updates. Sorry. DX

Second to last chapter!!!!

Trials and Tribulations makes its debut on the last day of this fic.

get excited!

* * *

I already had a suspicion that I was in a terrible mess before she uttered those self-important words. Her belligerent attitude seemed to seal my fate. I was going to be tortured into insanity before I allowed her to extract any information from me. I would make certain that I forcibly wiped everything from my memory. I couldn't allow any sort of information to find its way into Umbridge's hands. If that were to happen, the Death Eaters would suffer a fate worse or equivocal to mine. And surely… I couldn't allow that to happen to Severus.

I felt great indifference toward the fate of Death Eaters such as Walden MacNair and, especially at this time, Lucius Malfoy. The demise of Voldemort would certainly be beneficial to all… But I held back for the same of Severus, and also for Draco. They would not be kind to Severus, and they would not show any pity for Draco, though he is only a boy. His parents would be executed, and he might find himself falling into such a state of mind as I had feared him to.

Wearily, I watched her approach from the corner of my eye. There was something malicious in her grin, and I knew well what her intentions were. Step by step, she drew nearer. She had no intention of following through with Ministry protocol. She had admitted to it herself. Would I be able to weasel myself out of this predicament? Or would I be forced to bear the torture she would inflict on me?

With another second's passing, The decision was made for me.

"_Petrificus Totalus!"_ She had paralyzed me, and, frozen in place, I knew I was doomed.

"Now, now, Miss Lucinda. I'm sure you had no intention of running away, did you? Not when you had such well-deserved punishment coming to you."

She leaned forward and stuck her wand under my chin. I felt it's point pressing into my throat, choking me lightly.

"All criminals deserve to be punished. Not a one is an exception. Fudge might have overlooked your menacing background, but I certainly will not. And I shall inform him of the consequences of letting a guilty woman go free."

It was all I could do to stare defiantly back at her. Certainly, there were a great many names I could have called her, but it would not have done me any good.

"It doesn't have to come to this, Miss Lucinda. Just tell me what I want to hear, and you can leave this place unscathed. I can go about my day, and you can go about yours."

"You lie!" I sneered. "You would keep me here anyway. Even if I told you what you want to hear, which might not even be truth, you would keep me paralyzed here, and continue out with this torture!"

"My, my! So perceptive for so young an age. Indeed, you have picked up that Snape's hawk-like observation….just like you might have picked up…shall we say…an interesting group of acquaintances from his friendship."

"I haven't picked up a thing from that man!" I yelled, doing my best to break free of the invisible bonds that kept me captive.

"There's an easy enough way to find out!" Umbridge snapped, pulling up the sleeve of my left arm, exposing my Dark Mark.

"Ha! What do you call that then, girl?"

"I was spying for Dumbledore."

"Oh please. If you're going to lie to me, at least make a decent attempt at it. Ah well…it's no matter now. _Crucio!_"

Unable to move, I writhed within my own skin, the pain searing and unbearable. It was unlike any sort of Cruciatus curse I had ever felt. It seemed as though her rage, anger, and frustration was channeled through into the spell.

My limbs blistered with pain, and my body cried for me to move, to do something to alleviate the pain. Alas, there was nothing. I nearly betrayed myself by yelling….no..by begging for her to stop. But I would never allow myself to stoop to her favors.

Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to tell her one tiny bit of information? It might buy me some time to figure everything out. No! Certainly not! I couldn't allow anything to escape me. I couldn't allow any information to slip to her.

Instead, I merely did all that I could to take my attention from the pain. I breathed deeply, and hard, focusing only on the intake of air. This tactic only worked for a few seconds, and even as I persisted to try, the pain began to edge up to the level it had been.

"Have quite enough?" She asked, lowering her wand. The pain ceased immediately, and it felt as though I hadn't taken a breath in years. Panting, I tried to take in all the oxygen I could as quickly as I could. It was only a matter of time before my torture would ensue once more.

"Well, dearie? Have you?" She asked innocently, as though she had not just performed an Unforgivable. Death Eater though I was, I did not deserve such a breach in protocol.

I spit at her feet and said nothing. She moved her feet quickly aside, as though getting one drip of my spit upon them might cause her to morph into some sort of criminal vermin. Instantly, her peachy complexion reddened.

"Miss Redbourn, might I remind you of the terrible predicament you currently find yourself placed in? This is no time to be smart. Your life might very well be at stake."

I spit again, showing her that she could threaten me all she liked. She would be the one to break before me.

"Insolent girl! _Crucio!_"

It was as though my ribs were being ripped from me, as though my skin was on fire, and a thousand knives and swords were being thrust into each of my limbs. I could do no more but cry out in pain….No, not cry…I screamed at the top of my lungs. The pain was excruciating and unbearable. There was a flicker in the corner of my vision, Umbridge had waved her wand. Instantaneously, I found I was able to move. That offered me some relief, though I don't know why she would grant it. I flung myself out of my chair, landing on my hands and knees on the hard, cold ground.

I knew she would not relent in her torture so quickly as she had before. For now it was all I could do to press my skin against the cool ground. It provided some relief to the torturous heat I felt.

Some sort of sound reached me over my screams. Laughter. Umbridge stood in the corner of the room, her arms folded, laughing away. I would not give her the satisfaction of finding humor in the break of my pain. With one last agonizing look at the floor, I flipped over onto my back and lay there, as still as if I were paralyzed.

Her laughter ceased abruptly. Willing myself to only stare at the ceiling above me, I heard footsteps approaching nearer. I tried to hold in my screams, but it was to no avail. A sharp kick was delivered to my side, and they flooded from me once more.

"You won't act so proud in here, dear. Not when you're at my mercy."

My only possible act of defiance was to look away, breathing heavily.

The curse ended abruptly as she kicked my jaw.

I howled with pain, rolling over once more on to my hands and knees. She placed her foot on my back and forced all her weight upon me, painfully slamming me back into the floor.

"I want some answers, Lucinda. And you are going to give them to me whether you would like to or not."

In too much pain, I found that I could not voice the words to defy her.

"Where are the Death Eaters hiding?" She demanded.

I said nothing, squeezing my eyes tightly shut and keeping my face pressed against the floor.

"_Imperius!"_ She shrieked.

Had she conceded to use two unforgivable curses in one session?

Tell her where they are hiding. Tell her.

No.

If you tell her, she will let you go. Tell her.

No.

Tell her.

A strange voice in the back of my head continued to request that I tell her. Strange though it was, and unknown to me, I still knew that there was part of myself in it. I had never been under an Imperius curse myself, and feared I would not be able to resist it much longer.

Tell her what she wants to know. Tell her what she needs to know.

She doesn't need to know any of it.

_Tell her that they're hiding in Malfoy Manor_.

"In a home." I sputtered. It was the closest thing to an answer she would get from me.

"In a home…." She mused. "Believe it or not Miss Lucinda, that was more helpful of an answer than I was expecting of you. Now just to find out whose home….But certainly that can wait."

She kicked me over with her foot and peered down at me, grinning broadly at me.

"Now, I could continue to ask you questions in this manner, but where's the fun of it? _Crucio!_"

The pain, and so soon again. It was unbelievable. The Death Eaters had scarcely prepared me for anything this terrible.

I screamed louder than I had before. If I expended my voice on screaming, I wouldn't betray a thing.

Suddenly, the door to the room burst open, and the curse alleviated a few seconds afterward.

"Ms. Umbridge, what are you doing?" A familiar, horrified voice cried out.

I weakly moved my head to the side to see my disgusted savior.

"Getting information from a suspect, Mr. Lupin. What does it look like?"

"She was signed in to the system less than two hours ago. How could you have progressed so far in such a short period of time?"

"She refused to cooperate, and, as protocol dictates, I had to use other methods to retrieve what I wanted."

"You already utilized Vertiaserum? And Legilmency?"

"I've done what I had to do." Was her only reply.

"Have you utilized those methods?" He asked, though he knew the truth too well.

"Mr. Lupin, as I am stationed in a post above yours, what I do and do not do is none of your concern. I suggest you return to your post."

"I see no reason why you are in such a rush to get me out of this room so quickly. Azkaban prisoners and interrogation details are part of my duty. The methods by which you have interrogated this particular prisoner is also a matter of my concern."

"You, sir, are overstepping your boundaries!" Her cheeks turned red with anger.

He looked at her for a moment, then turned his attention over her shoulder toward me.

"Has she followed protocol?"

Quickly, I shook my head from side to side. I was much too out of breath to speak.

"You can't believe a word of what she says! She's a convict!" Umbridge cried.

"Well, Ms. Umbridge, if you followed protocol as you seem to claim, you would have administered Veritaserum. Miss Redbourn, as you well know, wouldn't be able to lie."

"I advise you to be quiet, Mr. Lupin. I am your superior. As such, whose word do you think the Minister will trust, yours or mine?"

Remus remained silent, his mouth pressed into a firm, thin line. He stared directly ahead at her, not bothering to look away, or to show any sort of intimidation. He knew the truth just as anyone could. Although she had him subdued, there was doubt growing within him.

"And I suggest you wipe that look from your face. You should be thankful we even allowed you to step through the threshold of the Atrium. You could infect any one of us hard working witches and wizards with your disease at any moment. You would do well to remember that, and know your place."

"Madam, I do know my place. I also know that I hurried down the hall when I heard screams from this room."

"Screams? From this room? I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."

He realized she was going to continue to play these games of denial. He darted forth from the doorway to my side, where I was struggling to get to my feet. Remus was soon by my side, and assisted me in getting to my feet. He placed me back into the chair, which had become tipped over, and pulled another close to me.

"Lucinda, has she used the Cruciatus curse on you? Are you still in terrible pain? I can have you sent to St. Mungo's straight away."

"Certainly not!" Umbridge roared. "She is my suspect, Mr. Lupin, and we are in the middle of an interrogation!"

"She's used the Cruciatus curse….and the Imperius curse!" I managed to blurt out.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Umbridge draw her wand forth, preparing to hex Remus. Even quicker was the figure from the doorway, a woman with short hair…was it purple? It was of no matter now, whatever the extravagance of her hair color.

"_Stupefy!"_ She called. The odious, frog-like woman became stunned, though for how long, it could not be certain.

Remus quickly grabbed me by my arm and dragged me through the doorway, following after the strange woman. We wound through various halls until we reached a lift. I was hastily shoved onto the platform, which immediately began to ascend. It seemed as though just as quickly as I had been placed on the platform, I was forced off.

We proceeded down the main hall, slowing our pace to a walk as we made our way past clusters of witches and wizards. A door was opened, and, again, I found myself pushed.

I stumbled blindly into a dark room, and heard the door shut and lock behind me. Lights flipped on, and the two stood with their arms crossed. I made myself inconspicuous in the corner of the room as the two began to whisper amongst themselves. The woman pulled out a vial of something from her robes and handed it to Remus, who then spoke aloud to me.

"Lucinda, please come forward." I complied, as it was the least I could do for him.

"I am going to administer Veritaserum to you, and I am going to ask you a few questions…off the record."

I nodded and stood patiently as he uncorked the cap of the vial.

After we had allowed the potion to settle into my system, the interrogation began.

"Were you under the Imperius curse when you freed Lucius from Azkaban."

"No."

"Are you a Death Eater?"

"…Technically…" I responded hesitantly.

"Technically? What does that mean?" The woman asked, sounding annoyed.

"Tonks, do calm down." He said, turning his head slightly toward her. "And Lucinda, I fear that technically isn't an adequate answer."

"There's no point in keeping anything a secret, though I must admit to you, it is a rather long story."

"We have a very limited amount of time. Nonetheless, please try to tell us what you can."

"As you may know, I was appointed as a Legilimency instructor at Hogwarts. As it happened, I read the memories of one of my students and discovered that he was to kill Dumbledore."

"Draco Malfoy." Remus said.

"Right…." How did he know?

"Continue, please."

"Well, naturally I couldn't just stand by knowing that this young man was going to have to kill someone.. . And if I reported it, he would have been arrested. He was so young….It was all I could do..I decided to take matters into my own hands."

"So you became a Death Eater?"

"Yes."

"But you didn't carry out your objective. That was carried out by…someone else…"

It seemed that Remus knew about Severus' killing Dumbledore, but didn't wish to mention him. Was it for fear of hurting me?

"Yes. Severus killed him. A most unfortunate occurance."

"Ah, so you're in contact with him?" Remus asked, interested.

"Well, much has happened over the last few years. Things aren't how we left them when we graduated from Hogwarts."

"Yes, it appears that way. I just have a few more questions… We have no hope of Umbridge ever telling us the truth…Did she follow protocol?"

"No."

"Did she use the Cruciatus curse?"

"Yes."

"And the Imperius curse?"

"Yes."

"Remus, I am going to file a report upstairs. You finish up here. Be cautious." The woman said before sliding out the door.

I looked at Remus, worried.

"Please relax. I said it would be off the record, and I meant it. We are, however, going to use the latter part of our conversation to conduct an investigation on Dolores Umbridge."

I nodded, somewhat comforted.

We sat in awkward silence for a few moments. We looked about the room, every once in a while our gazes would connect. Hastily, we turned away from each other. The strange quietness of the room overwhelmed us before Remus spoke once more.

"My fiancé," he commented, pointing towards the door.

"Oh, Remus! Really? That's wonderful!"

"Thank you… According to Umbridge's report, you and Snape seemed to be getting along."

"It's a strange thing, really. After I freed Lucius from Azkaban, I learned that he had us all deceived about Severus' nature. Everything he told me, everything he had told James…it was all a lie!"

"A lie? And you've lived in misery for all these years." Remus said quietly.

"Yes, it is true…I haven't lived my life in a way that was ideal…"

"And if you were to be released?"

"I would rejoin Severus."

"You know, Lucinda. The only reason Umbridge was able to track you to where you were intercepted was because I had placed a tracking charm on your clothing. I hadn't even been certain it was you, in there. I am, as it stands, the only one who knows for certain you were the one that freed Lucius."

I raised my eyebrows, curious about the implications of such a statement.

Remus turned and began to rummage through the drawers of a desk nearby, pulling out a blouse and slacks.

"Change your clothes."

I threw my arms around him.

"Remus! Thank you! You are as sweet and as kind as the day that I met you. I'll pay you back for this somehow!" I reached out to take the clothes from him. He placed a hand on my wrist, stopping me momentarily before placing them in my hand.

"Please remember, while your offense is something that can be overlooked, Severus' is not. You will not be pursued, but the same cannot be said for him." He warned.

"I understand." Remus turned his chair around to face the opposite direction, allowing me to change. I handed him back my old clothes, which he stuffed back into the drawer.

No sooner than I had buttoned the blouse than the door swung open, revealing a man who I knew to be named Yaxely, then Severus.

Both had their wands pointed at Remus.

"Lucinda, hurry out of here! Leave at once." Snape yelled to me.

"No, please. It's all right. He's letting me go."

"He's what?"

"He's helping me. But you are right, we need to get out of here."

"I don't understand your motives, Lupin. Surely you were going to apprehend her the instant she turned her back. You would play tricks upon her, just as your friend Potter might." Severus said, edging closer into the room with Yaxley.

"Have some respect for the deceased, Severus! Though you certainly didn't have any for Dumbledore." Remus growled, standing.

"You know nothing!" Severus hissed.

"Severus, please! Don't fight." I threw myself upon his arm, hoping to have him lower his wand. "We must be away from here. We must go."

"Go? You're not going anywhere." A voice from the doorway declared. Startled, each of us in the room turned to the doorway to find the source.

The light from the room cast a shadow over the figure, who slowly entered the room and shut the door.

There was an awkwardness in the way of the walk, a strong limp or a waddle. When the door came to a complete close, the figure crossed its arms.

"You're not leaving this room until I get some answers."

Before us all stood a very irritated, and heavily injured Roberta.

* * *

Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected. ( I notice there hasn't been many, which is okay....but feedback is like food...so...yeah...)

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	30. Ch 30:: A New Beginning

**A/N**

**FINAL CHAPTER!**

**I was going to debut Trials and Tribulations on the last day of this Fic, but I decided against it. If you are interested in reading, please check in over the next week or two. It will be up before the month is out.**

**Thank you for reading my fanfiction! And thank you all for your wonderful comments!**

* * *

"Roberta?" I could barely comprehend that she was standing before me. She looked so unvaried from then light-hearted girl I had known. Her hair still blonde and short, her eyes possessing some of the fire they formerly had as they swept the room. And was there still the hint of a smile tugging upon her lips?

"It's me, alright." She said as she took a step forward. "After all these years…The way you let thing be…and this is how I find you again?"

"Roberta, please." Remus tried to call out calmly.

"Don't. Interrupt me." She said harshly, turning her eyes toward the werewolf, the one who was friend to us both. Her attention did not linger on him for long. "I have questions for you, Miss. And you'll do well to answer them all."

I had never in all my life considered the possibility of Roberta as a threat. As a friend she was kind-hearted and good. She always defended me when I was in need. She was a lethal weapon against my enemies, needless to say James was a prime example of this.

Her arms crossed, she took another step in my direction. Remus stayed close behind, bound to jump out and protect me should the situation call for such action.

"Nearly two decades since I've seen you last." Roberta whispered. "Nearly two decades and you suddenly just jump back into our world as though it were nothing."

"Roberta, I'm sorry. I did it for my own good."

"And when you get back, you don't so much as floo or fly for a visit."

She was mere inches away now, and I felt that her rage toward me might flare out. I only hoped Remus was as quick as he used to be. I swallowed, tempted to step back, to step away from the girl who had once been such a dear friend to me. Yet a small voice in the back of my head encouraged me to stand my ground. For whatever reason, I complied.

"So tell me, when are you stopping by for tea?" There was that old smirk again.

I looked at her blankly, blinking seeming to substitute thinking.

"When am I going to…?"

"Stop in for tea!" She reached out and grabbed my arms, pulling me close into an awkward embrace.

Same old Roberta, as I should have figured. She never could take anything seriously. Why should I have suspected she would be serious now?

"You never change, do you?" I asked, laughing.

Remus had relaxed a great deal, as it was visible to us both. Roberta paused in her jubilant hugging of me to extend a friendly one to Remus.

"Ah, Remus! It's been quite a while."

"Roberta, what happened to you? You're very injured." I inquired, taking in her injuries once more.

"When I heard you were being taken in, I wanted to come to your defense. I had to see you again, Lucinda! We were best friends. I couldn't stand by and let them persecute you, especially not that Umbridge woman. I'm almost positive she evades protocol, but I have no way to prove it. I wanted to be there during the interrogation, but before I could make it, she had me physically restrained."

"Roberta, you shouldn't have."

"What happened then?" Remus asked, a bit taken aback by her story.

"I fought. How do you think I got all bruised up? Finally, they forced a sleeping draught into my system and left me in a holding cell. Needless to say I managed to get out easily enough, but they're looking for you all now. We have to get you out of here, Lucinda."

Her eyes swept the room once more, registering for what seemed to be the first time, the two other Death Eaters in the corner. Roberta's eyes remained on them, unblinking and unwavering, yet they seemed to widen with the recognition of Severus.

Realizing there was no purpose to lurking in the shadows any longer, he took a step forward.

Instantly Roberta's eyes dashed between the two of us, a devilish smirk once again tugging at her lips.

"So, this is the reason why you've never come to tea."

"Roberta, are you still so certain that you could offer me your help, even knowing what I am now?"

Severus stepped alongside me and took my hand. Once simple, our relationship merely had conveyed us to be objects of one another's demise. We had both been predators in our own rights, and for a while, we were each the other's prey. What had befallen us, in the end, was love. And it was love that allowed us to stand so close to each other now. It was love that allowed me to exist so closely with the boy, now the man, I had fallen head over heals for such a long time ago. My dreams had once been the only place in which we were together. Could there now be a chance of reality?

"Lucinda, you are my oldest friend. I knew what you were before I came to this room. Seeing Severus here only confirms that fact. Despite it all, I am willing to help you." She leaned back, taking the sight of both of us in. "Though, I must admit, it is going to be quite difficult trying to get three Death Eaters out of the Ministry of Magic…."

"I was able to get us in easily enough… Getting out…with one extra…Well, it should prove to be difficult."

"Roberta and I will help you." Remus declared, speaking up for the first time.

"Thank you, both." I nearly began to cry, and would have done so uncontrollably if it hadn't been for the urgency with which we needed to evacuate ourselves. To think that after all these years, I still had friends that were so loyal and true.

Quickly and quietly, we began to exit the room. The hallway appeared to be quite deserted now. As we made our way down the lift, Roberta and Remus progressed to the front of our formation, Yaxley at the back, his wand drawn. To anyone who didn't know better, it merely looked as though Severus and I were prisoners. We stayed close to one another, all of us, anticipating the possibility of an ambush.

We forced our way into the loft, and things seemed to be going well…almost too well. It bothered me very much that there was little to no activity on this floor, when there had been a moderate amount just moments before. Remus seemed tense, though whether it was of the same worry, I could not discern.

The lift went to the Atrium, our destination. We barely had time enough to think before we were bombarded by shouts of the most irritating caliber. Dolores Umbridge, all the worse for wear, stomped over to the lift with three burly hit wizards in her wake. She angrily pointed at us all, her arm shaking.

"Them. Get them. Take. Them. Out!"

Severus pulled me back and threw me into the lift as the first spell was cast. As was their procedure, several disarming spells were first cast. Fearful, Ministry employees began to scream and scatter away, leaving the Atrium nearly as empty and desolate as the floor we had come from.

Despite it all, I had to admit I was very impressed by Remus and Roberta's skills with wands. They deflected all the attacks perfectly, one would assume thanks to the three years of auror training they had. Yaxley deflected the spells that came his way, but appeared a bit more clumsy in his actions.

Umbridge grabbed one of the men. With surprising force and vigor for so small and plump a form, she threw him back. Startled, the wizard tripped and fell to his knees, nearly a similar height with her.

"What do you think you're doing?" She screeched at him.

"Ministry protocol dictates that we disarm all offenders and give the option for repentance, should it be desired, before we make a kill."

"_You_ listen to _me_. I am your superior, and you will do as I say. These are highly dangerous and wanted criminals. They must be eliminated immediately. The safety of every witch and wizard depends on it."

"Ms. Umbridge," he yelled over the heightening volume of spells. "Protocol is protocol. I can't deviate from our orders."

"Your _orders_ were to take them out. If you do not follow my instructions, sir, I can assure you that you will either be fired, or suffer a similar fate as these criminals for treason and treachery."

The wizard gulped, clearly intimidated by Umbridge despite the advantage that he had over her size and strength.

Roberta and Remus, at the frontline of all this, seemed to take a more defensive stance against their attackers now.

"_Avada Kedavra!_" These shouts echoed from each mouth, one by one. Fortunately, my two old friend were able to scramble out of the way long before these were cast, running in a circular formation around the Atrium. There was nothing to do but run now. There was no way to deflect the death spell, unless one was casting an equal or greater spell at the same time. Running would at least decrease the chance of their being hit.

As curses were being thrown at Roberta and Remus, Yaxley and Severus remained to attempt to disarm their attackers. I wanted to help very badly, but Severus would not allow it. Each time I emerged from the lift, he would push me right back in.

"Stay back, Lucinda!" He warned.

"But I want to help! Those are my friends out there."

I tried to push myself forward again, but he was stronger. I went flying back, yet it seems the Potions Master miscalculated in his efforts, and exerted a bit more force than necessary. My head slammed into one of the handles in the lift, and the world around me went dark.

I awoke to silence, which could only be described as eerie. There was no shouting, no sound of spells being cast…. I bolted upright and crawled out of the lift. Roberta and Remus were no longer running around, but missing. Two of the guards were no where to be found, either.

I edged my way out further into the Atrium. Yaxley and Severus were both still here, and I was about to stand and join them when I took in the whole sight for its meaning. The two Death Eatsers stood, their wands pointed outward toward Umbridge and one of the wizards, their stance similar. Had Roberta and Remus been captured?

I knew that it would be unwise to join them, but the thought of either one of my friends being hurt was unbearable. I had to know what was going on, what was happening. My brain tried to keep my feet in place, but the fears and worries in my heart would not allow me to stay in the backdrop.

I darted forward toward Severus, a slight mistake, as both sides jumped from my unexpected presence.

"You're still down here? You're lucky I have my hands full, Miss Lucinda, or I might arrest you myself." Umbridge yelled to me.

"Severus," Ignoring her, I turned to the dark-haired Slytherin. "What is happening?"

"For now, a cease fire."

"Are Roberta and Remus okay?"

"Do hush up." Umbridge snapped. "It would seem that your friends managed to take one of my guards hostage. They're negotiating in another room."

"I couldn't say it much differently," Severus sighed. "All we can do at this moment is wait and hope that it will work." He turned a bit to look at me. "You should get out of here. We can hold these two, and you can make it out of here with little or no trouble."

"I can't leave you."

"Lucinda, please don't be foolish. I will be fine. I can take care of myself. It's you that I worry for."

"Admirable as your intent may be," Umbridge broke in, "Mr. Snape, you are in more trouble than she could ever dream of being in. In fact, it would look much better should I turn you in, rather than her."

"Then turn me in!" Severus hissed, his eyes set forward on Umbridge once more. "So help me, you will not touch one hair on her head."

"There will be no need to, once I have you safely rotting away in Azkaban."

"Severus, no." I leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I've waited so long to have you, I couldn't bear her to take you away from me."

"If it's the only way to keep you safe, I'll have to."

This is the point in time where even I surprised myself. I had never acted out in such a way before, and I did not know why I lost control of myself. All I knew was that the thought of losing Severus so soon after I had regained him was overwhelming and unbearable. It was as though I wasn't thinking for myself. The animalistic part of myself, controlled by emotions, took possession of my body.

"_Petrificus Totalus_!" I cast the spell twice, and the two Ministry officials were frozen in place, a look of surprise on one, pure anger and hatred on the other.

Severus opened his mouth to speak, but closed it, knowing full well it would do no good. Yaxley, on the other hand, was under the impression that words would have some impact. Slowly, he turned to face me, angry.

"Are you bloody mad? Now our ceasefire has been jeopardized!"

"I'm sorry. I- I…." I lowered my head, knowing it would do no good to justify myself. Yaxley would not understand such things. Had I done it for the Dark Lord, it would have been justification enough. It was the only thing he knew. No other thoughts or emotions concerned him. It was better to just hang my head and refrain from speaking.

"We might as well make ourselves useful and speed up those negotiations," he grunted. "These two won't be active for a while."

Severus nodded, and Yaxley went off ahead with the two of us in tow.

"You know, it was very foolish of you."

"I know."

"You must think before you act."

"I know. I really couldn't help myself."

He stopped to cup my face in his hands.

"Does my absence from your life really bother you so much?"

"It's bothered me since the day I fell in love with you."

I felt a tear slip from my eye. Severus, his reflexes quick, brushed the tear away with his thumb.

"These years have been hell, Severus. It just seems as though I've had nothing better to do with my life than to just sit and drown in my own sorrow. I've suffered the loss of you once, and I cannot bear to do it again."

I did my best to remain composed, despite the overwhelming emotion these words were bringing me to. I had already botched things up enough for everyone, especially, as it were, Lord Voldemort. He would certainly be furious to know his best spy and one of his followers were out on a rescue mission of a worthless initiate.

Severus could sense that I wanted to move along, he could tell my emotions so clearly, just as he always could. Turning me forward, we continued to make our way after Yaxley.

Remus and Roberta were making the negotiations in a room off to the side of the central core of the Atrium. Yaxley pushed open the door and disappeared inside. Severus and I arrived a minute afterward.

It seemed that the negotiations were going quite well, which made me give myself an extra kick in the arse. The two hit wizards sat on the opposite side of a table than Roberta and Remus. Both sides had appeared to have been calmly working some sort of deal out. No doubt, the presence of the three of us greatly agitated things.

"What's wrong? What's happened?" Roberta asked, standing. The other two hit wizards stood as well.

"Lucinda seemed to have lost a bit of her control. That Umbridge was running her mouth, so she paralyzed the other Ministry goon as well as her." Yaxley said, sounding bored.

"Goons?" One of the wizards yelled angrily. "What are you all playing at?"

"Please, McAllistar, don't let this affect what we have discussed. Dolores Umbridge has massively evaded protocol with her handlings of Miss Redbourn. You, yourself, are a tool in this. She demanded that you cast death spells at us all. That goes against what you were taught in training. That goes against what we, as aurors, were taught in training. And for her to skip right ahead to the Cruciatus curse during questioning is unthinkable!"

The two men sat down, defeated. It appeared that much of the discussion that had taken place among the group was more directed toward Umbridge than any sort of peaceful negotiations. Any concern that they had just displayed was geared primarily toward their comrade, and not the hateful woman.

"McAllistar," Remus began. "Please help us get her out of here. There is no evidence that Lucinda is the one responsible for the break-out at Azkaban."

The man grunted, then turned to give Severus and I a sideways glance.

"What about the other one?"

Remus took a deep breath, as though what he was about to say pained him.

"There is not sufficient evidence to prove whether he is or is not responsible for the death of Albus Dumbledore."

My hand clasped around his tightly, and the fear that he would be taken away from me racked me with nausea once more. He squeezed back gently, his best attempt to reassure me that everything would be alright. I wanted to believe that he was right. So desperately, I did.

"But he is a suspect. We could still retain him for questioning. A few drops of Veritaserum would clear it all up."

There was no way to sweet-talk our way around that idea. A few drops of Veritaserum would certainly clear everything up, and all my hope of remaining with Severus would diminish. Remus was a very good talker, he was always the best at navigating his friends out of trouble, where Sirius and James were so good at navigating themselves into trouble. He was constantly acting as their savior whenever something went amiss. But we were adults now. This situation was serious. There was no way to get around it.

Roberta slammed her hands on the table and straightened herself, looking quite angry.

"This organization used to mean something. We used to have honor and dignity in what we did. We would pride ourselves on going out and doing the work for ourselves, not trusting anything that fell into our laps. But the days of detective work and searches are well over. The Ministry welcomes a break at any opportunity.

When my great grandfather was an auror, this sort of thing could not be borne. It would not be as though they really apprehended the criminal in question unless they had gone out and captured him or her themselves. To accept such a dishonorable thing as to take a suspect that had come into their sights to help a person in great need…it was very unlike him, and the people he worked for themselves."

That was right, I had forgotten Roberta. As far as talking goes, she was very skilled with words. She was always the most charismatic out of all of us. She made Remus look like a stuttering idiot at times. Even I had to admit, it was a stunning little speech.

"But more than one person has attested that this is the man responsible." McAllistar stated calmly.

"That might be so, but Remus and I have had ample time to apprehend this man. But if we did, we would only be doing a disservice to this innocent woman, one who was only brought here because of Umbridge's stubbornness, and her hatred for her. Such an evasion of protocol. But why stop? Go on. Take this man. He might have very well done it! Then you can lock him up at Azkaban, and you'll think you're both great heroes. But I won't let you be."

Roberta leaned over and looked them both in the eye, startling seriousness for her. Then again, she was very capable of doing amazing thins when she was infuriated. When it really came down to it, Roberta always got her way when she was like this. In my mind, I could not recall any exception to this. Perhaps there was some hope for us.

"When you come home to tell your wives how you are responsible for this 'murderer' behind bars, I will be there to set the record straight. When you have your interview with the Daily Prophet, I will be there. When you receive your promotions, I will be there. When you make guest appearances on wizarding radio stations, I will be there. I will not allow you to walk away from this as though it were some act of glory. I will not allow you to ruin one, maybe two…who knows how many lives-"

The door burst open with a bang, startling us all out of the intensity of the dialogue that was transpiring between Roberta and the two men. Before I was able to turn around to view the cause of the disturbance, I was roughly grabbed by my hair and pulled back. My feet slipped out from under me, and I was painfully held up by a clump of my hair. Severus whirled around, reaching out to help me, but his actions stopped short the instant I felt a cold point tap the base of my neck.

"You little devils think you can waltz in here and make fools out of this Ministry? I advise you all to think again."

Remus and Roberta moved around their chairs to try to come to my aid, but the wand at my throat only pushed deeper toward my skin.

"Don't. You. Dare." Umbridge hissed. Even McAllistar and his comrade, in this strange turn of events, had moved from their seats, their actions suggestion something toward my favor.

She took notice of them. I felt her head turn to gaze at them, then jerk to the side, where the third hit wizard might have been.

"I expect you both to apprehend this Snape character as well."

Hesitantly, they made a move toward Severus. I kicked out, my best attempt to stop them. As it were, the weakness of my body, especially under such great stress as this, began to overwhelm me. Umbridge easily pulled me away, and each of the men took Severus by an arm. That jabbing point of her wand made itself even more apparent against my throat.

"Lucinda, please. I would do this in exchange for your freedom." Severus said quietly.

"Roberta, Remus, do something!" I cried out in desperation. Remus' eyes remained set on the hit wizards. Roberta merely looked at me sadly, then away. It was the first time I had ever seen her riddled with defeat. It was the first time I had ever seen her side with anyone but me. Both of them were choosing Severus' will over my own. They would sacrifice him to save me. And yet, there was nothing they could do either way.

"Your friends in higher places can't help you this time, Miss Lucinda. You'll walk free, for now. But mark my words this will never be over until you are dead or behind bars." Umbridge hissed into my ear.

As if on cue, there came another bang. A large amassment of people stormed into the room, surrounding us all. Most of these witches and wizards were dressed in the uniforms of aurors and hit wizards. Yet among the crowd I was able to discern the Minister of Magic as well as Tonks.

"What's this all about?" Umbridge yelled angrily. Her grip on me loosened just enough so that I was able to break free of her hold and run to Severus. The hit wizards who had him in their grasp also alleviated their grip in the confusion.

"Dolores Umbridge," Tonks said taking a step toward her. "You are hereby under arrest You will serve a two-year sentence at Azkaban prison for immorality and obstruction of protocol in interrogation handlings. Any arrests or warrants you have presented since the time of this documentation, two hours ago, will be null and void."

"Little Miss," Umbridge pushed her face close to Tonks' own. "Who do you think you are to barge in here and say such things? You have no authority over me. I hold superior rank to you-"

"Dolores, your little games have gone on far enough. I have to put a stop to this all…It'll make for bad policy and even worse publicity. And with You-Know-Who back on the rise, I'm afraid I simply don't have time to keep you in line." Cornelius Fudge interjected.

"But…Mr. Fudge, please!"

Several aurors and hit wizards made their way over to her. And while she thrashed and kicked about with all her might, it was to no avail. The wizards had apprehended her within a matter of seconds. As I watched them take her arms into theirs, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. It was so strong, it nearly swept me off my feet. Thank Merlin's socks Severus was holding me. I don't think I would have been able to stand.

"You two," Fudge continued, pointing to Severus and I. "You are both free to go. For now."

Severus held me tightly to him, and now I felt the full force of the paralysis that was slowly overwhelming me. He alone held me upright and kept me on my feet. Lowering his lips to mine, he enveloped me in what was the sweetest of all kisses I had shared with him. Victory and love, together, never felt so wonderful. Relief, anxiety, adrenaline…these all rushed through me a meter a minute.

Roberta made her way over to me, and Severus relented his possession of me for a moment so that she might throw her arms around my neck.

"I'm so very happy for you, dear." She said. "You finally have your chance at the life you wanted."

Remus had found his way over to Tonks. He gave me a small wave before turning with her out of the room. In that short amount of time, we smiled and waved. That alone seemed to speak volumes for the words we never said over the past years. The things we never did together, and the memories we never shared.

"Well, if you'll excuse me." Fudge turned after Remus and Tonks. "I have quite the busy schedule."

The hit wizards and aurors began to follow Fudge into the Atrium, Umbridge in tow. She was kicking and screaming at all her might, clawing at the arms of the witches and wizards in her hopeless attempts to reach me.

"This isn't over! Mark my words, Redbourn! This is far from over."

A sudden, eerie silence fell over the room, as it just became Roberta, Severus and I.

If only Sibyll were here, this moment might be half as awkward as any of the experiences we shared as a group in the Great Hall. Thinking of then, thinking of now, thinking of the future, I could hardly even fathom what was waiting for me beyond the walls of this building. Would Severus and I flee to the countryside? Did Voldemort have other plans in store for us?

Joining the Death Eaters certainly wasn't the wisest thing I had ever done. Especially now that I have this unwanted lifetime contract in the Dark Lord's servitude. Yet, in a way, I am glad that I had done what I did. It allowed me to be closer to Severus. Neither he nor I continue to put up walls against each other, be it from fear of being hurt, hurting the other, or believing that they should be there.

"If you're here, and you're here to stay, I expect you to pay me a visit in the near future, Lucinda Redbourn. That you've been here for months and haven't even so much as dropped me an owl is unforgivable. You come when you're ready. But if you're not ready in three weeks, I'm forcing you to tea."

We shared laughter in this statement, and for a moment I felt like a young girl again. Roberta, joking. And I finding amusement in what she said. Even Severus' lips twitched in a sort of smile.

"I'll leave you two to yourselves for a bit. I'm waiting just in the Atrium. Come find me when you're ready to leave."

Silently, Roberta made her way into the Atrium. She left Severus and I to stare at each other. After a few moments, he pulled me into an embrace. Holding me there against his chest, I took in the scent of him. And I could feel him taking in mine.

"Ginger," I sighed.

"Vanilla." He whispered into my ear. "Each time I think of you, I think of vanilla. For I cannot go within a meter of you without detecting it. It is your scent, warm and inviting. Most befitting of you."

I smiled, and buried my face into his shoulder.

"What happens now?"

"The Dark Lord has made arrangements."

"Arrangements?" I asked.

"In the months to come, we will infiltrate the Ministry. I shall succeed Albus Dumbledore as Headmaster."

"Where shall I go?"

"Well, I was considering rehiring a decent professor, one that was new this year." He smirked and looked down at me. "If she'll agree to it."

"We'll be together? Both of us?"

"Yes."

"Doing the bidding of the Dark Lord?"

"Not quite. We will play our parts well, for that is key. But as I have already told you, my true allegiance lies with Dumbledore."

"What shall we do then? I couldn't allow you to serve those Death Eaters. It would be an abomination to Dumbledore's memory."

"You don't have to. I don't have to." He pulled me back further to look me in the eye. "Help me, Lucinda. Help me assist Harry. He is the key to ending this all. These coming months will be hard for the boy. The more help he has…the more hope."

"Of course," I whispered. "And then what?"

"And then…." He kissed the top of my head. "And then we'll see from there."

* * *

Thanks for reading!

:D

THE END


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